Every time I think abt Apollo’s dumb ass I get even more obsessed with him. He presents himself as having no filter but that is NOT TRUE because not even a fraction of what’s going on in his head falls out of his mouth which means that every time he says some absolutely stupid shit it was a DECISION.
Every day Apollo wakes up and chooses to say the dumbest shit you have ever heard. He has so much time to contemplate whether it’s worth bringing this nonsense into the world and every time he chooses to let the demons out.
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Something I really appreciate about TOA that I don’t see get talked about much is that I never get the sense that Apollo finds Lester ugly.
For all that he complains about the body he’s stuck in, I never got the feeling that it came from a distaste for Lester himself. When he sees Lester’s traits reflected in others, like Meg being chunky, he is completely unaffected by it. Finds it charming, even. (In fact, the only times I can remember him having Opinions about how someone looks is when they’ve chosen something about their appearance that he either approves or disapproves of, like a tacky jacket/hair cut or when he finds someone attractive. The only time I can remember him calling anybody ugly was when he pointed out that Dionysus was choosing to look as ugly as possible to piss of Zeus, which is a statement of fact and doesn’t necessarily mean he thinks that Dionysus’ form is actually ugly. He makes no mention of finding it so before or after that line. It’s a statement of fact that Dionysus is choosing a form that either he or Zeus finds ugly to piss off their dad.)
The thing about Lester is that he is so devastatingly mortal. He has flab and acne and no upper body strength and his voice squeaks when he’s nervous and he sweats a lot and he has a silly name and messy, curly hair that’s impossible to tame. He is the Most Teenager To Ever. There is no godly blood running through his veins, no powers he can call upon. If Apollo were to run into him in the street, I don’t think he’d pay him much mind. He’d probably just think, “sweet kid”, and move on. If he got to know him, I think Apollo would adore him because that’s just who rrverse!Apollo is. He loves mortals despite himself, flaws and all. He’d argue against anything bad Lester had to say about his own appearance and mean every word.
The problem is that it’s Apollo in this body. Apollo, The Golden Child, the perfect son, a God. His distaste for this body is because Lester is so devastatingly mortal and imperfect. Apollo has to be perfect, he has to be shiny and pretty and strong because he has nothing else to offer otherwise.
And.. I dunno, there’s something about Apollo hating the things that draw him to others when it’s him. The flaws that he tears apart in himself he finds endlessly charming on others, or he thinks that they have better reasons for why they have them, or he thinks they have enough positive traits to counteract them. The positive things that he hides deep enough that even the reader can’t see right away, like his kindness and genuine desire to understand and connect with everyone around him, that he’s shocked to find directed at him in turn.
That Apollo accepting himself and reclaiming his personhood leads to him being comfortable with being Lester, imperfect and mortal as he is. That he takes that imperfection back with him to Olympus… I dunno man I’m Emotional. Also it’s just plain nice that Lester is never treated as ugly for looking like a normal ass teenager, even by the guy stuck in this body. That’s neat.
Or maybe I’m just rambling and this means nothing at all and I’m reading too far into Blorbo from my books.
Headcanon Dump - Hermes & Apollo ft. Dionysus (Riordanverse)
Because I have a mountain of these and if I don’t organize them they will be completely incoherent. Under a cut for length.
- Apollo basically raised Hermes, for all the value of “raised” when concerning gods.
- Maia did not want to be a mother, and had no idea how to. She tried, and did care about Hermes, but was secretly relieved when Hermes took to following Apollo everywhere. Zeus was really perfecting his parenting style of the day, which was caring about his kids from a distance (he had other priorities, they were not really near the top) and occasionally popping in to give some Fatherly Advice or have bonding moment (omg taking his kids fishing…deadbeat dad core for REAL) before fucking off again like “parental control duties DONE I am SUCH a good dad. See you again in like 50 years, sport!” It was particularly bad when Hermes was born.
- Hermes followed Apollo around for a solid couple hundred years, acting as his shadow pretty much. It drove Athena and Artemis CRAZY. Apollo’s extroverted ass was completely baffled by people being off put by his baby brother basically being attached to his back. He’s not gonna bother you he’s just gonna hang out?? What’s the problem??
