#rhcp fluff

“oh, sunny! i didn’t know you started to talk. i’m so proud of you!” john melted at her cuteness. he slightly raised his hand for a high-five. she looked at his hand for a few seconds then hit it with all of her will.

“ah!” he pretended like he was hurt by her action as the three of you laughed.

“she grows so fast.” you sighed as you watched john and sunny play.

“i know right? she even learned some curses,” he whispered into your ear.

“what?!” you slightly raised your voice. you looked at them and saw they were not even looking in your direction.

“shh! do not let frankie know about this, she’s going to kill me!”

“michael, we are going to kill you, she’s just a toddler!”

“shh, some shit happens.” you hit his stomach with your elbow slightly then raised from your seat and walked towards them.

“our little sunshine is growing so fast, what are we gonna do now?” you pouted and caressed her soft cheeks.

“she’s always gonna stay as our little sunshine. right, sunny?” john asked her.

she hummed and nodded. she climbed on his lap and lay in a comfortable position. “jowny!”

“aww!” he hugged her carefully to not crash her. you melted at the sight in front of you. there was no lie, john was really good with kids. Immediately befriending them in the moment when they just talk.

you grabbed your camera from your bag and positioned it to a perfect angle.

“john, sunny, say cheese!”

“cheese!” they said at the same time. after a couple of seconds, the photo was ready. sunny was looking at the picture with excited eyes. so you gave it to her. she looked at the photo for a couple of seconds, then turned her head to john.

“us?”

“yeah, us.” he caressed her head.

you wondered how he would be as a father. you both talked about kids and you were neutral about them. sure, they are adorable but you two are busy with your own work. that doesn’t mean you don’t want them.

“look at this curly, blonde hair and blue eyes, you just look like your father,” john said while looking at flea.

“hehe, you know clara too. i guess i have pretty strong genes.” he chuckled.

“that’s for sure,” you added. sunny turned her head toward you and made grabby hands to you. you giggled and got her from john.

“who’s our princess, who’s our pumpkin, who’s our little shining star?” you asked her while spinning her in the air.

“me!” she raised her hands suddenly. “indeed you are!”

“guys,” flea caught your attention. “i want to ask you for something.”

you and john looked at each other then turned your heads to him. “what is it?” john asked.

“john, you are more than a bandmate for me. you’re like my little brother. i enjoy every second i spend with you.” he then looked at you. “and you, [name], i’ll always be grateful to you for saving him. for bringing him to us again. you two are one of the few people i can trust in my life.

i talked with franny, she said she’s okay with it. i’m asking you, to be godmother and godfather to sunny.”

you were utterly in shock, not knowing what to say. you looked at john and he was in the same situation as you.

“flea, this is a serious decision. are you sure?” you asked him.

“one hundred percent. this is the proof of my trust in you. what do you say, john?”

“i-i don’t know. i feel so… honoured. i’m willing to protect her at all costs. but like she said, are you sure?”

“yeah! you two are pretty calm, collected, and trustworthy. i don’t know why are you so unsure. i’m sure you two would be cool parents.”

you looked down and blushed. not wanting john to see your pinkish face. he would make fun of you later.

“then i’d love to be her godfather,” john said with an endearing tone.

“great! you, [name]?”

“same goes for me.”

“excellent. we haven’t baptized her yet. so i’d like to see you guys there.” he got up and picked sunny from your arms. she was yawning and was ready to sleep in your arms.

“our little princess is tired already. i’m gonna put her to bed.”

“and we were just about to leave. right, john?” you smiled at him.

“uh huh. we’ll talk about this later. bye!”

it was evening already. you were washing dishes while john was drying them and putting them in their places. jazz music was playing in the background. it was a cozy atmosphere.

after you finished he offered you to watch a movie. you agreed and settled everything. the movie has started but you weren’t paying attention at all. your mind was still stuck at today’s events. how john was playing with little sunny, how gentle and caring he was with her. your cheeks reddened at this.

“is everything okay, love?” he asked you with a soft tone.

