Chapter 1: All Those Glitters Aren't Ever Gold!
Gold Elm was never one to care. He was the typical handsome teenage loner with smooth, black hair and intimidating gold eyes. Back in the Johto region he never had any friends and that was the way he liked it. Gold generally tried to alienate himself from others as much as possible. He believes in one thing and that is that his lifeās purpose is to make money. Thatās all he ever wanted. However, he will soon learn that there is a lot more to life than simply money.
Goldās family was in the process of moving from Johto to the region of Ryusho. His father, the great Professor DanielĀ Elm, was transferred there to fill a position as the new professor of the region. Also, Daniel sought to open up a branch of his personal conglomerate, ElmCo, in Ryusho. Danielās family was quite happy⦠except for Gold, who didnāt care (there is also another unhappy son named Tom, but heās not relevant to the plot yet). The whole family was overjoyed to hear that they had the opportunity to start a new life in the nation with the most attractions, museums, and culture in their entire world. Gold and his family packed all that they could, made sure their passports were up to date, and said their goodbyes to all their friends in one week. Soon, they found themselves on a plane to the new region.
Goldās older sister Michelle was so excited she would even be studying in Ryushoās top university, and Goldās younger brother, Benji, was eager to move to a new home and make new friends while going to school and helping his father out in his lab. Daniel Elm was also happy to be starting a new job in a new region, especially since it meant he would be closer to his mother, the Sinnoh Elite Four member Bertha. Sayaka Bernstein-Elm, Goldās mom, was an obstinate bitch who could never be pleased by anything except making more money on the stock market and being cruel to her children and small woodland creatures, and Ryusho would offer her plenty of opportunities to do both.
āGold, arenāt you excited about starting a new life?ā asked Benji to his ever apathetic teenage brother.
āWhy the hell should I care? Itās just another place to waste my life until I die.ā Gold replied while rolling his eyes.
āGold stop that! We are going to be in a huge island nation with so much to do,ā Michelle shouted at her brother without looking up from her Pechaberry. āMaybe you should think about becoming a PokĆ©mon trainer. Youāre finally sixteen, you have your driverās license and you donāt even have a PokĆ©mon yet. Maybe itās time you should start a jou-!ā
āWhy would I do that? PokĆ©mon are stupid. Theyāre⦠what? Just something else to waste my life and money with--ā
āGold, PokĆ©mon are not a waste of time! Iāve devoted my entire life to studying and researching PokĆ©mon to discover all I can about them,ā said Daniel with frustration to his son. āThey are mystical creatures that have a lot to offer us as individuals and as a society. I think if you just took the time to understand what they are and why they are here, then maybe youād appreciate them.ā
āDad, Iām not you. Just because my last name is Elm doesnāt mean I have to care about PokĆ©mon. I mean, Mom was a former breeder before her obsession with money and power drove her to the stock market, and you are a famous professor. Michelle is trying to become a PokĆ©mon neurosurgeon, and who knows what Benji will want to do in a few years. Right now, heās just the target of that guy in the ice cream truck back in New Bark Town, but maybe heāll want to do Contests or want to do research or something. However, just because Iām related to all of you doesnāt mean Iām required to care about PokĆ©mon at all. I mean really, all I want to do is open up a store somewhere and live a nice peaceful life alone, just like Tom.ā
āYeah, but even big brother trained some PokĆ©mon before going off to business school,ā Benji chided with a smirk on his face.
āNow, donāt bring that person into this,ā Daniel said with a stern look on his face.
āOh Gold, when will you learnā¦ā said Goldās mother, Sayaka, who had just woken up from her alcohol and PCP-induced stupor. āYou need to understand how important PokĆ©mon are. They are just as important as anyone else, except for meā she finished while pulling a flask out from in between her very large breasts, and looking sternly at Gold.
Gold rolled his eyes and fell asleep to avoid having to contend with talking to his family for the rest of the flight.
Gold awoke in a large black area. Where the hell am I? he thought to himself.
