#rhodee

“A date!” Tony said with a big smile.

“With who?” Rhodey asked as he closed his book, realizing that this was going to be a thing. Tony didn’t date. If he wasn’t at the apartment he was either at class or in the robotics lab, and he didn’t really have any other friends.

Until this year, at least. Tony was 17 and finally the same age as some of his fellow classmates, so Rhodey had noticed him being a bit more social. Still, Rhodey felt very protective, and while he’d never admit it out loud, he kind of missed having Tony all to himself.

“Uh, Amy Lin? She’s a freshman! And she’s on the robotics team and she’s just super cool and smart and we were sitting outside today and she was like 'hey do you want to go out sometime?' and I was like 'what do you mean, we're already outside.' and then she laughed and was like 'no like...go out. On a date.' and I just felt like such an idiot and I didn't know what to say but eventually I managed to say yes I think and well now we're going on a date! And I have no idea what to wear, you gotta help me. Everything I own is ripped or has burn holes from welding or is covered in grease and who knows what else and I just want to look good."

Rhodey resisted the urge to tell him that he'd look good in a paper bag, and did his best to swallow his own jealousy before he started helping him look through the bags.

The crush on Tony was very new. 

Two years ago Tony had just been this quiet, nerdy kid who didn't know how to do his own laundry and was afraid of his own shadow. This year though? This year he was just different. Over the Summer he'd grown a few more inches, gotten his braces off, discovered contact lenses, and overall just came off as more mature and confident. Rhodey's jaw had literally dropped when he saw him for the first time at the beginning of the semester, and ever since then he'd been struggling with a lot of feelings.

"Uhh, ok. Well first of all, where are you going?" Rhodey asked as he pulled out item after item, which ranged from a leather jacket to a tuxedo, so he wasn't sure what the vibe was going to be.

"Bowling."

Rhodey just laughed. "You bought a brand new tuxedo to go bowling? Is that what you rich white people do?"

"I...I mean, I don't know. She mentioned maybe getting dinner at one point and I think I just panicked like what if she wanted to go somewhere fancy instead of bowling and all of a sudden and I just started grabbing everything I could possibly need." Tony explained, sounding a bit exasperated.

"Dude, take a deep breath. It's going to be ok."

"I know I just...I want to do everything right. I want her to like me, ya know?"

"She will! She already does. She asked you out, didn't she?"

"Yeah but...I don't know. I don't know what to do. I'm just not used to this. People liking me. I’ve always been so much younger than everyone at school and no one ever talked to me and I always just feel like I missed out on learning how to be a normal teenager. I don’t know how to date." Tony admitted, being way more candid about his feelings than Rhodey was used to.

"You don’t have to worry about that anymore. Just go out and have fun. Be yourself."

"I’m just afraid she’s going to see what a huge nerd I am and change her mind."

“You guys are on the robotics team. You’re both nerds. It’ll be fine.

“I just - 

“Tony.” Rhodey Interrupted. He hated when Tony got like this, and something in him just snapped. “Stop being so down on yourself. You’re funny and smart and sweet and you tell great stories and you’re so enthusiastic about your work and about learning new things so that you can change the world. You’re incredible. And I’m sorry that no one in your life has ever told you that before, but it’s all true and if she sees what I see then...then she’ll love you, ok?”

Tony was just staring at him like a deer in headlights, and Rhodey immediately knew that he’d said way too much. He just hated when Tony got like this, and he wanted him to just see how great he actually was. 

“Rhodey I…” Tony started, clearly unsure of what to say in response to that, and Rhodey’s stomach just dropped. Had he completely fucked this up? Had he made everything weird? There was nothing weird about telling your friend that you love him, right? Even if you did happen to have a huge crush on that friend? 

They were both silent for what felt like forever, though in reality it was only a few seconds.

“You’ll be fine. Anyway. So when is this date?”

Tony glanced down at his watch. “I’m supposed to meet her in 45 minutes.”

“Well, then we’d better get to work.” Rhodey said as he stood up and grabbed an armload of clothes.

