#rossgreene

i did some role playing when i was in therapy as a child... that would have been in the 70s. it was weird and awkward for me because i felt like i was being condescended to. but also it seemed like it was an extra unnecessary layer to trying to resolve my problems. i can see how i might have been motivated to make up outrageous scenarios in that context because it seemed so silly and counter productive. but i was desperate and earnest and willing to try anything. i think there are a number of autistic kids who like talking to adults as adults and  being treated seriously. which is how it felt condescending to me. what i needed was detailed and clear information about the mechanics of what was causing the problem. and then working out a way to navigate it that worked for me. what i got was cliche and stereotype and dogma.

thinking about that more, the solutions to many of the problems i had always felt like i was breaking numerous rules and expectations in a way that elicited negative reactions from many of the people i was meant to be trusting at the the time. my whole life system was actively working against me. now that i look back on my experiences as an autistic and with hundreds of other autistics, that seems like a common thread. we want to do the right thing, but the right thing almost never works for us, and we either get stuck or have to be so brave and strong that we can oppose maybe even literally everyone around us.

i looked at some of ross greene`s stuff.

https://www.livesinthebalance.org/sites/default/files/2017%20Full%20Day%20Version%203.pdf

i don`t entirely agree that it`s about lacking the skills to interact effectively. unless those skills include tolerating and accepting abuse  that can`t be changed or stopped, and that you might not even know is abuse. i do think it`s important that the therapy is collaborative. and i think he`s got a lot of good ideas. but many of the root problems that  autistics have are essentially unsolvable without what seem like extreme choices to most people. for instance, never going back to a school, or possibly any school. and the time it takes between role playing a  problem in the school and getting to the point of never going back is quite a long process which involves repeatedly going back into that  toxic environment.

In Lost at School, Ross Greene asks educators to take a look at their discipline program. He argues that a system of punishment and rewards does not work for children with behavioral challenges. He suggests that educators instead try to get to the bottom of each child’s behavioral challenges and provides a template for discussion with parents, and students on how to pinpoint and begin to solve problem behaviors with the child. Greene highlights the importance of listening to children about their issues. 

“vast majority of challenging kids already know how we want them to behave. They know they’re supposed to do what they’re told. They know they’re not supposed to disrupt the learning of their classmates or run out of the school when they’re upset or embarrassed. And they know they’re not supposed to hit people, swear, or call out in class. So they don’t need us to put lots of effort into teaching them how we want them to behave. And while this may be hard to believe, most challenging kids already want to behave the right way. They don’t need us to continue giving them stickers, depriving them of recess, or suspending them from school; they’re already motivated. They need something else from us.” - Ross Greene, Lost at School. 

“Challenging behavior occurs when the demands and expectations being placed upon a child outstrip the skills he has to respond adaptively.” - Ross Greene, Lost at School.