#rtn temari

[Summary: Shikadai hated being a witness to his parents’ disgusting PDA]

Shikadai hated public displays of affection, but he hated it even more whenever he witnessed his own parents doing it.

But that’s exactly what he came home to one afternoon after a particularly troublesome D-rank mission, which involved an excessively hyperactive dog. After running around the entire day, he was exhausted and famished by evening.

“I’m home,” he grumbled as the door shut behind him. “Mom, what’s for dinner? His stomach rumbled as he lazily dragged his feet down the hall. He paused when he heard voices and giggles drifting out from the living room.

“Mom?” He peeked inside, and the last thing he expected to find was his dad draped around Temari on the porch.

“Oh, welcome home Shikadai,” his mom greeted back. Shikadai’s eyes narrowed at the bright glint in her eyes.

“You’re home early, dad.” His eyes flew to the clock.

“Well, I had to come home early for my family sometimes. Am I not allowed to spend time with my wife?” He turned his attention back to Temari and they shared a small smile. Shikadai felt goosebumps on his skin at their ‘subtle’ exchange.

“You have your own room for that!” He deadpanned.

“My house, my rules.”

“You mean our house,” Temari purred and clung even more to his arm.

Shikamaru grinned down at her slyly. “How could I forget?”

Ugh. Disgust curled at the pit of his stomach, and he all but ran away from the room when he saw his dad leaning down for a kiss.

After seeing that slimy exchange, Shikadai lost all appetite and decided to head straight to bed. He was hoping to laze around and play video games while waiting for dinner, but now he’d rather sleep it off. His eyes shut the second his head hit the pillow, and darkness took over.

The next time Shikadai opened his eyes, he realized he was sprawled on the ground somewhere outside, his fingers digging into soft soil.

“When did I get outside?” He asked out loud. And more importantly, where was he?

He was at a clearing surrounded by an abundance of trees. A small breeze blew past him and the smell of nature and plants assaulted his nostrils. A quick sweep of his surroundings confirmed that he was in the middle of the Nara forest.

“Hey, are you ok?” A shadow fell over his side. Shikadai tipped his head to look at the stranger’s face and his heart jumped to his throat.

He was staring at a boy who looked exactly like him. Aside from the wacky and oversized glasses over his eyes, both their hair were in ponytails and they wore the same clothes. He scrambled away quickly and stared at the other him as if he saw a ghost. What the hell happened while he was asleep?!

“Oh, hey. You look just like me.” A disturbing grin slowly spread over his double’s face.

No duh. He could only gape, jaw slack, and briefly wondered if he was dreaming.

“How are you so calm in this situation?!” His other self was surprisingly unreactive and only tipped his head at him, as if he was the crazy one. Maybe his eyesight was worse than he’d thought.

He watched his other self ponder for a moment before a wide grin broke out from his face. “You must be my long lost twin!”

“No! Wait, what?” Before Shikadai could respond with anything comprehensible, his ditzy counterpart had already wrapped a hand around his wrist and forcefully dragged him out of the forest.

“I need to show Mama and Papa!” He cheerfully skipped back home, with poor Shikadai in tow. Being dragged by himself was already weird enough, but little did he know things were about to become even stranger.

“Mama! Papa! I found my long lost twin!” He cheerfully announced when he burst inside the house.

Shikadai blinked at the other versions of his parents. Shikamaru looked nearly identical to his dad except for the star-shaped ponytail gathered on top of his head, while Temari’s ponytails drooped towards her shoulders. Both pairs of eyes lit up at their son’s good news.

“Oh? That’s wonderful, Dai-chan! I didn't know we had twins. Shika-chan, did you?”

“No, Mari-chan~”

Shika-chan? Mari-chan? What the hell is going on? Was he stuck in a genjutsu? This was his worst nightmare.

Temari chirped, a bit too happy for Shikadai’s comfort, “What’s your name?”

“S-Shikadai…” He blinked.

“Oh honey, we named both our sons Shikadai! How wonderful!”

“It’s an amazing name, sweetie. I’m glad we thought of it.” Shikamaru enthusiastically pulled her into an embrace and started peppering her with kisses.

Shikadai shuddered. Gross. To his horror, his other self was smiling as he watched the scene unfolding in front of him.

“Oh it’s not yet their smooching hour but they started already. They must be happy to see you!” He said brightly. Shikadai’s eyes twitch.

Smooching hour? Someone kill me. He scrunched up his nose in disgust. As annoying as his parents were, they would never explicitly make out in front of him.

“Are you...enjoying this?” He dared to ask. His worst fears were confirmed when Shikadai energetically nodded at him.

“Yep! When I grow up I wanna be just like them!”

“YOU WHAT?” It came out a bit louder than he’d wanted.

Shikadai would sooner dig a hole for himself than grow up to be like...that.

Now is a good time to wake up from whatever genjutsu someone casted on him. He turned away when they got more heated. He wanted to scream, but luckily for him his wishes were heard. Shikamaru swept Temari off her feet and waltzed up to their bedroom, leaving a very excited Shikadai and his traumatized ‘twin’.

“Oh! Is this the day they finally give me a sibling?!” Shikadai wanted to stab himself with a kunai. Is this his punishment? Did his parents cast him in a genjutsu while he was asleep?

Before he could wrap his head around today’s surreal turn of events, Shikadai grabbed his arm again and started dragging him up to follow them.

“C’mon, let’s go watch!”

“No, we are not! LET GO OF ME YOU WEIRDO!” He desperately shook away from Shikadai’s grasp and turned his heels into a run.

“Why’re you running away?! Come back, twinny!”

“NO! AND I AM NOT YOUR TWIN!” In all his time as a ninja, he had never ran so fast in his life.

“Come back!” Shikadai yelped when Shikadai started chasing after him and only willed his legs to run faster. How the hell could he be so fast?! He was so mortified and only concerned with getting away, he didn’t notice the gigantic tree in front of him. He slammed into it with full force and blacked out.

——

Shikadai’s eyes cracked open. He sat up so fast his head spun. Groggy from sleep, he tried to recall the last thing he remembered and gasped. He nearly died from being chased by his very dumb and clueless alter ego. He almost had a panic attack before realizing he was back in his own bed, trembling under the thick blanket.

“Shikadai! Breakfast!”

Mom?

He jumped to his feet and tackled Temari the moment she opened the door.

“You’re back to normal!” He screamed in relief when he caught a glimpse of her gravity-defying hair.

Temari broke away from his embrace and shot him a weird look. “What do you mean normal? Nara Shikadai, you better have a good explanation for this.”

Shikadai couldn’t even bother to feel scared. In fact, he was even more elated to have his strict and angry mother back. He tackled her back into a hug and clung on as if he would never let go again.

“Wow. You’re such a momma’s boy,”

He had never been happier to see his father’s pineapple hair. “Dad! You’re back to normal too.”

Shikamaru leveled him with a look and turned towards Temari for an explanation. “Did he hit his head while he was asleep?”

Temari could only shrug in response.

Shikadai happily inhaled Temari’s familiar scent and made a mental note never to complain about his lovey dovey parents ever again. He was finally back to where he belongs.

—————-

Disclaimer: No Shikadai was harmed in the making of this fic. Only brain cells.