#roasteddd

Transcript because I am laughing my pants off over this:

Oh, Izaya Orihara? More like Izaya Try-hard-hara.

This dude really wakes up every morning, slicks back his anime villain hair, stares into a cracked mirror, and whispers, “I love humans…” before gaslighting five people, emotionally crippling two teenagers, and causing at least one city-wide incident just because he was bored.

He’s like if Loki and a Reddit troll had a child raised entirely on psychological thrillers and caffeine pills. A self-proclaimed "observer of humanity"—translation: man who ruins lives for clout, then tweets about it from a flip phone. He thinks he’s ten steps ahead of everyone, but half the time he’s just monologuing in an alley while Shizuo is three blocks away practicing discus throws with traffic signs.

And let’s not ignore the fact that Izaya dresses like he cosplays himself. Fur-trimmed hoodie? In Tokyo summer? Bro, are you scheming or leading a winter expedition?

He talks about love like he’s studied every philosophical book in existence—but let a girl like Namie talk for two minutes and he’s suddenly ghosting harder than an ex with commitment issues. Dude wants to be the chessmaster of Ikebukuro, but every time someone flips the board (read: punches him), he scurries off like a smug anime roach.

Izaya: “I love humans.”

Humans: “We don’t love you back.”