#roleplayerworld

Do you have that one person, one person you always want to stay in your life, forever? Well, I do. But he's out of my life again, but still in my head, even in my heart. I always remember him in everything. In everyone. The couples that get to cuddle and kiss? I envy them 'cuz they got the chance to, except us. But just a simple text from him, I forgot everything about them. The romance novel that I have read? I remembered how clichè his moves were, but damn, it still gets me. The love song I haved heard on the radio? I remembered how lovely his words like it were taken out from the lyrics of a song. The action movie that I have watched? I remembered him for how great he was from saving me from all the bullshits I get through everyday, like a hero that came out from a movie to save me, to save a damsel in distress. He's the only person who knows what I want, knows what to do if I am upset, knows how to make me laugh when I don't want to, the only person who gets to see the sweetest and childish side I have, that no one ever knows. He's the only want I want ever since I entered this fucked up virtual world called Roleplayer's World. 

I know the rules here. I know it... but fuck it! I love him. I loved him. I was warned. Not everything in this world is true. This world is full of fucking lies. Everyone's a fucking liar. They can deceive you by their words. They may look cool, but they can fool you. Once you enter, I can't guarantee you that you'll get no scars. 'Cause, I did. I took the risk. But back then I was a coward. So I didn't truly take the risk. But sometimes I think about him, it just hits me if I did take the risk. Would he still be my friend or more than that? What will happen? Then someone told me he's not the person that my mind was hoping for. He's not the kind of guy my heart was hoping for. I was deceived by his words, my heart was been deceive- fuck.. right, he's not a HE, a SHE. But my heart, my heart is still aching for her. Even though my mind rejects it. I decided to leave that world. I tried to focus on my real life, not that virtual world. 

But, wow, I guess I can never escape this fucked up place. I did enjoy it again, it still feels like home here, but it's not the same here. You can now see the real person behind a roleplayer's account. I guess it's a new way to promote their portrayer. To make them more famous or... the other way around? I thought this time nothing's gonna fuck me up in this world, but well, welcome to virtual hell, fellas, where you get to experience how it felt like to be in hell. This kind of fuck didn't get me an orgasm though, the kind of fuck that takes everything away from you. 

I got the chance to talk to her. She said she looked for me everywhere, she's thankful that she found me because of my roleplayer’s name. She remembered how she gave that nickname to me. "Actually no, my friends gave me that, ass-hat." I was about to say that but I got weak, again. I was touched that she looked for me, remembered my nickname. And she missed me. I mean look she even talked to me! I had a plan. But... Well fuck.

I still chose her for this temporary bliss. I was aching for her. Can you blame me for missing someone so much? For loving someone online you haven't even met? For being happy with the person who fooled me? Well, actually, you can, and you have the right. I still followed some of my plans to get the truth out of her. I tried to get some answers out of her, but I got nothing. She keeps on insisting the fictional story that she made up. And I was choked by it so I just accept it all. I know i was so dumb, but I know exactly what i'm doing. I thought our bond would last a long time. I thought this is it, nothing's gonna stop me from talking to this person. I don't care who he or she is as long as we love each other. But it was all just a fucked up thought created by me. Because let's just all face it, nothing's gonna last long. Everything and everyone is temporary. Someday one of you will cut the string that bonds you together, and poof, gone. Our fucked up story ended without me having to know the truth. 

Part 2

“argghhh!” he groans as he throw …. Towards the entrance without even he notices that his friend came through from that door and yelp.

           “what the hell?” she was surprised by it before took his apron away from the floor and walked towards him. She slowly approaches the tall figure right infront of her before wrapped her arms around him while soothing his back slowly to calm him down.

           “thank you.” He heaves out a sigh along with a low whisper before push her body away and cares her cheek. “How’s your day so far? Nothing happen right?”

His friend only answers him with a snort and laugh after. “Seriously you need to stop being that worry about me” That girl is no other than his friend for live, her name was yul. They were close like brother and sister, their friendship been like forever.

