Assassin's Apprentice re-read thoughts
okay I know some people make fun of the virtue names but I really love them
okay I'll be honest I've never understood quite when in the timeline fitz is writing all of this - I thought at first between farseer and tawny man, but he says Fedwren and Patience are encouraging this so that can't be right? it seems like Hap is there with him as a child if I'm remembering details correctly??
"I think myself cured of all spite, but when I touch pen to paper, the hurt of a boy bleeds out" :(
I truly can't remember right now if the split in fitz' memory here is later shown to be skill-related, but the (almost) complete lack of memory of anything before his grandfather gave him up does smell
I wonder though how much of it is something he did to himself - we definitely know fitz avoids painful emotions/memories if he can; even though later he seems to have some small memories of his mere, he otherwise acts as though there's nothing before Moonrise. I'd think they were given up to the dragon later except when he gets those memories back I don't think he mentions anything about his childhood? much to think about, much of which I may be wrong about........
"Sometimes I wonder about that grip. The hand was hard and rough, trapping mine within it. And yet it was warm, and not unkind as it held mine. Only firm." I'd be more inclined to think maybe this is a sign that grandpa wasn't cruel, only desperate - but I know how fitz is with family and what he considers kindness, so....
"I can still hear the words perfectly, the desperation in a voice that now would sound young to my ears." :((((
ok but so, if we're assuming this IS all written by fitz when hap was little, then he would be, what, mid-20s? he's 35 in tawny man and hap is old enough to go out on his own but always seems like a young boy in the bits between fitz' writings - so if we're to assume that his mere was, at most, roughly his age when he's writing this, she was like 18-20 when she had keppet, or younger! so roughly fitz age when nettle was born!
"the old man stooped and snatched up a frozen chunk of dirt ice. Wordlessly he flung it, with great force and fury, and I cowered where I stood." yeah, see? firm but not cruel my ass
"he suddenly dropped my hand and instead gripped me by the back of my coat and swung me forward, like a whelp offered to a prospective new owner." "For not a man will have her now, not a man, not with this pup running at her heels." and so fitz being compared to animals/dogs begins......
"'my daughter gives me to understand [Chivalry] knows he fathered a bastard on her.'" which fascinates me! is keppet's mere telling the truth? and if she is??? did Chivalry ever see keppet? or did he just hear from her that she was pregnant? how? how much did he know??? Chivalry when I get you the questions I have.....
questions that will never be answered because he's a ghost! you never see him! even before he's dead he's just a phantom in this story! always just missed him, always somewhere else
"He wore a short dark beard, as bushy and disorderly as his hair, and his cheeks were weathered about it. Heavy brows were raised above his dark eyes. He had a barrel of a chest, and shoulders that strained the fabric of his shirt. His fists were square and work-scarred, yet ink stained the fingers of his right hand." oh Verity.
first of all, what a good first description, you learn so much from it right away - you see more of it later, but you can already start to put together Verity is the most 'of the people' and down-to-earth of the princes (vs Chivalry's almost-too-good-ness that makes him a bit detached from the people as much as he seemed to love them), but not completely brawn > brain - work-scarred and ink-stained hands! AND what a contrast between his introduction and his last descriptions!
that said, my feelings towards Verity are going to be much more complicated on this re-read than my first time through. I really want to like him still but.
"'The boy looks well tended. I give it a week, a fortnight at most, before she's whimpering at the kitchen door because she misses her pup.'" presumably her father didn't let her or something else stopped her because it seems clear that Mere (which I'll just have to call her from now on) did adore keppet
also, Boy count: 5 by page 7, + another "pup"
"'Here, boy, what do they call you?' [...] 'Boy,' I said. I do not know if I was merely repeating what he and the guardsman had called me, or if I truly had no name besides the word." we know Keppet did have a name, but it's not unlikely that grandpa and maybe grandma too only ever called him boy..... but also he really might just be parroting Verity and Jason here
also I know in my heart of hearts (because I love him and because, I mean, read the books) that fitz is autistic and that's most clear here when he's little and not yet masking - he's mostly nonverbal and, though we know he loves Mere and that being taken from her had devastating effects on him, seems to show little outward emotional reactions in this whole first chapter when he's given away - this also makes me think he's mostly just parroting the others here
(also also, not counting fitz' "boy" in the Boy count)
"Perhaps I whimpered, or perhaps he grew tired of my slower pace, for [Jason] spun suddenly, seized me, and tossed me up to sit on his shoulders as casually as if I weighed nothing at all. 'Soggy little pup, you,' he observed, without rancor" okay this is actually very very cute and I think about it all the time
Boy count: 6, and another "pup" and a 4th when introduced to Burrich
"He had the same unruly blackness to his hair and beard [as Verity], but his face was angular and narrow. His face had the color of a man much outdoors. His eyes were brown rather than black, and his hands were long-fingered and clever. He smelled of horses and dogs and blood and leathers." speaking of, Burrich!
another father figure in fitz' life who I love and hate! okay maybe not hate but very strongly dislike some of his actions. also interesting reading his first description again, because in my mind I've always kind of envisioned Burrich and Verity with opposite descriptions - Verity as more angular, Burrich as more stocky, just bc of vibes
also, great establishing moment for Burrich - you already get an idea of how much he cares for and respects both Chivalry and Patience
"'Boy don't have a name,' [...] 'Just goes by 'boy'.'" and so he will forevermore :(
"'If I know your father, he'll face up to it square and do what's right. But Eda only knows what he'll think is the right thing to do. Probably whatever hurts the most.'" it's so interesting to me just how alike fitz and Chivalry are - not just in looks! - despite never meeting! a product of being raised in the same place by many of the same people, all of whom know Chivalry better than fitz? just the manifestation of both of their innate sense of Duty? very fun considering their grandson/son Dutiful
also, first Fitz! a capitalized one too! it takes 11 pages before we get a name for our protagonist and it's Burrich who names him - albeit, a 'name' that is also just 'son'/'son of', i.e., a fancy way of continuing to call him Boy.....
it's always been interesting to me to imagine how much would change if fitz had been born a girl (a Lot!); one thing I always think about is, as far as I know, there's no good feminine equivalent to "Fitz" as any easy shorthand for 'this is the illegitimate child of Chivalry', so I imagine they just actually call her Girl
I'd be thrilled to hear if anyone has other ideas re: names!
