#roseymama

But as she regarded her sister walking straight-backed and solidly next to her, she realized that Prim wasn’t such a little girl anymore. In fact, she was taller than Katniss and her dark blue eyes held a sadness and gravity that belied her nearly fourteen years. But she was fed and healthy and Katniss had loved her the best she could. The last hurdle was keeping Prim off of tessera and safe through her last five Reapings. Then Katniss would be free in a way she’d scarcely even let herself imagine.

As the rutted dirt road of the Seam transitioned into the cobblestones of town, Katniss caught sight of Peeta Mellark, the baker’s youngest son, hurrying out from the bakery storefront. Their eyes met and she was instantly annoyed by the cornflower blue and disheveled blond curls and the sprinkling of freckles over his pink, flushed cheeks. And, especially, by the responding tug in her belly and the warmth that spread like honey through her limbs.

She dropped her gaze and gave him a curt nod. She hated when they met like this, it was so awkward since they were heading to the same place. And it seemed to be happening more frequently lately as the end of the school year approached. Only another few months and she could avoid Peeta Mellark, and the unpleasant sensations he inspired in her, forever.

—–

“Morning,” Peeta mumbled, his heart dropping to his toes as Katniss nodded at him while staring down at her boots. He didn’t know why he did this to himself every morning; rushed through his chores and waited by the front store window with his bookbag already slung over his shoulder in the hopes of orchestrating his exit so that it appeared he just happened to run into Katniss Everdeen. He had done it nearly perfectly this morning, but it didn’t matter. Katniss still couldn’t care less about him.

He fell into step behind them, feeling utterly pathetic. She clearly couldn’t stand the sight of him. He just wanted so desperately to talk to her. Okay, that wasn’t all he desperately wanted, there was a lot of touching he wanted to do that made him light-headed with desire to imagine, but first he wanted to talk to her. With only a few months left of school for them, he was painfully aware that time was running out before she might disappear forever.

Prim, who was usually so shy and quiet, suddenly turned towards Peeta and asked how the bakery was doing. He could feel his mouth hanging open in shock that she had addressed him, but managed to stutter out that it was fine, good, thanks for asking. His mind raced with what he could ask her in return as he took a couple of quick steps to walk beside her. He’d made a study of Katniss’ life and suddenly wasn’t sure what it was safe to know about Prim. He settled on asking her about school.

He glanced over at Katniss while Prim asked after his parents. Katniss was staring straight ahead, her jaw tight. He was amazed, as always, at how much presence she had despite her small stature, how intimidating she could be. Struggling to hold the thread of conversation, Peeta was just asking after their mother, when Aspen Lewis came hurtling out of his family’s store and nearly tackled Peeta, hopping onto his back. Katniss grabbed Prim and herded her forward, quickening her pace to avoid the boys’ scuffle. Peeta was stuck walking the rest of the way with that jackass Aspen chattering away.

Throughout the day, Peeta replayed that short conversation over in his mind. Why had Prim chosen to talk with him that morning? Was it a sign? As grateful as he was, something about it was bugging him. Maybe he was just distrustful of anything good ever happening to him.

—–

Katniss was distracted. She couldn’t stop glancing over at where Peeta sat during lunch, surrounded as usual by the boisterous blond heads of his fellow merchant kids. Why had Prim talked to Peeta that morning? Katniss thought Prim understood that Peeta was to be ignored. She had never talked to Prim about the bread and had always assumed she had been too addled by starvation to question how Katniss had gotten it. But Prim seemed to understand that Katniss disliked Peeta. Or maybe, being Prim, she intuited that Katniss felt uncomfortable around him, was in debt to him and hated to owe things. Then the horrifying thought that maybe Prim liked Peeta shot through her mind. Prim was too young. Peeta couldn’t possibly be interested in a fourteen year-old. But Prim was lovely and kind and fair. The thought turned her stomach and she looked back over at him, trying to imagine if it could be true.

“Is it the sandwich or the arms?” Madge asked, chewing thoughtfully on a raisin.

“What?” Katniss asked, hoping the annoyance in her voice would discourage any further conversation. It didn’t.

“Peeta. You know, that guy you’ve been staring at for the past ten minutes.” Madge held the container of raisins out to Katniss in offering.

“I’m not staring,” Katniss mumbled, taking a raisin even though she didn’t like how they stuck in her teeth.

“I think he might be the prettiest one of the three Mellarks,” Madge mused thoughtfully. “If you like that kind of thing.”

“Which kind?” Katniss wished she hadn’t asked it the second it was out of her mouth.

“You know, the strapping baker kind. With broad chests and blond curls and dimply grins.” Madge poked her finger into her cheek and gave Katniss an angelic smile.

“Then no, I guess I don’t.” Katniss picked at her fingernails hoping Madge couldn’t see her blush.

All the teasing had left her voice when Madge said, “Peeta’s a really good guy, Katniss.”

Katniss stood up, shoving the bag of dried meat she hadn’t eaten into her pocket, nodded at Madge and walked away.

She didn’t see Peeta watch every step, looking like it took all of his considerable strength not to go after her.

Over the next few weeks, Katniss checked the snare line early and went straight to school from the Hob. She felt bad not walking with Prim, but if Prim did like Peeta, this would give her the chance to talk with him without Katniss ruining it. She ignored the sharp pain in her chest as she imagined their hands brushing, then forcefully cast it out of her mind.

——

Peeta was starting to go mad. He lay in the darkness, unable to sleep. Every time he closed his eyes, he’d see Katniss; the curve of her neck, the coil of her dark braid, the silvery gray of her eyes. He flipped his pillow for the hundredth time, trying to find a cool spot. How was he ever going to convince Katniss to go out on a date with him if she continued to avoid him so thoroughly. He couldn’t ask her at school, not with all their classmates listening. He knew she’d hate that.

He went to the window to open it wider and the strangest sight caught his eye. His parents were dancing in the backyard. But that wasn’t really possible. He looked closer, squinting into the dim moonlit yard, and realized that it wasn’t his mother. His father was wrapped around Mrs. Everdeen. He drew back, feeling like he’d been caught doing something terrible, something shameful.

Peeta watched as his father pushed Mrs. Everdeen against the wall of the small garden shed. Watched as he kissed her and ran his hand up her leg and under her skirt. Peeta turned away, feeling sick. And disturbingly jealous. His heard the echo of his father’s voice on the first day of school saying, “See that little girl? I wanted to marry her mother, but she ran off with a coal miner.” Well, her coal miner was dead. And the muffled sounds of her pleasure drifting up from the yard, proved his father was getting a second chance. As he crept back to his bed, he wondered what was to become of them all now?

——

The following Sunday, Katniss was returning from the woods, a full game bag bulging over her shoulder. It was nearly spring and she could practically feel the hum of life beneath the earth. She had met Gale today. Since the accident, she never knew when he would turn up.

About a year after he had finished school and started working full-time in the mines, there had been a cave in. His crew had been trapped for a day and a half. Two of his crewmates had been crushed by the falling rock. The rest of them were banged up, but not badly hurt. But when Gale emerged from the mineshaft, it was clear that something had broken, something on the inside. He hadn’t been the same since, hadn’t spoken a word since the accident.

A month later, he moved into the woods. When the weather was bad, he slept in the cabin by the lake, otherwise he slept rough. He seemed to have become more forest creature than the boy Katniss grew up with. Sometimes, when she was in the forest, he would materialize out of thin air. He’d stay with her for a bit and she’d tell him about his family or the Hob or they’d walk side by side in silence. As unsettling as it was to see him like that, it seemed important to her to link him to people. She figured that was why he sought her out.

Whenever she spent the day with Gale, she would find herself panicky to get back to Prim, to see with her own eyes that she was okay. As Katniss pushed through the front door, she nearly slammed into her mother. And as her mother pressed her hand against her heart in surprise, Katniss nearly swallowed her tongue in shock. When had her mother gotten so fat? But as her eyes traced the rounded bulge of her mother’s protruding belly, she realized with sickening horror that she wasn’t fat. She was pregnant. Very pregnant.

Katniss stared at her mother in slack-jawed horror before she began to sputter, too aghast to form words. No, this couldn’t be happening. It wasn’t possible. She felt Prim’s small hands on her shoulders steering her towards their yard.

She rounded on Prim, eyes wild with panic, “What the hell,” she demanded in a hoarse whisper. “How did this happen?”

Prim was infuriatingly calm as she said, “The usual way, I think.” She rubbed Katniss’ arm and continued, “I’m just relieved you finally noticed, I couldn’t figure out if you were in some weird state of denial or just your usual unobservant self.”

Katniss’ thoughts were flying through her head at a dizzying speed, she reached out to grab one, but by the time it had left her lips a new one was there, “When? How long? How could she? Who?”

“Sit down, Kat, I think you’re in shock. Put your head between your knees and breathe.” Prim slid the game bag off her shoulder and helped lower her to a crate by Lady’s pen. She did as Prim told her, feeling like she might pass out.

“I think she’s about seven months along. I wasn’t sure until about six weeks ago, she’s been wearing those flowy dresses. I knew she was seeing someone, and I thought that was why she was acting so weird. It didn’t occur to me until way later than it should have…” she shrugged, finally looking a little bit her age. “And as for who,” she said, blushing slightly, “I’m not sure, but I think it is Mr. Mellark’s.” And all of a sudden it became clear why Prim had been so friendly with Peeta.

“What can we do?” Katniss asked, feeling slightly deranged.

“Uh, wait until she goes into labor?” Prim asked, seeming unsure of the question.

Katniss shook her head before dropping it between her knees, “What are we going to do?” she moaned. The the fury she has been waiting for finally ripped through her and she sprang off the crate and ran into the house. Prim calling to her from behind.

Katniss rounded on her mother, afraid to touch her, but wanting to strike her. “How could you? How could you let this happen?” she hissed.

Her mother was exasperatingly nonplussed, reaching down to cradle her stomach. “Oh, you can’t possibly have really just noticed,” she laughed, “I’m as big as a house.”

“What are you going to do?” Katniss demanded.

“Well, Katniss, I’m going to have a baby,” she explained like she was talking to toddler.

“With Mr. Mellark.” Katniss felt light-headed again but dug her toes into the leather of her boots to ground herself.

“Yes,” her mother had the decency to flush as she looked away and began folding the dish rag.

“He’s married,” Katniss stated flatly.

“I’m aware of that, Katniss,” she snapped. “We didn’t intend for this to happen, it just did. Sometimes accidents can be blessings.” There was an infuriatingly dreamy smile playing at her lips as she said that last part, but her expression sobered and she added, “He’s trapped in a loveless marriage. We’re working on that.”

“How are you possibly working on it?” Katniss demanded. “He’s a merchant, he’s married. What is there to work out?”

“He loves me! We’ll figure out how to save him from her.” Katniss stared at her incredulously. It was like trying to argue with a crazy person. Living in reality had never been her mother’s strong suit. But since Katniss was painfully familiar with the depths of depression to which her mother could sink, she had sort of willfully ignored her mother’s less devastating lunacy, allowing her to drift and daydream since it had seemed relatively harmless. Katniss wanted to scream at how wrong she had been. This would destroy them for sure. Her mother turned away and Katniss, faced with her rigid back, saw how she could have missed the pregnancy. Her mother was still so slim and in her loose dress, there was no evidence from behind.

Trying not to cry, Katniss bitterly bit out, “Well, you better figure it out quick. Because I’m not taking care of this one.” And she ran out of the house.

She was so lost in thought, her mind swimming with fury and betrayal, she was surprised to find herself at the alley door of the bakery as the sky darkened into twilight. Was she there to confront Mr. Mellark? What could she possible say? What did she even want to ask for? But as she glanced into the yard, she saw that Peeta was throwing scraps to the pigs. She stood against the wall, the stones biting into her back until he approached the door. She lept out and grabbed him, spinning him until he was pressed against the outer wall. He dropped the pail he was holding and gasped out, “Katniss?”

“Did you know?” she demanded. She had nowhere else to put this untethered fury and threw it into Peeta’s face with her words.

He looked down, a dead give away of his guilt, and quietly admitted, “I saw them together a couple of weeks ago.”

