#rk chat

Fandoms have an enormous issue when it comes to bigotry and people feeling comfortable enough to be openly bigoted.

And I want to make it clear: everyone is capable of it. In fact, most people do it more often than they don't. But because this strange myth has been built up that if you aren't "blatantly saying slurs" or "killing others" it can't possibly be bigotry, we have done nothing but become dangerous behind closed doors.

If your friend has odd beef with a person of color in the fandom and holds them to standards they don't hold their white friends to, that is bigotry. If your friend feels some sort of way about the trans person in your friend group and tries to come up with reasons for why they specifically can't stay, that is also bigotry. If your group insists that a person with a personality disorder is making it up just for attention and uses that as a reason for why they can't be around them, that is bigotry as well.

I've never been upfront about it because... why do I, as a human being, need to be upfront about my identity when people randomly decide what I am? But I am in fact a person of color who is queer and disabled. Whenever I join a fandom group that is mostly white people, I am liked until this is discovered. And then I watch as people get brutal about things I do or say. Things that they don't do to other people in the group, and I also watch as they take my words and either twist them for convenience or ruin my reputation for it.

As a marginalized person, both in fandom and out, you are held to a unique standard that does not apply to other human beings around you. It makes doing what you love very difficult, because unfortunately as a marginalized person, people will always subconsciously side with the person trying to oppress or attack you. This has happened to me my entire life, from school to work spaces to even internet spaces claiming to be safe places.

People will say that they care about you and like you and even form a friendly bond with you, but the moment a person of privilege decides they do not like you very much, they can and will side with the other person even without proof of their issues with you. It's exhausting and ruins lives in places that should be fun and safe.

I am on my umpteenth experience with this exact cycle and I would be lying if I said it didn't make me feel like I couldn't live or breath in places I should be allowed to be involved in. It's a very real problem that refuses to end because no one has the courage to challenge it. I am speaking not only on my own experiences, but for the many other people of color or queers or disabled people who simply cannot join these so called "safe spaces" because of our identities conflicting with people who have been taught that we are lesser and not worth love or care.

If this is a problem you face, please know that I see you and I love you. It's hard to keep surviving in a world that wants to hurt you and leaves you abandoned and alone. I want you to know that the world is scary, but we all exist. You should be allowed to experience joy and fun without feeling like you're being suffocated and wanting to die.

You matter. The people around you that make you feel like you don't are nothing by comparison. You matter and I truly hope that we'll one day find each other and become the safe space that we deserve.

The marginalized people in your fandom are more important than your fictional characters and plotlines that you put above us. We're here and we're not leaving. Learn to live with us and protect us.

If we're truly your friends, you would care when your privileged "friends" want to remove us.

Some future AU Clover and Robin designs for the soul ;)

So these past weeks, I've been doing a lot of thinking. From how this was meant to be my break to recoup but ultimately became a period of frustration and grief behind closed doors for me, I've finally decided to make a concrete decision.

I've decided to come back and be as active as I can manage.

Simply put, after watching a number of people around me make it clear that they didn't want me to be part of their community, I came to a very clear conclusion.

The longer I'm away, the more comfortable some people are in not only pretending I never existed, but they'll also feel more just and powerful in hurting people like me the next time they come around due to lack of accountability.

So, no. I will no longer be on hiatus. I will be posting art again. And I will be a regular face in this community as I have always been. Because if the color of my skin is enough to make people do everything in their power to remove me from what should be a safe space for everyone and consistently try to push me over the edge, then I'm afraid I'm going to have to be a lot more persistent in my presence.

Not just for myself and my happiness, but for the safety and happiness of POC that want to be part of community and enjoy what they love without bigots blocking the door.

For the past few months, I've been at the lowest point in my life, not only from IRL events, but from a long term pile up of bigoted attacks and manipulation to ruin my standing in communities with no real reason other than people deciding they can't stand human beings like me. I was heavily contemplating the worst, but I'm honestly I'm so sick of the behavior toward BIPOC queers and disabled folks that I entirely refuse to be silenced anymore.

Expect more art from me! And if you're POC, queer, disabled, etc. I hope you stick around or hop right in, because I plan to keep you seen and appreciated when everyone wants you gone. We deserve to be where we belong and to be treated with equal care to our white, cishet, and abled peers.

Yes, Alice (my Patience Soul OC) is blind.

No, this is not a hindrance on her life or something she despises.

She has been blind since birth. She can only see shadows and light and vague shapes. She has never seen with clear vision in her life. Navigating with low vision is simply a part of her life, just as common as eating and breathing.

She is not upset about this as she doesn't know any other life. Being blind isn't a curse placed upon her, just a thing that makes her function and operate differently than a person with full sight.

Maybe I'll be back in a month or two, maybe more, but I just can't bare to be around here anymore after certain events. I never really felt like I was part of this fandom in the first place despite making a lot of art for it and some people have really proven to me that it was never the case.

There's this odd pressure to be a certain way in this fandom that I just can't be, I'm afraid. And watching people see as I'm chased out of what should be safe spaces and look the other way to avoid confrontation just isn't doing it for my mental state.

I haven't been well in over a month (longer than that, but it flared recently) and honestly I think I'd be better off disappearing for a while. Idk how long but it has to be a while. I can't look at this place and feel safe these days.