“yeah, it’s just hot in here.” you smiled and shoved the napkin away.

“is the movie boring for you? we can watch another or close..?”

“i’m fine johnny,” you snuggled to him. “let’s continue.”

“love, there’s clearly something bothering you. i can see that. just tell me what’s wrong.” he caressed your reddish cheek and kissed the top of your head.

“damn, you know me too well.”

“of course. i’m your husband, after all.” he gently held your hand and put a kiss on your ring while making eye contact with you.

“john, i want kids.” you turned your head to the other side with frustration. “i just can’t get out the moments we spent with sunny from my head. you were amazing with her. i couldn’t help but imagine how you would be around our kids. i was thinking about it for a while. but now, i’m 100% sure. i want it.”

there was a silence between you two. you closed your eyes and bit your lip. it was probably a bad idea to tell him about this. he was a rockstar, he can’t be around always. and you have your own work anyway.

he let out a sweet chuckle and wrapped his arms around you tightly. you opened your eyes with a confused look but giggled when he started to pepper your face with kisses.

“i was thinking about it too, for a while. i thought you weren’t ready so i never mentioned it. but whenever i see you with clara, sunny, or any other kid, these ideas come into my head again. we are both busy, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t have them. i can always spare time for you and i know you can do it too. we are financially stable, we accomplished most of our goals, traveled to new places, experienced a bunch of crazy things, and we have a long time ahead… i think we can try.”

“johnny,” you melted in every word, snuggled him closer, and wrapped your arms around him in response. “i love you so much. but i want to give them the best life. the best family environment they could ever ask for. can we really work this out?”

“we will, sweetheart.” he kissed the top of your head again. “if we want this so much, then we will. we will go to any parental classes, we will go to your appointments and i will be by your side during the birth. i swear, i won’t let you down. never again.”

your eyes got filled due to his words. him mentioning his drugful past and how he regrets everything about it made your heart clench once again. but you two covered from it. you were by his side and he did his best to recover. since that day, he never let you down. and you know he won’t from now on.

“and i love you too, sweetheart.” he wiped your eyes and started an emotional kiss. tasting each other’s lips without rushing, savoring every second. you wrapped your arms around his neck, wanting to pull him closer. meanwhile, he put his hands on your cheeks, caressing gently. almost afraid to break you.

things started to get heated when you started to suck on his bottom lip and play with his curls. he deeply inhaled and responded by doing the same thing to your upper lip. you accidentally moaned when he bit your lip.

“sorry,” he pulled away with an apologetic smile.

“it’s okay,” you replied while climbing onto his lap. “i think we should move this to the bedroom.” you teased him.

“yeah,” he held back of your thighs, lifting you effortlessly and carrying you to your bedroom.

after a couple of seconds, he kicked the door of your bedroom and slowly put you down on the bed. you spread your arms, smiling at him endearingly. he looked at you couple of seconds, admiring your blissful face.

“every day i wake up and thank god for seeing you by my side with this face,” he admitted before lifting your shirt from your body, and then unhooking your bra. he felt himself start to get hard when he saw her exposed breasts. sudden cold air made your nipples get hard and the way he was looking at you made your core wet.

his thumbs trace lazy circles around your hardened nipples, making you gasp and bite your lip. he smirked at your reaction then took your right nipple into his mouth while playing with the left one. he started to suck gently at first but your sweet whimpers and the way you rubbed your thighs made him increase his pace.

his plump lips moved on your torso, giving pecks here and there until he reached your shorts. he made eye contact with you while stripping your bottom half. the eye contact made you even wetter and you got embarrassed by that so you broke the eye contact.

“baby, look at me,” he demanded with a low voice. you gave up and stared at him again.

“there’s nothing to be embarrassed about, yeah? i just wanted you to be flustered,” he smirked then spread your thighs apart and gazed at your wet core.