They made quick work of it, just putting Tony in jeans, a red t-shirt, the leather jacket, and a fresh pair of Chuck Taylors. They were a little quiet at first, but soon they found their way back to the joking and teasing they were used to. As Tony stood in the hallway trying to fix his hair the way the lady at the hair salon had told him too, Rhodey just stood back and admired his work. There was nothing spectacular about the clothes, but they were new and clean and fit him well. And the leather jacket was driving Rhodey crazy. As he watched Tony from behind, he wanted nothing more than to grab him, pin him against the wall, and have his way with him.

There were a million reasons why he shouldn’t do that, especially since he was literally about to leave to go on a date with someone else. With a girl.

“How do I look?” Tony asked, spinning around and giving him a big smile.

“Great.” Rhodey replied simply, resisting the urge to say hot. He didn’t want to make anything else weird.

Tony seemed unsure, but looked at his watch again and took a deep breath. “Right. Well, I gotta go. Thank you. For everything. Don’t study too hard, all right?” He said with a little smile before taking one more look at himself in the mirror and then heading out.

Rhodey tried to focus on studying after that, but he just couldn’t. He was jealous, he was embarrassed, and most of all he was horny. He took care of the latter problem a few minutes after Tony left, but after that he just laid on his bed and started at a crack in the ceiling while a million thoughts raced through his head.

This crush on Tony was stupid. Tony obviously wasn’t gay, right? And being gay in the Air Force sounded like a not-so-great idea anyway, so Rhodey really had to work on resisting these crushes if he ever wanted the chance to fly. Still, he couldn’t get that image of Tony in the leather jacket out of his mind, nor could he get over how jealous he felt. 

He figured that the best way to get over it was to distract himself, so he got up, took a cold shower, ate some dinner, and settled in back on the couch to watch TV and wait for Tony to get home. Despite the jealousy, he wanted to hear about the date and how it went. He just wanted Tony to be happy, and if dating Amy made him happy, then he’d do his best to be enthusiastic about it. At least on the surface.

Not long after Rhodey settled on the couch Tony came home and immediately plopped down next to him.

“Hey, you’re home early. How’d it go?” Rhodey asked, genuinely shocked that he was home. It hadn’t even been two hours, and he was just glad that he hadn’t decided to jerk off again.

“Yeah, it was fine. I mean, I had fun. We bowled and had some pizza and then sketched up an idea on a napkin for a bowling robot that we might try to build next week.” Tony said as he stared at the floor while fidgeting around with his zipper. “And then like, we were in the arcade part. Playing pinball. And she kissed me.”

“Well hey! That’s good, right?”

“I don’t know. It was weird. I mean, I’ve never kissed anyone before so I’ve not got much to compare it too. But like, it was like kissing my sister. If I had a sister, I guess. I don’t know. Just didn’t do much for me.” Tony admitted quietly, and Rhodey had no idea how to respond to that. Luckily, Tony kept talking. “And then it was a little awkward and she said that she didn’t feel like bowling anymore so we turned in our shoes and then she said that she thought that maybe we should just be friends.”

“Oh. Well shit, that sucks man, I’m sorry. But this is only your first date, there are plenty of other girls out there! There’s even at least 1 more on the robotics team, right? I’m sure you’ll find someone that makes you feel that spark.” Rhodey said as he put his hand on Tony’s shoulder. He just didn’t want him getting too down on himself.

Tony just looked up at him and smiled, and it was a look that Rhodey would have to file away to use later. “Thanks. Yeah, it’s fine. She still wants to be friends, so that’s good. Friends are good. I’m gonna go change, ok?”

“Sure.”

Tony stood up to head to his room, but then stopped and hesitated for a moment.

“Tony? You all right?” Rhodey asked as Tony turned to look at him. He was quiet for a moment, like he was searching for what to say.

“Are you doing anything Friday night?” Tony finally asked.

“No.” Rhodey answered, confused.

“Do you - would you be interested in like - going out?”

“W-what?” Rhodey stuttered out as his heart started pounding. This wasn’t actually happening, was it?

“Go out? Like...on a date? I guess? Unless I read that whole situation earlier wrong.”

“I…” Rhodey just trailed off, completely taken by surprise by all of this. “Um. A date?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh. Uh...ok. Yeah. We can do that, if you’re sure.”

Tony nodded. “I’m sure. Been thinking about it all night.”

“Oh.”

