That might not mean much to Jane, but I remember how hard it was for Karkat to stay linear with John. UU's lucky they're not using Trollian, is all I'm saying.

GG: I guess I should just start believing all of this now, huh? Rather than learning it to be true later and feeling the fool for all my curmudgeonly skepticism?

Well, I don't know. You kind of have a point, actually.

Like - yeah, John and co. certainly took Sburb's mechanics in stride. None of them were particularly surprised when their new video game started to affect the real world - probably because they've been dealing with Scott Pilgrim video game mechanics for their entire lives.

This is normal to them, and it should be normal for Jane, too.

But, when you think about it, it's not really Sburb's mechanics that Jane is skeptical about. She's not doubting the existence of, say, alchemy - it's the big picture stuff, like time travel, alternate dimensions, and meeting her friends in the Medium that she finds hard to believe. To her, that's a completely different kind of supernatural to her hammerspace inventory. The former isn't even really supernatural, to her - it's just life.

She might live in a video game world, but she's never been shown a time machine before. Why would she believe in it?

GG: So what do I know! Consarn it, maybe you are an alien girl from Uranus, and together we are about to play a game which determines the fate of existence. Sign me up! UU: oh, hee hee! bUt i never claimed to be from that planet, which is only in the far reaches of yoUr solar system. UU: in fact i am from mUch farther away. a different Universe altogether.

Well, she’s at least not in another Earth session, then. Damn it, I was holding out hope that she was FedoraFreak's server player.

Also, using your handle to falsely imply you're from Uranus, while not outright stating it, is a 'not technically lying' maneuver that would make Doc Scratch proud. Just saying.

UU: remember what i said aboUt the need for patience. UU: patience with yoUr friends. UU: patience for yoUr growth as a hero of life.

Well, I guess that confirms it - we're getting a different set of Aspects, this time around.

Also, our party finally has a healer. Thank fuck.

Oh hello, poppop. His friendly face is there to greet you every time you open your chest.

Nanna finally got her revenge on Baby John. Colonel Sassacre's Daunting Text might not have killed Poppop this time, but a tactical infant strike is equally deadly.

Does Spritehood beckon, or is that a little too obvious?

Poppop Crocker was a LEGENDARY COMEDIAN, following in the footsteps of his grandfather who of course was the greatest southern pranking legend of all time.

This time around, there was no flintlock pistol to cut Sassacre's life short, so he was actually able to raise John, instructing him in the noble art of japery. Betty Condesce was presumably in the picture too, and I would just love to hear her trying to explain those horns to 1920s Alabama.

Jane makes no mention of Jade here, but John didn't know about Jake's connection to his family, either. It's reasonable to assume that Jade also ran away as a child - and if she did, at least she wasn't leaving John alone with the Condesce. John seems to have taken entirely after his adoptive father, so hopefully he had as little contact with 'Crocker' as possible.

Just your basics when it comes to pranking. A few CLEVER DISGUISES. A NAME BRAND DUNCE CAP. A SLIGHTLY ABRIDGED EDITION OF SASSACRE'S TEXT, updated for the modern prankster and scrubbed of a few of the more egregious julep-fueled racial slurs, several other stray books, your company's prototypical model for the GRISTWIDGET 12000, and of course your super-handy UNREAL HEIRESS THOUGHTWAVE TIARATOP for the young gogetting junior battermaster on the go.

One of these things is not like the others.

You really have to admire the Condesce’s audacity. Sure, why not hand your brainwashing victim a mind-control headband? It's not like she's going to question another piece of Crockertech.

Your sylladex is so great.

Useful, but you probably need to make a non-Crockerized version. Is there any way to open-source the thing?

And then there's a customized copy of PONY PALS, a gift to you on your 14th birthday from the slippery Mr. Strider. Each page contains lovingly hand-written commentary on the deeds of this intrepid young horse.

This gift does a lot to reassure me that Kid Bro is at least slightly more human than his previous self.

I couldn't imagine the adult Bro showing anything close to sincere appreciation for the noble horse, let alone making a heartfelt gift for a friend. Bro's only friends were the Smuppets.

