#ruslow

“They won't tell me anything Harlow.” Somehow, even when she wasn't there to guide him, he searched aimlessly for her guidance. He felt sick to his stomach. It was the unknown that made him feel that way. He knew that she had internal bleeding, he knew that she wasn't there with him. But he didn't know what that meant. “If you were here, you know what you'd do? You would laugh at me, Harlow. You'd laugh at me, brush my hair off my face with that tiny hand of yours and explain to me that you were going to be okay. That I needn't consider the possibilities that I'm considering right now.” He sighed once more, this time there was no timidness in it. He didn't want to be quiet. He wanted to be loud enough that she would hear him, really hear him. “Don't do this to me. Don't you dare fucking do this to me. I can't do this without you and you know it. Don't do this to him, either. Do you want to know what it took for him to leave you long enough for me to come and talk to you? Harlow, you can't do this to any of us. Remember when we were in New York this time last year. I helped that little old lady across the street while you stood at the other side giggling at me. I remember it because of what she said afterward. She told me that she was on her way to order two new rocking chairs for her and her best friend. She told me this because she said that we reminded her so much of them when they were our age. She made me promise that I would never let you go, like her best friend had never let her go. You promised me on that day that we would get our rocking chairs. I love you. I'm never letting go, Harlow. And you can't either.” His fingers grasped the teddy he had bought. “It's not good enough.” He had yelled at the shop assistant for not having a tigger teddy in stock. Not just yelled, but threw things, and he hadn't apologized. He had bought a replacement tiger and left the shop. Ashamed in himself not for his behaviour but for his inadequacy when it truly mattered. “I planned to say all of these important things to you, but in the end, I just want to tell you I miss you. And not just right now, I miss you every single day. I miss waking up to your smiles. I miss you tickling me in the middle of the night because you want more of the duvet. Harlow, I miss your company. We broke up so that nothing would have to change, all I wanted to do was to save us. Sometimes I just want you there to laugh with. I needed to tell you this, darling, because while we were trying to preserve our relationship, I feel that in the past few weeks with me having avoided you and you being with Charlie so much -which I love, I'm glad you're so happy, don't get me wrong-” He places the teddy back in her hands, brushing her cheek. “we've grown apart. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I miss my own Harlow time. I'm a selfish bastard, I know, I know, I know. But gorgeous, when you wake up, don't forget about us.”

'Cause it's too important To stay the way it's been There's no blame for how our love did slowly fade And now that it's gone it's like it wasn't there at all