#ripcaptain

So I was going through my files today, trying to get them in order. I came across our adoption papers for Captain. My heart sank. It still hurts every time I think about it. My little family was perfect, and then it wasn't. He was such a good soul, so happy, so loved. I came across the ones for Arrie too. I feel like I've lost so much in the past couple of years and I've been spending so much time trying to regain that ever since. But it just doesn't seem to be working. My first thought was to immediately text Dixon. But then I realized that I can't. It's hard, when all you want to do is talk to someone, but they treat you like you're their world one day only to turn around and treat you like you were never anything to them the next. I'd give almost anything to have my little family back.. But it's one sided..and so I just need to realize that it isn't going to happen. I'm going to need to get used to being alone or move on. I can't keep allowing myself to be tortured by the fact that the family I thought I was creating is no longer a family at all. I can't keep being lead on by false hope. Dixon doesn't want me. Not really.