“all this for me? i appreciate it so much.” he teased before continuing to give pecks to your clit. you gasped and arched your back due to the sensation. after continuing to tease you for a little bit, he shoved his tongue inside your needy hole.

you let out a whimper then held on to his brown hair, pulling him closer to your pussy. you’re gasping every second when more of his tongue slips in and out of your pussy, sliding a bit more each time and it makes your thighs shake and walls clench. and his beard pricking wasn’t helping any either. the area of his nose was already covered in your slick. he sure didn’t mind, though.

his thumb started to draw small sloppy circles. pressing down on your puffy clit while his tongue continues flicking inside in and out of you. it didn’t take too long for him to find your favorite sweet spot.

“johnny!” you managed to moan out his name as you basically started to ride his face. he hummed in amusement while increasing the pace of his thumb.

“i’m gonna cum— oh!” it was getting too much for you. your grip on his hair tightened as you let your body relax, letting all the tension leave your body.

he groaned at the taste of your cum. wiping every last drop with his tongue. wanting to taste everything you just gave him. after a couple of seconds he pulled his tongue out and panted loudly. his gaze turned to yours. he crawled on top of you while licking his lips before connecting your lips once again. making you taste yourself on his lips and taking your breath away once again.

it felt so hot when he was kissing you like there was no tomorrow while exploring your torso with his calloused hands. he entered his tongue inside your mouth. tongues swirling around in perfect sync.

you rubbed your thighs around his torso, signing him to give you more. he broke the kiss and stared at you with his big brown eyes, asking for permission. you smiled and gave him a peck before nodding. he intertwined your hands, one finger caressing your ring while he slowly entered you while making eye contact.

you both moaned quietly at the sensation. he stayed still until you told him to start to move. you wrapped your arms around his neck, meanwhile, he was pampering you with multiple kisses to ease your pain.

“you can move, johnny.” you declared by patting his neck twice. he kissed the top of your head before sinking deeper inside of you, inch by inch. you hissed and squeezed his hand. finally, he bottomed out inside you and started to move in and out of you.

he groans at how your tight, velvety walls are clenching and around stretching his hard shaft.

“you’re doing so good for me, sweetheart.” he breathed out while increasing his pace. you whined in response and threw your head back.

he lifts your legs, putting them on top of his shoulders and his back. the new position gave him access to fuck you harder. he grinds his hips roughly against you, the lewd noises of your sloppy cunt and your blissful face made his dick grow even more.

the heat between your bodies was too much. but when he finally found your sweet spot all of these didn’t matter, you wanted to receive all the love and pressure he was giving to you and chase your high. you gasped with mouth agape, pulling his face close to your neck.

“oh, johnny!” you cried out as you began to match his thrusts. you knew it wasn’t gonna take long for your upcoming release. he sensed it and rutted you repeatedly.

“wanna cum? go ahead, sweet girl. let it out for me once again.” he demanded with his low, husky voice. your toes curl, as you cum hard around his cock, walls squeezing and shuddering around him.

your cunt continued to pulse around his dick but his thrusts didn’t stop. however, your previous orgasm and movement of your walls increased his desire to cum. it was your turn to make him cum. so you whispered inside his ear. “c’mon johnny, cum deep inside me and give me your babies tonight.”

he lost it when those words left your mouth. he groaned and tightened his grip around you while you trapped his torso with your legs, pressing them around his back harder. thick ropes of cum entered inside your walls, painting your insides white. he trusted a couple of times to fuck his seed deeper into you.

he laid on top of you without putting his whole weight on you. both of you were trying to catch your breath. after a couple of seconds, he slightly raised, still not pulling out his cock.

