#rucasweek2016

Rucas Week Day 6: I look at you and see the rest of my life in front of my eyes

Riley is sitting in her bed, staring into space when she hears a knock on the door.

She jumps off the bed, pulls her sweatshirt down and hopes with everything in her, that Lucas is the one knocking. They had an argument the day before and she wanted to see him. Wanted to explain that she knew that this argument was her fault.

When she opened the door, her smile fell as she realized it wasn’t Lucas but a young man holding a flower arrangement.

“Delivery for Riley Matthews”

Day 3: prompt “I see the clock up on the wall and wonder where you are tonight.”

This one king of goes with day 1: mistake. I would suggest reading it before reading this one. I hope you enjoy it.

My heart is in my stomach as I walk out of Riley’s building. I have to blink a few times to push the tears back. I just made a complete ass of myself in front of her, I officially lost her. Of course she moved on. Now it’s her turn to get married. This James guy is lucky; any guy would be lucky to spend the rest of their life with her. It could have been me, it should have been me, if I wasn’t so damn stupid.

I keep walking the streets of New York until I’m in front of the bar I’ve become quite acquainted. It’s where I come to forget everything around.

“Whisky on the rocks John,” I say taking my seat at the bar. He nods at me and prepares my drink. I’ve became a bit of a regular this past year.

He places it in front of me, “You’re here awful late. What happened tonight?”

I take a big swig, “Nothing much, just getting my heart stomped on.”

“I’m guessing you went to go see that Riley woman you’ve been going on and on about.” I nod as I take another drink. “I’m guessing it didn’t go well.”

I hold up the glass, “What do you think?” I down the rest of my drink, “Just keep them coming. I need to forget how big of an idiot I am.” John nods as he fixes me another drink. After he gives it to me, he moves to the other end of the bar to help his other customers.

I stare at the drink in my hand, how did I get here? Sitting alone in a bar feeling broken. My phone starts ringing; I look down at it to see Zay’s picture staring at me. I press ignore. I’m not really in any mood to talk. I feel a hole burning into my pocket, I reach into it and pull out a letter I’ve been carrying around for months. A letter I thought about mailing a thousand time, but never had the courage to do so. I unfold it, chug the rest of my drink, and read it for the hundredth time.

Dear Riley,

Today I signed my divorcee papers, my marriage is officially over. If I’m being honest, it was over as soon as I seen you outside the church. Why were you there, Riley? You weren’t supposed to be there for this exact reason. I moved over, or so I thought, but I was happy. I was really happy. I convinced myself to be happy without you, and once I did, you come back. You had no fucking right! You were the one who ended things between us.

The day you decided to leave is forever embedded into my memory. You didn’t believe we could make it work with you in California and me in Texas, but Riley we had no what we have is an extraordinary relationship. It would have made us stronger, but you didn’t give us that opportunity. Instead, you made the decision yourself doing what you thought was best the way you always did. The way I felt once again didn’t matter. You broke me that day.

I want to be furious with you for showing up that day. For ruining the life, I could have had. I met an amazing woman who helped put me back together. I’m supposed to be enjoying the married life with her, but I couldn’t. Every time we were snuggled up on the couch trying to enjoy each other’s company, I’d catch myself staring at the wall. I would see the clock on the wall and wonder where you were tonight. If you were doing the same with someone else because you finally moved on. You were always on my mind. I was supposed to be focused on my marriage, but instead I was wishing that you were the one I was married to.  

Riley, I want to be with you. I know it might be too soon considering I just signed the papers, but I don’t care. I just need to know that you want to be with me. That I didn’t end my marriage for nothing. I love you, Riley. I always have, just please let me prove that to you. Please give me the chance.

Love always,

Lucas

I start to fold it back up, when I feel someone pat my back. “I see you still carry that around with you,” Zay says. He takes the open seat next me to and orders a beer. “You kept ignoring my calls, which is rude by the way. But I knew this is where I’d be able to find you here, especially after Riley called Maya and told her you went to see her.”

I take a drink, “She’s getting married,” I say defeated, and Zay nods. I signal for John to come over, “Can I get another one,” I say shaking the glass, “and can you get rid of this for me,” I pass over the letter to John and he takes it. I watch as he tosses it in the trash.