“Why didn’t you say something?” she hissed.

“Oh, you mean during one of our daily chats? Maybe during class? Or one of the many mornings where you wouldn’t even look at me?” Katniss stepped away from him as the last barb hit home. Almost immediately, he looked contrite for speaking so sharply.

His voice was quiet when he said, “For years, I’ve tried to work up the nerve to talk to you.” She looked at him, scowling, and he took a deep breath, “Without success. What was I going to do, open with, ‘Hey, Katniss, so our parents are having an affair, want to hang out sometime?’”

She furrowed her brow in confusion. But felt herself deflate as the anger began to leave her. It had been the only thing holding her up. She leaned against the wall next to him, and as horrifying as this entire situation was, the brush of her bare arm against the warmth of his raised gooseflesh on her skin.  

“I was almost free,” she whispered, grateful for the thickening darkness that hid the tears gathering in her eyes.

“I know it’s messed up, but it’s not like they’re breaking up a happy marriage.” Peeta said, an almost soothing cadence to his voice.

“This has nothing to do with your mother,” she snorted out a derisive laugh.

“What then?” He sounded so confused, so distracted, fidgeting beside her.

She rounded on him, looking incredulous, then spat, “Do you not know about the baby?”

“What baby?” he asked, clearly not understanding what a baby could have do with anything. Then his face paled as he visibly cottoned on.

She felt a perverse satisfaction in his shock and asked, perhaps unkindly, “So what does that make us? Bastards in law?”

His face fell as he shook his head, apparently lost for words. “I’m just kidding,” she said, stepping into the darkness, “I know the only thing it makes us is completely screwed.”

And then she was gone.

—–

As he lay in bed staring hopelessly at the ceiling, he tried to order this information into something that made sense. His father was having an affair with Mrs. Everdeen. She was going to have a baby. And while this was certainly the end of his family as he knew it - for undoubtedly his mother would find out soon and her retribution would be fierce - he couldn’t figure out why Katniss was so devastated.

He ran her words over and over in his mind, ‘I was almost free.’ How haunted her voice had sounded. He tried to see this from her perspective. And suddenly in rapid succession, the images came into focus. Her mother’s breakdown after her father died. Katniss’ overprotective relationship with Prim. The inevitable public shame of her mother’s affair. Another mouth to feed. He sighed under the weight of these worries that weren’t exactly his, but that he was desperate to help her solve. Tomorrow, he thought, tomorrow he would track her down at school and they would figure this out together.

But she wasn’t in school the next day. Peeta spent the whole looking for her, his heart in his throat every time he entered a classroom, before plummeting to his toes as he found her seat empty.

When Peeta returned to the bakery for his afternoon shift, his father was holding an icepack to his cheek. His mother was gone, having left nothing but the bloody trail of her fingernails down his father’s face.

Mrs. Everdeen went into labor around midnight on a Tuesday a few weeks later. Katniss showed up breathless at the alley door looking pale and frightened and telling Mr. Mellark it was time. Peeta watched as his dad threw on a pair of pants and his boots over his pajamas and ran out into the night. The mixture of joy and fear on his face was unmistakable. He was practically incandescent with love. Peeta had never seen anything like it on his father’s face and he couldn’t help feeling like maybe he had never really known his father at all. Peeta dressed quickly and jogged to catch up to Katniss who was walking home slowly.

“Can I walk with you?” he asked.

He thought she nodded, though he couldn’t see her clearly in the silver-moon darkness. He continued to walk beside her anyway.

When they reached her house she paused in front of the porch, then stepped back and turned towards the meadow. “It’s going to be a while,” she offered as an explanation. “I’m not very good at the pain part,” she admitted sheepishly.

“Me too. I mean, me neither,” he said, willing to agree to anything she said as long as she’d let him stay with her.

They walked in silence until they reached the meadow. Katniss led him to a willow tree. They sat down beneath it with their backs against the rough trunk.

“Your mom left?” she asked quietly.

“Yeah.” He wasn’t sure what else to say. “It’s been strangely pleasant.”

She was quiet for a moment before she asked, “Are you scared?”

“About what?” He wasn’t sure if she was referring to his mother leaving, but figured she knew it wasn’t a huge loss.

“About the baby,” she said, sounding slightly exasperated.

“No, not really,” he answered truthfully. The darkness helped.  

A moment later, she said, “You can’t possibly understand.”

“And don’t try to explain. Obviously I’m too dim to get it,” he teased.

She sighed, “I just meant that you’re the youngest. You’ll understand when you meet the baby. Being an older sibling is a life sentence.”

He looked at her thoughtfully. “Having two older siblings, I’d say that it’s more about the way you sister. Is that a verb?”

“No,” she said, but a smile tugged at her lips. “But it should be. In my experience, it’s a full time job.”

He smiled back. “Will you deck me if I say I’m looking forward to meeting him?”

“Or her,” she said pointedly. “I’ll try not to.”

“Sorry, of course it could be a girl. It’s just Mellarks don’t seem to make girls. My mother gave it her best shot, but finally had to give up. I’m pretty sure she’s never forgiven me for betraying her by being another damned boy.”

“I’m not sure I’ll ever forgive my mother.” She looked away and when she looked back at him, her eyes bore into him in the dim moonlight, “I’m… I can’t figure out if I’m more afraid that I won’t love the baby… or that I will.”

He nodded thoughtfully, “Maybe this time it’ll be easier. Since you won’t be doing it alone.” And to a chorus of crickets and with a million stars as his witness, he reached for her hand, threading their fingers together in a promise of solidarity and companionship and maybe, someday, something more.

He must have dozed off, because what felt like seconds later, Katniss was gently shaking his shoulder and telling him it was time to go back. When they got to the porch, it was eerily quiet and illuminated by a single flickering candle. Peeta wanted to reverently tour the house, he’d spent untold hours imagining her home, but an exhausted-looking Prim was walking into the living room with her arms laden with soiled sheets.

“How is…. Everyone?” Katniss asked her sister.

Prim gave a small worn smile and said that everyone was good and healthy. Katniss raised her eyebrows questioningly and Prim added, “Oh, and congratulations, you have another sister.”

Katniss seemed to deflate for a second, then straightened up and walked over and took the armful of linens out of Prim’s arms and kissed her cheek. “Well, she’s going to have a lot to live up to. I’ve already got the best sister imaginable.” Prim smiled, a real smile and kissed her back. “Go to bed, little duck, I’ve got these.”

“Sounds good,” Prim yawned, “I’m bushed.” And she wandered into the room off the kitchen, calling over her shoulder, “‘Night Peeta.”

“How can I help?” Peeta asked, feeling shy now that he was actually in Katniss’ home.

“I’m just going to put these outside to soak. I’ll be right back in to help you make up the couch.”

“That’s not necessary,” he said.

“Don’t be silly, it’s too late for you to walk home and our parents have already scandalized both of our families, so you might as well get some sleep.” She gave him a weary smile and disappeared out the back door.

He took the opportunity to drink in his surroundings. The sparse furniture, a table and three chairs, a threadbare couch with the batting showing through on one arm and the tiny kitchen with wood plank shelves laden with jars of herbs and tinctures.

Katniss came back in with a clean sheet and blanket under her arm. When they’d finished making up the couch she cast him a tired smile and said, “Goodnight, Peeta.”

He fell asleep the instant his head hit the pillow.

——

Katniss awoke with a start trying to place the mewling sound coming from nearby. Oh, right, the baby. She tried to roll over and ignore the sound, but it didn’t stop. She felt the bed shift as Prim got up. Katniss refused to follow her. She understood better than anyone the pull of a helpless little sister, but this time she would let her mother do her job.

But seconds later came Prim’s shrill, panicked cry, “Katniss!”

She was standing in her mother’s doorway, with Peeta right behind her (Katniss had forgotten he was there), facing a frantic Prim. The baby was a squirming, squalling bundle on the bed. The empty bed in the empty room. Prim was clutching a note to her chest. She held it out Katniss in a shaking hand before scooping the baby off the bed.

The note was from their mother. The first part of the note was to Prim, telling her she loved her and apologizing and asking her to understand that they just needed a little time together “like a honeymoon”, followed by instructions to feed the baby with diluted, boiled goat’s milk. The second part of the note was addressed to Katniss. “I’m sorry, Katniss. We just need some time alone. Away from all the judgement and pressure. We’ll be back for her, I promise.” And that was all there was. A hungry crying baby and a worthless note full of empty promises.

Numbly, she handed the note to Peeta, who was standing in the doorway looking completely disheveled and only marginally more awake than asleep. She slipped past him and out into the yard to both milk Lady and escape the plaintive cries of both sisters.

Katniss entered the kitchen with the warm milking pail clutched so tightly that her fingers were turning white and found Peeta sitting at the kitchen table, both of his hands fisted in his hair.  

“I don’t understand,” he said, “this can’t be true.”

Katniss didn’t answer as she put a cup of the milk on the coal stove. She filled the kettle and placed it beside the pan of milk.

As Prim walked into the room holding the weeping baby, Katniss murmured something about needing the bottle. Prim came back with a large eye eyedropper.

“Is that even going to work?” Katniss asked.

“I doubt it,” Prim sniffled, “but it’s the closest thing to a bottle that we have.”

“I’ll get a baby bottle at the Hob.” Katniss took the eyedropper from Prim and sterilized it with the now boiling water. Peeta watched raptly as she added a few tablespoons of the boiled water to the simmering goat’s milk, which she poured into a sterile bottle. She placed the bottle into a pot of cold water and swirled it occasionally before testing the temperature on her wrist, filling the eyedropper with milk and handing it to Prim.

They all watched as Prim ran the glass tip along the wailing baby’s lips. The second the milk made contact with her tongue she abruptly stopped crying and sucked at the eyedropper. The baby squawked plaintively every time they pulled it from her to refill it, but with a bit of maneuvering they were able to drizzle a stream of milk into her mouth until, sated, she turned away and promptly fell asleep.

“Can you stay with her while I go to the Hob?” Katniss asked. And while Prim looked utterly shell-shocked, she nodded. Katniss grabbed her jacket and stared over her shoulder at Peeta, “You coming?” she asked.

Peeta babbled non-stop on the way to town about how he didn’t understand how either of their parents could do this, could leave their child like this. When they got to the bakery he asked if she wanted him to come with her to the Hob. She snorted and shook her head no.

“How can I help? What can I do?”

“Nothing,” she said dully. He reached in his pockets and gave her every coin he had, she spun and walked away without another word.

That night, Peeta showed up on their doorstep with a loaf of bread and some early apples from the tree in his backyard. Katniss tried to send him away, but he set to work washing dishes and preparing dinner.

Katniss scowled at him the entire time, but waited until he had served the fried bread and scrambled eggs before telling him they didn’t need him and he should just go home.

Without a word, he took off his boots and lay down on the couch, pulling the blanket over his legs. If she wouldn’t let him help with the baby directly, he would be support staff for all of the Everdeen girls.

Katniss sighed audibly, but didn’t fight him or insist that he leave. She was just too tired.

Peeta didn’t make eye contact as he asked quietly, “Have you named her yet?”

It hadn’t even occurred to Katniss to name her. “Not yet,” responded Prim.

“Any ideas,” he asked.

Prim shook her head.

“How about Citrine?” he asked.

“Or Rosebud,” suggested Prim.

Katniss stared down at the tiny scrunched face with her fine white hair and said, “Dandelion,” though she hadn’t meant to speak. The image of looking down and seeing the first dandelion of the year and the promise of survival it invoked rushed back to her and she remembered her father’s joking voice telling her that as long as she could find herself, she’d never starve. Her heart panged painfully at the memory of his voice, she missed him so. This child would need all of the help she could get. She looked at Peeta out of the corner of her eye and knew she needed him. He had been part of that dandelion in the schoolyard when she’d first known that hope wasn’t lost and he was part of this one too.

“Danni for short,” Prim decided, nodding.

And just like that, the baby became Katniss’ sister. Not just her mother’s mistake or an unfair burden. Those tiny fingers and heart-shaped pucker of a mouth and her overwhelming need for protection worked their way inside Katniss and rooted there.