Suddenly in the background there was a low, rumbling laugh.
āWell Mr. Elm, if you want a proper definition of where you are, youāre here at the bounds of timeā¦and time is something you lack!
āTick-tock, Gold. Time is about to run out...ā
Suddenly two giant white silhouettes of what looked like PokƩmon appeared in front of Gold and started battling each other. The two beasts then turned to face Gold and attacked him with two beams of radiant light. As their attacks were about to hit Gold, his senses started to fade and everything around him went dark...
Gold awoke suddenly in a moving van, covered in cold sweat. Where am I, and what the hell was that all about? he thought to himself as he wiped off the sweat from his face and opened up a bottle of some light blue-colored, sparkling liquid labeled āRyusho Waterā that was sitting at his feet. Michelle sat on his right and looked nonchalantly at him as he caught his breath.
āOh, youāre finally up. You were out like a Snorlax for a few hours. Dad had to carry you out of the plane and showed them your ID and stuff. For a sixteen your old, youāre surprisingly light. Have you been purging like an angsty fifteen year-old girl again?ā
āShut the hell up!ā Gold hissed at his sister. āI have to watch my figure. Iād rather be light as a feather then be a County Fair Miltank like you!ā
āGold, behave!ā Sayaka yelled as she turned around from the front seat of the van and bitch-slapped him across the face unexpectedly, catching Gold off guard as Michelle hissed with glee. āWe are already in our new hometown and we will be at our new house in about fifteen minutes. I want the neighbors to like me so when I start gossiping about them, stealing their jewelry and sleeping with their husbands they wonāt suspect me.ā
āYou know, Iām right hereā¦ā Daniel said without looking to Sayaka.
āI know that. You donāt satisfy my needs anymore. And you know how I like having my needs satisfied,ā she said with a smile.
āNow, Tiny Seed Town is known for their small town feel and a sense of altruism towards your fellow man. Also, itās home to the upper crust, and you know how our status designates us as Nobles. I donāt want us to be the town outcasts like in New Bark because of your apathy, mister, so you better turn that frown upside down or I wonāt let you go skiing tonight!ā she said to her son in an irritating, high-pitched scolding tone.
āBut mom, Tiny Seed is nowhere near a mountainā¦ā Benji said while looking at a map of Ryusho.
āSon, when you turn 14 youāll understand what she means by that,ā Daniel said with a sigh.
Gold, as usual, rolled his eyes at Sayaka and proceeded to ignore the rest of a rant heād heard countless times from her.Ā He then took out his notebookā¦
Something you should know about Gold is that he loves to write. He jots down random notes of things he thinks of for novels and interesting things he sees around. His notebook is the only thing that he truly sees as a friend. Ever since he was a child, all he would do is write in various notebooks. He had filled up 151 different notebooks with information he has gathered, as well as a slew of short stories and poems.Ā Gold was always gifted at writing. He was even published in a Johto Childrenās magazineĀ at the age of twelve, but didnāt care at all since there was no cash prize for being published.Ā
Gold wrote down what his mother had said in his notebook and closed it shut as Benji tried to look over Goldās shoulder at the book.
āWhy do I even have to come with you people? Couldnāt I just have moved in with Grandpa and stayed at his ranch by Olivine City? I mean I liked the Miltanks there in the very least⦠hey, Michelle, you can learn something from them!ā
Professor Elm narrowed his eyes. āDad wanted you to stay with him too, but I said the islands would do you some good.āĀ
āIf I commit suicide tonight itās your fault!ā Gold hissed as he glared at his father.
Daniel rolled his eyes. āYou say that every other night. Seriously, if youāre going to do it, please do.ā
Goldās mother punched her husband in the shoulder. āDaniel! Donāt tell Gold to kill himself! Heās your son. He maybe a whiny little nihilist, but he is still your son! Besides, we canāt collect on the life insurance until he becomes an adult!ā
āOh whatever!ā Gold yelled. āLetās just get this over with. Iām not going to deal with any of you. I donāt have the strength for this...ā
āYou never want to deal with anybody!ā Michelle exclaimed while raising her arms. āAll you do is complain about the world. If you hate the world so much, why donāt you just drop dead or do something to make it better?!ā
āOh whatever, you overweight wench!ā Gold shouted. āI donāt care because I donāt need to nor want to.ā
āBig brother, youāre such a paranoia sometimesā¦ā Benji said without looking up from his book.