Zay’s eyes go wide. “It’s was time to throw it away. She’ll never read it, she’s getting married for god sake. When is the big day by the way?”

He takes a sip of his beer, “In about a month.”

I order a shot of the strongest thing he has behind the bar, and once it’s placed in front of me I hold it up, “To Riley. Maybe her marriage will turn out better than mine.” I throw the shot down my throat

Zay and I sit there in silence, well I’m silent. He is talking about who knows what, I’m too zoned out to listen. My thoughts are consumed with Riley, and how I screwed everything up. I pull out of my wallet and slam down some cash on the bar top and push myself up from the stool.

Zay looks at me, “You aren’t going to give up without a fight are you?”

I shake my head, “If you saw the way she looked at me tonight, you would know that he isn’t the one for her. Maybe I’m not seeing clearly, but she looked at me the way she always did. She had love in her eyes. It’s still there I know it is.”

“But you threw the letter away.”

Day 2:  prompt “with a kiss you can strip me defenseless.”

It’s been two years since Lucas picked Maya.

Maya came over one night crying her blue eyes out. I’ve never seen her cry so much. She feared that Lucas was going to pick me instead of her, and I knew he was because that same night he confessed his love to me and I did the same. My heart exploded with fireworks, but all of the bliss I felt disappeared when I saw devastation written all over Maya’s face. She didn’t need to be rejected by another guy in her life. First her father, then my uncle Josh, if I could prevent it. I wasn’t going to let there be a third time. So two years ago, I told Lucas he needed to choose her over me.

It’s been painful to watch them together. A small piece of my heart shatters away every time I watch as they shared a moment, but the piece would repair when Lucas and I would blindly share a moment. Within those two years, I kept the as much distance as I could. I needed to if I wanted to fall out of love with Lucas Friar. I stopped going with them to Topanga’s after school to do homework. I stop going to movies or dinner with any of them. I stopped seeing any of them outside of school.

So, when my dad discussed the idea of us possibly getting a foreign exchange student I thought maybe I could get into a foreign exchange program. I took majority of my summer to convince both of my parents it was a good idea. It proved to be difficult since I chose to spend my summer hours away in Philadelphia. So I mailed letters, emailed power points to them and whenever we video chatted it was almost as if it was a video conference. I needed this to work out, I needed time away from everyone to heal.

When summer was finally coming to an end, I had given up any hope of going. My parents are some tough nuts to crack. When there is only a week left of summer, I knew it was time to go back to New York. I was dreading it. I hadn’t seen or talked to anyone. I was running away from them, so I thought it was right to keep to myself. I took the train back home and my parents were there waiting, both of them wearing huge grins. They said they had a surprise.

The whole way home I can feel the anticipation growing. I know what I’m hoping the surprise would be, but I don’t want to get too excited just yet. When my dad finally pulls into the parking garage, I was sure I was going to lose it. They wear the same grins as we get out and walk into the building and to our apartment.

When we get inside, there are new purple suitcases with a big bow on them. This was their way of telling me I was going to be sending my first semester of junior year in England. They made all the arrangements already. I can’t help but bounce up and down with excitement.

It’s been two days since I’ve been back, and the only person who has come to see me since I’ve been gone is Farkle. I didn’t want to tell anyone about me going England, but eagerness I felt didn’t let me keep in a secret. I told me, and he begged me not to go. I thought if anyone was going support me it would be him, but I was wrong. I made him promise me not to tell anyone, before I told him to leave.

A few more days go by. I maneuver around my room trying to do all of the last minute packing I have to do when a soft knock on my window stops me from moving across my room. When I look over, I see Farkle standing there with sad eyes. I stay frozen in my spot staring back at him. I know why he I here. He’s the only one that knows I leave tomorrow.

“Please unlock the window Riley,” his voice is muffled by the think piece of glass separating the two of us. I drag my feet across my cold floor to the bay window and hover my hand over the lock. “Please,” he says softly.

I stare into his eyes, and I can see them pleading me to open up. If I do, he’ll just convince me not to leave but it’s something I need to do. So instead of unlocking the window, I draw the curtains shutting him out. I don’t want to see anyone in the group right now.

I continue to move about grabbing my belongings and placing them into my suitcases. I’m excited to leave. I still haven’t told anyone I’m going to England for the semester. Not ten minutes after I pushed Farkle away, I hear another knock at my window. This time the knock it more impatient.

