#ronancetruther

December 28th 1990,

The year is almost over. I feel like I've accomplished so much in life this year. I got my first big job, my first apartment, and I've even been promoted!!! I've also made new friends and I haven’t been drinking as much. When I went to pick up Robin so we could go home to Hawkins we had a really long talk about my drinking problems. She's been so worried about me ever since that night on Halloween when I got extremely drunk and cried my eyes out in her arms about everything I have felt guilty about since 1983. I have felt so guilty finding comfort in alcohol and I don't want to live like that anymore. I've also started going to therapy and I haven't had a drink in a whole month. New years are coming up though and Robin and I are gonna hang out with the boys and I'm really nervous because I know there's going to be alcohol. Not that all my friends are alcoholics or anything but I don’t want to fall into old habits. New year new me I guess. I also don't want to see Robin basically beg me to stop drinking, I had no idea the types of things alcohol can do to your body. I love my life, I love my job and my biggest fear is becoming like my dad and I feel like my alcoholism was taking me directly down that path. I've had a lot of self-discovery this past year and I have come to the realization that I'm more than just a Wheeler, I'm “Nancy Goddamn Wheeler” as Robin would put it. I’m a strong woman and alcohol is my weakness, actually alcohol isn’t my weakness my addiction to it is, but like I said earlier I'm so lucky to be surrounded by people who only want the best for me like Robin and My mom, Holly too but she has no idea about my drinking issues. I feel like ever since Jonathan and Steve moved on from me they dont care about my wellbeing as much, well that sounds really stupid because I know they care they just don't fight as hard for me as they once did I guess. A part of me kinda misses it and the other part of me thanks God every day that it's over. I have also learned not to depend on other people and I don't really know where I'm going with this I guess because Robin cared more about me being sober than Jonathan ever did. But also Joanthan and I were just 2 teenagers that trauma bonded I mean but technically aren’t Robin and I? I guess she just understands me for me and I love that, I love her.