——

It went on that way for weeks. Peeta going to school, taking his afternoon bakery shift, then showing up at the Everdeen’s house to wash and cook and mend before falling face down on their couch in mindless exhaustion. The girls took turns feeding Danni throughout the night and Katniss was gone at first light to hunt. She showed up only periodically at school, but since there were only a few weeks left, no one seemed interested in confronting her. By that time, the whole District had heard the story and there seemed to be a collective decision to leave the four of them be.

Peeta’s brothers helped out by taking over Peeta’s bakery duties as best they could. But with both Mr. and Mrs. Mellark gone, the bakery was suffering. None of the brothers understood the ordering and their offerings were dwindling as the supplies ran low.  

Despite his daily, and frankly indispensable, presence, Katniss did her best to ignore Peeta entirely. She would hardly speak to him nor allow him to hold Danni. She tried to let her gaze slide indifferently past him, but her eyes wouldn’t cooperate and kept seeking him out. It was odd to want to watch him so much. Gale was arguably the better looking of the two and yet she’d never wanted to stare at him while he worked. But she couldn’t seem to tear her eyes from Peeta’s methodical movements as he kneaded bread. From the fluid roll of his shoulders, the mesmerizing clenching of the muscles in his forearms. His hands, flour dusted and strong, folding and re-folding the dough. Placing her cool fingers on her flushed cheeks, she forced herself to focus on the laundry she folding.

Despite Katniss’ continual cold shoulder, everyday Peeta asked how he could help. And when she inevitably declined his offers of assistance, he found ways to help anyway. She knew it had to be the exhaustion, she was practically hallucinating by the third week, but being so close to him caused frissons of heat to ignite low in her belly and snake up her spine like a live wire, awakening each of her senses and making her feel too receptive and raw. It was making her crazy.

Finally one night, when she had almost dropped Danny in her exhaustion, Peeta exploded.

“Damnit, Katniss, let me help!” He was flushed and breathing hard. And despite the fact that he was angrier than she’d ever seen him, she could tell he was holding back. “This isn’t my fault. I didn’t do this!” Then, after several deep breaths, he added in a quieter voice, “I’m standing right here. I didn’t go anywhere. Please, let me help.” He was right. She knew he was, but then where was all of this anger supposed to go? And as she looked up into his face, pink and blotchy in his frustration, but still so beautiful and kind, all of the anger seeped out of her. And as she took a step to brace herself, the full force of her bone-deep fatigue threatening to suck her under.

Peeta wrapped an arm around her waist to steady her, careful not to jostle the baby. “Please let me help,” he repeated and her entire body slumped against him.

“I’m so tired,” she admitted and he nodded, leading her over to the bed. She sat down and held out the softly whimpering child to him. With almost comic gentleness, he wrapped the baby in his arms. Danni looked ridiculously small there, nestled against his thick arms and as Katniss fell backwards on the bed and into the blackness of sleep, she thought her little sister might be the luckiest creature on earth.

Katniss woke with start. The late morning sun was streaming in through the tears in the curtain and it was… quiet. She flew out of bed, her heart pounding and found Prim sitting at the kitchen table mixing herbs with a mortar and pestle. Her hair was neatly braided and she smiled as she glanced up at the disheveled Katniss.

“Morning, sleepy head,” Prim grinned, “Everyone’s fine. Peeta took Danni on a walk. Why don’t you take a bath?” She wrinkled her nose and Katniss scowled at her as she slid into an opposite chair.

Prim continued, “Suit yourself. I just thought that since you finally came to your senses and let Peeta participate in this little disaster of a family, we should probably work out some sort of a schedule so we don’t all go mad.” Katniss stared at her. When had she gotten so grown up? Maybe that’s what having a baby sister did to you, forced you to grow up. Like they were pushing up from underneath, nudging you forward. “And I thought you might want to be a little cleaner when he gets back,” Prim added, appraising her.

Katniss nodded and headed into the bathroom to bathe, a small smile playing at the corners of her mouth. She had clearly underestimated Prim and she didn’t even want to think about how unfairly she’d treated Peeta. But knowing that they were in this together, settled something frantic inside her. They might be okay after all.

Things started to work more smoothly after that. Instead of wreaking havoc on their lives, Danni became part of their life. On mornings when Danni would awaken early, Katniss would wrap her tiny sister into the intricate sling that Hazelle had taught them and take her hunting. On those mornings, in the misty quiet, with the baby tethered to her as though an extension of her own body, Katniss stayed closer to the fenceline. Somehow, this baby - who seemed instinctively to understand the need for quiet in the woods and used those giant blue eyes to take in everything around them - had become too precious to risk. She had also become Katniss’ hunting partner and it was nice to have the company again. It had been months since she’d last seen Gale.

Katniss would meet Peeta at the bakery right after school and help him to attach the sling, trying not to marvel at the breadth of his shoulders or let her fingers linger on the strong plane of his stomach as she pulled the fabric around him. While Katniss assembled the sling, Peeta would hold Danni out in front of him, cooing and chattering nonsense in a comically serious voice while she smiled gummily and cooed back. Then he would kiss her nose and tuck her into the sling. Katniss wondered at Danni’s ability to be so studiously serious with her and so chatty and happy with Peeta.

Prim, having finished her homework and done the patient rounds in the afternoon, took Danni in the evenings while Peeta and Katniss made dinner and took care of the house and did their own homework that Peeta brought home for them.

Realizing it was ridiculous to have Peeta sleeping on the lumpy couch when a perfectly good bedroom sat empty, they moved Peeta into their mother’s old room. Katniss couldn’t escape the sadness she felt at the permanence of this shift and what it signified, but it made sense.

One evening as Katniss and Peeta sat at the kitchen table together doing homework, Katniss found herself enthralled with his gestures. The way he would tap his pencil against his lip when he worked on sums, the self-conscious way he’d rub the back of his neck when he told a funny story, the way he chewed his thumbnail when he found something especially challenging. She tried not stare, but found him increasingly distracting to work across from.

“Why are you scowling?” Peeta asked, that little half-smile that made one of his dimples deeper than the other playing at his lips.

“Just thinking… about Danni,” she said distractedly, trying to keep her face from scowling. Was that her default facial expression, she wondered.

“Oh, I see. Good thing you’re thinking about her. That’s the thing about babies; they lull you into a state of false security and waking exhaustion and then they attack.” His hand shot out and squeezed that ticklish spot just above her knee and she gasped out a laugh of surprise. He grinned at her and she scowled deeper in return.

Then without warning she launched herself at him. His surprised “ooomph” as she knocked him from his chair morphed into a cascade of gruff giggles as she straddled him and savagely tickled his sides. With seemingly no effort on his part, he flipped them over and pinned her arms above her head. She rocked and squirmed under him trying to find an opening to regain the upper hand, but his weight in the cradle of her thighs was undeniable. Something else was undeniable too. The heat and firmness of his growing erection stopped her writhing. She stared up into the darkening blue of his eyes. His laughter had stopped and the intensity of the look on his face took her breath away. She realized, with a jolt of terror, that he was about to kiss her.

At that moment, Prim strolled into the room, Danni in the sling and a bucket of fresh milk in her hand. She made a surprised squeak and hurried to set down the pail before walking into her room.

Katniss pushed at Peeta’s chest and scrambled up from underneath him, embarrassment and something else, disappointment? flaming her cheeks. What must Prim have thought? What was she doing? They had just gotten their lives under control, under some sort of balance and she was going to ruin it. She mumbled a quick “sorry” somewhere in Peeta’s direction, but couldn’t look at him. Getting up slowly to follow Prim into their room, Prim popped out, slipping a knit hat over Danni’s fuzzy head.

“We’re going over to Hazelle’s for a visit,” she said, buttoning her sweater around the both of them and slipping quietly out the door as Katniss called to her.

Peeta had come up behind Katniss. He wasn’t touching her, but she could feel the heat of this body. She was afraid to turn around. To face whatever was coming. Because all of a sudden it felt inevitable.

“I don’t want to ruin this, this thing we’ve got going,” she said to the wood of the door.

“Then we won’t ruin it,” Peeta said simply.

She turned, frowning at his flippancy over something so important. But he wasn’t smiling and his eyes were wide and clear. “I mean it, Peeta. I don’t want to lose you.”

He chuckled mirthlessly before responding, “I don’t think you could lose me if you tried, Katniss.” He looked up at the ceiling and a took a deep breath before cradling her face in both of his hands. “I’m in love with you. I’ve always been in love with you. I don’t ever want to be anywhere else.”

She stood there and let the truth of his love percolate down into her bones. Then she levered up on her tiptoes and kissed him. It started out soft and tentative as butterfly wings, but before she knew it, she was pressed against the door panting as he blazed a trail of wet kisses down her neck. She reached up under his shirt, feeling his stomach muscles tighten deliciously as he let out a strangled grunt. But he stopped her then, pulling her hands out from beneath his clothes and kissing each of her hands before placing the softest brush of a kiss on her lips.

“Goodnight, Katniss. I love you.” And with the most angelic smile on his kiss-swollen lips he turned, gathered his books and went into his room, closing the door softly behind him.

Lust-addled and feeling slightly rejected, she retired to bed. It was the first time she’d had it to herself in months. And knowing Peeta was about fifteen feet away on the other side of the wall, was making her body hum with need. She sighed, slipping her hand into her underwear and gasping at how good it felt as her fingers slid over her throbbing clit. It took less than a minute of fantic circling before her body shuddered in pleasure. She could have sworn she heard Peeta’s responding choked sound of release in the seconds that followed, but it was hard to be sure with her heartbeat still pounding in her ears. She fell asleep instantly with the knowledge that she would hear that sound up close soon enough.

And after that night, it was like the dam around her heart had broken and she was positively flooded with love for the boy with the bread. Her boy. She wanted him all the time. His presence, the low rumble of his laugh, his touch. Definitely more of his touch. She burned for him in ways she never thought possible. She wanted things she’d never thought she’d want. His whispers in her ear, his lips on her forehead, his large, warm palm on the small of her back and the weight of his thick body nestled in the cradle of her thighs. But as much as she wanted to feel every millimeter of his bare skin against hers, he progressed their physical relationship at a snail’s pace. There were hundreds of kisses and he couldn’t seem to stand near her without touching some part of her body, but he didn’t push for more.

After weeks of laying in her bed, next to her two sisters, positively burning for him, she snuck into his room and crawled under the thin sheet he used as a cover. He started and stared down at her, sleepy confusion in every line of his face as she wrapped her strong arm around his belly and nestled into his broad chest.

“Katniss?” he asked groggily.

“Shhh,” she said, “Go back to sleep.” And while part of her wanted to strip him naked and climb atop him, filling her aching body with his rigid heat, she didn’t think she had ever been that warm or comfortable. So, for that night, she allowed sleep to claim her, but she made plans for other nights to come in her dreams.

When she woke, she was pretty sure that she had never slept so well.

The following evening, as Katniss watched Peeta humming tunelessly as he danced a giggling Danni around their shabby living room, she blurted out, “I love you too.” Then she ran outside to milk the goat before she burst into flames of embarrassment. Or maybe it was happiness.

When she climbed into his bed that night, she left her nightgown on the floor. He gasped when he ran his hand up her bare back and she smiled into the darkness, helping him strip off his clothes. There were no words to describe the gloriousness of all of that warm, firm skin under her hands and mouth.

He helped her, his large hand engulfing hers as they slid it up and down his rigid shaft. He stopped her hand frequently to take gasping breaths and to tell her how good it felt, how he never wanted it to end, but that he couldn’t help it, and then he was coming in hot spurts and gasps of pleasure, her name on his lips.

And she helped him too, her hand on top of his directing his thick fingers as they pushed into her wetness and then slid over her slick clit until it was her turn to muffle her ecstatic cries into his shoulder as she pulsed around his fingers.

“I’ve wanted to do that since I learned it was possible,” he mumbled happily into her hair.

“Good thing. You’re going to get plenty of practice,” she mumbled back.

“Can’t wait.” And her entire body shook with his laughter.

