#rose diary

♡Delicate Lamb Angel♡

♡Soft Clothes and Blankets♡

"So nervous and self-conscious, I'm in reality so nervous and anxious by what people see in my art and writing. So afraid to be judge and simply be myself, cause how others see holds more weight over me then my own voice and thought. So scared when it's different, that I begin to question and doubt myself. Scared of my own feelings with how strong and over-shelmimg they are, it can consume and kill me, in such silence and softness that I fall into a haze where I feel so much yet so little at the same. Scary and comforting at the same time. I second guess myself, I'm fear that I'm wrong as I don't even trust myself and my own thoughts and memories. Of my own feelings. But yet, I feel I don't deserve to be helped. I shouldn't burden others. Why when so many are suffering, feelings of severe pain, depression and loneliness. Far worst then me, how can I be selfish and take others attention and care when so many need it more then. I feel that is selfish, so I don't want people to worry about me. To care more about others who need it more then me. Who are on the verge of breaking and giving up. How can I be selfish with that? Better me, I deserve it so that others won't feel this way. And even an punishment in some cases. Yet I don't others who go through this to treat themselves like this, to be kinder to themselves, to reach out and express themselves freely, let others help them, no matter how small and litte. Cause they matter and they are valid. I don't want them to think of themselves so harshly. But it is hard, scared of myself cause I don't want to hurt anyone. I know I'm human but it fills me with guilt. Scared to overwhelm them. Scared they will see what I see. Scared of what they will see me in my art and writings. Scared of varied opinions as I question myself I'm a guilty criminal. That how they will see me will change. I'm comfortable in who I am but so anxious and self conscious."

"Sometimes we give ourselves the the deepest of wounds and cuts, bleeding with sorrow and pain from lack of communication. Giving birth to grieving phantoms in our souls that are full of what ifs and tears that shows itself in shallow whispers. For sometimes we lose someone we didn't have too or suffer a wound that wouldn't have hurt as bad or cut as deep if we simply listened and talked with one another. Never be quick to judge and assume or be quick to let anger and emotion cloud your judgement. Not everyone is out to harm you or hold ill intent. We are all different, so beliefs and and how we handle things can vary among us. What can hurts us or brings us happiness can be different from someone else but we don't know that unless we talk with one another. Only through communicating can we breach those differences and truly understand one another. Cause only then can we prevent and limit ourselves from breaking our own hearts with unnecassary heartache and loss. For when you hurt others, you are also hurting yourselves.."