           “You do know that I’m worried about you yul.” He took his apron from her hand and just threw it away at the cashier desk, and then he started to pack his bag once again, after all is the time for the restaurant to close. Yul decide to pay him a visit after she hangs out with the girls all day and get back home together with him. On their way back he spill out his frustration towards tamara to her. Yul only answer him with a giggles and kept on teasing him over and over again. She knew that he already reach his capacity but there’s something about that girl that cause him to stay, or maybe there’s someone else that makes him stay. She’s not sure, what crossed inside her best friend mind but she knew that tamara means something to him.

“Why don’t you just leave her then? Avoid her and make another account if you still want to play rp.” She crosses both of her arms against her chest as he looks at her with that teasing and annoying looks.

“first of all, I’m just to lazy to make another account and second you know is not as easy like you said yul” There’s a lot of things crossing his mind that time. He didn’t even know what to do anymore. Everything that he done is just so wrong in her eyes,  he knew that she really want to them to get back together but he can’t, after all the things that happened in their past leave himself a scars and pain in the ass that he’s not ready to face that ever again. Is really funny for him how this kind of relationship from fake world could cause his mind to go nuts. As soon as they arrived at home, he looked himself at his room and threw his body against the bed. Didn’t really want to open his account but there’s something wrong with his feeling that pushes him to open it. And yes, his feeling was true. There’s one message from her friends, telling him that tamara has gone drunk. His mind was lost and he kept on messing and pulled his hair in frustration, he couldn’t believe how this girl could drive him so crazy. After a half an hour talked with her friends finally her green chat showed up. Only just by a few greeting, their pm fill with all her confession, the pain she felt and how sad she was when she saw him with other woman. Is pain in the ass for him, read all of her message, he really could drop another tears but he doesn’t have another tear left and he’s already too tired from it. Until this crazy thought crossed his mind in a second, he rush himself towards his wardrobe and started to throw his clothes in. Surfed through the internet looked for available ticket for tomorrow. Until the sound of the knock on the door snap him out. He immediately run to open it and pull his friend at once like he knew that she’s the one who standing behind the door.

           “Leo.. your mom-“ he cut her between her sentence

           “I’m going to visit her.” He voice out after he let go of her hand and continue on surfed the internet.

           “Visit whom?” yul could only blinks her eyes watches her friends weird act.

          “I’m going to visit tamara.” He tilted his head to the back to show her, his serious expression.

           “WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK? Are you out of your mind? What’s wrong with you? Something wrong with your head? Did your head hit the shower just now?” He knew that her respond will be like that, shouted and he could saw her mad and yet confused expression at the same time. “Do you even know where she live? Which country? City? NO! Leo, seriously you need to snap out yourself from this madness, hello you know her from rp world, we don’t know if she exist or not. How she looks like?”

           “It doesn’t matter yul, seriously this is the only way I can make this whole drama and madness to end. I know which country that she lived, don’t worry I will find her once I got there.” He printed out his ticket that he already booked for next week, flashes his friend a cheeky smile before gave her a tight hug. “I know what I’m doing, I have more money than enough and let’s just take this as a vacation trip. I won’t be long, only for a week then I’ll be back again. I promise.” He latches her forehead with a soft kiss and smiles again like nothing happened. Yul can only heaves a heavy sigh cause once he made his decision there’s nothing that could turn them down and make him change it.

After they had their dinner, they had a long talked and yul help him to prepare himself for his crazy trip. Asked him to talk with tamara, ask which city that she lived and give her address without waiting for an hour, she already gave him, her address without any suspicious that made her get so worried twice about her friend but she trusted and believe in him.

The whole week both of them got so busy with the preparation of him going abroad. He completely took a week hiatus from his rp world cause he didn’t want the rp drama hold and ruin his plan. Just the end of the week arrived and he already land his feet on the airport of someone else’s country. Take a sit on a small café that he found just to get a free wifi so he could contact his friend and his girl.