I also love that Maplehoof’s symbol is standing up in its alchemy recipe.

Umbra has been talking to Jane for a while, then, supporting her from the sidelines.

Are the other Players aware of UU's existence, or is Jane the only one who's heard from them? Each of the original humans was initially harassed by a different troll, so maybe Bro, Jake and Roxy are being 'cheered' by their own respective cheerleaders.

UU: have yoU corresponded with yoUr first designated co-player yet? GG: No, I haven't seen her online yet today. GG: I'm really hoping Lalonde won't flake out on me this time. Have you heard from her?

I've got to say, I'm pretty relieved that the Derse kids have the same last names as before. I was fully prepared for Roxy to be a Noir, or something.

UU: not the today that is local to yoU. UU: thoUgh i do have a wee bit more troUble monitoring her than the rest of yoU. cUrioUs dark patches in transmission, hUmph.

...well, she may not be a Noir, but she is going Grimdark.

My hopes for Roxy to be the only non-corrupted human have quickly been dashed. We've got a full house of Dark Players; four ticking time bombs, ready to be set off at any moment.

This is going to be fun.

GG: I wanted to tell you, I had an amazing dream last night! […] GG: I was in a bright gold city. Above was a brilliant blue sky, but the horizon was dark as night.

Right, so Jane's a Prospit dreamer - and Jake must be the same, since she saw him there earlier. No surprises there.

UU: the place yoU visited was called prospit. it is where i have woken Up every time i have gone to sleep for most of my life.

But this is a big surprise.

UranianUmbra is a Player, and I can't figure out what session they could possibly fit into. Their grey text initially made me wonder if they were the pre-Scratch Signless - but Kid Signless wouldn't need to type in grey, would he? On a peaceful Alternia, he'd have no reason to fear culling, and could happily type in red.

What other sessions are available, then? Jane's, maybe? A fifth interloper to this reset session would certainly be an interesting twist - but it doesn't gel with the rules of the Scratch as they've been presented, and I don't think it fits the narrative.

I guess the only other possibility is that UU is in a fifth session, completely distinct from the four we're aware of.

UU: my prospit is an alternate version from yoUrs, in a completely different session qUite far afield of yoUr reality. UU: if we are ever to meet in person, it is Unlikely to be while playing oUr respective games!

And yes, that does appear to be the case.

...well, I suppose UU could just be bullshitting us, but I don't think that's the case. Bringing a fifth session into the mix is just too juicy to be a mere cover story. I'm pretty sure I believe it - and I have three main theories about what kind of session they're a part of.

Namely:

UU is part of the session which created Alternia’s universe.

UU is starting a session inside the kids' new universe.

This thing's a piece of junk! It just wastes your boondollars and destroys your cool gear to produce these stupid things that look like Gushers!

You can disassemble objects into Grist? Fuck yeah!

I'm honestly really annoyed at Crockercorp here, because if we could actually trust this tech, it would be incredibly useful. Like, I absolutely guarantee you that there's some sort of funky infinite Grist loop you can pull off with one of these - but we can't even try, because it'll probably hypnotize you in the process, or whatever.

You pop the card in. The GRISTWIDGET indicates it will cost 10 BOONDOLLARS to convert this object into grist. That's not too bad, you guess. It's not like the currency has much value anyway. It was introduced as a sort of BCCORP FUNBUX, to be used by youngsters specifically on qualifying merch online and stuff.

Microtransactions existed in ‘11, of course, but little did Hussie know just how bad things would get.

See??? Utterly pointless.

I think it’s cool that Jane can’t ‘collect’ them yet, even though she's clearly touching them. Yes, she’s a Player, but her game hasn't actually been started, so her Grist Cache hasn’t been initialized.

>Jane: Do NOT wear tiaratop!!!

It is the most efficient computing technology in the world by far, as long as you don't wear it for too long. But aside from a few migraines, you can't possibly imagine any OBEY drawbacks that CEASE REPRODUCTION could come with SUBMIT merging CONSUME your thoughts with EMBRACE YOUR CULLING experimental technology CONFORM TO SOCIAL ORDER from an STAY ASLEEP extremely powerful DIE corporation, wait what?