“Ok, so. It’s a date, yeah? Dinner? Movie? I don’t know, that’s what people do, right?” Tony said as he shoved his hands deep into his jacket pockets.

“We’ll figure something out.”

Tony nodded again and turned to head to his room.

“Hey, Tony?” Rhodey called out after him, causing Tony to stop and turn to him. “Whatever we do, promise me you’ll wear the leather jacket.” Rhodey said with a confident little smile, finally regaining a bit of composure.

A huge grin spread across Tony’s face, like he was finally relaxing too. “All right.”

Tony had grieved, raged against fate and everyone close to him, not wanting to admit that Loki— might have left him. Not Loki, who understood how it was to be alone, who made him forget the dark clouds. He never forgot the relief in these green eyes as Tony came back from Afghanistan, his hands in Tony’s shirt, trembling.

It hadn’t made sense that Loki got up and left, never to return.

Tony threw a glare at the image of his old lover. How dared he to come back into Tony’s life like that? His heart started beating up to his ears, the screens all turned blurry as he looked at them to read the other information. He had never known that Loki wasn’t a human– nothing had pointed towards it.

Lies, Tony’s head whispered, and it felt like it was having a field day with him now. He was a lie. How do you know you were the only one?

All the sudden disappearances made sense now, probably had to go back to Asgard and play the good son, the fucking prince. Tony wiped angrily at his eyes to see clearly again, read more and with each word he processed, he felt like old wounds were opened anew and his heart was crying red on the inside.

Anger was burning him, fuelled by the agony he felt that didn’t stop. It was a familiar ache, old; Tony thought he’d drunken it away, ranted it all off his chest. He’d praised the day too early, again.

The flight to Stuttgart was surprisingly clear. Music was playing as he flew over the Atlantic Ocean. He played briefly with the thought of catching Loki and dropping him into the raging waves, so that he would disappear — this time finally. If that was even possible, Tony realised dryly and with no small amount of self-loathing for not having realised on his own that there was something seriously off about Loki. How should he have known he was an alien though? Who in their right mind thought that their lover was an alien?

An eccentric man, Tony had told himself, unhinged and free to do as he pleased with an astonishing amount of issues. He’d stopped asking because Loki let him be too when he hid in his workshop, didn’t ask when Tony returned from the shower with red eyes. It had been– a quiet arrangement that didn’t need to be talked about.

Where Tony had thought them happy, to be in accord with how they worked, Loki had hidden behind his mask and let him think whatever he wanted— because it hadn’t mattered to him, had it? Now he was back, a few of SHIELD’s agents on his conscience and wanted to tear Tony’s world apart and make it to his.

Not with him.

He sped up and reached the French coast, indulged himself with the image of getting a croissant when this was all done. A few minutes later he’d reached Germany. Anxiety was starting to seep into Tony’s bones but he ignored it, told JARVIS to turn the music louder, scan the sky for any of SHIELD’s planes or helicopters. This was his show. It might matter that Loki had killed SHIELD’s agents but Tony didn’t care, not when it was himself who’d been played the fool so thoroughly. Who knew how much Loki had laughed at him when Tony couldn’t see, had made fun of the human who thought could love a god.

JARVIS was quiet, reading his status on everything and did what he thought was best. And overriding SHIELD’s systems was always fun. It was a flicker of light in this darkness as he saw Loki fighting Captain America who was losing.

He shot Loki with all that he got, hoping fervently that it hurt the bastard.

“Your move.” Reindeer Games sat on his lips but Tony couldn’t say it, didn’t want to have Loki think he was in any way feeling generous or like he wanted to forgive and forget.

Loki’s hands slowly rose and his armour faded away in a shimmer of gold.

Dramatic bitch, Tony thought. “You have the right to remain silent,” he said. “If we feel generous we might give you a lawyer but I wouldn’t bet your fancy horns on it.”

Loki’s eyes were on him, clear and not a hint of guilt or remorse in them. It was what drove the nail finally into the coffin, sent Tony’s heart off. Nothing. That was all Loki could give him after the time they’d spent together, tore each other from their apathy and made them feel better, better than before with adrenaline and excitement; coffee and tea in the morning and late into the night, bent over a project they both adored, bent over a hastily cleaned table to be the new project.