“I thought you’d get the hint I needed to be alone Farkle,” I say as I saunter to my covered window. I pull the curtains back and my eyes go wide. I met by green eyes that have always made me weak in the knees.

“Please let me in.” I don’t hesitate to reach for the lock. I have no self-control when it comes to him. He’s almost like a drug and whenever I can have a taste. I’m going to. “I needed to see you,” he says pulling himself through the window. “You’ve been gone all summer, and I knew you’d have to be here since school starts tomorrow.” He looks around my room and his eyes land on my bed, “Where are you going?”

“Away,” I say under my breath. “Wh-what,” I swallow the lump in my throat, “what are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be with Maya?”

He stares at me trying to lock eyes with me, but I keep my eyes locked down on my hands. “Maya and I aren’t together anymore. We ended everything at the beginning of summer. You would have known if you were around.”

“I needed to get away, especially after-“

“After I kissed you on the last day of school,” he cuts me off and I nod my head.

“You shouldn’t have done that,” I whisper still not lifting my gaze.

“Look at me please,” he put his two fingers under my chin puling my head up. “I can see it in your eyes how hurt you are.”

Tears start to fill my eyes as a menacing laugh escapes my lips, “Of course I’m hurt Lucas! You picked Maya over me!”

“You told me to!” he shouted.

His tone sends a shiver down my body, “And you listened.” I whisper. “You didn’t object the idea once.” A single tear falls down my cheek, “I wanted you to fight for me, but instead you didn’t. I watched as you and Maya shared kisses, laughs, everything that you were supposed to be sharing with me.” More tears escape, “I thought you would fight for me, but you didn’t.”

“I didn’t know I had a choice. I didn’t want to hurt you Riley.”

I brush the tears away, “And how did that work out for you.”

“I love you, Riley,” he says so softly and sincere.

Silence fills the air before I finally speak up, “I think you need to go Lucas. I have to finish up here.”

“I’m guessing I won’t see you tomorrow,” I nod for confirmation. “Will I see you soon?” I shake my head, “Where are you going?”

“I’m going to England.” His eyes go wide. “I need this.”

He wastes no time in embracing me into a hug. I don’t fight, I sink into his hug and I wish I could stay here forever. He pulls away a little and his green eyes meet my brown ones. His face is so close to mine, that I can feel his breath on my lips. It’s taking everything inside of me not to close the gap between us, but he tries to.

“I can’t,” I whisper before his lips can touch mine.

“Please, just once last kiss.”

I pull away shaking my head. “I can’t Lucas. You don’t understand what your kisses do to me. With a kiss you can strip me defenseless, and with you I already have none. I’m scared If I let you kiss me, you’ll ask me to stay and I will.”

His eyes are still locked on mine, “How long will you be gone?”

“Until I feel like my heart is safe from you.”

“If you give me a chance, I can prove to you that I’m worth it. That your heart doesn’t need protecting from me,” his eyes are pleading with me.

“I think you really should leave,” I say lightly pushing him towards to window.

He starts to climb out, and once he finally is he sticks his head in, “I’m going to wait for you Riley Matthews. I made the mistake once of not fighting for you I won’t do it again.”

I try my best to hide small smirk my lips form. “Bye Lucas.”

Rucas Week Day 1 Fluffy Prompt: “Your obsession with animals is getting a little out of hand, don’t you think?” (close enough)

Today, he was going to get married to someone who isn’t me. Today, I lock myself away, so no one can see my tear stained cheeks with my red puffy eyes. Today, I lose the person I love. 

Pounding on my front door drags me out of my sorrow, "Go away!" I yell. 

"Honey, you can't do this. Let me in please." I hear Maya’s voice call out on the other side of the door.

I scoff as I saunter to my front door, and crack it open. "Maya, go to the wedding. I don't need a babysitter. I'm fine. Look at you," I gesture to her champagne dress paired with black heels, "you're dressed. You go."

"Not without you."

I laugh, "You're forgetting one thing. I wasn't invited."

She pushes her way inside, "So what! You’ll be my plus one.” She smiles. “Now, go put on your best dress show him he didn't break you.”