“I can’t believe how well this has all turned out,” she said sleepily.

“Katniss, I always hoped we’d end up like this. My wildest dreams are about raising a family with you by my side. I just thought we’d have, you know, gotten to have sex first.”

She barked out a laugh and laid her head against his shoulder. She had started to understand. For what felt like the hundredth time, she thanked the heavens for him being here.

The next afternoon, as Katniss fastened the sling around Peeta’s body, being liberal with her touches now and enjoying each sigh and grunt she elicited and she ran her fingers over his warm skin, Peeta froze. Thinking she had done something wrong, she stood up, but he didn’t look at her, continuing to stare towards the door to the bakery storefront. She followed his gaze and found Mrs. Mellark standing motionless in the doorway.

Peeta silently handed Danni to Katniss and stepped between them and his mother.

“Hello, Peeta,” she said, her voice tight.

“Hello,” he said. Then clearing his throat he asked, “What are you doing here.”

Mrs. Mellark straightened her already straight back and answered brusquely, “Your brother asked me to help with the ordering and bookkeeping.”

Peeta must have known, somewhere in his mind that his mother was at her sister’s house all of six blocks away. Somehow it was easier to believe that she had just disappeared like his father had. “So you’re back.”

“This is my business too, you know,” her voice climbing slightly. “I understand that your father has left. While I was initially very angry at him, I’ve realized that him leaving is probably all for the best.” She nodded, as if that concluded the discussion, and walked stiffly around Peeta towards the small office under the stairs.

Seemingly against her will, Mrs. Mellark glanced over at Katniss who turned, still holding Danni. She cleared her throat and asked, “Is that the child?” Katniss nodded. “And it’s a-?”

“Girl,” Katniss supplied. Katniss turned Danni around so she was facing outward and as Mrs. Mellark saw her face, her breath caught audibly. “Her name is Dandelion,” Katniss said softly.

“Really?” Mrs. Mellark tried to sound disapproving, but her face was so filled with longing it didn’t work.

Peeta’s voice was right behind Katniss’ ear as he asked quietly, “Would you like to hold her, Ma?” Katniss tensed, but didn’t protest.

“Well, I… I don’t… oh, all right.” She seemed annoyed at her own interest in the girl.

Peeta gently nudged Katniss forward and she took reluctant shuffling steps until she was standing close enough to Peeta’s mother to transfer the child. “We call her Danni,” Peeta said from next to Katniss as he held her elbow.

Mrs. Mellark’s face lit up as soon as the baby was in her arms. Danni reached up with her tiny hand and grabbed Mrs. Mellark’s chin. Mrs. Mellark made a practiced movement, a small circle that that lightly trapped Danni’s hand under Mrs. Mellark’s chin as she said in a very un-Mrs. Mellark-like singsong, “Why, hello Danni, it is so so nice to meet you.”

Katniss glanced up at Peeta as if to verify that this was really all right. He ran his hand over her head and down her braid as he watched his mother with his sister, a small smile playing at his lips. He leaned over and whispered, “See, I told you she always wanted a girl.”

Mrs. Mellark glanced up sharply and said, “Peeta, don’t you have some work to do? Danni and I are going to go submit the order forms. The flour shipment will be here on Thursday. She can stay with me while you and brothers go fetch the supplies.” And she disappeared into the office cooing softly.

“Are you sure it’s all right?” Katniss asked Peeta, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth.

Peeta pulled it out with a tug of his thumb and placed a soft kiss on her lips. “I’ll be here all day. If anything worries me, I’ll keep her with you on Thursday.” He shook his head ruefully, “But honestly, Katniss, she was a good mother in a lot of ways. And while I would never try to excuse her violent behavior, I’m starting to think that my dad might have been more of the problem than I ever understood.”

“Hmmm,” said Katniss, sounding unconvinced. “You’ll make sure Danni is okay. And you won’t leave her until you’re sure.”

“I can’t believe you’d even have to ask,” he said, looking a little affronted.

“I don’t need to,” she said, “I just can’t help it. Sistering, remember?”

“Right,” he said, kissing her softly, “how could I forget? Now go, this is your time. I promise, I’ll check on them every few minutes.”

And reluctantly, Katniss left. She went to the Hob and settled a few accounts before buying a bowl of Greasy Sae’s stew. As she sipped the hot broth, she decided it was madness to leave Danni with anyone who had hurt Peeta and she gulped the soup so fast she burned her tongue, before hurrying back to the bakery.

As she passed the storefront on her way to the alley door she saw Mrs. Mellark through the window. She was standing at the counter, holding Danni in front of her and swaying as she chatted animatedly with customers. Peeta was beside her casting sidelong smirks at whatever his mother was saying, which was obviously about Danni from her gestures. Katniss had never seen old witchy Mellark look so darned happy. Sighing to herself that Peeta had asked her to trust him and she needed to do so, she headed home to see if Prim needed any help with her homework.

When Peeta returned home with a perfectly healthy and happy Danni that evening, he regaled them with stories about his mother’s obvious smittenness with the baby. And as Prim blew raspberries on a delighted Danni’s belly, Peeta pulled Katniss down on his lap and kissed her. It was the first time he’d done so in front of Prim and, though a little embarrassed, Katniss couldn’t wait for him to do it again.

——

The night before their last reaping, Katniss tucked Danni in with Prim and kissed both of their precious blond heads. She took Peeta’s hand and led him out to the meadow. She shook out a blanket and pulled him down onto it before holding his face between her small hands. He stared into her eyes, even more luminous by moonlight and marveled at all of beautiful things he could see in them, the brightest of all was his future.

As they reverently undressed each other, mapped flushed skin with eager hands and hungry mouths, with teasing giggles and moans of honeyed pleasure. He made her come with with hands, then his tongue, before she begged him to make love to her. As he pushed into the slick heat of her, the pleasure sliced through his body all the way to his soul. He felt dizzy with euphoria and rested his forehead against hers as he fought his body’s instinct to plunge fast and hard into the oblivion of this bliss. He moved as slowly as he could, long, sure strokes that made her beg for more beneath him. Before he was ready, the white-hot sensation was lancing up his shaft. He pulled out and spilled himself on her trembling stomach, her name becoming a shuddering moan as he came and came.

They lay side by side on their backs, hands clasped as they tried not to drown in the sea of stars and the tidal wave of love that engulfed their hearts.

“I’m gonna marry you someday,” Peeta whispered.

And though she didn’t believe in marriage, had no plans to ever do so, she had to bite her lip to keep from grinning into the night.

It was an out of body experience coming through your final reaping safely. Like some giant, cosmic foe had been vanquished. But of course, it hadn’t, because that same foe would be back for Prim next year. And, eventually, would come for Danni. The mere thought of it nearly brought Katniss to her knees, but Peeta’s strong arm wrapped tightly around her, kept her upright. Katniss peered over to where Mrs. Mellark stood, her face obscured by the brim of her hat, holding Danni life a life raft.

As Katniss scooped Danni into her arms, she and Mrs. Mellark’s eyes met. And though her mouth was set in same grim line as usual, Katniss saw a pain in the crystalline blue of her eyes that she had never seen before. Mrs. Mellark fumbled for Peeta’s hand and squeezed it once roughly, seeming to surprise them both. Katniss wondered if so much fear had poisoned Mrs. Mellark’s heart into the twisted thing it had become. Katniss clutched Danni to her chest, took her other beautiful sister’s hand and glanced over at Peeta’s lovely face and let her heart fill with golden light to ward off the darkness.

Peeta’s mother and brothers joined them that night at the Hawthorne’s for the celebration dinner. As Peeta passed Danni to his mother’s waiting arms, he said, “You look nice, Ma.” And Katniss noticed with a start of surprise that Mrs. Mellark had worn her hair in a braid over her shoulder instead of her usual severe bun. Danni instantly grabbed onto the braid and Mrs. Mellark beamed up at her son before schooling her features and walking past him into the room. Peeta’s brothers handed several loaves of warm bread to Hazelle and they all sat down for dinner.

Posey, though far too big, sat on Katniss’s lap. As Hazelle counted their blessings, Katniss caught a slightly disturbing exchange of glances and flushed cheeks between Prim and Rory Hawthorne. Peeta squeezed her knee under the table and gave her a small smile and shrug. She was about to say something when she saw a flash of gray eyes from the kitchen window and was pretty sure that Gale had been there making sure they were all safe, but when she looked back, he was gone.

She placed a kiss on Posey’s head and readjusted her so she could hold Peeta’s hand while she ate with the other.

“So, Danni and I were talking the other day,” Peeta said into her ear.

“Talking, huh?” Katniss snorted.

“And,” Peeta continued ignoring her skeptically raised eyebrow. “She was saying how much fun it would be to have a little niece or nephew to grow up with.”

Katniss was shocked. “Bite your tongue, Peeta Mellark,” she hissed under her breath.

“I’m just passing along the message,” he shrugged, grinning.

“How about you just shut up and your eat your dinner,” she said, shoving a forkful of greens into his mouth.

But somehow as she gazed at the beautiful boy beside her who made the best surrogate father she could have dreamed of, that future that had seemed repugnant cracked a window of possibility inside her. Maybe loving someone and being truly loved in return, made the risk of loving them bearable.

———

The silver Civic slipped up the paved drive that sloped through the woods before bursting into the clearing where a white, two-storey colonial waited serenely, like a queen holding court.

The driveway twisted around a shade garden tucked into a copse of trees and Katniss veered into the parking area, pushing the grief that threatened to overwhelm her away long enough to shift the car into neutral, set the parking brake and turn the key. Closing her eyes, she let her head fall against the headrest and drew in a breath. Her belly filled with air and then she expelled it slowly, imagining the stresses of her day floating away. She did it again.  And again, drawing the negative energy along her limbs and visualizing it drifting away on the breath. Some days it helped.

Today was not one of those days, not after the news Prim had delivered this afternoon.

Her eyelids fluttered open and the square corners of the heritage home came back into view; its perfect symmetry, its black shutters and red front door bidding her welcome. The sheltering walls of the Mockingjay Inn had become a second home to her these last months. She loved this old house, tucked away in the woods, invisible from the main road and advertised only by word of mouth. Her old school friend, Madge, had painstakingly renovated it after inheriting it from her grandmother a few years ago. It was a labour of love for Madge, who seemed to have planted her spring flowers since Katniss was here last week. She spotted the happy faces of pansies peeking out from around the hostas that lined the beds next to the house and red and white petunias spilled from the urns on the front steps.

When she stepped from the car, the heady rush of the crisp breeze set her heart racing and teased at the hem of her skirt. A fresh gust whipped the wayward wisps of raven hair that always escaped the confines of her braid. She breathed deeply again, filling her body with the brisk, clean air and whisking away the stench of slow decay and antiseptic attempting to permeate her bones. This time, her exhale carried a piece of her burden away.

Her sorrow eased, however briefly, Katniss popped open the trunk of her car and grabbed her black overnight bag. She’d go inside, get checked in, and then curl up in front of the Inn’s fireplace with a glass of wine. If she was lucky, Peeta would be there already and they could chat. It was a real stroke of luck that his business seemed to bring him to Panem, New York every week since she’d first met him here at the Inn. There were few things she enjoyed more than sitting beside Peeta as he sketched whatever came to mind and they talked about the days that had passed since they last saw each other. She loved putting aside the drama of her own life to listen to stories about the eccentric customers who frequented his gallery.

Her feet all but flew up the steps and she breezed through the door only to find Madge and Peeta engaged in a serious conversation near the antique dresser that Madge had placed in the foyer and from which she liked to conduct her business.

Peeta’s hand was fisted in the golden curls at the back of his head. He pulled his hair and then released it to scratch at the back of his neck. In the dresser’s mirror, Katniss could see that his face was twisted in consternation while Madge tried, a little desperately, to convince him of something.

Madge’s offered Katniss a bright smile as the door closed behind her. “Hello, Katniss. Welcome back!”

Peeta nodded in her direction, the expression in his usually bright blue eyes still troubled. “Katniss.”

“What’s going on?” Katniss dropped her bag on the Oriental rug arranged under the chandelier in the middle of the room.

