#rocketlio

Deep sighs and wandering eyes,

it seems like the wind just blew the time

where everyone else we know

is just hanging around that corner,

lingering on those now lonely benches,

talking about how life still goes on,

even we ourselves don't want to go on, but have to.

How do we unfold a memory?

Of the days we are sober with our coffee fix

thinking about the days

we have to be enough for

people who never thought we were.

As if that cappucino will fill the gap of what we fall short.

We always order tall by the way like it will greatly matter at all.

Everything else matter and maybe that's part of the problem.

Maybe that's why we can only count the days

we can be more of a loving human  

with more than just a heart that pumps blood on this human body.

Human bodies.

We share on a rounded table drinking cold beers

even when the last thing we want is cold.

But how did we meet them?  

A wave of hello and some hearty to genuine laughters

and then suddenly we found ourselves trading secrets of

why we are very very terrified to grow up.

Days passed of this company that didn't make us

feel like unwanted guests, thank you.

We start to realize rivers can overflow, milk spills

when they can no longer contain it

but they don't have to apologize for

taking up too much space just by existing.

And for a moment growing up seems

like a less terrifying idea with these people.

We slowly grow up with a tiny part of them

- can be that smile,or a pinky, a dozen of bravery

additional humor in the eyes or memories in the heart

which may take a space that we don't have to apologize for

anymore.

Remember when I said growing up seems like a less terrifying idea?

Well the universe is a funny birthday celebration.

We have to deal with the day of growing – apart.

Now people ask, "but honey who's counting?

"I do."

Walking have this

soothing effect, relaxing even.

It declutters the mind and

let you breathe

let you think.

Now i'm thinking or so I thought

Tuesday of Fall

Walking used to be a tranquil habit not until I watch you walked away from me.

Now i'm strolling this street and it burned my toes

even though I wore the boots.

Maybe because you bought it.

Or maybe it's because the fact that no matter how far i'll walk , it's hopeless

for i'm  stepping on  sidewalks

that were  never paved to bring you

back to me.

Questions swarmed on my head like the smell of cappuccino you always bring me

in my apartment -gradually then all at once.

Or more of a regret, an aftertaste that chose to linger

but decided to be salty on a fresh wound.

“If you love him enough why did you let go?”

And I pulled my hair from my scalp

as if pulling would pull out the guilt

and why guilt?

'Cause someone said you don't give up on someone you love.

I meant your friends stared at me across the street

like silence cradles the truth

and what they think was right

that I did not fight

for you,for us.

I meant relationship was you and me and why should I fight alone?

You see, I would love to fight for us with every bit of me

but then it became a fight between us.

You see, I don't remember falling in love with you. I just know while walking on the park, I was holding your hand on a tight grip and realizing how much it would  hurt to let it go.

But I wouldn't apologize that these legs did not chase you nor these hands held you back,no.

Because love,can you blame me?

How could I hold on to you when you're just waiting for me to let go?