“are you alright? do you want anything? water, towel, shower?”

you smiled shook your head as ‘no’ and pulled his face back to your presence. “i just wanna lay down with you. and then,” you stopped and whispered into his ear. “wanna ride you like there’s no tomorrow.”

he smirked. “oh, darling. i’m all yours tonight.”

you would tell him that you couldn't even if you wanted. but you were wondering if you work your ass hard would your boss let you go for a couple of days? you did as you thought for the past month to catch her attention, and eventually, she did let you go for a few days.

you then planned a surprise for him in your head. thought about entering on stage in the middle of the tour before they started to sing one of their songs. the guys would support you with words. you smiled to yourself and then called anthony. he was surprised and cheerful at the same time. he told you that he was going to talk with flea and chad.

they all agreed on it and waited for your arrival in mexico. they wanted to greet you at the airport but you thought john was gonna be suspicious, you couldn't let him know this.

and finally, today was his birthday.

you bought him a white, printed baggy shirt which once you together saw but couldn't buy at that moment. but you knew he wanted this.

it was early morning, and you decided to call him. he didn't pick up in first time. you thought he was sleeping so you didn't call back. but after a couple of minutes, he called you back.

"good morning dear!" you cheered and heard his chuckle. "morning, angel."

"i wanted to celebrate your birthday. i hope i'm the first."

"sorry but, the guys rushed into my room in the middle of the night and..." he laughed.

"oh, that is so expected of them," you chuckled and continued.

"i wanted to say how much happy and grateful i am for having you in my life. not only having you in my life, i feel these things for your existence too. not only me, your family, the guys, and the entire world. we all love and appreciate you so much. you're so special and valuable to us. i love you, johnny, so so much you don't even know it. i really want to spend my entire life with you and grow old together. happy birthday!"

"aww, sweetheart! thank you for your sincere words. i feel the same way about you being in my life. i love all of this, doing something i'm so passionate about with the guys i love so much. and of course, i love you too, more than you'll ever know. i wish you were here right now." he cooed.

you smirked to yourself and changed your voice to sad. "yeah, but there's a night we still can spend. we can video call each other, cut a small cake, talk about our future expectations, sing soft songs... i don't think it's gonna be bad."

"everything's bad without you."

"come on john..." you rolled your eyes to yourself.

"alright, alright," you both heard someone else's loud voice from the door. "one second, baby." you then heard him get up from the bed. after a couple of seconds, he came back.

"sorry angel, i've gotta go. the guys wanna go around the city and we'll head to stadium next." he said with a sad voice. "it's okay, go travel around and play some good songs for me, pretty." you smirked.

"... pretty?" you swore he was blushing and smiling. you hummed. "am i lying?" he just chuckled and after that you said goodbye to each other and hung up the phone.

there were about an hour before their show. you and the guys decided to celebrate him after they finish soul to squeeze. you managed to meet with chad and he gave you a backstage pass. you wished each other good luck and he went his way. you called john for one last time, wishing him good luck. you then imagine his face once he sees you on stage.

the show has started. you entered the backstage with a vanilla cake with strawberries on it you bought around the city and started to wait for your turn. you knew he always liked the ones you would bake, but you didn't have a chance to do it here.

after about half an hour, they finished that song. everybody was cheering and clapping. the guys waited for a couple of seconds for them to get quiet.

"alright, how we doin' on there?!" anthony asked the audience cheerily. loud shouting voices came out from there. "alright, everything is so far so good. listen, before we uh- move any forward, we just wanted to remind you that today is very special to us. but you already know that. TODAY IS THE BIRTHDAY OF JOHN MOTHERFUCKING FRUSCIANTE!"

the crowd cheered louder that your ears got hurt a little. john smiled and bowed his head. "come on, let's sing him a birthday song, happy birthday to you..!"

"happy birthday to you!"

then anthony gave you the sign to come out. you got excited and slowly walked towards him with a big smile. john's jaw dropped at the moment he saw you. his face was shocked, confused, and cheerful at the same time. you then stopped before him.

"happy birthday, love." you almost whispered to him. he couldn't say anything, he was still in shock and definitely didn't see it coming.

"but, but i thought... i thought you couldn't come here..." his eyes got teared and tears rolling down his cheeks. you wanted to wipe them away but your hands were busy.

"well, guess i'm lucky for this one." you chuckled and lifted the cake close to him.