           “Angel, where are you now?”

He waited for quite some times after he sent the chat, there’s no sign of her going to answer his chat that made him getting so worried. But just then..

“Me? I’m hanging out with my friends now, shopping. Why baby? I miss you so much. Where have you been?”

           “Tell me which mall you’re staying now.”

“What? You’ve been acting weird lately. You asked me where do I live last week and you’ve been gone for a week now suddenly you pop out and asked me where I am now.”

“Just tell me where you are now!”

“leo! What the hell is wrong with you?”

“fine if you don’t want to tell me. I’m going.”

“See?! You threat me again! I hate that stop it, I don’t want to cry infront of my friends. I’m at the Central Park mall, and if you still asking I’m about to enter the starbucks café, now if you’ll excuse me I wanna spend my time with my friends.”

After he read her replied, he didn’t even bother to answer and just grab a cab then goes straight where she was staying.

   ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Her hand shaking, her face looks pale and she couldn’t even hold back her tears anymore. One by one tears start to dropped from her big and sparkling eyes. Her friends was shocked with her expression, they knew there’s only two reason that could her tearing up like this, one is his family matters, second is her love problems. Move to seated beside her as she wrapped her arms around her.

           “Sweet heart please be strong. My baby girl, you’ve been hurt a lot.” Her friend couldn’t help but to shed a tear as she knew after all the things that she’s been through all this time. She can only gave her comfort with her hug until she finally stopped crying. She gave her drink so it can helped her to calm herself until someone tapped her shoulder that shocked her a bit. A tall figure of foreigner stood before her with a red hodies and his backpack cling on his shoulder, his black messy hair gave him a bad boy image by the first look. His build up body can be seen through the way he stood up.

           “Excuse me, Is your name tamara?” he asked

She wipe her tears away as she answered the man with a low voice, but somehow she felt something weird about this man, like if she knew this man all along. Her eyes kept going up and down to observe him. “Yes I am, and who are you?”

           “You do look ugly when you cry” he burst into laugh that cost the two ladies trapped in confusement. He locked his gaze back on her eyes and flashes her soft smile. “Angel, I’m here”

           Her glass cup slipped out of her hand crash right to the floor, her friend could only daze as she completely unaware about the situation that happened.

           “O…oh- my.. L-l…le…leo?” she stuttered

Gatau malem ini lagi kesambet apa gue dengerin lagu ini berulang ulang... bahkan buat nulisin apa yang gue rasain ke krystal gue pun bingung ngerangkai kata katanya. liriknya udah ngewakilin banget. ini translate an nya

Hal yang terbaik malam ini, dimana kita tidak saling bertengkar Mungkin karena kita sudah pernah melalui sebelumnya Aku tahu kamu tidak memikirkan bahwa aku pernah mencoba Aku tahu kamu selalu merasa tidak baik Tapi tahanlah nafas mu karena malam ini adalah malam dimana aku akan jatuh tertidur bersamamu Lagi dan lagi Jangan buat aku kembali berpaling Atau aku takan bisa hidup untuk melihat hari nanti Aku bersumpah ini adalah sebenarnya Karena gadis sepertimu takan bisa aku temukan lagi Kamu mustahil untuk aku temukan lagi Bukan ini yang aku maksud Aku bersumpah padamu bahwa aku takan jatuh Kamu selalu mengajarkan aku untuk terus kuat Aku mungkin saja gagal Tapi aku telah mencintaimu dari awal ini Tapi tahanlah nafas ini Bernapas yang dalam bawalah aku kedalamnya Aku adalah milikmu untuk kau simpan dan sayangi Dan peganglah semua kedalam kata-katamu Bukan karena bicara itu adalah murahan Tapi ingatlah aku malam ini Saat kamu tertidur

Setelah gue bisa dan mampu ngerangkai kata kata buat gue tulis di tumblr tentang kenapa gue post lagu ini. gue bakal tulis.......

-Ahn Jaehyun-