All the girls, for different reasons, doesn't want to be the first to say 'I love you'.
Zoey doesn't want to say it first because she's scared of being too much. Despite the fact that you never mad her feel like too much, she's scared she'll scare you away by saying it first. What if you think she said it too soon? What if you think the relationship is moving too fast? What if she makes you uncomfortable by saying it first?
The closest Zoey gets to saying it first was one afternoon when she was helping making lunch with you. Well helping was not quite the right word. She sat on the counter across from you, taking about a game that caught her eye as you made the food. She's talking about how she loves the gameplay and how the puzzles were fun to solve.
She was explaining about how she was stuck on one particle puzzle when it hit her: she's been doing all the talking. Too much talking. Slowly, Zoey stops talking ,afraid she's already said too much. The kitchen goes quite saved for the sound of food cooking. Soon, you pause cooking and look at her.
"Babe, why did you stop talking?"
Zoey is caught off guard by your question. Not many people would ask why stopped talking, rather they would ask her to stop. "Oh, I don't want to bore you with a dumb game I like," she said, waving her hand like she was shooing her overtalking.
You let out a light laugh and turn back to the food. " Zoey you could never bore me. I love hearing you talk."
Zoey sat frozen, staring at your back. You didn't mind her talking. In fact you loved to hear her. You actually wanted to hear her.
The urger to say 'I love you' bubbled up in Zoey's throat, threating to spill out. She wants to tell you that she loves you so badly. Instead of letting the words tumble out, Zoey cleared her throat and kept talking about about the game.
Rumi doesn't want to say it first because she doesn't feel like she earned it. She's lying to you every day about who she is. Lying about what she is. How can she say it when she's not being truthful with you?
She gets really close to saying it one night after a long day. She's cuddled up to your side, her head resting on your chest. The sound of your steady heart beat was soothing. You had out on a random medical drama and was calling out all the characters that were being dumb.
Rumi loved moments like this, where it was just you and her. She didn't need to be Rumi the idol or Rumi the leader. She could just be Rumi.
She snuggled closer, feeling so relaxed as you draw random shapes on her side while making comments about the show.
The words 'I love you' are on the tip of Rumi's tongue, about to be said when you fingers touch her skin, her patterns. She sits up so fast like she's been burned by your touch.
What's wrong," you ask, looking at her with so much care and concern it makes Rumi hate herself when she lies to you.
"Nothing, just need to use the bathroom right quick," she says quickly, climbing out your arms, hating the way she feels cold now, patterns burring from shame.
Closing the bathroom and locking it, Rumi stand in front the mirror, gripping the sink hard. Her patterns burning from the shame and self hatred she was feeling. You deserve someone way better than her. Someone who isn't lying to you every second.
After a bit, Rumi splashes her face with water, trying to drag herself out of her thoughts. It doesn't work as she goes back to you.
Not know that the idol was at war with herself, you open your arms, ready to get back to cuddling. To your surprise, Rumi doesn't get back into your arms, but sits next to you. You raise your eyebrow but end up not saying anything. You didn't want to push her to cuddle if she doesn't want to anymore.
Rumi desperately wanted to take refuge in your arms but she doesn't deserve that. Just like she doesn't deserve to say 'I love you'. So she keeps those words buried deep in her chest.
Mira doesn't want to say it first because she's the cool girl. If she were to say it first, then you might not think she's cool anymore. You might see her as a needy loser.
She's the closest to saying it during dinner.
After working oh so hard to order food and waiting for it to be delivered, Mira was sitting across from you, listing to you talk about your day.
She loved eating dinner at the table like this. No phones, no TV, no distractions. Just you and her.
She was talking about how one of her producers was being an ass when she noticed something moving on the wall. It was a dark spot that moved a bit and then stop.
Squinting at the wall, Mira was trying to figure out what it was. Seeing her do this you were about to ask what was going on when she jumped out of her chair.
"Spider," Mira whispered, pointing to the thing in question. she hated spiders. Couldn't stand being around them. Hated the way they walked with too many legs. She rather face a army of demons than see a spider.
You looked at where she pointing and sure enough there was a spider crawling around. "Hold on let me get something to catch it."
You were about to go find paper and a cup when Mira grab your arm. "Please don't leave me," voice sounding small.
You carefully take her hand in your own and give it a quick reassuring squeeze. "I'm only going to be gone for a second. Promise."
Mira lets go and turns her attention back to her mortal enemy. As much she wanted to look away, she forced herself to watch it crawl around on the wall to make sure it didn't escape.
Ture to your word, you were only gone for a second. Armed with a cup and a random piece of paper, you approached the spider. "Alright little guy, we can do this the easy way or the hard way."
You catch the spider much to Mira's relief. You make your way to the small balcony just off your kitchen, making sure you keep your distance from Mira, not wanting to scare her more.
"You scared my girlfriend dude. That's not very nice but I know you didn't mean it," you tell the spider as you let it go. You watch it as it crawled away.
Now that the spider was gone, Mira was able to calm down. She sat at the table again to pull herself together.
"So spiders scare you, huh," you ask after returning from releasing the monster in question.
Mira nods as she pokes at her food, embarrassed of being scared of something so small.
You kiss her temple before taking your seat across from her. "I get it. They can be creepy as hell sometimes. But hey you have a certified spider catcher now. Just call me and I'll get rid of any spiders that bother you."
While most people would tease her over her fear, you proudly named yourself her spider catcher. Didn't bat an eye at learning her fear, just promise to take care of it, of her when it came up. You didn't even make fun of her for grabbing into you and begged you not to go like a child.
That's when it hit the dancer. You wanted all of her. The cool girl persona she puts on, the one who went into panic mode when seeing a tiny spider and even the blunt one who sometimes worded thing a bit harsh. You wanted all of it.
Mira wanted to say 'I love you' so badly it almost hurt. But she made a fool of herself enough tonight so instead she said
"Thank you."
