#robert larson vtm

He lies still but he's not asleep. It's not the time to sleep for him. He can feel every move she makes, every look she gives him, every flinch of her hand that almost moves towards him, towards his face and the hesitancy of her to kiss his face. He finally feels the weight of her hands around him in a an embrace. He waits until she falls asleep again to open his eyes. He watches her all night, just lies there still, unmoving. His eyelids flutter every so often, his lashes move as he blinks lying next to her, he doesn't rush to leave. He wants to stay as long as he can knowing he would have to leave before morning. He would have to leave her and it hurts him to know she will be upset. His eyes move over her face, over her body lying peacefully. He has to move before she wakes up again, before she begs him to stay with her and wake with her. Before the danger of her realising he doesn't have a heartbeat to rest against. He hopes she doesn't notice.

..

I reach out over the bed to touch him. I can't feel him. I open my eyes to look around, to see him so I can be sure he's there. My eyes open and John isn't here. I can't see outside to tell the time, to check the light.

I go to the mirror in his en-suite, it's completely dark without windows, I see the shadows in the room and part of my reflection in the dark. I don't switch the light on. I remind myself of last night's events and look away trying to shake my worries and hide my face form myself.

I try the door to his room and it's locked. There's no latch or keyhole on this side. I place my palms flat on the door.

I can't leave here, I'm locked in.

I see a shadow under the door and a note slips under.

Help yourself to breakfast and there's a driver for you if you need them. Knock on the door when you need me for anything.

Why would he leave me locked in? But that isn't John's handwriting. What is happening?

I knock on the door. Lightly.

Footsteps shuffle outside and the lock clicks turns and opens. A man stands on the other side.

'What can I help you with miss?' He says.

I stare not knowing what to say.

'Is John there?' I say after a few seconds of silence.

'He isn't. But you have the house to yourself.'

'Will he be back?'

'I don't know that miss. You can stay here and have breakfast, I can fix you anything you want, if you are ready to leave I'll arrange transport transport you just let me know.'

'Are you a butler?'

'No.' he says.

'Why was,' I turn to the door as I leave the room and point, 'was the door locked?'

He has a serene look on his face, one arm folded in front of him, the other by his side. 'Sir instructed me to lock it.'

'Sir? Why would he? He left me alone..'

'It would have been unlocked if he wasn't with you for some time. And I was not sure when he would be leaving.'

'You knew he would leave?'

He stares blankly and doesn't respond.

How do I make sense of this. No this isn't right.

'Can you take me home? Why is it up to you to tell me where he went? I need to text him.'

'Miss, it would he better if you don't. I'll be with you today, and you can see Sir later.'

'Wait why? He can't even reply to me? He leaves me with, no offense to you, but he leaves me with a person I've never met, and you're telling me I shouldn't contact him? What is this? I think I need to go.'

'Miss I'm going to be in the kitchen please feel free to sit in the lounge. Let me know.' He turns on his heel.

I'm starting to get angry and this situation isn't al that I hoped for. Due to the night I've had and the danger of the consequences I decide to hang around maybe and hope for the best that he does return. But it won't be easy to stay.

I'm sitting on the plush sofas, as he calls to me.

'Miss, there's something for you I've prepared, Sir asked me to make sure you have something to eat.'

He brings out a silver tray with plates and a fresh berry smoothie.

I don't reply I just stare. He sets the tray down on the coffee table for me. I remember to reply.

'Thank you.

I try to make sense of something, anything, my eyes are glazed over and I can't focus on a decision. I wonder if I will look pathetic staying here in light of the situation, waiting around for him until who knows when?

I end up wolfing down the breakfast, it's the best breakfast I've had for ages. I'm sitting with the half empty glass of strawberry smoothie, staring into space. Just thinking.

- Hey Liza, I stayed with a guy last night in Chelsea, near Hudson Yards. Can u come get me? I don't know what's happening. -

- Hey u ok? Ill come get u. -

Ping.

- Scratch that. My uncle will get u he knows the area. He says he'll pick u up. -

-Ok.-

I realise there is light in this room. I move to the windows and move the curtains out of the way fully. The cold light of morning is filtering through the trees and it is foggy out there. I stare out of the window when I hear the whistle of a kettle in the kitchen.

'Miss, would you like a tea?'

'I..uhh,' I lean back from holding the curtains, turn to the butler and politely agree to a tea with milk, no sugar.

The steam from the hot tea is rising up and my hair is tangling around my fingers, as I'm endlessly twirling it, knotted and messy. I take my makeup mirror to the window, in the cold pale light, I don't recognise myself as a woman who would be here, in this situation, I don't even know if this is better or worse than what I imagined a one night stand would be.

I messed up even worse than that. How could I? I try to clean myself up and take off my makeup.

I don't feel much better.

Ping.

- Robert is here. -

'Hey, sorry I don't know your name, umm, I have someone coming to pick me up now. thank you but I'm gonna have to go.'

The butler nods then hesitates, startled.

'Miss, you didn't tell them to come here? You shouldn't do that. I have a car for you to take you home. Sir asked to do it this way.'

There's a ring at the doorbell. The man turns and walks to the intercom.

'Robert! Ok come in!' he turns to me, surprised and relieved.

Robert Larson comes into the the apartment, scans for me immediately and finds me sitting with my tea looking sad.

'Hey,' he says sitting down carefully with me, 'Liza told me you were here and I knew where she meant by the location. And I know who she meant you were with.'

'Wait, how did you...you know him?'

'I know him yes,' he looks at me worried, 'it's best you are not here right now, if you feel like this. You look upset, come let me take you back.'

'Wait you too?' I lower my voice looking over towards the butler signalling with my eyes, 'he keeps being vague with me, and there's no sign of...'

'Of John. Yeah. '

'How do you know?'

He doesn't respond just looks concerned.

'Look you're not making this any easier, I'm more freaked out now. Did Liza tell you anything else?'

'No, but it's enough to know.'

'I don't think...'

'You can stay here, cause he will be back, but you're not in a good mood to see him.'

I'm silent.

'Well let's go, you can tell me if you want in the car.'