#rosethornbud

Rose: I presented my last lab data presentation this morning and it went great! I know this is a gift from God because I didn't even know I was supposed to present until yesterday afternoon when my fellow labmate wished me good luck. Oh how I FREAKED OUT. So thank you so much God. I know you save my life every single day.

I think I sat immobile in front of our lab's computer from 7pm till 1am last night making my presentation. I am kind of sleep deprived but I woke up in time (thanks Jisoo for making sure I was up haha) and had my presentation ready. 

Thorn: My relationship with my mother is worse than I thought. She believes that I will cut my relation with her once I find her "useless". It is both sad and hurtful to find that she sees me that way. I really need God to intervene and make this relationship whole again. I, being, human, tended to always point fingers towards my mom, and that is probably how this all began..

Bud: I don't know how exactly my mother and I will reconcile. I think our initial fight regarding my future has changed the way we view each other, and communicating mostly via texts just worsened our relationships as we interpreted the words based on the misconception that we had towards with each other. This morning my mom was repeatedly calling me so I jokingly told her to wait for a while because today is a really busy day and for her to not get too cross that it will take a while. Apparently she interpreted my text as me assuming her as a clinging mother who cannot wait and she really got angry that I am disrespecting her. This is a adjective I am hearing more and more these days: disrespecting. 

Separated in time and space, I cannot physically repair this on my own. I hope my mother has enough hope in my humanity and personality not to think of myself as a manipulative sleazebag. I cannot view this as a tug of war, as some sort of give and take. She is going through a lot in her life just as I am going through my struggles, and I think I can no longer expect her to be more respectful of my space and time just because she is a parent and I am her daughter. Or perhaps this is just a cultural difference where in America a parent is supposed to be the fostering one, while in Korea a parent is someone you submit to.

All I can do is pray, because this is not a matter of logic. 

rose. I had the opportunity to give a really great campus tour today.

thorn. the carwash I went to was very long and exhausting.

rose. today I was successful in that I made it through another day of strength training without seriously injuring myself (knock on wood) and I had cereal for both breakfast and dinner!

thorn. I am SUPER tired and I am worried about an event that might have to get cancelled and rescheduled due to impending rain.