When the Elm family arrived in Tiny Seed Town, Professor Elm got out of the moving van and opened the back of the truck.
āAlright Gold, you and your sister should start taking out the boxes out of the van. I have to go get some boxes from the other vans that have all the stuff from the Johto lab. Also, could you help your mom set up her āchemistry setā in the basement when youāre finished?ā
Gold rolled his eyes and went into the van. āAlright letās seeā¦first Iāll get the heavier things out of the way. Since Mom will want me to help set up too since she is an unbelievably crossfaded, fugly and lazy bitch, Iāll set up the heavier things so the lighter things will be easier to put up.ā Gold said to himself. āHey Miltank, help me bring in Dadās armoire.
āRight, you skinny nihilist.ā The two siblings carried the large shelf like antique into the large house they would now be living in.
āJeez, canāt you hold it up any higher?ā Gold said as Michelle started to lose her grip on the armoire. āYouāre so out of shape. Maybe this is why every boy breaks up with you after seeing you naked.ā
āSir, might I be of assistance?ā said a tall, handsome blonde man with blue eyes dressed in a tuxedo. In his left hand, he held a silver platter with a martini on it.
āOf course, Beasley,ā Gold said taking the martini and downing it in one gulp.
āSir, I do believe that that was Lady Sayakaās 2 PM martini?ā
āThatās okay, she can wait for her 2:15 PM martini, Beasley. In the meanwhile, help us with this crapā¦ā
Gold suddenly heard a loud crash as the armoire fell on its side. He looked sideways to his sister to see her on her phone, sending out a message to one of her friends.
āWhat the fauck Michelle!ā Gold yelled. āDad is going to kill us for dropping that.ā
āBut Jenny just PBMed me,ā Michelle prostrated. āRandy Klein just broke up with his girlfriend and just started dating JWoww from the Jersey Regionā
Gold was about to snark at his sisterās need to know the unimportant details of her friendsā lives when he noticed a glint of gold coming from inside the armoire. Gold started to open the door to the armoire and caught a glimpse of a golden arrow pointed directly at him when Beasley shut the door unexpectedly.
āYoung Master, you know how the Master doesnāt like having certain attributes of his past coming to light.ā
āNo, I donāt. Whatās in the armoire?ā
Beasley was about to respond when Sayaka suddenly stumbled out of the van, spotted the armoire, and screamed āBeasley, get that crap out of my sight this instant! And whereās my 2:07 PM bottle of ŠæŠµŠ½ŠøŃ Š³Š¾Š±Š»ŠøŠ½? How the fuck do you even pronounce that anyway?ā
~~~
Upon entering the mansion, Gold had noticed it was unusually large. At least to him anyway.
āHey bitch, why is the house so big? I mean, isnāt this supposed to be like our home in New Bark?ā
Michelle grinned. āYou noticed too, eh? Well it so happens that Tiny Seed is an obscenely rich county. Mostly lawyers, doctors, and other white collar professionals live around here.Ā Dadās a doctor technically as well as being a billionaire CEO, so I think we will fit in nicely.ā
Gold rolled his eyes. āJust what we need: something else to feed our parentsā ridiculously large egos. Maybe theyāll kill themselves, though I guess I can only hope...ā
Michelleās grin quickly turned to a frown. āGold please, we are living in such a great nation now. Can you please try to make this a bit easier on everyone?Ā Honestly, you could find something or someone you really like here...ā
Gold rolled his eyes again. āLook Michelle, I will never care about anything. If you really want to understand what a day in my life is like, hereās a Sylvia Plath nove--ā
Suddenly, bursting through the door were three very strange creatures. One was a green gecko with yellow eyes, a small body, three fingers, a pink belly, and very thin legs. The second was a blue penguin like creature with a darker blue cape, a white face, black eyes, and yellow feet. The third was an ant eater-like PokĆ©mon with a black back, a yellowish-white stomach, slit-like closed eyes, and four red spots on its back. It was also the only one of the three to be on all fours. āHey a Treecko, a Piplup, and a Cyndaquil! This region doesnāt have its own three starters so Dad mixed and matched Houen, Sinnoh, and Johto PokĆ©mon.ā said Michelle pointing to the three PokĆ©mon. Gold looked at them.