Peeta grimaced and dropped his hand to the granite top of the dresser. “You’re going to love this one, Katniss.”

Madge shushed him. “Katniss, the Inn has just been given a remarkable opportunity. A team from a Capitol TV travel show is coming to do a story on the area and they want to feature the Mockingjay Inn as Panem’s best kept secret.”

Katniss’s chest surged with pride for her friend. “Well, it is,” she said firmly. “That’s wonderful, Madge! Such great exposure for you!”

Madge beamed, her blue eyes sparkling with excitement. “It is. I’m so thrilled. I just knew you’d understand.”

Peeta scoffed. “No, she doesn’t Madge. You haven’t told her when they’re arriving.”

A leery tingle of suspicion crept up Katniss’s spine. “When, Madge?”

“Tonight,” her friend enthused. “So, if you and Peeta would just agree, then everything will be just perfect.”

“Madge…” Peeta warned.

Madge caught her perfect pink bottom lip between her teeth. “Well, you see, Katniss,” she cleared her throat. “They will be staying tonight, to get the full experience. They require four rooms, and the Inn has-”

“Five,” Peeta interrupted impatiently. “The Inn has five rooms. Madge wants us to share a room.”

“No,” Madge corrected hastily. “The Inn has six bedrooms. The master suite has two bedrooms. It’s usually booked by families, but you and Peeta are such good friends, Katniss, that I’m sure it would work. I’ll cut your rate in half for tonight, if you’ll agree.”

Katniss had to admit that a cut on her room was rather appealing. Travelling up to Panem from the city each weekend was costing her a fortune. She could stay elsewhere, but the lonely, cookie-cutter rooms of the hotels in the downtown held no appeal at all. She could stay at her sister Prim’s house but that felt like a prison sentence, especially after Prim’s revelation today. The quiet of the Inn and her time with Peeta have been her oasis in the middle of this ordeal. She wasn’t sure she would get through the night if she wasn’t able to put her troubles aside for a little while and enjoy his company. Plus, she knew she would be safe with him in the suite.

“Okay,” she decided. “I’ll allow it.”

She almost laughed at their reactions. Madge’s face was the picture of relief. Peeta’s was filled with shock.

“Really?” they said in unison.

She shrugged. “Who am I to turn down a cheap night in a four-star bed and breakfast?”

“Peeta?” asked Madge. Katniss watched him clear his throat and nod.

“If Katniss is comfortable with it, then I’ll be fine,” he softly replied.

Madge was still clapping her hands in glee when Katniss turned to pick up her suitcase and started for the mahogany staircase. “Alright Madge, show us tonight’s accommodations.”

——

The room was not what she expected.

As they’d travelled up the broad steps in the heart of the house, Madge had nattered on about her  master suite, then she’d opened the door to the room and whisked off to prepare the other rooms for her Capitol TV guests.

A queen-sized four-poster bed dressed in a russet orange duvet graced the main room of the suite and was heaped with a mound of plush and inviting pillows. In the corner, a couple of rich leather armchairs with embroidered footstools flanked a gas fireplace. Two doors stood firmly closed on each side of the bed. Behind one door was a tiny private bathroom with a marble stand up shower. Behind the other was tucked a double bed and a small nightstand. Madge had obviously renovated a walk-in closet and a dressing room to construct the suite. It was perfect for a family with young children.

Not so perfect for a couple of friends, Katniss thought, and scowled. “We’ve been bamboozled.”

Beside her, Peeta huffed in frustration. “I’m not sure how to be the gentleman here,” he frowned. “If I take the smaller bed, I compromise your privacy. If I take the bigger bed, I’ve consigned you to the smaller room.” He scrubbed his hand over his face. “We could get rooms in town?”

She turned to observe Peeta watching her warily. His light blue button-down was hanging over a pair of well-worn jeans, its sleeves rolled halfway up his forearms. His leather overnight bag still hung from his shoulder. Was he expecting her to have a fit over their accommodations? Not likely. It was still better than her alternatives. At least he wasn’t suggesting they split up. She was a little afraid to be alone with her thoughts. They’d pull her under and she’d never find her way out. Dropping her bag on the butler’s bench poised at the foot of the bed, Katniss shook her head. “We’re here now. We’ll just have to make the best of it. We can flip a coin for the bed later.” She lowered herself to the bench. “How was your week?”

The corner of his mouth twitched and he closed the space between them, dropping his bag on the hardwood floor as he perched on the edge of the bed. “Not bad. Ms. Trinket finally bought that piece she’s been eying.”

“That was the modern one with all the bright colours, right?”

Peeta nodded. Effie Trinket, a retired Broadway actress who Katniss figured had more money than brains, was one of Peeta’s customers. “That’s the one. Then I sold her a sculpture of a man made out of recycled cans. His legs once held creamed corn, I swear.”

Katniss couldn’t help it, she laughed. “She lurves you, Peeta. She’d take anything you’re selling. You’ll be husband number 6, I just know it. “

Peeta shuddered. “I’m pretty sure she made more money collecting on divorce settlements than she ever made on the stage. Her latest husband, Mitch, I think his name is, answered the door when I made the delivery this week. He was as drunk as a skunk.”

Katniss’s eyes rounded. “You’re doing the deliveries now?”

“Only if the client pays for a professional installation. Which Effie always does.”

She shook her head in resignation. “Effie, huh? Well, you’ll have to be sure to give me her address before you leave. If you don’t show up here next Saturday, I’ll send the police to check her basement. She’ll have you tied to a post, trying to make you her love slave.”

Peeta gagged and threw himself back against the bed, clapping his hand over his face “You’re going to give me nightmares.”

Katniss was still laughing when he raised his hand and turned his head to look at her; his face so close to hers that she could count each one of his long, golden eyelashes.

“Don’t worry, Katniss. I’ll be here next week. Wild horses couldn’t keep me away,“ he whispered, brushing her cheek with the pad of his thumb.

Katniss wondered if they’d ever been this close before. She’d never noticed the flecks of grey in the blue pools of his eyes or the tiny freckles that sprayed across his nose. His lips were smooth and softly parted.

A swift rap on the door interrupted her train of thought. “I opened you guys a bottle of merlot in the drawing room,” Madge called out from the other side before carrying on down the hall.

Peeta’s hands slapped against his knees as he sat up. “A drink before dinner sounds great.” He stood, and offered his hand to Katniss. “Shall we?”

She took it and Peeta’s long fingers wrapped securely around hers as she followed him to the door. She missed their steadiness when he let go to allow her passage over the threshold ahead of him, but then they ghosted along the small of her back as he guided her through. The warmth of his touch lingered all the way down the stairs and into the drawing room.

After Peeta poured them each a glass of wine, they settled into their usual spots on the couch in front of the fireplace and Peeta began a story about his client, Mr. Craine, his strange beard and his taste for phallic imagery in modern art.

“Honestly, Katniss, I showed him a cubist portrait the other day. I told him the subject’s nose, which was located where the ear should be, appeared to have been subtly but deliberately widened at the base, and he bought it on the spot.”

Katniss looked pensive. “I wonder if you could sell him a still life bowl of fruit.”

“If it’s got bananas in it, consider it sold.”

They were still snickering when they heard the entrance door burst open and the house was filled with chatter.

“Lovely, just lovely,” boomed a pompous voice. “It’s so perfectly quaint and cozy. What do you want to bet her grandmother’s needlepoint hangs over the fireplace?”

A high-pitched female voice tittered and Katniss peered up at the mantle. She thought the intricate needlepoint was probably done by Madge’s great grandmother, but wasn’t sure what was so hilarious about valuing where you came from.

Another female voice, this one lower and more soothing murmured to the group.

“I don’t know, Cressida. Is there a bell on that old dresser, there?” the male voice replied. “Ring it, why don’t you?”

“No need, no need.” They could hear Madge bustle in and begin tending to their varying needs. Yes, the heat had been turned down in Mr. Heavensbee’s room. There were no feathers on Ms. Cardew’s bed. Yes, the rooms were large enough to store the equipment. Yes, Madge could provide a vegetarian meal for dinner. No, vegan was not an option. Yes, the list of Cressida’s food allergies had arrived by email. Yes, she had free wifi. Yes, there were private bathrooms in each guest suite. No her towels were cotton, not bamboo.

Peeta rolled his eyes and Katniss laughed again.

“You’re sure you don’t want to stay downtown?”

She imagined herself dissolving into tears in a sterile hotel room. “I’m positive.” Peeta smiled at her and raised his glass to sip his wine. “There’s no way we could drink wine and talk about penis paintings in a hotel lobby.”

Peeta was still choking when the rotund body that belonged to the booming voice in the entryway appeared in the doorway to the room.

“Brilliant! Other guests.” His beefy hands collided in a swift clap and then he rubbed them together. “Plutarch Heavensbee. I’m the producer of Byways and Getaways for Capitol TV. We’re doing a segment on the town and the inn. But, don’t you worry. Your visit will not be disturbed.”

Peeta, now recovered, offered him an easy smile and stood, offering his hand. “Peeta Mellark, “ he said and gestured to Katniss. “My friend, Katniss Everdeen.”

“A pleasure to meet you, “ Plutarch enthused. Katniss wished she could say the same. He had invaded her favourite space and now he was interrupting her Peeta time. “What brings you to the inn?”

“Just up for the weekend, “ he replied, and Katniss thought it odd that he didn’t mention he had business in the area.

“Exactly the demographic we are trying to reach with our show. I knew we were right about this place. Where do you hail from?”

“I’m the curator of PMG in the city. Katniss lives there too. She’s an environmental engineer.“

Katniss reached out her hand to shake Plutarch’s and it felt like she’d wrapped her fingers around a dead fish. Her father used to say that a man’s handshake told you all you needed to know about him. “It’s a pleasure, Katniss. Well, what do you think? Isn’t this the perfect spot for a romantic getaway?”

“I suppose,” Katniss conceded, though she found it hard to imagine staying here without tragedy looming over her head. “I’m from Panem, actually, so I’m just here to see my family.”

“No reason why the two of you can’t mix family obligations with a little romance, especially in a setting like this one,” said Plutarch with a laugh before turning to Peeta.

As Plutarch and Peeta continued with their social niceties – it turned out Plutarch had heard of Peeta’s gallery and knew Effie – Katniss pondered why her path had never crossed Peeta’s until they had met here. They both lived in the same city. They were about the same age. But it was a huge city, and she wasn’t much for the nightlife, so maybe it wasn’t such a surprise after all. But even now that they’d met, they didn’t see each other between visits to the Inn.l They exchanged the odd text, but they never met for lunch or grabbed a quick drink after work. She’d never questioned it before, but now she wondered why that was, and whether that would change if she were no longer coming to the Inn each weekend. What if it didn’t? Would another female guest take her place? The idea clawed at her.

“Dinner is served,” called Madge from the doorway.

As they passed under the chandelier in the foyer to the dining room across the hall, Peeta tucked Katniss’s hand under his arm. She was surprised to discover his bicep was rock hard beneath the soft cotton of his shirt. She chanced a glance up at him and found his eyes full of concern.

“Did I do something wrong?”

“No, of course not.”

The thumb of his free hand stroked over her knuckles. “I wasn’t sure. You seemed so distant in the other room.”

“It’s not you, Peeta. I’ve just… Got a lot on my mind.” He nodded in understanding, but did not release her hand. That was fine with Katniss. His gentle strength was exactly what she needed.

In the dining room, the lights had been dimmed and the large table where they usually supped with Madge was already filled with the television crew. Katniss spotted Plutarch settling in beside a dark-haired woman whose face powder gave the apples of her cheeks a silver glow. Across the table from him was a man with a red-tinged beard and another willowy woman whose hair was shaved on one side of her head.

Madge pointed them to a table for two she’d set up near the windows. “I thought you two might enjoy some privacy.” Peeta gave her a grateful smile and he led the way to the more intimate setting, where the flickering of the candle was reflected in the glasses between their places and glimmered in the polished silver that lay on the tablecloth. When Katniss reached her chair, Peeta quickly pulled it out for her and slid her into place. Madge arrived tableside and poured another rich red, wine into fresh glasses.