Tears start to sting my eyes, "That's the thing, he did break me. I'm broken Maya!" I sniffle, "I got the first kiss, but she'll get the last. He chose her over me," I whisper. "I can't see that. I can't put myself through that." All the tears have unleashed from my eyes, and I'm now a sobbing mess. 

Maya doesn’t hesitate for a second to embrace me in a tight comforting hug. "I won't go. I'll stay with you, Riles."

"Go to the wedding. He is still your friend, support him." I wipe my tears away. "You can come over after and lie and tell me how awful it was." I let out a small laugh. I know it'll be the opposite of awful, it'll be beautiful. 

"I'm not going to leave you by yourself like this. I'm staying." Maya argues.

“Listen Peaches, you are going. You are going to be happy for him. The way I’m trying to.” I push her towards to the door, “Go, please.”

“You’ll call me if you need me.”

I open the door, “Of course.”

She gives me another hug before she walks out. Once I’m alone, I let all the tears run freely. I curl up on my couch and just hold myself. I lost him. I try to catch my breath, but that proves to be difficult due to my sobs. Maybe I should have gone. Maybe seeing him tie his life to someone else is something I needed to see to know that it is officially over. That there isn’t any hope to hold on to.

Without even thinking about it, I’m up on my feet looking through my closet. I slip on my short red lace sleeve dress with nude pumps. I hurriedly brush out my straight hair and apply some make up to mask the redness and puffiness around my eyes.

Maybe this is a bad idea, but I’m going to that wedding. I’ll just sit in the back and slip out before he has the chance to see me. I pull out my phone to text Maya.

Me

I’m going, no more feeling sorry for myself. Hopefully I make it on time.

I don’t wait long before I get a response.

Maya

Are you sure you’re going to be okay seeing him marry someone else?

Me

No, but it’s what I need to see. I’m leaving now.

The whole way to the church, I can feel my heart thumping against my chest. I’m having second thoughts about this. I don’t think I can go through with seeing him vow to love someone for the rest of his life, when it should have been me he should be vowing to love forever.

I’m standing in front of the stairs that lead to the front door. I can’t go in. I can’t do it. I’m not strong enough to see it.

Me

I’m outside, but I can’t go in. This was a bad idea.

I wait for a response, but I don’t get a text back. The ceremony must have started. This is it. I turn on my heels to walk away when I bump into someone. I try to hide my face because I can feel the tears starting to blur my vision.

“Riley?” I look up at the familiar face. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m sorry. I was just leaving.” I step to the side to go around him. “Sorry about bumping into you Farkle.”

He grabs my hand, and I look up at him, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” I say in a hush tone. “I thought seeing him marry someone else would help me move on, but Farkle I’m scared I’m never going to find anyone like him. Love anyone the way I love him. He was my person and I lost him.” Once again I’m a sobbing mess. I move to wipe my tears, and I see black smears on my hand.

“Riley, you will. I promise.” Farkle says as holds me and I bury my face into the crock of his neck.

I take a deep breath and slowly let it out, “You should get in there. You are already late, work right?”

He nods, “I’m not going to leave you here by yourself Riley. C’mon,” he says pulling me away from the church.

“No,” I shake my head. “I’ll wait for Maya, and I’m pretty sure Smackle is in there waiting for you. You can go. I’ll be fine.” I give him a weak smile.

“I’m not leaving you alone. We can both wait out here. I don’t think you should be alone right now.”

“Thanks Smackle.” I barely manage to get out.

We walk over to a bench that was off to the side of the church, hidden between two trees. Once we sit I pull out a tissue from my clutch, I knew I would need them, to clean the makeup that smeared once I stared crying.

Farkle and I don’t speak as we sit there waiting. I lay my head on his shoulder and wipe away the tears as they escape. I was sitting holding onto hope that Lucas would call off his wedding and come running looking for me, but as time went on I knew it wasn’t going to happen. Maya was right hope is for suckers.

Twenty minutes go by and I hear the church door opens. I feel Farkle turn his head since mine is still on his shoulder. He immediately looks at me. I try to look, but he blocks my gaze.

“I don’t know if you should see.” He says a little weary.

“I need to.” I stand up to hide behind of the trees and peck my head out.