āOkay so the green lizard thing is Treecko, the bird is Piplup, and the mutant fire thing is Cyndaquil. ā Michelle smiled. āOh my gawd, youāre taking an interest in PokĆ©mon! Thatās so Raven!ā
Gold shook his head. āOnce again, youāre wrong. Dad made me read his notes one day. He had to research the other two since he isnāt used to Sinnoh and Houen pokemon.āĀ
Michelle frowned again. Professor Elm ran into the house.
āKids,Ā the PokĆ©mon are going wild because they are scared of my shirtless appearace! Help me get them back!ā Daniel said while flexing his pecs and biceps to Sayaka, who was too busy āskiingā to notice. Gold turned away from his father. āEh, I donāt care. You can handle this one.ā
Professor Elm placed his hand on his head while frowning and then looked at Gold. āIāll pay you $1000 to catch Treecko and bring him back to the lab.ā
Instantly, Goldās ears perked up when he heard the word āpayā. āYou can leave it to me Dad!ā
āYou didnāt ask for more this time?ā Michelle said with a wry grin. āSelling yourself short now?ā
āAt least someone will buy me,ā Gold said turning away from his sister and flipping her off as he walked away.
As Gold left the house to find Treecko, he felt a sharp pain in his head and fell to the ground, unconscious.
Gold awoke in the same dark area he was in his dream. The two giant beasts appeared in an image beneath him. The beasts blasted each other with giant beams. Standing on the side of one of the monsters was a man in a business suit, and standing next to the other monster was a slightly older version of Gold and a white-haired brown-skinned person who he vaguely recognized. The man and Gold battled each other in a seemingly endless battle which the man appeared to be winning. Suddenly, the two opposing beams fused into one large blast. The voice in the background laughed again: āYour time is running out Mr. Elmā¦tick-tockā¦tick-tockā¦ā
Gold awoke minutes later and found himself in front of his new house. Piplup and Cyndaquil had already been found by Michelle. Cyndaquil was smiling and took a liking to Michelle, who held the PokƩmon on her lap and was feeding it strawberries.
āGold, wake the hell up, get off of your fat ass, and find that Treecko!ā Sayaka said in between sips of her 4:10 merlot.
After giving his mother the finger, Gold got up and left. He ran toward the town looking for Treecko. He scoured the town looking for the wood gecko PokƩmon.
āAlright letās seeā¦if I was a stupid green lizardā¦I guess I would probably be in aĀ tree.ā
Gold ran over to a nearby policeman and asked if there were any places with many trees around.
āWhy sure kid, there are a lot of places with trees in Tiny Seed Town,ā said the very attractive police officer. āWhy donāt you try the woods by Seedling Pond? If your Treecko likes to climb, heād love it over there.ā
āThank you pigā¦I mean officer.ā
Gold ran off and went to woods by the large pond.
āHmmm, I wonder if there is anything interesting that happens around here. Oh well I donāt know and I donāt care... now, where is that stupid lizard?ā
Gold walked around and finally saw Treecko at the top of a giant tree. āOkay you retarded lizard, I want you to come down now.ā
Treecko stuck his tongue out at Gold, picked a blue Oran BerryĀ and then threw it at Gold, which splattered against Goldās face on impact. āGo fuck yourself, spoiled rich human!ā the Treecko said to Goldās surprise.