"come on, blow them! or else they are going to blow by themselves!" you heard flea's loud voice.

john blew out the candles and pulled you for a sweet kiss, taking your breath away from you. you missed him so much and felt relieved once you connected your lips against each other after weeks. butterflies were in your stomach for sure. lips brushing over each other sweetly. after a couple of seconds, you both pulled out and smiled at each other.

the audience was cheering, whistling and clapping like crazy. the guys also whistled and cheered. they were so happy for him, for both of you. they were happy because john finally found the right person to spend the rest of his life together with. they knew you were the right one.

you then looked at his figure and saw his shirt was smeared by cake. "johnny, look at your shirt!" you pouted at him. he just chuckled in response. "i don't care about the shirt right now." he then gave you a sly smile and you just rolled your eyes at him playfully.

"i'll see you later, old man." you whispered to him and gave him a peck on his lips before walking backstage. you heard him shouting at you "i'm not that old!"

the show has ended and you five sat in a room eating the cake while talking about the silliest things. you laid your head on john's shoulder slightly, not wanting to disturb him eating completely.

after about an hour, you were at their hotel lobby. you said to each other good nights and went to your rooms. you put your suitcase aside. and closed the curtains.

"now go and sit on bed, turn your back against me." you ordered to him and he grimaced. "why's that?" he asked.

"just do what i say~!" you responded. he shrugged and did as you said. you opened your suitcase and took off the bag the shirt you bought him was inside. you then sat behind him. "raise your arms."

"darling..."

you gave him a quick kiss and he gave up while raising his arms. you started to take his shirt and long-sleeved one. he shivered when he felt your chilled hands against his hot skin. you then managed to put this shirt on him. then stood up and told him to look at himself in the mirror. he sighed and did as you told.

he looked at himself with a confused expression for a couple of seconds. the realization hit him once he gasped.

"is that..? is that the shirt we saw together in california while walking through the streets but couldn't even enter the store because we were rushing to..."

you stood behind him. wrapping your arms around his waist and looking at him with a sweet smile. "yes it is, i knew you loved it once you saw it."

"you really have a good eye, and know me inside and out." he chuckled.

"that's because i'm your wife, hun."

he turned his face to you. cupping your cheeks with his calloused hands gently.

"i couldn't think of a better present for this day, sorry. but i'm glad that i have a sharp memory!" you awkwardly smiled.

"are you kidding?! love, i absolutely love it. thank you so much and don't apologize for anything." he got closer to your face. "besides, the best present for today is you being here with me."

he then connected your lips in a tender kiss. his fingers were caressing your cheeks gently while you were tugging your fingers on his fluffy hair, eyes fluttered closed. you swore every time you kissed, he always managed to take breath from your lungs.

you pulled from the kiss and he looked at you with a heartwarming smile. god, he was so cute. he had always been cute and hot at the same time. and now, you only wanted to please him.

you gently pushed him to the bed and climbed to his lap. wrapping your arms around his neck and started to kiss him passionately. he was taken aback at first but accommodated after. it's like both of your hearts were exploding. you bit his lower lip and he moaned at the kiss. you then entered your tongue inside his mouth, tongues then exploring each other.

when you felt breathless you pulled away and looked at his panting face. his cheeks were flushed slightly. you then attacked your lips on his neck. he heavily breathed and gulped, tossing his head back so you could have more access. you were planting small kisses at first, then starting to suck and lick on his sweet spot over and over. you managed to get a groan from him. his eyes were shut, trying to bask in the moment.

you were satisfied when you saw pretty purple hickies appear on his neck. you smiled at him sweetly. "you're so pretty underneath me." you cooed and put his earlobe between your lips, sucking it gently.

