I Only Have Pies for You
Author: witchy Prompts: horror; can’t wait to leave; give it another try Group: B
“When was the last time you pissed yourself?” David looked at Ariel over the thin slip of paper in his hands. “Really?”
“Answer the question,” Jefferson sang, eyes on his recording smartphone. “Or you’ll get a pie in the face.”
David rubbed the back of his neck self-consciously. “Man…college, I think. I was drunk.”
“Acceptable.” Ariel said. She shook the fish bowl, filled with dozens of identical papers, folded into squares. “Draw another.”
“I already drew one.”
“The rules are draw three, unless you get pied. You get another try,” she said, shaking the bowl for emphasis.
He rolled his eyes, glaring at Jefferson’s phone. “Do you have to record everything?”
“It’s for posterity.”
“And Ruby was so upset that she couldn’t make it tonight,” Ariel added. “We can’t let her miss out on any of the fun.”
David shook his head, reaching into the bowl, then unfurling another paper.
“Have you ever cheated?” David read. He opened his mouth, taken aback, then promptly closed it. “Oh, uh, nah.”
“You hesitated!” Ariel shrieked. “Has Mr. Goody Two Shoes gone and strayed?”
Mary Margaret, on her third glass of wine, giggled as she came up behind her fiance, wrapping an arm around his waist. “He was married when we started dating.”
“That was a lie,” Jefferson said gleefully. “Ariel, if you’ll do the honors.”
“Best close your eyes.” She exchanged the fish bowl for a pie tin, filled to the brim with whipped cream, promptly aiming for David’s face. She was sure to smear it around, not wasting any of the dessert. When she pulled back, David’s face was a mask of cream, some dripping down onto the front of his shirt.
Mary Margaret’s giggles increased, turning to delighted squeals as David tried to pull her in for an open-mouthed kiss.
Jefferson filmed it with a smile. “Who’s next?” he asked.
“How about you, Mr. Gold?” Ariel asked, having reclaimed the fish bowl. “Want to try your hand at Truth or Pie?”
Gold pursed his lips. He had known it was a mistake to let Jefferson plan a Valentine’s Day party. If it were up to him, the office would have skipped this holiday (and every other one) completely, but then he wouldn’t have heard the end of it.
That didn’t mean he had to participate.
“I know you’re new here, Arial, but that is the look of impending unemployment.”
Their eyes turned to Belle, holding a cup of punch from the refreshment table. She held it out to Gold. “Here.”
He made no move to take it. “You’re not my secretary outside working hours, Miss French.”
“You look like you can’t wait to leave,” she said rolling her eyes fondly. “I thought maybe if you if you had something to drink you’d have a reason to stay.”
Gold scoffed, moving out of Jefferson’s camera sight after taking the cup. It would have been rude not to, after she went through the trouble.
“Belle, how about you go next?” Jefferson said, nudging Arial.
Belle eyed the pair, Jefferson holding a newly loaded pie tin and his cell phone, Arial eagerly holding out the bowl.
“You have nothing to fear,” he said with his charming smile. “Provided you tell the truth.”
Belle smirked, playing along. “Sure, Jeff, cause you’re absolutely to be trusted with that.”
He winked as she pulled out a slip. Uncurling it, she read, “What was the last text you sent?” She frowned. “Oh, I can’t remember. I haven’t been on my phone all day.”
“You have fifteen seconds to check,” he said in his sing-song voice, holding the pie up suggestively.
“Oh, you—” Belle scrambled to pull her phone from her pocket, glad that her skirt today had one. She flicked open her messenger app. “Last sent was to Ruby.”
“Great. You have to read it aloud.”
She opened the conversation with a long-suffering sigh. “I really wish Gold would just—” with a look of horror, Belle slapped a hand over her mouth. “I can’t read that!”
“Well,” Arial said, stepping back. “I guess that means….”
“Pie to the face!” Jefferson barely gave her enough time to close her eyes before her nose was touching the bottom of a pie tin, the foil warmed by his hand. She coughed as he pulled it back, and suppressed a shudder as she felt a large dollop slide down her cheek.
“You just ruined my makeup. I hope you’re happy,” Belle said miserably, taking the paper towels that Leroy was offering her.
When she had managed to wipe the worst of the mess from her face, she looked around for Mr. Gold, hoping that he hadn’t been paying their silly game any attention. Being pied in front of him was embarrassing enough, let alone having to think of a good cover for what her text to Ruby had said. A quick scan of the room though, showed that Mr. Gold had gone.
Relief battled with disappointment at his disappearance. Maybe that meant he hadn’t heard any of it at all.
I really wish Gold would just…lighten up.
The sounds of the happy party were silenced as Gold shut the door to his office. He limped to his curio cabinet, not looking at which decanter he pulled out.
I really wish Gold would just…jump from his office window.
He poured himself two fingers, swallowed it with a flick of his wrist. He hardly winced at the burn. He poured more, then moved to sit at his desk, taking the whiskey with him.
I really wish Gold would just disappear.
A thousand possibilities to the ending of Belle’s text swam in his head. He knew he was aloof. He knew he kept his employees at arms length. He knew he was harsh and sharp-edged, his criticism sometimes even unwarranted.
As a rule, Gold didn’t care what people thought of him. He hadn’t realized until Belle read her message that he cared very much what she thought.
Belle, with her sunny smiles and bright skirts, who laughed at all his inappropriate jokes and was far more competent and interesting than any other secretary he had ever had.
I really wish Gold would just stop staring at me like a pervert.
At least she had had the decency to not blurt whatever she thought of him for the world to hear, even if they’d more than likely agree.
What a stupid game. He never should have given Jefferson the okay.
I really wish Gold would just—
There was a loud knock at his door. He elected to ignore it, taking another drink instead. He wasn’t sure how long he had sat there brooding, but it wasn’t long enough.
The handle turned, and the intruder walked in.
“If you really wanted privacy,” Jefferson said, undaunted by Gold’s glare, “you should have just locked the door.”
“What do you want?”
Jefferson closed the door behind him, then leaned against the polished wood. “Just because Ruby had to be at a wedding tonight doesn’t mean she was away from her phone. She was delighted to hear about David and his first marriage, by the way.”
He pulled out his phone, and started twiddling with the screen, as if to illustrate his point. Not that Gold particularly cared at the moment.
“Get out.”
“And she was only too happy to forward me Belle’s text message.” Jefferson looked up at him, smirking, a mischievous look gleaming in his eye.
Gold heard more then felt his own smartphone buzz in his desk drawer.
“Ruby’s been such a dear and screenshotted a lot of their convos. That’s actually pretty tame,” Jefferson said, nodding at his desk. “I can send you the rest, if you want.”
“That is an incredible invasion of her privacy,” he snarled, forcing his hands to stay where they were.
Jefferson shrugged. “So write us up to HR. Just thought you’d rather know for sure what your lovely secretary was keeping from you.” He tipped an imaginary hat, then slipped out the door to rejoin the party.
Gold stared at his desk, hesitating only a moment more before rifling for the bloody phone, his curiosity and masochistic nature getting the best of him.
What he read when he opened the message made him nearly swallow his tongue:
I really wish Gold would just bend me over my desk and fuck me till neither of us could walk straight.
He stared at the small screen for what felt like hours. Gold could so easily rejoin the party, try to talk with Belle like a normal person would. Apparently, she would welcome his attention, maybe even accept an invite to dinner. All he had to do was stand up and pretend that he had never read her message to Ruby. Or maybe he should come clean about it, right away. He wondered how she would react to that.
He took a last gulp of his whiskey, finishing what was left in his glass.
He needed another drink.
###