- Hermes stayed in a younger form for a looong time because he knew Apollo would never say no to him if he looked cute enough. Until he got hit with the depression beam, he kept whipping that form out whenever he got in trouble. He’s baby, your honor, you can’t be mad at a BABY
- Hermes held Dionysus for 2 seconds before he decided he was willing to die for this little guy. The couple hours after he was born were spent by Hermes holding him up to random family members and going “LOOK AT HIM HES SO SMALL” and the family members going “Hermes please do your job”
- When Dionysus joined Olympus, Hermes eagerly took him under his wing in a similar manner to Apollo taking on Hermes. Not as much weird parental responsibility though. But he was still following Apollo everywhere so Apollo got TWO mischievous shadows. Much to Artmemis’ dismay. Why are there TWO OF THEM
- All they ever had to do was duck behind Apollo and he’d defend them against whoever they’d pissed off now even when they were 100% in the wrong. Especially when they were 100% in the wrong, honestly.
- Zeus and Hermes’ relationship has a lot of layers (a post for another time) but the bare bones basics is that early on Zeus just thought he was a Clown (that’s my funny boy <3) and nowadays he’s Zeus’ under appreciated, overworked personal assistant. Although he’s kind of been Zeus’ lapdog since the beginning. Father Please Notice Me I am not as shiny as Apollo but I can roll over so nice pls pls pls
- Hermes has not had a nap in the past century somebody please help him. Give your local delivery man a nice tip because he has like 20 other domains and would rather be doing Literally Anything Else. And also a hug maybe, the most contact he ever gets is when he brushes hands with whoever he’s giving a package. Somebody get this man a paid vacation he has been holding Olympus together with duct tape
- Hermes has the worst case of Middle Child Syndrome Known To Man
- Hermes and Artemis like each other! Shockingly. For reasons unrelated to Apollo, even. They just like to hang out. Hermes is one of the two Olympians she’s happy to be around <3
- Apollo has tried, with varying success, to get Hermes and Athena to be friends. The results have been… mixed.
- Athena, Apollo and Hermes will occasionally have absolutely legendary verbal smackdowns. So brutal that it would actually evaporate a mortal on the spot. Indescribable, really. Anyone who overhears them will never mentally recover,
I do not like Frederick Chase in the slightest, don’t get me wrong, but I do sympathize with him and other Athena mortal parents. I mean, with the other gods, there’s usually some kind of relationship beforehand - even if it’s just a one-night stand, there’s still some kind of situation that could, feasibly, result in a kid. Dropping single parenthood on someone is an absolute dick move, obviously, with little to no support and a child who will likely die before they hit 25 making the whole deal extra rotten, but there is, if nothing else, the knowledge that what you are doing could result in a kid. Like if you had a one night stand with some lady and a kid shows up on your doorstep then you’re at least aware that this was a possible consequence, even if you don’t know about the god thing.
Athena doesn’t do that. Athena doesn’t date or have sex with anyone. She meets a mortal who she likes the brain of and just… makes them a kid?? With supposedly no prior knowledge or consent from the other party. They have no way of knowing that their 3-hour debate with Some Smart Lady will make them a single parent. What’s crazier is that Annabeth says Athena kids are claimed from BIRTH. Which means they’re attacked by monsters from birth.
So like, imagine you’re a college-aged kid and you meet some lady that you enjoy being around and debating with. You have a nice, solid relationship that sort of resembles a couple but is solidly platonic. She helps you get into University and pass your classes. You have never done anything romantic, and she was very clear on her status as ace/aro (not in those exact words). Then she reveals her status as a God, drops a kid on your front door, tells you that she is yours to deal with and she will NOT be taking her back because she has to be raised by her mortal parent, who is you, by the way, congratulations, (don’t ask how she has half of your genetic material despite never having sex with this woman) oh and also monsters will be attacking her (and by extension, you) literally from the moment she opens her eyes. (They are already open, by the way.) Then she dips, never to be seen again, no child support in sight, and now everyone thinks you knocked up some poor woman who couldn’t handle the pressure. You Did Not. Also the kid is smarter than you and you’re like 23. Like Frederick is an absolute DICK, don’t get me wrong, but I do sympathize with him.
Of course, it’s possible that she informs her chosen mortals about her status as a god, as well as the children they will be receiving. But considering Frederick is said to have begged her to take Annabeth back, this implies that she either didn’t tell him about Annabeth, OR she DID tell him about her, he said no, and then she made Annabeth anyway and forced him to take her even though he didn’t want her. She definitely told him about being a god eventually, but we have no way of knowing if she was upfront about it or waited for who knows how long. (Considering her rrverse personality, I’d assume she’d tell him - and by extent, the other mortals - early on, but there really isn’t any way to know)
….yes I know about Darren and Apollo. Who knows how that went down, honestly. I like to think Apollo at least told this guy about the kid beforehand. I’m curious why he did that in the first place, honestly?? What is it about this Specific Guy that made him be like “yeah I need to have a kid with this dude.” Does he do this to all his male lovers?? Was Darren Informed?? Mr Riordan I have Questions
