random ddlc rambles: a reading of act 1 monika that isn't related to "i know we're in a game" meta characterization
a.k.a.: a POV from a watcher/player ignorant of the whole "unreality existential crisis" thing. You can argue that Monika's point is being a meta character, BUT this is a pure speculation type of analysis (as if we're analyzing a series that isn't concluded yet)
Watched someone try to interpret Monika (before Act 2), and being completely stumped by her poems and the epiphany... it was so weird to me. Because discounting all the meta things we all know about her later on, her epiphany seemed more obvious to me. I thought she was discovering something about herself, particularly neurodivergence.
First poem: "I thought it was something wrong with the outside, but it's something wrong with me" - typical self blame of someone with internalized ableism. "I thought it's other people who can't follow my meticulous planning... but it's just me who is too much of a control freak all along!"
Peering into a new perspective: a perspective of a neurotypical person who does things so differently, whose life is considered "more whole" and "more real" than anyone who doesn't fit the standard...
Coupled with her hatred of political scheming of the debate club and being popular, and ending up creating her own club? She Does Not Like social climb manipulation bullshit. High school is infamously harsh for that, especially for students perceived as female.
Also, I think she has a very practiced (and frankly intimidating to the MC) way of speaking, to overcompensate for her "wrong" expressions (too much expression, flat affect, lack of empathy, speech impediment, or anything seen as "bad" and "antisocial" by neurotypical people). It's a Practiced Thing.
Second poem: the whole "overload/meaningless" thing feels like an autistic sensory overload, and the metaphorical "playing an X on a Y" lines were kinda like "I'm disabled in an abled world. I have to control so much just to get here" or "I do not fit the way other people live. I don't fit in with society"
"Save Me/Load Me" -> wanting to be saved from "existing wrong", or wanting to be able to repeat to before she knew this. Because ignorance would've been bliss for her. Knowing that you're, say, have a developmental disability or personality disorder? You'd be more aware of the stigma, of the struggles... Or wanting to repeat social interactions, so she wouldn't fuck up from the overload the 2nd time around.
and the whole piano thing -> "what if I have something I enjoy?" but then she falls into the trap of perfectionism instead of enjoying herself, because she's been keeping up that image for so long...
Anyway, I know this is super messy rambling, but it was just my 2 cents.
Please practice basic decency and respect while responding to this post, I block liberally. Thank you kindly for reading! :D
