#s57

Ah, Con Air. The 'troll title' that John gives it is hilarious, and pretty accurate. It's incredibly over-the-top, and its trailers exude the kind of bombastic 90's energy that makes you think you're watching a parody. You're not, though - the movie was just like that.

fedorafreak - ??:?? wardrobe largely incinerated. family deceased, remaining garments heavily wrinkled. commencing search through rubble for steam press, loved ones. grayslacks66 - ??:?? @ ff: hat status? p.s. @ ff condolences on tragic losses to family, professional attire.

Fedorafreak :(

Since Homestuck is mostly concerned with Sburb sessions, it's easy to forget what's happening outside the game. Out here in the Medium, we're removed from the direct consequences of the apocalypse. If we were focusing on Earth, this would be a very different story, with a very different tone.

Let's take a second to acknowledge that during the Con Air gag above, John mentioned - in a throwaway line - that the internet has been obliterated. Everything is ending, and the kids just have to carry on.

AG: [...] may8e you want to put that away? Somewhere discreet, where you usually keep it? AG: There is at least one girl spying on you right now, you know. EB: put what away? what are you talking about? AG: Your pail is showing, stupid!!!!!!!!

What? You mean, like, a bucket?

Literally a bucket.

I don't get it. It sounds like Vriska is saying that every troll has a bucket in their house, but that it's extremely rude to reveal it. I don't remember anything about buckets in Hivebent, though.

When the IMPERIAL DRONE comes knocking, you had better be able to supply genetic material to each of his FILIAL PAILS. [...] The genetic material - WITHOUT GOING INTO MUCH DETAIL - is a combinative genetic mix from the matesprit and kismesis pairs, respectively.

JCCA ニューイヤーミーティング2019

今年の一押しは、（ニッサンではなく）プリンススカイラインとフォーミュラーカー群(＾ｰ^)

http://www.jcca.cc/event/2019/newyear/

But you do, which is actually pretty funny. Vriska will manipul8 and murder her way through Alternia, but completely lose her shit when she sees a condom.

EB: it's just a bucket! you know, for putting soapy water in and cleaning stuff with. [...] AG: Haha, yeah, of course! AG: That's what I was talking a8out. Your cleaning 8ucket. AG: In troll culture we consider cleaning products to 8e really indecent or something!

And she is not prepared to give an alien The Talk right now.

AG: It's a sekret. :::;) EB: *ROLLS EYES*

*Rolls eyes harder*

Nanna's been busy! Maybe her cookies can placate the Imps, just like Gamzee's pies.

Oh no, more embarrassing cleaning apparatus. You've got to hide it before Sekret Spinneret or whatever her name is sees it and gets upset.

She really thought sekret would fly over his head, didn't she? Vriska would do well not to underestimate John Egbert.

Hell yeah. I've been waiting for this.

Been a while, Rose.

The last time we checked in with you, I believe you'd decided to change your playstyle a little. How's that going?

TT: Hi. EB: how are you doing? i don't even remember the last time we talked.

I actually believe it was this conversation, over a thousand pages ago. It was so early, in fact, that Rose didn't even know the trolls were Sburb Players. It was before Davesprite, before the Horrorterrors, and long before she started blowing up Gates.

As far as John knows, Rose is still his clever, reliable friend who helped him enter the session a couple of hours ago. I suppose she still is - but that's not all she is anymore. He might be about to learn about her current situation - but that will all depend on how tight-lipped Rose is feeling.

The trio of Rucker, Shaken, and Tears stood in the cold midmorning air outside the Tower of the Archives, pondering their next steps in preparing for the trial in a few short days. Shakan considers a plea deal, wondering whether forsaking his former home would be worthy enough a punishment to absolve Master Gikandi. Rucker and Taerus weren’t convinced this was the best course, but didn’t reject it outright. 

 As they continued to discuss how to proceed, a tattered and rough-looking Vax slowly strolled up to them, his orbless eye socked flickering with pale purple light. Wearing minor cuts and with a recently torn cloak, the warlock shared with a beleaguered sigh what he’d been up to overnight.

He shared that covert though he’d tried to be in the Trollstop Tavern using Open Hand practices, he’d been observed. As they were leaving, he’d been slipped a note to visit Gerrady’s, where he might find answers. And so after the other Mudwangs began their descent into the realm of Ghelgish, Vax instead returned to the shadows of Horn’s End.

After some time, he eventually found Gerrady’s- a decrepit church that stood quiet in the night. Entering, he met a cassocked woman tending to votive candles in recession. She explained that the church was a home for the lost, those who either did not follow the gods who’d turned their backs on mortals, or those who had no way of their own. By offering prayers, or answering others requests, those souls could find purpose.

Gesturing to the candles, Vax saw that in front of the lit candles were letters with descriptors- a daughter, a relic, that which was lost. Understanding now that these notes were the methods by which the Open Hand communicated with it’s agents here in Bøfkasmaur, Vax wrote a note asking for someone to find out the identity of “they who sought the dragon,” offering a handful of jade gems in exchange. 

Reasoning that the height of the candle determined the urgency of the request, Vax cut his to three days time. As he did so, he noted a tall candle that had been replenished repeatedly. Picking up the note below it, marked for “A Thief,” he opened to the letter to find a hefty reward below his own name. Believing someone had been searching for him to accomplish a mission, he took the letter and left the Church of the Lost.

Outside in the darkness after midnight, he found himself surrounded by three strangers draped in cloaks. As they greeted Vax by name, the half-elf summoned his pact weapon before feeling a presence emerging, a force he’d felt before. As his sword hand rose slowly, the voice of the Hexblade, his otherworldly patron escaped his lips with sneering glee before darkness consumed Vax’s mind…

… The next thing he knew, Vax was walking up the Spine of the Elders as the sun crested the Maur. Shortly thereafter, he found his companions after meeting with Elder Gikandi. As his ally shared the tale, Shakan questioned whether Vax might not have misunderstood the meaning of the letter he took: someone had put out a call for someone to find Vax. And for all they knew, this was one of many bounties that had been put out. 

Unwililng to be distracted, Vax recommitted to supporting his sorcerous friend. The men reviewed some of their plans, including using their magical items to replay or reshare the true details about the night of Shakan’s assault. The idea of getting character witnesses was also floated, but time was growing very short to put out calls for assistance.