#rob zombies

[ MMV ] Zombies Strippers ► Rob Zombies « Living Dead Girl »

House of 1000 Corpses (2003)

I am beyond excited for Lords of Salem!!

Have you been looking for the perfect career for what seems like an eternity and yet not been able to find it? Do you wish you could just steal money from others as a job without the pesky police bothering you? If so, your search is over. Work for us - rob zombies. Unlike fetuses, nobody denies that they are not protected by the Constitution. The skeptics among you might think that zombies don't have anything valuable for you to rob, but that is a completely fallacious assumption. According to what appears to be a popular hip-hop song, stanky legs are great indeed, and no one has stankier legs than zombies. No one. Therefore, if you are able to remove the appendage from the zombie, you should able to sell the leg to a rapper for an armload of cash. Maybe dismemberment just isn't your thing, and you want to get cash directly. That is also no problem, since zombies carry around plenty of money in order to bribe Judas priests to help them easily take down victims in churches. These victims are generally people who are such terrible sinners that the priest deems them unworthy to live, so he arranges for a zombie to eat their brains during confession. It is a little known fact that over 50% missing persons with unaccounted for bodies were actually devoured by zombies, with false evidence being planted that they had gone hiking or on a tropical vacation. Additionally, zombies are not repelled by churches because churches are supposed to be geared toward having an ideal afterlife and zombies believe that an ideal afterlife is defined by relief from the constant hunger for brains. Also, Jesus was the greatest zombie healer ever. Still skeptical? Maybe you're afraid of the dangers posed by zombies, including the possibility that they will rob you of your brains. Some people might say that if you're considering this as a job then that would be no big loss anyway, but some people will say anything. You shouldn't fear because we will train you. For $200 per session, plus a 10% cut of all zombie booty procured using our methods, we will teach you of all zombie weaknesses that will enable you to take their legs and/or their money. To enroll in our school and be guaranteed a job after graduation, please visit us at zombierobber.com. -This is a dangerous job -This is a fake job. As of this writing, www.zombierobber.com does not exist.