#rideforadream

Alexander Waddling

24 years old

Education: Currently in my 4th year of a BA in psychology

Job: I work in health food, selling supplements, and am occasionally on set for various movies and television shows.

How did you become involved with Ride for a Dream? I started Ride For A Dream as a way to carry the message of men getting involved in ending violence against women across Canada. I called up an old friend who I used to work with at Medieval Times to ask if he wanted to cycle across the country, as he'd expressed interest in my longer-distance cycling trips in the past. When I said I wanted to go to Vancouver, and why, Danny was on board. With that, we had a team, a destination, a timeline, and perhaps, more courage than know-how, but we survived. When we came back, planning on year 2 started, and this time we intended to do it right.

Why did you get involved with the White Ribbon Campaign? I became acutely aware of my ignorance regarding gender issues early at university, despite being raised in many ways to be feminist-minded. I saw what my mother or father did as "parent" jobs, not "mother/father" jobs, which I think is one of the potential fringe benefits of divorced parents. The more I came to understand the issue of violence against women, the more I felt it necessary to do something - A lot of my friends are women, and to know that this is an issue that affects them, directly or indirectly, to do nothing would be an incredible gesture of disrespect. As a man, you can't claim that you see women as equal, that you respect them when this is such an issue. A big motivation is my sister, who is 7 years old. She deserves to know what being respected means, what kind of opportunities she deserves, and how she can be anything she wants because of her gender, not despite it. I especially want my brother, who is 6, to know what kind of a man he can be, how to respect women.

What is the ultimate goal for Ride for a Dream? The Dream is to end violence against women. It's big, really big, and especially when you come to see how it's a symptom of greater forces than simply "hit/don't hit" there is so much to address. It's a matter of questioning everything in ones' life - what do I do that reinforces or negates these systems?

How much money have you (or/and your team) raised to date?  I believe we've raised around $15,000 in total, but it's not something we deal with directly. We act as a means for people to know about who to donate to, but we don't collect donations ourselves - none of the money raised comes to us. I cover the vast majority of costs myself, along with assistance from Ryerson University, which we're very grateful for.

What criticism have you received as a male working towards the awareness of violence against women? It's varied. I've heard a few times  - from men and women - that I must be doing this kind of work to seduce women. This raises a few issues for me. First, when women say it, it reminds me of the kinds of things we're trying to tear down here: Is the only motivation for a man to get engaged in this kind of work the chance at having sex? Is that really all women are worth to men? To that, I think the only way to prove those women wrong is to keep doing what I do, but shows me how internalized this belief is. When I hear it from men, it's considerably different. It implies that they know what women want from a man, that is, to be attracted to a man, is to be respected BY that man. Like the women, this says that the only reason a man would respect a woman (or appear to do so) would be to have sex with her.

I've also been told that I can't possibly understand the issue because I'm not a woman. This is to a large extent, true. There is a phrase I use often when engaging men: We are "inherently ignorant" of the issues afflicting women. I recognize that I am a man, a white, cis/straight man at that. I'm privelidged, and am inherently ignorant of those who aren't me. I've taken a long, critical look at that, and have come to recognize my priviledge. It's taken unlearning a lot of behavioural patterns I carried for a long time, and with the help of the women and likeminded men around me, I am in a constant state of "coming to know better" than I did before. Even recently, I came to see how I had been slut shaming in certain contexts, and so I've made corrections.

Do you consider yourself a Feminist? Why? I've gone back and forth on this word, feminist. I feel like it implies finality, that it's a title, trying to be absolute. I am in the process of "feminizing" as I learn, and that's a process that won't stop. If you can say that someone understaking that process is a feminist, then yes, I suppose I am. That said, the term "feminist" is supposed to be about equality, and I feel the term is matriarchal, not necessarily implying equality. This is a linguistic issue, and it could have for some skewed the perception of the ideology it tries to embody (there are many, MANY different forms of feminism though). I don't think it's quite a complete term, as it doesn't give off the idea that patriarchy may negatively affect men, for instance. In that way, I don't think I necessarily feel the need to identify as a feminist - I know what I believe, and I don't think it's name matters as much as knowing what the beliefs are.

Why do you need Feminism? I need feminism because I believe everyone is equally deserving of rights, and I don't see that we've obtained that yet. To know such a large proportion of our population is subjected to less than adequate treatment in my eyes, to sit back and do nothing would create some serious cognitive dissonance; I would hate myself for not acting. 

What keeps you motivated? My family and friends are large contributors to keeping me moving forward; strangers who tell me that the campaign gives them hope, but especially when I have a conversation with someone who comes to recognize how little they knew of the issue beforehand, or now they've reconsidered using certain words that reinforce the systems that cause violence against women. The bad stories keep me moving too. There was a week in particular a few months ago where I felt very defeated, and told a friend it felt like no matter what I did, nothing would change. She said to me, "If you believe that's true, and stop the work you're doing, it will be true" and so now, even when I hear stories that break my heart, I take it as a reminder to keep working at it. It's either occasionally frustrating that progress isn't moving fast enough, or hating myself for not working to make the change I want to see in the world.

Where do you see yourself in 5 years from now? I don't think about it too much. I know if you'd have asked me that 5 years ago, I wouldn't have guessed where I am, not in the slightest. Ideally though, I'd like to be mentoring young men on different ways to engage the issue, across Canada, and perhaps abroad. This is a global issue, and I'd like the opportunity to see it in all its' contexts.

What do you do for fun? I don't cope with boredom well, so it varies. I cycle a lot, and am always training for the next big bike trip. Currently, I'm learning how to play the harmonica, and am working on my francais as well. My friends and family are very important to me, so spending time with them as well. I don't watch television, or movies much anymore. Truth be told though, I really enjoy my Ride For A Dream work. Good thing too, it takes a lot of my time.

What advice would you give to young activists that want to start their own campaign but don't know how? Find likeminded people. We are nothing without other people, something we all tend to forget. In the words Dan Harmon, "People is more important than everything, even grammar." If you have a community around you of good people, anything is possible.