#s187

Yet another tyrant less an arm and an eye.

This prophecy has so many candidates, I'm starting to think it's one big red herring. Like, maybe Aradia was actually just talking about Troll Captain Hook when she said it, and it doesn't actually refer to a future event in the story.

(I mean, technically, none of Homestuck's characters have arms.)

We've got another early bird on our hands!

Once again, Bro's appearance isn't much of a reveal - he's virtually identical to the Brobot, not to mention his older self, so there's not much else to comment on. I do think his symbol is funny, though.

GG: Is this the real you, btw? TT: Yeah, it's me. TT: I disabled the AR for now.

Hey - c'mon, man, that dude's sentient! You can't just freeze him!

Well, I suppose he might just have 'disabled' AR by logging him out of Pesterchum. I certainly hope that's what he's saying, because the alternative, basically, is that he's temporarily killed the guy.

GG: Jake was having some issues with it earlier, and I don't think he received its obfuscating tendencies in the humorous spirit intended. TT: Yes, I'm catching up with the situation now. GG: Oh, so you're talking to Jake then? TT: Nah. Just reading their chat logs. TT: Man, what the fuck? TT: I can't leave these two alone for a minute. Can a guy get his ablutions on in fucking peace?

If AR is really that much of a problem, then you probably shouldn't be using him as a secretary, and you definitely shouldn't be letting him pose as you.

Besides, if this is how you've been treating your AI clone, then it's no wonder the guy's been acting out. At least give him his own Pesterchum!

TT: The responder doesn't much distort my position on things usually. TT: Its demeanor leaves something desired though. I'd prefer it didn't make such aggressive and repeated claims of fidelity to my persona. TT: Be misrepresentin' hells of key subtleties, yo.

So what you're saying, basically, is that the Responder's conversation with Jake was, in fact, an accurate reflection of your own feelings. You just take issue with how he's expressing those feelings.

In other words...

...you do, in fact, have a thing for Jake.

Yeah, that tends to happen when you're shitfaced.

Impulsive though it was, Roxy's clumsy reference to Jane's crush probably stemmed from a genuine desire to help her out. Crocker is lovesick, and Roxy wants it to be resolved, one way or another, so that the poor girl can stop pining already.

GT: Ok but may i say this? TG: mrm? GT: If in the future i would like to bring up certain topics completely unsolicited by one who may be sworn to secrecy on those very matters… GT: And im in need of i guess neutral and totally non compromising advice from a friend do you think that miss zuipperpips might unseal those scandalous metal choppers for a bit?

I still can't tell if Jake knows about Roxy's crush. If he does, then this is a pretty cruel request to make. He's basically asking her to bury her own feelings, and facilitate his relationship with someone else instead.

I have a sneaking suspicion that he is aware, actually, because he's cognizant of the fact that this conversation could interfere with Jane and Roxy's friendship.

...yeah, I'm pretty sure you know what's up, Jake English. Why else would you think that asking Jane out would bother Roxy?

TG: im totals your bee eff effsy jake TG: i am like TG: AT PEACE with that reality fromerly known as a raw fuckin deal for what avenues it closes betewen u and i that bein your bffsy has got to mean but yeah GT: Wait what? TG: i am just chill as fuck about being a pale friend to all varieties of cute and eligible as hell peeps TG: do you see my shoulder and how it says hey friend plz deposit tears here? TG: that is a LEGIT invite and is like sincere as fuckin BANANAS

...and if he didn't know before, he definitely knows now.

This kid's life is getting very complicated, very fast - and if Roxy's bringing quadrants into the mix, then things are about to get hairy.

TG: and not that im back pebbling but what about your best bro TG: dont you get 2 talkin to him about girl troubles ever GT: Yeaaaah… GT: Well. GT: Like i said the whole thing is complicated. Best not to get into it all until im ready to you know… GT: Really start manhandling these bushel loads of prickly pears.

There's also the very real possibility that Jake's not into girls at all. He might be actively crushing on Bro, instead - or, he might think he's into Jane and/or Roxy, but is actually much further up the Kinsey Scale than he's realized. Maybe he feels that he should like girls, and his obsession with blue women is more of a performance of heterosexuality than the real deal.

If anything like that is going on, Jake's most ethical move is to declare to everyone involved that he's not ready for a relationship, and won't be until he understands his feelings a little better. The issue, of course, is that everyone involved is a hormonal teenager, so we can forget all about straightforward communication. This is going to be a mess.

TG: as an early wigglin day thing u know what ill do GT: I still dont really get the wiggling thing but no what? TG: ill enable the brobots novice setting again for you

Oh, ok.

Well, that's a lot more, uh, conventional than anything I expected to see. I assume it can interface with the Auto-Responder, just like Brobot - and I also assume he's got an avatar in Roxy's vicinity, too, just so he can complete the set.

...what did you do, Jade?

What were you trying to accomplish, out here on Anachronism Island - and what could have gone so explosively wrong?

I think we're about to meet one potential culprit, at least. This seems like the perfect time to introduce the new First Guardian, and I highly doubt it's a benign one.

Loving the implication that Aurthour, the invincible humanimal lusus, was merely an infant of his species.

Not the encounter you were hoping for today. These things don't back down.

The sad thing is, that crab was probably friendly. After all, he was made to care for redbloods like Jake.

Shooting non-hostile entities is becoming something of a Hope Player habit. Hope as delusion seems like a better fit by the second.

Also... are all the Zodiac lusii on this island, then? Even the fucking Horrorterror?

Eye for an eye, bitch. Tavros killed a Harley, so Jake settles the score by killing a Nitram.

[ TOO LATE TO ABSCOND, BRO. ]

This one's a little more dangerous than a Dreambot, I take it.

What are the odds that this thing can also cut a meteor in two? Because frankly, I wouldn't bet against it.

Oh, god. I really don't think I'm ready to see what Bro's been cooking here.

Oh my fucking god, did Bro reanimate John's corpse?