āWait, you can fucking talk?ā Gold said in shock. āAlright, thatās it! Iām not pulling any punches!āĀ
āAll PokĆ©mon stored in Ryushen PokĆ©balls can talk; donāt ask me how,ā the Treecko said to Gold as it climbed higher into the tree. āWhy donāt you come and get me, or can you even get yourself off the ground with that scrawny frame?ā
āOh youāre one to talk, you anorexic gecko!ā Gold yelled as climbed up the tree. As he did, Treecko picked another Oran Berry and threw it at Gold again. Gold moved his head this time, and the berry missed him and it hit another PokĆ©mon at the bottom of the tree. This PokĆ©mon was a purple monkey with no real arms. However, it had a giant hand on its tail.
āOh damn, an Aipom. They usually travel in packs. I really hope it doesn-ā
Suddenly, hundreds of Aipom andĀ a larger type of monkey PokĆ©mon with two tails and a more defined hand on each tail appeared. āOh great, thatās its evolved form, Ambipom!ā
āHey human, why donāt you distract them with an engaging game of ping-pong?ā Treecko chided.
āThatās a stupid fucking idea!ā Gold yelled.
Treecko laughed at the PokƩmon and Gold, and started to pound the Aipom. Ambipom however started to use the same attack on Treecko, who was no match against the evolved PokƩmon. Gold tried running away but froze up.
āWhat am I doing? Whatās wrong with meā¦I donātĀ care about that stupid gecko! But, if I donāt bring him back I wonāt get paid.ā Gold rolled his eyes and turned back. He saw the Treecko being carried off by the Ambipom and Aipom. As they were about to go off into a very large tree with the Treecko, Gold appeared with a stick in hand and started to pummel at all the monkey PokĆ©mon. Once most of the Ambipom were out of his way, he grabbed Treecko andĀ ran.
The Ambipom started to run after Gold. They had almost caught up with Gold when a shadow covered Gold and all of the Ambipom.
āGeorge, use Draco Meteor! And try not to hit my son this timeā¦ā yelled out a familiar voice. Gold looked up to see his father, still shirtless, standing on the back of a Dragonite as it started to glow orange and shoot orange balls from its mouth at each Ambipom and Gold.
āDamnit George, you burned my outfit!ā
āWhoops. Well, itās not like you donāt have 84 different versions of it at homeā¦ā the Dragonite said as Daniel jumped off of the Dragonite and land right by his son.
Treecko was severely beaten. It was completely unconscious and also had a high fever.
āWhat the hell did you do to my son!ā George said as Gold dropped the Treecko into his fatherās hands.
āOh come off of it. You abandoned him to be a starter PokĆ©mon to pay off your gambling debts and alcoholism. Alright pay up, old man! Your stupid PokĆ©mon got attacked by some Aipom and Ambipom.ā
Professor Elmās jaw dropped when he looked at Treecko. āGold, how can I possibly pay you when you brought this shit back to me!?ā
Gold turned bright red. āLook itās not my fault that heās smug and weak. I tried to get him, but he kept throwing things at me and then he got attacked by a bunch of stupid monkeys.āĀ
Professor Elm rolled his eyes. āWell a deal is a deal son, but your mother is not going to be happy that I did this.āĀ
Gold rolled his eyes in the same fashion. āWhatever Dad. What some ever. As long as she has some drug in her body sheās happy,ā he said as he pocketed the money his dad handed to him. Gold climbed onto George with his father, and they both flew back to the mansion.
~~~
That night, Goldās family got together with the three starter PokĆ©mon. Treecko had been sitting in the corner shaking in fear with his back to everyone, while the other two decided to join the Elm family at their table.