“Let’s go,” he said harshly and fired a small warning shot at Loki when he didn’t move instantly. He was not feeling patient. He couldn’t wait to be free of Loki’s presence for it ate at what remained of his kindness and faith. He didn’t have much of that left and— He didn’t want to see Loki. He didn’t want his eyes to linger on his face that looked so different to how he remembered it– less soft, more harsh lines, deep bags beneath his eyes that rivalled Tony’s on his bad days.

This wasn’t the Loki he used to know.

He blinked rapidly, feeling bereft of everything that kept him alive in the coldness of the cave, as the car battery made him wish he could just end it were it not for Yinsen’s warm voice and the image of Loki. It didn’t feel real anymore.

Rogers was silent but his eyes spoke of disdain when he looked at him. Like Howard. The thought was bitterly amusing; was not Loki the villain here? And yet, by Rogers glare it was him who’d done wrong and tried to made an entire crowd kneel.

“You’ve changed,” Loki spoke up when they had taken off. His voice tore through the terse silence of the jet.

“Oh, have I?” Tony pointed looked up to the ceiling. “Funny, I was about to say the same about you but then, I never really knew you, did I?”

“Your hair is shorter.”

And that made Tony snort and turn his gaze towards Loki. “That’s what you noticed? That my hair is shorter? Excuse me when I don’t keep my hair in the same style for two years. You could have washed yours for our first meeting in years, you know?”

“You will have to excuse me, I had other matters on my mind than the state of my hair.”

And Loki sounded so collected, so composed as he sat there in the seat, caught, and trapped, no way out. He looked far too relaxed for someone who’s supposedly here against his will.

“Like killing people?” Rogers sneered.

Loki didn’t grace him with an answer, his eyes were on Tony. “Is that what you believe?”

“So far, SHIELD has proven to be the more reliant from the both of you,” Tony replied and the truth of it cut him open. “You never really told me or showed me who you are.”

“There was no need to.” Loki’s voice grew harsher. “I gave you enough hints, let you grow accustomed to the idea and—” His eyes shot up, a second before Tony heard the thunder. “It seems our time to talk has come to an end.”

Something heavy landed on the jet.

“Oh no, you won’t get away,” Tony said coldly. His repulsors were ready and the person who just opened the door to the jet mid-flight, was shot away. Perhaps it wasn’t nice, going by Rogers’ gasp of shock and how he ran forward to see if who the fuck that was, was unhurt but Tony only had eyes for Loki.

“You want to talk? Now?”

There was a glimmer in Loki’s eyes. “If you’d hear me out—”

“I can’t promise that,” he replied, cutting Loki off in his pleading.

“Stark, what—” he heard Romanoff saying as he tore Loki’s seat belt open and held him in his iron hands.

“No lies,” he threatened lowly then threw them both off the jet, swept upwards and up—

Plummeted to the ground with Loki’s gasp in his hear which he couldn’t say if it came from shock or delight. The jet wasn’t following them and they arrived in the middle of a forest. Still Germany? He wondered as he sat Loki down.

“Now, talk.” He crossed his arms across his chest. “Before I realise what I’ve done for you after you’ve—”

“If you so insist that I’ve done you wrong,” Loki cut him off and his voice was sharp like a knife, “then perhaps it is better for you to bring me back and I save my breath.”

Tony snorted. “Convince me that you haven’t done me wrong, and we’ll see about how this continues.”

Loki glared at him. “Fine,” he spat out. “You ungrateful man. When I abandoned you two years ago, it was not voluntary on my part. My home was shattered and everything I’ve been taught to believe in, a lie and nothing— I was supposed to get to Midgard, they would have thought me dead and I could have been with you. Someone snatched me and brought me somewhere else.”

Tony’s brain circuited. “You— What?”

Loki blinked once. “I haven’t meant to stay away for years. But that choice had been taken out of my hand. And the longer we dally here, the sooner they’ll realise that someone went wrong and they’ll send more than you can take on.”

“Loki,” Tony said slowly, “I feel like I’m missing a big chunk of information here. Who took you, who is who’ll send—”

“Is that important?” Loki arched a brow. “Do you want the answers now or do you trust me when I’ll tell you that nothing will be the same as it was after tomorrow?”