“This meal has to be perfect,” she whispered to them, her back to the camera crew.

“It will be, Madge,” Katniss soothed. “All your meals are perfect. They’ll love it.”

“Let’s hope so,” her friend sighed, and outlined the evening’s dining choices: a braised lamb shank in a red wine sauce and served with rosemary garlic mashed potatoes or eggplant parmesan with arugula salad.

Peeta grinned at Katniss. “I know what you’re going to choose.”

“The lamb,” they said in unison.

“For you as well, Peeta?” Madge asked. He nodded and their hostess pasted a smile on her lips. “Okay then, wish me luck.” She turned back to the crowd at the table to take their orders.

“I guess you know what a carnivore I am by now,” Katniss teased after Madge left.

“You told me a few months ago that lamb is your favourite.”

“I did?”

“Sure, one night Madge served a gorgeous Beef Wellington and you said that you enjoyed it but that lamb was your favourite.”

Katniss remembered that night – the flakey crust wrapped over the succulent steak, the rich aroma of the wine. Madge had dimmed the chandelier over the dining room table and they’d talked for hours. Peeta had told them all about the hours he’d spent on a beach in the south of Spain, painting the sunset over the Mediterranean Sea, frantically mixing his paints to achieve exactly the right shade of orange. His eyes were as blue as the water that night and Katniss has never looked a a sunset the same way since.

“I can’t believe you retained a little detail like that,” she said.

Madge arrived with their meals and the savoury aroma curled tantalizingly toward her.

Peeta tugged his napkin from under his cutlery and laid it in his lap. “I remember everything about you, Katniss.” He cleared his throat and looked back up at her. “So, how were things today?”

She fiddled with the stem of her wine goblet before lifting it to take a healthy swallow. “Rough, as usual.” Rougher than usual, really, but she’d promised herself she wouldn’t think about that yet. “Dad just lies there, fading to nothing. Prim takes Mom with her every day when she goes to work at the hospital. She drops Mom off in his room, works a 12-hour shift, then picks her up in his room when it’s time to go home. Mom doesn’t leave his side, except to go to the bathroom.”

“She’s certainly devoted.”

“She is, but it’s more than that, Peeta. It’s like she can’t function without him. Dad’s car accident was four months ago, and she’s barely said a word since it happened. When she’s not at the hospital, she’s sleeping.”

Katniss adored her father and she’d missed him every day since he’d lost control of his truck on that icy road last winter. But it was her mother’s desertion that hurt the most. Her father might have been alone in his vehicle, but she and her sister had lost both of their parents that night.

And since Katniss lived and worked in Capitol City, poor Prim was bearing the day-to-day stress of caring for both of their parents. It was Prim who’d called Katniss to say the doctors had decided their mother lacked the competency to make decisions about their father’s care. Prim had closed up their parent’s house and moved Mom into her place. Prim made sure Mom got out of bed, ate, washed herself and went back to bed. Prim dealt with the myriad of decisions that had to be made for both of their parents every day. All Katniss had to do was show up on Saturday morning, take their mother to the hospital and spend the day watching their father waste away while a respirator and a feeding tube kept his body alive and her mother desperately clung to the hope he’d wake up. When the sun began to set, she kissed her father’s cheek, took Mom back to Prim’s house and put her to bed.   

Every second of every minute that she sat in that ass-numbing visitor’s chair beside her father’s bed, Katniss wished she could be somewhere - anywhere - else; to run to her car, drive back to the city and never return. Only the bone-crushing guilt that her baby sister was dealing with this fiasco on her own had her packing her car every Saturday morning for the 60-mile drive north to Panem.

Well, that, and the man sitting on the other side of the table, whose smile lit up every room in her heart. He smiled at her sympathetically.

“I’d like to say I understand what you’re going through, Katniss, but my father’s death was so sudden, it can’t compare. Just know that I haven’t forgotten what that felt like. I understand what it means to lose someone so important to you.” His hand covered hers, and then his thumb stroked over her knuckles. “I’m here for you, Katniss, whatever you need. I hope you know that.”

His kindness made her want to laugh and cry at the same time. What did she ever do to deserve a friend like him? “Thank you, I-”

“Look at that!” Plutarch’s voice boomed from the other table. “Pollux go get your camera. Do you see it Cressida? They’re perfect!”

Katniss turned her head towards the other table where Plutarch was grinning like someone who’d found the prize at the bottom of the cereal box. The woman across from him was considering them carefully, the long, platinum locks on the unshaved part of her head falling over her left shoulder. Finally, she nodded. “Yes, you’re right. They’re perfect. And the setting is just right.”

“Well, you two. How about it?” Plutarch rose from the table and loomed over them. “Want to be on our show?”

Peeta was the first to recover. “We’re not-, I mean…”

“Professional actors. I know,” Plutarch said. “That’s what makes you so right for this. Your chemistry is palpable. It was slapping me in the face, even all the way over there.”

It was? Her attempts to process that revelation were interrupted by the thumps and rattles of the cameraman, Pollux, who came back into the room, a television camera hoisted on his shoulder.

She was already working up an impressive no speech when Cressida spoke up. “You don’t have to of course,” she demurred from the other table, “But don’t you want to help your friend? Footage of an actual couple enjoying the inn is so much more effective than shots of charming but empty rooms.”

One look at Madge’s pleading face and Katniss’s protests crumbled. Three minutes on camera wasn’t going to kill her. When she peeked over at Peeta, he was wavering too. But she knew he wouldn’t agree, not without her.

“Alright, fine,” she acquiesced. Peeta gave a swift nod and Plutarch threw his hands up in joy. He might as well have won the lottery. Before long, Cressida – who apparently was the show’s director – had Pollux in position for a long shot.

“I want you to start wide,” she instructed Pollux, “And bring it in slowly on the two of them while they continue their dinner. Pollux nodded and got into position. She turned to Peeta, “And I want you to go back to looking at her as though she’s the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen. And you,” she laid a hand on Katniss’s shoulder that Katniss had to force herself not to shrug off, “You just keep looking up at him like he hung the moon.”

It was impossibly awkward, trying to eat while the camera was rolling. She was conscious of every chew of the lamb, every bite of her potatoes. They tasted like ash in her mouth because she couldn’t relax. Meanwhile Cressida’s words kept rolling through her head. Since when did Peeta look at her like she was beautiful? How ridiculous. Just the implication that he had feelings for her had even turned the tips of his ears pink. But now, that the camera was rolling he was putting on a masterful performance, smiling sweetly at her in the candlelight.

Three minutes turned out to be twenty. Each time Pollux finished the shot, Cressida reviewed it, picked it apart and had him shoot it again. Once Cressida was happy with the long shot, she had Pollux pan from one of them to the other. Then Peeta gazing at her. Then her doing her best not to scowl at him. She also had him shoot their joined hands before pulling out to their dinner.

She heaved a sigh of relief when Pollux finally turned off the camera, but by then her meal was cold. Madge collected their plates with a smile, and whispered that she was so grateful for their help that she was comping their room for the night.

At least they didn’t bother her while she was enjoying her tiramisu. Plutarch’s plan that Peeta feed her a bite from his fork, was thwarted by Madge who suggested they all have a break and some dessert.

Katniss had never been so relieved to be finished with a meal. She was already making her escape to the staircase when Plutarch started wheedling for just a “few more shots” in the drawing room. Before long, she found herself nestled hip-to-hip with Peeta in front of a roaring fire, Katniss tucked beneath his arm and their long-stemmed wine glasses clutched in their fingertips while the camera rolled.

“Cut!” At Cressida’s call, Pollux put the camera down and rolled his shoulders. Cressida was oblivious to his discomfort. “Alright, Katniss,” she coached. “This time when Pollux starts recording, I want you both to be staring into the fire. Then on the count of five I want you to lay your head on Peeta’s chest. Got it?”

She bit her lip. It was one thing to hold hands over dinner or sit in front of the fire. This next shot felt terribly romantic and it seemed wrong to continue to pretend like this. Peeta picked up on her uncertainty and was arguing that they were tired when she realized she might never again have a chance at a moment like this with Peeta. Even if Prim changed her mind about tomorrow and she came back the following weekend, she had no idea whether Peeta felt anything for her but friendship. Suddenly, she found her tongue.

“It’s fine, Peeta. Don’t worry about me.” His blue eyes were full of concern when they peered down at her.

“You sure?”

She nodded, wondering if it were possible to drown in someone’s gaze. “Yeah.” The corner of his mouth quirked in a slight smile and she imagined pressing her lips to the spot.

Plutarch made a pleased noise. “Oh that’s perfect. That’s exactly what we want, Isn’t it Cressida?”

“We’ll do it all in one take,” the director agreed. “Fulvia, take Peeta’s glass, please.”

“I’m the host, not a gofer,” the other woman huffed as she snatched Peeta’s glass away.

“You’re not a coat rack either, yet you insist on standing there and doing nothing,” Cressida snapped.

Katniss decided she rather liked Cressida, who turned back to her, her irritation buried under her professional veneer. “As I said, you two, we’ll do one last take and then we’ll set you free. Katniss, I want you to do exactly as I said. Gaze at the fire, count to five, lay your head on his chest. Then Peeta, with your free hand, reach up to stroke her cheek. And if you two stare at each other with the same intensity that you just had, the Mockingjay Inn will be full for the next 10 years.”

“Can we please just do this?” Peeta sounded pained.

“Rolling,” Cressida called. The room was silent except for the crackle of the fire. Katniss watched it dance in the hearth before relaxing against Peeta and laying her cheek against the soft cotton of his shirt. She could hear his heart racing beneath her ear. She closed her eyes, fixing the moment in her mind forever. The spice of his cologne, the natural musk of his skin. The firmness of his chest and the warmth of his body. Even if it wasn’t real, she wanted to be able to recall this memory whenever her thoughts strayed to him. When his fingers grazed her cheek, Katniss opened her eyes and found his to be staring back at her, filled with fondness and, dare she say, longing?

“Cut!” Cressida said and Peeta leapt to his feet, reaching out to tug Katniss off the floor.

“Well, it’s been fun, folks, but Katniss and I are calling it a night,” he said, never letting go of her hand. Cheerfully waving good night, but allowing no further discussion, he ushered her from the room. His jaw was tense, she noted, and a current was passing between them that was almost palpable in the air. When he glanced toward her, she could see something brewing in his expression that she’d never noticed before.

When they reached the top of the stairs, Peeta opened the door to their room and allowed her to pass through before him. It snicked closed and they were left in the cozy space where it seemed Madge had snuck in to light the fireplace and turn down their beds. Lamps glowed on the end tables on each side the big four-poster.

“Katniss,” Peeta said, in a voice just barely above a whisper. Her eyes flew to where he stood by the door, watching her. She was reminded briefly of a stormy sea and then she found herself surrounded by him, wrapped snugly in his arms as his lips came crashing down upon hers. At once, they gave and demanded. Took and soothed. He bit her lip, begged forgiveness with a swipe of his tongue and then parted her bruised lips to slip inside. Here, her body sang as her tongue slid against his. Here is what you’ve been looking for. What you’ve been missing. The one you need.

When they were both gasping for air, he pulled back, framing her face with his hands, feathering kisses across her cheeks, the tip of her nose, her forehead before finally lowering his brow to hers. She locked her hands around his wrists.

“I’m sorry,” he apologized. “I’ve been waiting so long to tell you how I feel. You’ve been dealing with so much. You don’t need demands from me too, but the way you were looking at me down there, Katniss…. I just- I couldn’t hold back anymore. You mean so much to me and if you don’t want this, I’ll try to under-”

She had to shut him up. Had to. So she rose up on her toes and kissed him with all that she’d been holding inside for him; weaving her fingers into his hair as she’d ached to do, revelling in the sharp scrape of his stubble, committing the taste of his lips to her memory. How could they both have been feeling this way and not known the attraction was mutual?

“It’s not just you,” she assured him when they broke apart again. “I didn’t know how to tell you. I’m not very good with words, especially when it’s important.”

