#roadxpodcast

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[SOUNDS LIKE PUTTING A TAPE INTO TAPE RECORDER, AND CLOSING IT]

[TAPE ROLLING SOUNDS, MUSIC PLAYS QUIETLY FOR A MOMENT]

[TAPE RECORDER CLICKS ON]

RIYA: “Okay, we are rolling. Introduce yourself for the tapes please!”

ANEY: [AUDIBLY STRAINED] “Not. right. Now Riya.”

RIYA: “Be that way grumpypants!”

[WALKING] “Your turn first then Daniel.”

DANIEL: [SURPRISED SCOFF, GRUMBLE] “Are you shitting me- we-we’re in the middle of PACKING dude come onnn.”

RIYA: [LIGHTHEARTED RETORT] “I’m just trying to get everyone’s introductions!”

DANIEL: [RESIGNED, BUT NOT BITTERLY] “Fine! I’m Daniel!”

[BEAT. BIRDS TWEET IN THE BACKGROUND.]

DANIEL: “… What else do you want me to say?”

RIYA: “Uh your age, what we’re doing, and your relationship to the victim.”

[BEAT]

“The basics!”

DANIEL: [WEARY] “Why are we doing this?”

RIYA: [DETERMINED] “Because I want to record it! This is a missing person’s case, we need evidence! It’ll be fun, c’mon.”

DANIEL: “Fine.” [SIGH] “But let the record show I think you’ve got one of those fucking “born in the wrong generation” complexes.”

RIYA: [UNBOTHERED] “Noted. Go ahead.”

DANIEL: [SLOW, UNSURE] “Uhhh… I’m Daniel, I am 19, and we’re about to head out on a road-trip to find our missing friend.”

ANEY: [IN DISTANCE, YELLING] “I think it’s pointless!”

[WALKING NOISES]

RIYA: “Your turn!”

[VAN DOOR SLIDING SOUNDS]

ANEY: [IRRITATED] “Are you serious?” [SIGH] “I’m Aney, I’m 21 and I’m the one with the van so I guess I’m coming along for this Scooby Doo crap-“

RIYA: “He’s my big brother so he’s like…” [MAKES PBBLT SOUND] “obligated to sound like he’s being held hostage or some shit. Don’t worry, he loves me.”

[DANIEL MAKES A “HUP” SOUND AS HE ATTEMPTS TO PUT HIS SUITCASE IN THE VAN]

ANEY: [ANNOYED] “Can you get out of the way so I can put your suitcase in the van?”

DANIEL: [SIGH] “Can you move dude? I can’t shove my suitcase in while you’re blocking the whole way-“

ANEY: [GRUMBLES BEFORE INTERRUPTING DANIEL] “A little bit of patience while I pull all of this together for you guys would be appreciated! Maybe-“

[ANEY DROPS THE SUITCASE ONTO DANIELS FOOT]

DANIEL: [PAINED NOISE] “OWW!! [ANGRY] “Y-YOU DON’T HAVE TO THROW IT ONTO MY TOES-“

ANEY: “Don’t be so dramatic.”

DANIEL: [STILL PISSED] “Ha; Ha- DRAMATIC?? I’m not dramatic for wanting to keep my” [THROUGH GRITTED TEETH] “TOES ATTACHED TO MY FEET.”

ANEY: [SCOFF] “A suitcase isn’t going to cut off your toes, idiot”

DANIEL: “But it could break them! And then the damage is IRREVERSIBLE and the doctors have to amputate all my-“

ANEY: [INTERRUPTING HIM AGAIN] “See? This is THE most dramatic horsecrap I have EVER heard.”

[DANIEL LAUGHS INDIGNANTLY]

DANIEL: “EVER. What about the time when you were-“

ANEY: [INTERRUPTS HIM ONCE MORE] “You bring up the swimming pool incident I will throw your suitcase IN A RIVER.”

DANIEL: “OHO; OHOHO”

[RIYA STARTS WALKING AWAY WITH THE RECORDER AND DANIEL GETS GRADUALLY QUIETER] “You don’t have the balls to do ANYTHING.”

RIYA: [LOUD AND CLEAR] “Alright, my turn. I’m Riya, I’m 18 and we’re investigating the case of Ashley Clark. She’s been missing for almost a year and has been presumed dead, but she recently tweeted from her old account. The police refuse to take the lead seriously, so it’s on us to investigate now.

We have to find her, and hopefully bring her home. Ashley Clark was Daniel and I’s best friend, so no matter what it takes, we will find her.”

ANEY: [ANNOYED] “CAN YOU TURN THAT THING OFF AND HELP US PACK?”

RIYA: [EXASPERATED] “Fucking FINE you buzzkill.” [SOUNDS OF TAPE RECORDER BEING PICKED UP(?)] “I try to have fun with ONE thing-“

[TAPE RECORDER CLICKS OFF]

[TAPE RUNS FOR A MOMENT; MUSIC PLAYS MOMENTARILY BEFORE BEING REPLACED BY A SWELL FOLLOWED BY STATIC]

[CLICK]

RIYA AND DANIEL: [SINGING, MIDWAY THROUGH HAPPY BIRTHDAY] “…To you! Happy birthday dear Ashley!”

[ASHLEY LAUGHS WHILE THEY SING]

ASHLEY: [WHILE THEY’RE SINGING. LIGHTHEARTED] “Guys stop!”

[RIYA AND DANIEL CONTINUE]

RIYA AND DANIEL: [DANIEL GIGGLES, AND HIS SINGING BECOMES INFESTED WITH STIFLED LAUGHTER] “Happy birthday to you!”

ASHLEY: “Oh my gosh. This is so embarrassing, it’s not a big deal. It’s just my eighteent-“

The existence of Campbell Soup Bra was brought to my attention, so after my friend said „ANEY“ I drew this!