āIām going to take Cyndaquil with me to college. Heās so cute!Ā Dad, is Piplup going to be helping you guys at the lab?āĀ
Professor Elm smiled. āYes Michelle, Piplup is going to be helping out with Corsola and my other PokĆ©mon lab assistants, and if you behave Benji you can have him too. We have other starters coming soon so itās fine.ā
Gold pointed to the Treecko in the corner of the room. āWhat are you going do about Treecko? I mean heās a starter too.ā
Professor Elm furrowed his eyebrows as he thought. āWell, Gold, weāve decided what weāre going to do. We donāt really think itās healthy for you to just stay in the house forever. Seriously, there is a new country outside of these walls and well you should be a part of it!ā
Gold stepped back. āWait, I think Iām about to experience parental abandonment. What exactly are you saying here?ā
Goldās mother smiled as she downed the last of her 8 PM bottle of bourbon. āWell we are sending you out to become a PokĆ©mon trainer tomorrow morning. Before I forged your signature while writing out your Ryusho League application, we got you a Ryushodex. Thatās the PokĆ©dex of this region, by the way. Since Treecko needs a home and heās almost as much of a whiny bitch as you are, heāll be your starter. We even got you some new clothes and a PokĆ©gear so you can call us every day!āĀ
āBig brother, congratulations! Youāre so lucky you get to leave this house and get the hell away from our mother!ā
āBenji, what the shit! Where did you learn that language?ā Sayaka said, throwing her bottle toward Benji, but hitting another servant in the head.
āThe answer to that question should be obvious,ā Daniel said while sighing and packing a small bowl full of white crystals.
Gold looked at his family in abject shock (though not because of the blatant drug use) followed with a glare of utter contempt. āOkay, first things first: why do you hate me so much?! Second, you forged my signature for what? And third, why canāt I get a Pechaberry like Michelle? Why the hell do I have this shitty PokĆ©gear crap?ā
āWell, to answer your first question, we donāt hate you, we hic! love you!ā Sayaka said as she reached out for her 8:12 PM scotch from Beasley.
āSecond,ā Daniel said as Sayaka collapsed while reaching out for her scotch, āwe decided that it would be a great idea for you and your Treecko to bond by going out into the country around us and competing in gym battles. We signed you up to participate in the next League competition in 20 months, so youāll have that much time to go around the country and collect eight badges,ā Daniel finished with a smile as Goldās left eyebrow started to twitch, which he calmly ignored as he lit up.
āAulllsooo,ā Sayaka said as she picked herself up and grabbed the bottle of scotch, āI think youāll find the Rhyusho League competition to be a little⦠different from what youād expect in other countries. Oh, and by the way we couldnāt afford another Pechaberry for you.ā
āYes you could, you cheapskate bastards!ā
āWell, truth be told, we simply donāt love you enough to give you a Pechaberry, unlike your brother and sister,ā Sayaka said as she prepared the table for her 8:20 PM game of liquor chess with Daniel.
Gold started to reach out for the pen on the desk beside him, but was restrained by Benji, who looked up into his brotherās eyes and said calmly āDonāt do it. Remember what happened at Costco? Do you really want to go back to juvie?ā
Gold ran upstairs to his new room, locked the door and cried himself to sleep.
Gold woke up and looked at his alarm clock, which displayed the time. ā7:00 AM. Thatās weird, this is the first time Iāve fallen asleep in the last twenty-four hours where I didnāt have a dream about that guy.ā Gold opened the door to his room and found Treecko asleep on the wall next to Goldās room. āHeh, I guess this thing is a bit attached to meā¦ā Gold picked up the Treecko and put him on his bed and tucked him in. Gold fell back asleep on an arm chair in the corner of his room.
Gold awoke later that morning over the sounds of his motherās yelling about her 10 AM screwdriver being late to find Treecko awake and looking around his room.