"darling please, don't tease me." he whined and you interrupted him by planting a kiss on his lips. "don't worry. tonight, is only and only about you. you'll get what you want. just tell me."

he looked at you, flushed. "want your mouth at my dick." his voice almost sounded like a whisper. you smirked and planted a kiss on him again. "as you wish, love."

your fingers grabbed the bottom of his shirt and tried tugging it over his head. he pulled away for a second and took off his shirt. your hands were trailing on his torso, planting short kisses there and there. after that, you lowered your head in front of his tightened purple pants and tugged them down slowly, stroking him lightly through the thin fabric of his boxers. he tossed his head back, breathing heavily.

you then pulled the elastic band of his boxers down, freeing his erection. the red and swollen tip of it is waiting to be taken care of. you jerked off him a few times and started to give him kitten licks. john inhaled sharply at the sudden warmth and wetness of your tongue.

you lean down and drag your tongue along the length of his dick from the swollen head and down to the base and earned a pretty moan from him.

"s-shit, sweetheart..." he moaned when you finally put your mouth down to the length of his shaft. you hummed, sending vibrations through his body. your head went down until his tip hit the back of your throat. you resisted the urge to gag. "oh fuck, you feel so good around me..."

you bobbed your head up and down faster, hollowing your cheeks. he was almost close, you felt it. so you started to massage his balls.

"fuck! good girl, my good girl... just like that. you're going to make me cum oh..!" he whimpered. your nose is hitting his pubic bone every time you move your head forward and faster, sucking him harder. and after a couple of seconds, he twitched in your mouth and came inside. warm, salty liquid poured through your throat. you swallowed it all and licked around your mouth.

you looked at him. he was panting hard, trying to catch his breath. you climbed his lap again and kissed him shortly but passionately. you pulled away and gave him a sly smile.

"i'm not done with you yet."

you then took off your shirt and tugged down your jeans. you stayed with your silk, light pink bra and matching panties. his mouth got watered because of the sight. you smiled and climbed to his lap again.

"is this for me?" he asked with a sly tone. "indeed it is, did you like it?" he hummed while moving his head around your breasts. "yeah, a lot."

you captuted his lips in a heated kiss. you were playing with his messy hair while he was caressing your waist. his hands moved lower and played with your core. you moaned in his mouth, sucking hard on his bottom lip. you were already wet when you were sucking him off, and now your juices are pouring down to his fingers. he pulled away and licked his fingers and moaned from the taste of it.

"you taste so fucking sweet. sweeter than that cake." you chuckled at his words. "i will bake for you whatever you want once you return, i promise." he hummed in return.

you slithered your panties aside and positioned your entrance over his still rock-hard member slowly. an erotic moan escaped from both of you. the mushroom tip stretching your hole as you sink into him completely, not moving, just hugging him tight. you're so wet that your juices are dripping down his shaft, easing you to move.

"t-tell me, at what pace ah— i should move. h-huh, johnny?" you barely managed to ask. "faster, baby." he grunted and buried his face on your chest. you put your hands on his shoulders for stability as you bounce on his cock. "johnny!" you moaned his name when you felt he got bigger inside you. "you're so tight and good around me sweetheart, s-shit!"

he then unhooked your bra and tossed it away. took one of your nipples inside his mouth while squeezing harshly the other. you tossed your head back and let out a loud whimper. his dick felt so good inside you. you then spread your legs further apart, feeling him deeper inside of your cunt. feeling him where he could make you see the stars.

you dug your nails into his chest as you connected your lips in a sloppy, french kiss. you closed your eyes, cheeks flushed and you moaned into his mouth when he hit the sweet spot continuously. "john, baby, i-i'm going to cum okay?" you barely managed to speak. he just hummed.

you felt your core tighten, your bundle of nerves building up as your jaw hung open, panting heavily. tears rolling down your cheeks and you clenched around him while leaving a white ring of your arousal on the base of his cock. you didn't stop bouncing on him though. but you knew he was close.

"where do you wanna cum, baby? come whenever and wherever you want." you started sucking on his neck again. creating new pretty, dark red marks on him. "inside, s-shit! can i— can i come inside?" he begged you. "yes, yes! fill me full to the brim, darling!" you pathetically moaned.

he grunted when you began moving your hips faster and faster. he buried his face on your breasts and groaned while painting your inner walls white. you didn't pull off, wanting to feel warm inside for a while.

you hugged each other tightly, trying to catch your breaths in each other's embrace. after a couple of minutes, you both calmed down. looking at each other sweetly. you then pressed a long kiss on his forehead.

