#ripyc

My band is breaking up. Not mine in the “I play guitar, the show will not go on without me” sense—but, put into perspective, it IS the most IN a band I’ll ever be. I traveled the most miles for them. They were the impetus for my career choice. I’ve sacrificed the most sleep for them. I’ve slept on couches, floors and in the backseat of my car just to be sure I wasn’t missing anything. I came to shows bearing sharpies, alka seltzer, cough drops, enthusiasm. One time, I even went to a Las Vegas Outback Steakhouse with them… in a limo.

I wanted to do things that got me closer to the music, and for all intents and purposes, it worked. They were my friends a good six years before I even went on antidepressants, but I never did wear my crazy on the outside. I mean, I assume. Or maybe we were just all crazy together. Still, I know they weathered plenty of knee-jerk emotional reactions on my part. Likewise, I witnessed plenty of theirs, and moderated their message board accordingly. The reason for my public relations focus in college, even.

Being a FRAND of the band requires you to walk a line. I made up that word. But it doesn’t actually work, does it? Oh well.

I think one of the virtues of not traveling with a “squad” is quicker assimilation. The energy of one person is a lot easier to deal with then two, and there’s less suspicion about some covert double-teaming coup. I’ve often wondered if part of the reason they took me in, so to speak, was out of pity, if even a little bit. “This girl has no friends! She must be lonely going to all these shows by herself.” I assure you, it was entirely intentional.

I’ve always wanted to assume a quiet but reliable role. I’ve only ever wanted to be a constant. A pillar. And a pillar stands alone. The cheese stands alone. Some of their friends called me that—Chee or “The Chee"

Anyway. I am where I am in large part because of Yellowcard. I literally work in LIVE MUSIC. I’ve been at Live Nation for 5 years. My goal is to replicate that experience, that pivot point for other casual fans. I’m very happy/sad. Bittersweet? But mostly thankful.

How did I get so lucky?

If my life is a web, Yellowcard is the nucleus, so if you tug at a corner or a moment or a person, the rest of the connections vibrate.

I think if the multiverse is real, I would still choose the same path. Tonight I cried a little during Miles Apart just because, “If I could I would do all of this again, travel back in time to where it all began"

Do I think Yellowcard are the most brilliant band that ever lived? No. But we don’t choose what moves us.

I am so fucking lucky, you guys. I had an entirely unique experience following Yellowcard’s career. I felt pride, I felt love, I felt ownership. I met my best friends, I met my fiancé, I met my passion. All of it was so mind-blowingly serendipitous.

Their ending punches me in the gut and takes my breath away, but they’re in my bones, my blood, my being.

Thank you, Yellowcard. I love you more than you know.