āHey, um I guess we should start looking for what to bring with us on this retarded journey.ā
Treecko rolled his eyes in the same fashion Gold did and pointed to a bag packed with clothes next to it. āYour mother beat you to it. She wants us out by noon; apparently theyāre moving the meth la- I mean, āchemistry kitā into your room. By the way, how was she capable of bearing children, and why hasnāt Social Services taken you away from her yet?ā
āLetās see what that bitch packed upā¦my Ryushodex, my walletā¦with credit cards, PokĆ©balls, several changes of clothes, the PokĆ©gear, and some notebooks are packed already. Alright, so I need a toothbrush, some toothpaste, a canteen and a few pairs of Tucci sunglasses. Oh, and a mini TV would be good.ā
Treecko rolled his eyes again and showed Gold on the PokĆ©gear there was already a TV function. āOh well, I guess that makes sense since this is the newest version. And yet they couldnāt get me a damned Pechaberryā¦ā
āAt least itās better than her giving you nothing, which is what I expected,ā Treecko said to Gold.
āShut up, youāre also a victim of parental abandonment!ā
Gold and Treecko went downstairs and got the things they needed from Beasley before joining his parents for breakfast.
āMorning Gold,ā his mother said to him with aĀ smile, looking up from her 11 AM lines of cocaine. āFor breakfast we have pancakes, fried eggs, and bacon; you can have whateverās left on my plate since Iām too busy skiing. Remember that Tepig you befriended on your Uncleās farm? Weāre having that for breakfast!ā
āSo thatās what it meansā¦ā Benji muttered
āReally?ā Gold cried while stifling a tear.
āNo, Iām not that awfulā¦ā Sayaka said as she held a handkerchief up to stop a nosebleed before breaking out in manic laughter. āIām such a sour bitch, and I love it!ā
On the other side of the table, Daniel sat down and lit up a glass pipe. āAh, my morning ice, youāre the only one who loves me. How Iāve missed youā¦ā
Gold made himself a plate of eggs andĀ bacon while ignoring his parentsā rampant drug abuse. Then he quickly scarfed down his breakfast.
āHey, Mom and Dad,ā Gold said looking up from his plate and brushing aside the marijuana smoke coming from Michelleās end of the table, āIād just like you to know I will never forgive either of you for forcing me out of the house or for the years of abuse Iāve gotten at the hands of your drug addictions. I do hope you and dad slowly burn in the deepest pits of hell, especially you Mom. When you both get knifed after refusing to pay your drug dealer, Big Carlos, I will only regret not being there to film it and put it on PikaTube.ā
āTook the words right out of my mouth,ā Benji muttered, much to Sayakaās surprise.
āYou ungrateful piece of shit!ā Sayaka said. āI had a caesarian for you!ā
āYou tried to have me aborted at āMcScrapieās, Aborter and Restaurantā! Twice! The only reason why Iām alive is because your coupon expired the day before!ā
āI did no-ā Sayaka started
āThis was the first bedtime story you ever told me. And Dad has the pictures, recording and expired coupon!ā
āHe got you there, honey,ā Daniel said in the middle of tweaking out.
āShut up, spare penis! I only love you for your disposable income!ā Sayaka cried out. āBeasley, get me my 11:23 roofies; Iām going to go sex our neighborsā husbands!ā
āYou havenāt even met them yet!ā Benji said.
Sayaka slowly got up, stumbling toward Benji. āWho are you to judge my way of life? I gave birth to you!ā Sayaka opened up her palm to backhand her youngest son, but was suddenly stopped by Gold, who grabbed her hand, slammed it onto the table and stabbed her palm with a golden ballpoint pen.
āGold Edward Elm, how dare yo- oh, who am I kidding, Iāve wanted to do that for weeksā Daniel said.
āI thought you werenāt allowed to write with those anymore after the Costco incidentā¦ā Michelle said with a blank expression on her face as she looked up from a book titled āFine, Weāll Do It In My Spaceship Towerā.
āIf I ever find out that you so much as tried to harm my little brother, in ANY way, shape or form,ā Gold said looking his motherās bloodshot eyes with an intense stare of loathing and disgust, āI will stab you in the throat, cut your belly open, and feed you your intestines! As for you, Daniel, if you facilitate any of her habits I will ruin your reputation, bankrupt you and feed you to all of my Pokemon!ā
āYou mean the bitch Treecko over there?ā Daniel said with a blank stare before collapsing into a meth coma.
