#rockfists

アイラブユーキルア！

本当のことだから全然恥ずかしくんない！

大好き

Ｄ　Ｏ　Ｕ　Ｓ　Ｈ　Ｉ　Ｔ　Ａ　　Ｎ　Ｏ　？　Ｋ　Ｉ　Ｒ　Ｕ　Ａ

“ ゴン、見て！ 魚を捕まえた! ” 

波が鯨島の岩肌に、ざざっと打ち寄せた。木漏れ日が二人の少年を照らしていた; それらの周りに鳥が歌っていた。すべてが平和だった。

uses this icon 2 sum up just how Real this is abt to get

jk idk i still have to plot all of my points in a way that makes some fuckin sense

Okay, so, now that I’ve gone and done a little organizing, I think it’s time I’m able to start this off. Note that this is all my opinion on the situation and what I was able to pull out of the episodes and pieces of the manga. I’ve also read several other metas, not to take their ideas or opinions, but to derive specific information and moments from, so if you’d like those (while I don’t entirely agree with all of them) you may ask for them. 

I believe the first thing worth mentioning is the idea that Gon will not allow any others to become involved in any of his own problems. This is explained several times throughout the series as a whole, and noticed by several characters. Take for instance, how Kurapika and Leorio knew of Gon’s nature and did not intervene when Gon had stubbornly decided to allow himself to be critically injured and beat up by Canary, since he knew, in order to rescue Killua, this was one of the trials he must have had to face. He believed it worth it, but wouldn’t let Kurapika or Leorio stop him, or take the torture themselves. 

Now, alongside this, given our current situation involving Gon and Pitou and the rest of that entire plan everyone had forged, Killua explains the situation to Meleoron after Meleoron asks “What about you?” and Killua replies, “At worst I’ll go down in flames with him, I guess.” Only to later claim he was joking, his lie being more than obviously implied. Gon was perhaps aware of how Killua felt during their situation, and the possibility stands that he may have intentionally isolated himself from Killua, knowing that Killua was ready to give his life for the sake of solving one of ‘Gon’s problems.’

 This situation can be even more backed up with the scene (during the Yorkshin Arc, if I remember correctly) when Gon states that Killua may not speak of dying, but in the case that if Gon were to, it’d be alright. If that wasn’t correct, sue me or something, but the lines were similar and the meaning is the same. Essentially, Gon is allowed to intervene in others’ affairs and lend a helping hand, but will not allow people into his own affairs and wants to take care of his issues by himself. 

Then, we can take into consideration, while perhaps inexcusable, but still a truth when it comes to Killua’s emotions: Killua was afraid that a confrontation with Gon would lead to the loss of him. Killua was afraid of losing Gon as a friend. Now, of course, in the grand scheme of things, it’s obviously arguable that he should have sat Gon down and explained what was going on and what he saw, but Killua didn’t have a clue of how to confront him about this, given every time Gon had a moment of emotional breakdown, it wasn’t long before he, once again, turned around and claimed that he was ‘alright now.’ Killua obviously knows not to believe this and can tell there’s more on the underneath, but he has no proof. Therefore, if Killua were to be wrong, he risks losing his friend, looking like a fool who’d based all of his beliefs off of assumptions, and behind left behind. He couldn’t officially know until Gon let him know, to which Gon did not want to do, because Gon believed his problems were only his, while Killua wanted to trust that they’re problems were shared, however foolishly expecting Gon to come to him with his issues at some point. 

Despite all this, in the middle of Gon’s epic breakdown scene in episode 116, before Gon is about to attempt to destroy Pitou on the spot, Killua is able to say, “If you kill Pitou [right now], we’ll never get Kite back.” Again, note his use of ‘we,’ rather than ‘you.’ It is after that, that Gon stops his attack and says, “You have it easy, Killua. You’re perfectly calm. Since it means nothing to you.”

This brings in our third point, as we’ve tapped on previously, but this time was the time in which Killua was finally able to understand. This was the moment that Gon had completely made it obviously that he was isolating Killua from the problem. Killua is able to understand that Gon has given into his stubborn nature and taken on the problem as his own, unaccepting of Killua’s help or hand in the instance that he believed it must be done alone, considering that Gon blames only himself, he most likely believes it is only him who must fix the problem. While this is what Gon believes, I believe I mentioned before that Killua believed them to share this issue, and that Killua was somehow able to help, and be there through what was going to ensue, but after Gon spoke these words, he found that Gon would not let him intercept, and this hurt his feelings, making him seem useless to Gon, as he does not and cannot entirely understand the potential of the situation.

Killua still takes it upon himself to want to help him friend, but it is too late before he arrives to witness the merciless of Gon’s wrath and self destruction. During this scene, you see Killua show up (exactly what Gon did not want, because Gon did not want Killua to have to witness what Gon was doing to himself) and Gon cries as he knows that he has now caused a great deal of turmoil within Killua and burdened him with witnessing his (what he believed) death.