#ridwan

Chai might not not be that surprising a character to reach out to Ridwan...

but this now the second Nightmare to have gone from butting heads with Ridwan to getting protective of them while they're grieving. how does this keep happening, genuinely.

...anyway, what if both of us were changed forever by and for roles that we never asked for...

what if we both did something in a moment of crisis that we couldn't take back...

what if both of us never stopped being those hurting children when we grew up...

Ridwan is aroace.

I'm very sorry to all the simps in line with a ring. they feel bad for having to turn everyone down, and they're very sorry if they did anything to get your hopes up, because they don't want to lose any friendships over this.

they are very flattered by the attention, though, and appreciate all the compliments.

also I've gotten into the part of my Undertale AU rp that the mods have been hunting me for sport over (been parking my drafts for it in a mod copy of the lore doc)

every day, this one rper has been a gift for unitentionally delivering us a foil to the "server mascot" I play as

Uto: was a somewhere, became a something

Ridwan: was a something, became a somewhere

and they'd both be the "baby sibling," depending on how you count it. Uto has been a person for less time than Ridwan, but Ridwan has been a god for less time than Uto.

both of them: powers like White Diamond, backstories like Pink Diamond

they are doomed toxic found family siblings (but make them gods, too, and both of them orphans by their own mistakes)

and Uto has been digging up all of Ridwan's trauma, right in front of the first new friend Ridwan's tried opening up about being a god to, to provoke this boss-on-boss fight

they're the inverse of Flowey (born a plant, became a monster)

the reason they don't like talking about their godhood is because

they weren't even supposed to be sentient. no one expected them to turn from a literal violet into a literal baby,

no one knew what they could do, including themself. most of their capabilities, they've been learning by accident, which is how they accidentally orphaned themself under as-of-yet-unspoiled circumstances.

they're like evil found family toxic doomed siblings because Uto barged into this like the elder sibling who knows exactly how to needle the baby sibling whose room they just snooped through to humiliate them in front of their visiting friend in the most personal ways possible.

and now Ridwan is crashing out.

and by crashing out, I mean Uto just tried to fuse with them and Ridwan reacted so badly, trying to get rid of him, that they executed a fork bomb on themself and reopened an injury they'd sustained back at the annual Banquet when Uto led a data-corrupting world-eater back.

so the moodboard for this whole fight is like:

oh yeah and, it's not just that Uto invaded Ridwan's privacy, one of the reasons the trauma was so traumatic is they're still grieving and no one else remembers who there'd be to grieve over it's only been a year orphaned by their own doing, by accident all they have left are their cloth mother, whose eyes and voice are gone too, and a sentient roomba

and! the guest, the aforementioned friend, he goes by Midas because Greek mythology's his special interest, and Uto outed to him the "how" of what Ridwan did by pointedly mentioning pomegranate seeds.

Ridwan is functionally a gamemaker program, they can rewrite themself to be anything or spawn as anything or despawn anything of theirs, and up until that incident, Ridwan did not know there was a loophole around them only being able to use their powers on themself.

and between this and only two prior meetings, the first being a stern warning after he committed arson, Steve Jightmare is becoming the dad who said he didn't want a cat.

also Uto is now in a panic because mama showed up (Star Sugarplum and Cherry Tartale, two of Ridwan's employees, just arrived for a wellness check.

Cherry had adopted Uto as her son, which means a lot to Uto because he's not used to being viewed as a person any more than he's used to being a person.

he looks the same age as Ridwan, maybe college-age, but he's only been a person for 10 years

Ridwan is the age they look, but that's still a very short time in god years, esp after being raised by mortal unplanned parents with maybe one experienced parent and an elder sibling or two among them, plus the hired nanny– the only mother they ever had.

Uto's new mom has house fire trauma

the mansion, which is also Ridwan, is still burning

so Uto finally took the hint before Ridwan finished turning his attempted fusion against him drag them into a rift together and kill them both.

...and now... now it's time for Ridwan to patch themself up and reckon with just how deeply this hurt/violated them.

TVBBTT (The Violet Banquet But There's Trauma)

…it did exhaust them, though, putting on a brave face for over a week straight.

which… actually, it may not be that their mental health afterward's been on a steady decline… I think it's just that they're finally not masking everywhere, and they've just been slipping steadily back into how fragile they were… either before or shortly after they had more than Dahlia and Stabby to talk to– both of whom they're too afraid of disappointing, or letting them share their guilt, to open up to as much as they really need to.

Faelin and the others probably saw more of this side of them when they first met, albeit through layers of awkward politeness, but now that they keep getting reminded of their own failures or losses, they've reached their limit for how long they can keep bottling.

something that can happen after grief is that time just kind of... stops. if you get stuck living in the past, you start letting the future leave you behind. and even when you relearn how to live in the present, even if you don't take it out to look at it again, you still carry that photo around with you.

Gnosis