āAs for you two,ā Gold said pointing at Michelle and Benji, ātake care of each other. These horrid excuses for parents sure as hell arenāt going to do that for youā he finished as his mother struggled to remove the pen from her hand.
āI swear on the unholy soul of Giratina, I will make you wish you were never born!ā Sayaka screamed as she gave up on trying to remove the pen. āBeasley, remove this pen and get me my absinthe! Actually, get my absinthe first!ā
āTreecko, my parents donāt want either of us here anymore so they are kicking us out. So, why donāt we indulge them and get out of their sight.āĀ Treecko nodded, jumped on Goldās shoulder. Before leaving the dining room, Gold turned around, pointed at his eyes and then pointed at his mother. āNext time, I wonāt be so generous.ā
āAnd I thought I had parental issuesā¦ā Treecko muttered under his breath.
GoldĀ went to his room and saw new clothes laid out for him. The clothes included a red sweatshirt with aĀ gray hood, gray pocket, and tabs on the sleeves that were gray, yellow shorts with black pockets, silver sneakers with a red poke ball symbol with black sides, all topped off with a black and gold hat.
He put on his new clothes and put the hat on backwards. Suddenly there was a knock at the door to the bedroom. Gold turned around to see Beasley standing in the doorframe with a slightly pained expression on his face.
āHave you come to see me off?ā Gold said.
āBut of course. I think this experience will be a good one for you,ā Beasley said with a slight smile.
āSo I take it that youāre supporting my parents on this one?ā
āWhile Iām paid to agree with that point of view in between supplying your parents with their drugs, Iām honestly supporting you, young Master.
āGold, allow me to be blatantly honest: would you rather be out in the world having new experiences, or would you rather have a repeat of that breakfast for the next two or three years until you leave to college?ā
āWell, honestly I feel like this entire thing is being pressed on me,ā Gold said with a frown.
āYoung Master Elm, itās alright to feel that way, and in my opinion they are pressing this on you. However, think of how theyāve treated you in the last twenty-four hours. Do you really want to continue to see this as a bad experience?ā
Gold thought and nodded slightly. āI guess youāre right. You will keep in touch, right?ā
Beasley smiled. āBut of course. Now, if youāll excuse me, your mother is expecting her midday bottle of port and your father is also waiting on his five tabs of acid. I think you should go before I deliver those⦠I think itād be best if we didnāt have a repeat of the āGoofyā incident. You remember why your family is banned from SinnohDisney, right?ā
Gold shuddered in fear as Beasley bowed to him, smiled again and started to walk out while whispering under his breath āTake care, young Master Elmā.
āBy the way, what was in Dadās armoire?ā Gold said before Beasley slipped out.
āA physical manifestation of the universe. Its name is Sagittarius. Someday, you may get to meet him, but it will have to be on its terms.ā Beasley said as he grabbed at a sliver bracelet on his left arm.
āWhat in the hell do you mean by that?ā Gold said, but got no reply as Beasley suddenly dashed out of the room to respond to Sayakaās frustrated screaming.
āOh well⦠Treecko letās figure out where to go first. I suppose since Iām signed up for the Ryusho League, I should probably find the first gym.ā Gold looked at the town map on his wall.
Ā āAccording to the map, the closest gym is in Carnation City. The other gyms are scattered across Ryushoās archipelago-like region. I suppose weāll figure out how to get on a boat there to the other parts of the region.ā
Treecko nodded and hopped on Goldās shoulder. āBy the way where is your PokĆ©ball?ā
Treecko pointed to the silver and black bag pack that his parents had bought him. In the small pocket where his PokĆ©balls were he found one labeled with a Treecko design. Gold nodded. āAlright, letās get the hell out of here before my bitch mother tries to feed me to her Seviper again!ā
The two partners left the town without another word. They ran and found themselves on Route 203 with hundreds of PokƩmon to be seen everywhere.
āAlright, I say we make our first capture! Letās get PokĆ©mon!ā Gold yelled out as both he and Treecko did a slow-motion jump into the air and froze in place.