#rpediarp

You can go to somewhere new. Explore! There’s a whole wide web of sites that want to encourage you to roleplay, from forums to chatrooms. I keep a list here that anyone can reply to and add places to check out, and that I add to whenever I move sites. I haven’t for some time actually, because each new fandom I move to, and each new group has been found and expanded on that very large very open site. (Thanks F-list!). When you join a new site, you can usually find someone, somewhere, willing to chat with you. They may not be the kind of partner you want right that second because they aren’t what you’re used to, but talk to them anyways. Work your way to RP for the sake RP with a new person, and you can find people you didn’t realize you’d be so close to, because you simply were busy with people you already were close to! Offer enough chances, and something will pan out.

Try speed dating. Like the sound of quick semi-meaningless RPs to check for Chemistry? Omegle, Cherubplay, MSPARP, even Chatroulette in an emergency. Just set your standards to how you like, make sure you suggest “roleplay” and your fandom name of choice on Chatroulette and Omegle, and then play out random little abstract tidbits about your characters meeting. You can find really interesting people like this, who might be willing to toss a Tumblr handle or Skype handle your way where you can find each other again and start roleplaying in a bigger way. Many of the users on these sites either don’t have a solid constant flow of RP elsewhere (which means they may be open to a tighter bond with someone) or they’re shopping for neat people to share with others. You can build patter, and teach yourself to be more social through these cold start prompts. It’ll force you to drop some habits you’ve gotten used to with other people, and open your mind to new people.

Try going out and doing other things, or finding new fandoms. Oh look, personal growth! You’re free, instead of lost. You’ve got no roots and therefore can meander into anything you find interesting. Something maybe your past partners were tentatively interested in, or not interested at all so you set it aside. Watch a new series, get addicted, get fresh ideas and try new OCs. Do something you’ve never done before, and you’ll find people who were connected to those things the whole time. When you finally get into those things, you’’ meet people you’ve never met. The RP world is basically a giant net, and everyone is connected via interests, threads, and other people. If you put yourself out there on a thread or in a chatroom and just talk about something new, you’ll be visible to new people, and if you share interests and chemistry with these new people... Well the obvious happens. You’ll end up chatting, possibly making friends, and since you both like RP if you stick to RP sites, you might actually get into another group. Just because your group is dead, doesn’t mean there aren’t living ones looking to suck in someone of interest who used to be busy! Don’t be afraid to approach people just to talk, or to work out a plot.

Hang out on Public Chats/Forums. Be yourself, in front of other people! Related to all of my points a little, if you’ve been in a private chat, or a private Skype, a closed tumblr, or a private forum you haven’t had much time to get out and be seen. You’re basically a stranger to the internet. Someone who hid themselves in the ancient caves to practice their art, unseen for centuries before bursting onto the scene. If you become seen, people will check you out. People who may not approach you at first until they get a nice sense of you. If you’re nice to whoever comes to you, no matter their RP quality, you’ll have people who may be really good, but really shy, find you safe. If they find you safe, they’ll approach you, and you can bond with them. If you play long enough in public, you’ll get regulars, and friends. When you have friends and regulars, they may play with each other in public using you as a jumping off point for why they are interacting. You’ll help them greet people they would never meet on their own. As that gets bigger, this Katamari of Roleplay will build and build until you have your own little niche/clique/community within the larger landscape. All this, just by being visible, and good natured/interesting in public, regularly.

Roleplaying wasn’t hard to get into the first time you did it, I have a feeling. Sure it was big and new and a little intimidating, but you didn’t know what to expect. You wanted to learn, interact. You didn’t have any solid ideas of what was going to happen, or memories of people who were fantastic players you were really close to. Your friends mean something, and they always will. But you’re allowed to have more friends. You’re allowed to open up, socially, and try everything as if it’s brand new again.

Let yourself be hesitant, but don’t be afraid to jump in! Jump into everything! Everywhere! Explore your new characters through writing fanfics or short stories. Work on profiles. Design worlds. Design life. Come up with concepts. Play with yourself, by writing by yourself. Maybe in public. Let yourself do crack-play, or bullshit you wouldn’t do because you have a higher standard now. If it’s fun, it’s fantastic! It doesn’t matter what other people think. You’ll find somewhere, as long as you openly invite interaction in your posts. No hanging out in corners sipping tea, no yawning, no sitting by yourself hoping someone will get curious. 

Name drop, in narration not vocally for your character unless they know the names. Interact with other posts. Someone do something silly? Laugh about it. React to the people around you. Invite them to react back. Allow them to see you want to play with them. As long as you actively seek out other people, and actions instead of trying to lead everything yourself you’ll end up getting the ball rolling on new RP friendships.