A groan sounded low in his throat and his hands clutched at her hips, pulling her close. Heat flashed between them and she stroked the iron of his biceps and wrapped her arms around his middle before clutching the back of his shirt in her fists. Her own shirt rose slightly and his thumb stroked the bare skin that appeared just above the waistline of her jeans. Goosebumps prickled on her flesh and the sharp edge of need sliced through her again. A soft mewl escaped her lips and his hands slipped from her hips to stroke the soft curve of her bottom. His lips roamed her jaw then moved to suckle the sensitive spot on her neck just below her ear.

It felt indescribably good, like she’d found a part of herself that she hadn’t known was missing. She craved him, each touch drawing her ever deeper under his spell. Her panties were soaked and her mind was whirling. She wanted him over her, inside her, wrapped in the knot of her legs while he took her flying.

Was it wrong to give into this now? When they’d only just confessed their feelings? When she knew tomorrow she’d be kissing her father good-bye?

Peeta lifted his head to stare down at her. His lips were swollen from her kisses; his blonde locks tousled. His eyes burned with desire, but his gentleness and innate decency remained. Her hands slid into his hair, toying with the curls at the nape of his neck.

He leaned down to nuzzle her nose. “Everything alright?”

“Prim told the doctors they could unplug our dad tomorrow.”

With a curse, Peeta released her and then led her over to the bed. They toed off their shoes and curled up under the covers where he drew her into his arms. She lay there quietly, her body still thrumming with need, but her mind at peace.

”Katniss, I’m so sorry. I know you were hoping he’d get better.”

“I was for awhile,” she admitted on a shaky breath, “But now, I just want him to be able to hold on to his dignity. He would hate this, Peeta. More than anything. Sometimes I think he won’t wake up because he’d never want to face this.”

He pressed a kiss to her brow. “I’m sorry. I should never have started all that before. If I’d known what you were going through-”

She covered her mouth with her hand. “Stop. Please don’t be sorry for that. I can’t handle it if you say sorry for wanting me.”

He snorted and she wondered if he’d picked up that habit from her. “Can’t be sorry for that,” he answered. “Not when it came to me as naturally as breathing.”

She gave her head a brief shake and raised up on her elbow. “What?”

“You have no idea, the effect you have on me.” At her dismissive noise, he flipped her over, settling his body on hers and pinning her wrists above her head. “It’s true,” he insisted. “I walked into the drawing room that first night we met. You were curled up on the couch, staring into the fire, your braid falling over your shoulder. You turned to look at me and my mind just blanked. And then I knew.”

She felt like she should scoff and push him away, but another part – the part that remembered their first meeting like a favourite movie – hungered to hear the rest. “Knew what?” she croaked.

“That you were perfect for me. I just needed time to convince you that I was perfect for you too.”

No convincing had been necessary. Not really. Not when she spent Monday to Friday thinking about when she would see him again. “I guess you’re lucky that work kept bringing you up here, then.”

He chuckled, pushing her hands higher over her head, his face so close she could feel the heat of his breath on her cheeks. “Is that what you think? That I’ve been coming up here week after week, for work? Do you really think there are that many art connoisseurs in this little town?”

“Well, why else would you-”

Peeta rolled his eyes, exasperated. “Katniss.” He clicked his tongue and shook his head. “Why do you think?”

Oh. “But you never called, hardly ever texted me during the week. How was I to know if you never gave me a sign?”

He blushed a little. “There were plenty of signs. I guess I was waiting for one from you.”

She spread her legs until he was nestled between her thighs. Locking her feet under his knees, she brought her lips to his. “How’s that for a sign?”

“I’ll take it,” he rasped, locking his fingers with hers. She took his bottom lip between her own and clung, nipping lightly. He let go of her hands to frame her face with his own and buried his fingers in her raven tresses. Free to wander, hers fell to his shoulders, admiring their breadth before slipping between the two of them to loosen the buttons of his shirt. Dissatisfied with the amount of skin she could reach, Katniss tugged impatiently at the hem of his shirt.

“Off,” she muttered as she laved her way up his neck to take his earlobe in her teeth. “Now,” she whispered in his ear.

“Bossy,” he complained from inside the shirt as he rose on his haunches to pull it over his head, too eager to be free of it to finish with the buttons. He tossed it aside and at last she could glory in his sculpted chest, his pectoral muscles dusted with blonde hair that narrowed into a trail that disappeared below the waistband of his jeans. She scratched her nails along his chest until they reached the button of his jeans. When she flipped it open, and reached for his fly, Peeta’s hand covered hers.

“You first,” he insisted. “I need to see you.” he swallowed. “Take your shirt off, Katniss.”

The heat of her blush raced up her neck until even her ears burned. “I’m nothing special,” she protested. “Let me touch you.”

He shook his head. “I’ve been having this dream about you. Please.” She huffed. Her fingers wrapped around the hem off her sweater so that she could whip it off, when he stilled her hand again.

“Slowly.”

Obediently, she slowed her hand. Her grey eyes locked on his face, watching his expression as she exposed the flat of her belly, the olive skin coming into view inch by inch. His eyes were dark, like bottomless pools. His tongue flicked out across his bottom lip, still swollen from her attentions. The sweater climbed over her rib cage and up her breasts before finally slipping over her head and falling into a heap on the floor.  

She lay before him, her slight breasts still encased in the white cotton bra she’d donned that morning. His eyes closed and he exhaled softly, then opened them and smiled. “You are so beautiful.”

Her heart flipped over in her chest and she knew it was lost to him, that her feelings shone from every pore. He flicked open her jeans, lowered the zipper and lowered his lips to the soft flesh just above the hem of her panties. His mouth slid higher and her core burned as he laved a trail along her belly button, dipping in briefly before travelling up her sternum to the valley between her breasts. His lips caressed one soft mound and then the other. Her fingers wove themselves back into his hair, clutching him to her, and he moaned softly when she gave it a little tug to bring his mouth back to hers. He tasted of wine and she drank him in, revelling in the pleasure of his skin against hers. Her hips rose from the bed, sending a spike of heat through her as her most sensitive place ground against his erection. She moaned and arched her back as she moved against him again.

Peeta’s hand slipped beneath her to remove her bra, unclasping it, and then sliding it from her shoulders to toss it to the floor.  He closed his hand over one before drawing the soft brown tip of the other into his mouth, the tension continuing to build ever higher between her legs. His name fell from her lips and he raised his head to give her a naughty grin and then lowered his mouth to her opposite breast. With his other hand, he rolled the nipple he’d already teased into a taut peak between his fingers.

Her hands ran down his back and slipped beneath his shorts, admiring the shape of his ass before driving him even harder against the apex of her thighs.

They grunted in unison, and Peeta raised his head, his eyes dancing as they laughed. He pecked her lips and then slid off of her. They lay side by side, their arms draped loosely over each other’s sides. The next smile he offered her was sheepish.

“I didn’t exactly come prepared for this,” he admitted, “If you want to take this farther, that is.”

Katniss bit her lip as she considered the contents of her bag. “Me either.” She considered a moment. “We’ll just have to be creative,” she decided and sat up, smiling to herself when she noticed his eyes following her breasts.

She climbed from the bed and shimmied out of her jeans. “C’mon Mellark, match me?”

By the time she climbed back up on the bed, Peeta’s jeans were hitting the floor, his boxer briefs not far behind them. Still on all fours, her eyes roamed his body, the broad chest, the tight abs, the happy trail pointing the way to a long, hard cock. She licked her lips, thinking about what she had in mind and it twitched slightly. Amused, her eyes flew back to Peeta’s face. He shrugged. “It’s just saying hello. Come closer, please. I want to touch you.”

She crawled to him, enjoying the way his eyes followed the sway of her hips, then rose up on her knees before him. His hand slid up her inner thigh, trailing up until he brushed against her lower lips before sliding down again to her knee. He rose up on his elbow, placing a kiss against her hip.

“So lovely,” he murmured against her skin. “I’m going to paint you, someday, if you let me.” His lips travelled just above the dark triangle between her legs while his fingers crept up her thigh again. “Your hair unbound, falling down your back in the sunshine. Your skin practically glows, Katniss. I can make all kinds of colours in my paint box, but I could spend all day trying to get your skin just right.” This time, his fingers caressed her slit slowly, drawing her breath from her in sharp pants, before delving deeper in search of the swollen bud seeking his attention. Her head fell back and a high pitched moan fell from her lips when he began to stroke it.

“Peeta,” she gasped, riding his hand.

“Fuck, Katniss. You’re so wet.”

Her hands slid slowly up her body, cupping her breasts and then rolling her nipples between her fingers. The pleasure shot straight to her clit and she groaned again.

“Can I taste you,” he asked, and she nodded.

“But I want to touch you too. Lie back.” She turned in the bed, straddling Peeta’s body so that his cock was perfectly positioned for her mouth. She heard him curse again, then felt him lower her into position over his face. He licked her slowly, sending another jolt of pleasure through her body. Pleasure she needed to share.

Her tongue stroked down his cock, from the tip all the way to the root near his balls. The strangled groan that fell from his lips vibrated through her. She palmed his balls in one hand and then slowly began to stroke him with the other.

Peeta’s ministrations grew more passionate. He sucked her clit into his mouth, working it furiously with his tongue.

Katniss licked her lips, then took him in, sliding her tongue around the head and then deep into her mouth. Another groan sounded from behind her and she took him deeper, moving her hand in concert with her mouth. His hips rose and fell, even as he pulled her ever deeper against his face, his sounds of pleasure causing hers to spiral ever higher.

She drew back, licking the head of his penis before plunging down upon him again. His mouth worked her furiously, whimpers of pleasure bursting from her, when suddenly she felt her orgasm overtake her. She bucked against his face as he held her in place, drinking her up. She sucked him desperately, opening her throat and with one last groan, he erupted, and she swallowed each drop as it slid down.

They lay silently for a few minutes, while their hearts raced, Peeta kissing her thigh periodically. When she could avoid it no longer, she climbed off him. When she turned around, she could tell he was as stunned as she.

“I guess I should go to bed,” he said softly.

She lay her hand on his chest. “No, stay with me.”

He smiled at her and held out his arms. She thought he whispered something into her hair as she snuggled down beside him.

Peeta sat up to pull the covers back over them. They each flicked off a light and before long she was once again wrapped up in his arms. They lay quietly in the dark as she listened to the comforting thud of his heartbeat just below her ear. She was just drifting off to sleep when she heard his voice again.

“I’d like to go with you tomorrow, if that’s okay.”

She desperately wanted to say yes, which made her think she should probably refuse. “It will be awful, Peeta. I don’t want to put you through that.”

“Tomorrow, your mother will be there for your father, and your sister will be there for both of them. You’ll be taking care of Prim. Someone should be there to comfort you, Katniss. And that should be your boyfriend.”

Her lips twitched upwards in the dark. “Is that what you are? My boyfriend?”

“If you’ll allow it.”

There was a brief silence before she answered. “I’ll allow it.”

“And tomorrow?”

She’s not sure about much of anything right now. She’s spent weeks second guessing herself every time he texts. She’s been reading online advice columns she would have scoffed at six months ago. They only mention red flags and warning signs. It’s not quite the information she needs. When he comes over to her house to watch a movie on a random Tuesday night, she spends the entire evening trying to figure out if she might be a “side chick.”

The results of her untrained analyses are inconclusive. Katniss is so thoroughly inexperienced that the lack of reassurance is overwhelming. Being a late bloomer, all of this relationship stuff has her hopelessly confused. She knows Madge can at least give her some personal advice without laughing about it. By the time of her standing Monday lunch date with her oldest friend, Katniss has a little speech prepared to broach this novel topic. Sure they’ve talked about guys before, but only boys, then teens, then men, that Madge was interested in.

As soon as Katniss walks into the restaurant, Madge flags her down and exasperatedly sighs, “Oh good, you’re finally here! I had a morning from hell and I need someone to talk me out of ordering another Bloody Mary.”