Tony rubbed a hand over his face. He felt exhaustion claw at him, doubt was seeping in through ever cranny of his coffin-heart. He wanted to believe.

“And what if you lie?”

“Then you can be assured that I shan’t bother you anymore after this spectacle.”

“All right.” Tony squeezed his eyes shut, scolding himself, calling himself a fool for believing in Loki’s words. “Where do we need to go?”

“To the States.” Loki got up. “I need to be aboard SHIELD before the day is up.”

“Can you tell me more on the way?” Tony asked, almost nervously.

“I might.” Loki slung his arms around Tony’s shoulders. “Or I can tell you about my plan.”

“Let’s do that first.” Tony’s visor clamped shut and he grabbed Loki around the waist. “But— I’m kind of glad that you’re here with me.” A nervous chuckle broke from his lips.

“And now, now I’ve made a breakthrough, and I’m successful, and it’s not just your world anymore, is it? It’s not just Tony Stark the genius, Tony Stark the millionaire. I’m someone now and you fucking loathe me for it.”

“Don’t fucking come in here and spew this shit at me until you’ve got your head out of your fucking ass. If you think your career has anything to do with this, I don’t even know you.”

“Then what is it about, Anthony? What is any of this about?”

“Everything, Loki! Every fucking thing. Look at us!” his voice wobbles and his hands shake where they point to his own chest, ”You don’t even touch me anymore. You won’t talk to me. You don’t– you don’t look at me. It’s like– do you even love me anymore?”

How could you say that? he expects. He expects frustrated sighs and footsteps making their way around the table, arms hugging him.

But what he gets is horrible, horrible silence. And that look on Loki’s face. Contemplative. Like he’s actually thinking about this. And Tony wants him to just slap him instead, wants Loki to kick him, shove him, something.

Anything would’ve been better. Anything.

And then Loki’s nodding to himself. And Tony wants to scream.

“Perhaps I don’t actually,” his voice is a striking contrast to what it was a few seconds ago. Now it is soft, almost a whisper, but it cuts through the space between them and digs right into Tony’s chest all the same, “Maybe, maybe I actually fucking hate you.”

Tony's head whips up at that, a gasp tearing at his lungs.

His ears ring.

“What– Loki. Don’t. Don’t–”

He leans over the table, eyes livid, and he points a horrible finger at Tony, sharp and accusatory, evil. His fist shakes and his face is crumpled into a snarl.

“I hate you, Tony Stark,” he seethes.

“Don’t. Don’t say that. Pl–”

“I... fucking...”–his voice erupts then, his fist slams the table–“hate you!”

And then he’s slamming the table with every word, his face growing red, the veins in his neck swelling form the sheer volume of his voice, “I hate you! I hate you! I fucking hate you!”

The world spins off its axis. Sounds mix into each other and the floor disappears from under Tony’s feet. He has to grab the backrest of the nearest chair to steady himself. Tears burn but they do not fall, his eyes unblinking.

Too much. Too much. How did we get here?

Before him, Loki feels like he moves in slow motion, the words coming out loud but jumbled and like a roar. He can’t see, everything blurs into one, colours mix, sounds conjoin and it all heightens, heightens into a screaming pitch, until finally, it all explodes.

The world goes silent for a few moments, the seconds of silence all-encompassing, before Tony’s gasping for air. Grabbing for thoughts, struggling to keep his heart going.

“Wha–wh–” he can’t think for the life of him. Has to force himself to pause, to blink slowly. Deep breath in, out, slow down. When his voice is ready, it still comes out broken, “Why? Why are you saying that? Loki. Loki, please. Please,”

He doesn’t know what he’s pleading for – take it back, forgive me, talk to me, love me, hold me, tell me this is a joke, anything, just please stay. Please. But Loki just stares at him with something shining in his eyes, something forming between his lips, before he’s ripping his eyes away.

“Anthony, I…” his voice is back to that softness and he sags into his seat, taps his fingers against the table, sighs, like he’s given up, like he’s drained. He huffs out something but it’s hollow, loathsome, a few short breaths away from being a real laugh, “Anthony, I can’t. I can’t do this. Not anymore, Anthony. Not anymore.”

And then his pale hands are pushing himself off the table, and he’s walking away from Tony, his eyes hardened, his step purposeful.