There I see the man that I love. He’s dressed in a tux with a red rose pinned to his jacket. He has his arm wrapped around a beautiful brunette who’s wearing a warm fitting white wedding dress. They both have smiles on their faces. He looks truly happy, they both do, and I can feel my heart breaking even more. I stare longer than I should have; I should have looked away before I seen them share a kiss filled with bliss. I feel a burning sensation in my nose due to the fact that more tears are regenerating in my eyes.

Farkle grabs me and pulls me into a hug, and I fall into it. I feel him brush his fingers through my hair trying to comfort me, but it does no good. This needed to happen. I needed to be fully broken before I move forward.

I feel a hand on my back that startles me. “I can take it from here Farkle.” I don’t need to look to know it’s my Peaches.

I unwrap my arms from Farkle and throw myself at Maya. “Can you take me home?” I feel her shake her head. I pull out of her hold and look at Farkle, “Thank you for staying with me.”

“I’ll always be here.” He gives me one last hug before he walks towards the newlyweds to find his wife.

Maya links her arms with mine and we walk slowly walk away from the church carefully to avoid everyone. I turn my head to get one last look at Lucas. This time my eyes find him. The smile that consumed his face slowly fades away. He quickly looks away and the image of him becomes blurred.

“Come on. Let’s get you home.” Maya says softly. I turn my head forward and watch my steps. I lost him.

A year goes by since the day Lucas married another woman. I didn’t try to stop it, I let it happen. I haven’t seen him since. Not one word, nothing. I don’t ask Maya, Farkle, Smakle, or Zay how he is doing. That is none of my business, and I tell them not to mention me to him. He moved on; he got married. His focus should be his wife.

It’s a Friday night, and I’m enjoying the sound of rain as I grade my students’ essays. I’m surrounded my papers on my couch when a soft knock at my front door pulls my attention away. I stand up and place the papers and red pen on the coffee table. It’s eleven, and I wasn’t expecting anyone.

I open and my eyes go wide. Lucas is standing in front of me soaking wet.

“Hi.” His voice sends chills down my spine

“Wh-what are you doing here Lucas?” I stammer at first. We stand there for a minute staring at each other neither one of us uttering a single word

“Elle and I divorced three months ago.”

“I’m sorry to hear that, but why are you here?”

He clears his throat, “She wasn’t you. I thought I moved on, but she wasn’t you,” I barely hear him.

“I-I still don’t know why you are here Lucas.” I stare at him. I see his green eyes, I always remembered them be filled with life, they’re empty.

“Can I come him?” he asks.

“I don’t th-“ he pushes past me inside my apartment. I never thought this would ever happen me and Lucas alone in my apartment in my living room.

“I need to tell you something Riley and I need you to listen please.”

“Okay,” I mumble.

He takes a deep breath, “I made a mistake that day. I shouldn’t have married Elle. I thought I loved her, I really did, but when I seen you there outside the church I knew right there and then what I just did. The look on your face broke me.” He steps towards me and I take a half step back. I feel the tears start to build in my eyes.

“I tried to push you out of my head and focus on my marriage. I committed myself to her, and I owed it to her to try. No matter what I did though, I couldn’t stop thinking about you and she noticed. Riley, I love you. I want to be with you.” He takes another step towards me, and I take a full one back.

“Lucas, I-I-“ I brush my hair out of my face and his eyes draw to my hand.

“Oh, I see.” He says as his eyes stayed glued to my left hand.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper. “I met someone, his name is James. He makes me happy.” I can see his eyes gloss over with tears, and my heart hurts for him. I never wanted to hurt him. “Lucas you were my first kiss, but I plan on making him my last.”

“I’m sorry I came. I shouldn’t have.” He moves around me to my front door and reaches for the door knob.

“I’m really sorry Lucas.”

He stays frozen in his spot. “No I am. I was the one who ruined everything,” he says without looking back at me. He opens the door and once he is out in the hall he finally turns around to face me. I see a few tears run down his cheeks and I feel my own running down mine. “Bye, Riley.”

“Goodbye, Lucas.” I watch him walk away.

Laura ( @boymeetsgmw ) and Mandy ( @hilaryerhard ) would like to give a big thank you to everyone who participated in Rucas Appreciation Week 2016 for the past 7 days! We are so pleased with all of the participation once again. Everyone’s excitement over and enjoyment of another Rucas Week has made it such a pleasure for both of us to put together. We hope to do another, one way or another, after the season, hopefully in anticipation of Season 4. Thank you once again! <3