Katniss couldn’t imagine what might have her friend so keyed up, but Madge rarely gets stressed about anything that isn’t work related. While both women are employees of the local governments, Katniss is a lowly park service employee, and Madge works in the mayor’s office. Madge raves about how brave Katniss is when she has to deal with the occasional bear, cougar, or snake. Likewise, Katniss has trouble fathoming how her sweet,quiet friend can stomach public speaking and handling concerned citizens and angry taxpayers.

“You guys weren’t in the office this morning were you?” Katniss crinkles her nose and shakes her head as she takes her seat. The hazards of government work were made attractive when Katniss found out that the park service offices are closed on Mondays like much of the city-county government

“That’s the thing. We had a quick prep session scheduled since the governor is coming next week. Someone must have seen a few of us through the windows in the office though. My phone was ringing off the hook with stupid calls from a certain dudebro,” she levels a pointed look, “who seems to think calling me incessantly on my day off is a good way to convince me he needs a platform with every member of the city-county government hierarchy.”

Feeling guilty, Katniss replies, “I’m so sorry Gale thinks you are some sort of magical representative of power.”

Madge waves a hand backward and makes a sound of dismissal. “Won’t be the first, won’t be the last.” She opens her menu, even though she has it memorized. “I shouldn’t complain, Hot Buns brought breakfast again.”

This is as good an entry into the general topic as any. Maybe talking about Madge’s love life will naturally lead to talking about Katniss’ situation. Katniss attempts to be nonchalant as she stammers out, “Are you, you know, into him?”

Madge stares at her, head cocked, like she has sprouted a third ear. Katniss clears her throat and tries again, “You seem to like him. Like, a lot. And I mean, like like. Like he’s a boy.” She huffs as she senses things are falling apart. “Are you going to ask him out? On like, a date?”

She winces. So much for natural.

Madge’s unflappable grace under pressure is practically famous, but it cannot contain the tinkle of laughter that she tries to swallow. “Since when did Katniss Everdeen want to talk about boys?” Sensing something is up, she tilts her head and gives an encouraging smile. “Okay, catch me up.”

Thankful her friend is so understanding, Katniss takes a deep breath and begins to let it all spill out. The unexpected reunion with a childhood acquaintance, the stormy night spent talking until the sun came up, the first kiss under the stars, the continued texting and hang outs.

“So you’ve been hiding this whole thing from me? For the past three months?

“Not exactly hiding. Just not mentioning it. This is all really new for me. I’m still not sure what’s going on.”

“What do you mean you’re not sure? It sounds like one of my best friends has been seeing a guy for months, for the first time in years, mind you, and not telling me. This is a pretty cut and dry case of gal pal negligence.“

Katniss sputters a bit, not used to Madge being annoyed with her. In all the years they’ve known each other she has never had reason, let alone desire, to talk about her love life. She tries to explain what has happened, and how she hasn’t confirmed if she is really dating this man.

Madge has already declared the entire situation a bust. As Katniss describes the nature of her encounters with the mystery guy, Madge’s demeanor shifts from perturbed annoyance, to playful exasperation, to genuine tenderness, bordering on pity.

“You’re telling me that you have never seen this guy on a weekend? No Fridays, Saturdays, or Sundays? And that didn’t set off a few red flags?”

“Umm. Maybe? I don’t know, he seems to have really good reasons to be busy. And it’s not like he has trouble meeting up during the week at the drop of a hat, so I don’t think he’s married, if that’s what you’re getting at.”

“Or his wife lives somewhere else.” Madge waits a moment for the thought to sink in before continuing, “It’s pretty easy to be available if you travel for business during the week but actually go home to your family Friday nights.”

“But he’s always here. Wouldn’t he travel lots of places if that were the case?”

“Are you forgetting how we met Finnick?

Well now Katniss feels stupid. How could she forget? Finnick, a casual acquaintance, was being doggedly pursued by several women in a bar when he asked to join Katniss and Madge on a girls’ night. They had a great time and he went out for drinks with them during the week for a few weeks before they found out he was married. His wife, Annie, was finishing up her studies so they had to live mostly apart for about 15 months. It’s entirely plausible that her possible-maybe-boyfriend had a similar situation. Only he wasn’t as honorable and in love with his wife as Finnick.

“What if he just has kids? He’s being a good dad by not introducing them to random women,” Katniss tries to spin. She can’t believe this man is truly duplicitous.

Madge counters that he should probably still mention them. Especially if he ever intends for Katniss to be something serious. “Best case scenario, you’re not even dating him. Just stop answering his texts for a few days and I’m sure he’ll seem to vanish.”

Not even dating him? Are you sure you’re even dating this guy? Madge’s question feels like a shot ricocheting around in Katniss’ head. Isn’t that what she’s spent so much time online trying to figure out? The way Madge puts it, there’s not much of a question. What a bust indeed.

With a sympathetic sigh, Madge expertly maneuvers their conversation away from Katniss’ embarrassing dating gaffe. The ladies order their meals and continue their lunch date much as usual, with plenty of intermittent comfortable silences that both women enjoy.

When the conversation inevitably returns to the reason for Madge’s perturbed attitude that morning, Katniss attempts to keep herself from steering the conversation towards talking about guys again.

“Hot Buns freaked after we found out that the governor’s gluten free. I think he was personally offended. I don’t care - just means more for me.”

Madge’s insistence on calling one of her coworkers “Hot Buns” is distracting. Katniss doesn’t have to feign curiosity. “Why do you always call him Hot Buns again?”

“If you saw him you would too,” Madge chuckles as she wiggles her eyebrows. “But really, it’s because he brings in food all the time. The first few weeks it was always breakfast buns of some sort - cinnamon, sticky, cheese, fruity, you name it.”

“That sounds like the perfect coworker. Mine aren’t so thoughtful. A day when I don’t have to deal with droppings is a luxury.”

“You know what? I think he’s single. You should let me set you up with him. Make you forget about Mr. Technically-we’re-not-dating-so-technically-it’s-not-cheating.”

Katniss is nervous at the thought. Going on a date with Madge’s coworker seems like something that could end badly. She’s not sure how, but it just feels a little too outside her comfort zone. But Madge is alarmingly adept at getting Katniss to step outside her comfort zone. She uses the ability sparingly, which only heightens its power.

By the end of lunch, Katniss finds she has agreed to a blind date with a stranger called Hot Buns. Pending confirmation, she’ll be on a classically defined date with this guy as early as Friday night.

Wednesday morning, Katniss gets a text from Madge giving her the time and place for her date with Hot Buns. A local pizzeria slash microbrewery that is well known as one of the area’s best casual restaurants. Somewhere Katniss could feel comfortable and have a nice dinner even if the date didn’t pan out. She was starting to look forward to it. A by-the-book first date is exactly what she needs to figure out what went wrong before. After dipping her toe in the waters of a possible romantic relationship, she’s curious to see more.

The week finishes quickly, and by Friday Madge is following Katniss home after work to help her pick a nice, but not too nice, date night outfit. Her confidence is bolstered by Madge’s reassurances that her flowy floral spring dress is paired perfectly with a jean jacket and ankle boots. Katniss tells herself that she looks magazine ready and she is about to go on a magazine caliber date.

Her trip to the restaurant is on the longish side, but the weather is so perfect she can’t help walking. Spring has finally sprung, and Katniss wants to embrace it.

The place is filled with Friday revelers. Katniss debates grabbing a cider from the bar to gather some courage, but the hostess seems to know who she is already. Even though they don’t take reservations, Madge called in some favors to make sure a spot would be saved for Katniss and Hot Buns for their date. Walking towards the corner table, Katniss spies a suspiciously familiar head of blond curls.

“What on earth are you doing here?!” Katniss’ confusion quickly gives way to a barely contained rage. Her eyes shoot daggers at him even while her sense of propriety forces her to sit demurely in the seat he’s pulling out for her.

She really can’t believe his nerve. Sitting across from her is none other than Peeta “I don’t like you enough for an actual date” Mellark. The very same man she had been trying to get over by going on this date.

At least he has the decency to look embarrassed. His initial winsome smile has faded to a pinched, polite one. “Ummm, hey Katniss. This is, uh, hey.” His normally easy going poise has abandoned him, probably taken off somewhere with Katniss’ dignity.

“I certainly wasn’t expecting to see you here,” her ire loosens her tongue. “I didn’t realize you loved baked goods so much. Or were free on weekends suddenly. Or maybe you just couldn’t come hang out because you were on dates.” She’s seeing red.

Of all the possible scenarios she had envisioned coming from this date, she did not anticipate anything remotely close to this. All of her questions about the situation with Peeta have another layer now. How many dates has Peeta gone on in the past couple months? Why was he toying with her when he obviously could just go out and have fun? Did she even have a chance with him? She starts to deflate a little when she realizes that he must not see her in that way. If he wanted a cheap hookup he would have made a move beyond a few kisses on her couch by now. His frequent weekend work excuses look flimsy compared to the crisp look of his button down shirt and pressed dress slacks.

Peeta sputters for a moment before sensing Katniss’ melancholy turn. He spends a second gathering his thoughts before he launches into what he suspects will be a make it or break it explanation.

“Look, I know it sounds a little skeezy, but when Madge told me she was trying to set up her friend Katniss I almost had a heart attack. I thought she told you my name too. Then we’d laugh about how she tried to set us up when we’re already seeing each other.”

Katniss narrows her eyes at him. Sensing a need to be more thorough, Peeta carefully explains why his weekends had been so busy. “I was being honest when I said I had to work weekends.”

Her eyebrows arch highly with disbelief. His words gain speed as they tumble out in an effort to salvage the date, “Not for the mayor! I’m helping my brother! He runs the bakery back home, but his wife is still learning the ropes. They just got married and she could barely knead a basic loaf and I really like her but sometimes learning our recipes can be rough and it’s easy to get a little mean when training a new person and I don’t want her to hate my brother and divorce him because he wakes her up at 3:15 only to get upset she put baking powder in something when it was supposed to be baking soda. I thought it would only take a couple weekends, but we grew up in the bakery and she’s, I don’t know, a rookie? I underestimated things, and wedding season is turning into all year and this is the first Friday I’ve stayed up past 7 in months and there’s absolutely no one else I’d rather spend my night with.”

Katniss considers his story. From what she knows of Peeta’s character and habits since they’ve reconnected, it holds up.

“Madge said you were single.” Even though she says it with an even tone, the statement is dripping with accusation.

“I don’t talk about my personal life at work. Madge won’t find out you’re my girlfriend until everyone needs dates for summer fundraisers. And you’re so private, I guess I thought you weren’t going to introduce me to your friends until we’d been dating for a while.” Peeta hesitates a moment before adding, “Unless … we’re not dating?”

Katniss is stunned. Last week, she spent an excessive amount of time thinking about Peeta. An hour ago, she was preparing for a date to try to forget about him. Ten minutes ago, she thought he must be the worst emotional manipulator she had ever encountered. Now, she suspects there may have been a simple misunderstanding. “I’m your girlfriend?”

Peeta shakes his head; he can’t believe this conversation is real. “I’d like you to be. Full disclosure: I’ll try to be more upfront with my girlfriend. She’ll know all about my brother’s bakery schedule and I’ll even try to score a free weekend here and there.”

Katniss toys with the red pepper flake shaker on the table. Without raising her head, her voice is shy with hope as she says, “We’d have to go out on a date first.”

Peeta’s reassuring laugh startles her. He reaches his hand over hers and in a conspiratorial whisper says, “Well, I happen to know this great little pizza place.”

They both start laughing in earnest. By the time they’ve eaten through three quarters of a pizza they’ve both sufficiently recovered from the initial shock of the night. Peeta barks a hearty laugh when Katniss tells him about some of the theories she came up with to explain his unavailability. Katniss debuts a newly discovered giggle as Peeta explains the timeline of how she became his girlfriend and didn’t know it.

They’re leaving the restaurant and debating whether Katniss needs to see Peeta’s horrifically old and raggedy couch or if they should just hang out at Katniss’ house again, when she stops with a groan.

“Crap! Madge is going to grill me about this date on Monday.”

Peeta obviously relishes being able to casually drop his arm around his girlfriend’s shoulders. He’s all seriousness as he asks, “How close are you two?”

“She’s my oldest friend. We generally don’t beat around the bush,” Katniss responds.