Interest can be anything from playing a character that is unique, to playing a character doing something other people haven’t seen a thousand times which has something that they will notice. Be it sound, visual stimuli, smells, emotions, or even sense of touch. Don’t be obnoxious and grab strangers or attack people out of no where. For the love of god, poking will annoy a lot of people. But maybe, sit down and set up a board game. Roll some dice loudly. Start laughing at something on your cellphone, and look around for someone to share it with. People will jump on open interactions like that. Especially if you make a note you’re looking for someone to do so. Glancing around for help, literally calling out, ‘Hey anyone wanna join me?’ shit like that. 

Pretend you’re in public in the real world, in New York. They pretty much ignore things that are wacky and abnormal unless they explicitly involve them in the action. Not by touching, so much because that’s kind of creepy and assault in some cases, but by vocalizing and calling out. “Hey! You!” yelled at the big guy in the corner will get their attention. Emotion and shit, tone of voice. Are you curious, snappish, excited, angry? It brings elements to RP to draw new people in.

And of course, skim their profiles if they have any. OOC sections and ‘likes and dislikes’ and other important ‘Please don’t do this’ things should be known if you are approaching someone new. It takes 15 seconds, and could save you from calling out someone, and demanding a fight, from someone who doesn’t like fight RP. Or who doesn’t want to play anything you find interesting. Everyone’s different, and honestly, it takes a few extra seconds to make things so much easier on everyone else.

I also suggest the tag #RPediaRP for everyone trying to find partners! Look, the tag’s empty right now. But if you use the tag on here, on Omegle, on Twitter, anywhere you can use a tag system? People looking at it because I just advertised it to over 6.5k people, might see you. Say hi! Mention that you’re looking for asks, or replies. Say you’d like to chat about stories. Give a summary of you and your character. See who shows up to the party. #RPediaRP is 100% user generated, not me, but it’ll let people find each other. I get a lot of fucking asks about advertising and finding each other. Using that tag to post open starts, and stuff like that will get that community participation in a smaller area. Ya’ll are good RPers right? GET OUT THERE. GET SEEN!

Advertising a tag to help ya’ll find other RPedia readers who want RP aside, that’s great advice and I’ll repeat it 30 thousand times. Get seen. Make friends. Interact. You got this, it’s all a matter of self advertisement and trying.

Emotionally, I would like to touch upon recovery. You have just experienced a major loss. An RP network is a support network. It’s friendships, and building a world that feels real and unique. Even though it’s fictional, it still has the same value as face-to-face relationships in terms of support, interaction, social ties, and emotion. You still feel love for them, kinship, understanding. You’ve learned their tics, and how they interact with one another. You’ve gotten close to these people, and having those ties severed feels like shit.

Reach out to them, some of them may be feeling the same way and you can continue on your journey with people who already understand you. People who care about you, and don’t want to lose contact. Maybe some of your friends are more healthy by going on their way? But sharing your life with someone you’re used to, and who will remember things can make the loss less sharp. Just don’t hyperfocus on them and force them to be your entire social network, they’ll get tired, resentment will brew. Remember to keep reaching outwards, and never focus all your attention on just one person. It’s unhealthy and ends up making everyone kinda upset in the end.

You still matter, even though you’ve lost things. You’re a person, and roleplaying means something to you. It’s an interest or hobby that can help you grow as a person and really see the world, and meet people. You’ll do things you can never hope to do in real life. So, in a way, roleplay can heal what roleplay has harmed. Don’t abuse it, and make yourself the center of every sad story, but you can hint as losing friends, or missing people and get a little bit of coddling. Here and there, a light dusting of sad spice. It can be cathartic if you’re not heavy handed.

Give yourself time to heal. Rest up, you’ve been through something. It might take you 5 minutes to be fresh as a daisy, or months or years to get over that loss. Everyone’s different. You might go through all the stages of grief, or you might go ‘well.... time to move on’ and find something to distract you entirely. It’s okay, no matter what you choose to do, or well, not choose, but have to experience because your brain is a mean little thing that pushes various chemicals whether you ask it to or not.

You’re going to be fine, experiencing pain and loneliness is normal. It’s normal to feel both loss and grief, and love and sentimental warmth. Look back on it as something amazing, something you loved, and look for new challenges. New purpose, relief, and happiness is in your future. You are not lost for good, you’re just... in-between roleplay partners. You’ll get new ones, the urge to write and tell stories never leaves you entirely.