"happy birthday, my one and only." you whispered as you laid your head on his shoulder. he caressed your hair and planted a kiss on your forehead too. "thank you, sweetheart. for coming here. nothing would make me happier.  i love you so much."

you smiled. "i love you more but i don't have enough energy to argue about that." you stood up from his lap. his cum was leaking from your thighs. you then lay on the bed, opening your arms to him, welcoming him to your embrace. he smiled and laid on top of you. you hugged him as he snuggled into you, his beard tickling your chest. you didn't care though.

"will you be tomorrow here?" he asked with a pout on his face. you chuckled at him. "well, i managed to take a few days off so..."

he gasped and straightened up. "so that means..." you just smiled and nodded at him. his face brightened and buried his head on your chest again, making excited voices. "we can talk about our plans tomorrow morning, then?"

you hummed and felt like your eyes were going to shut. but you managed to say good night to him before that. he chuckled at you and planted a kiss on your forehead again before drifting off next to you. "good night, angel."

she stood before the window, checking the outside. “i don't want to see her.” she muttered. you frowned. “what do you mean? she treats you badly or something?” she didn't answer or look at you. “i'm not letting you go unless you answer me, young lady.” you stricted your tone.

“it's not that; it's just... every time i tell her what we did three of us together, she gets kinda... hurt and mad. it makes me not want to talk to her. i think she dislikes me.”

you didn't know how to answer, honestly. you and nicole had nothing against each other. she was just the second wife of your ex-husband, and you were his stepdaughter's mother. you and your ex-husband also had nothing against each other. you weren't jealous or something. it was his life, his happiness.

that was something you were saying to yourself all the time.

but deep down you wouldn’t lie if you said you missed him. not only his presence on weekends, you romantically missed him too. the more he was at your side, the more you caught these feelings. but he wasn’t yours, not anymore.

you separated your ways in a good way when your daughter was only six. it didn't cause anything bad to her, though. although by law, he could spend time with her on weekends, he would still come on some days of the week.

“maybe she feels like that because she misses you and wants to be with you too? people can get jealous.”

“but she's not my mother. i want you and dad by my side all the time. a couple of days isn't enough for me. why can't we always be together? why did you two separate anyway?”

you sighed. “sweetheart, we've already talked about this many times. sometimes pe-“

your words were cut off when you heard the ringing bell. your daughter immediately rushed to the door and opened it. she gasped when she saw your ex-husband opening his arms to her. she then jumped on him and wrapped her arms around his neck. “daddy! i missed you!”

“i missed you too, princess.” he responded with a sweet tone and kissed her cheek. it made her laugh. “it tickles!”

“did you miss me too?” you teasingly asked him while leaning to the doorframe. he smiled. “of course i did. it's nice to see you, [name].”

“same, john. are you hungry? i think you should eat before the trip. she was waiting for you.”

“yes, he's hungry! now let's get inside!” she got off him, held his larger hand compared to hers and started to drag him inside. you chuckled and closed the door before going to the kitchen.

“and then she just wrote an F on my paper while the teacher wasn't looking.” john gasped dramatically and looked at her with shock while lifting his eyebrows. “no way she did that...” he then rolled his eyes playfully while taking a spoonful of soup. “she did! she just hasn't liked me since i caught her taking a pencil from a girl forcefully, and then i returned it to her. her name is lindsay by the way.”

“eat your meatballs, sweetie; they're gonna get cold.” you smiled at her and leaned your head onto your palm. she nodded and after eating a couple of them, she continued. “then i told the teacher what happened but she said i was just mad because of the result. and then lindsay stood up and told the teacher what she saw. she grabbed my paper from her and checked herself.”

“and what've you got?”

“a B!!”

he kicked his hand and stretched out his arm toward her. when she understood what he wanted to do, she did the same. and when they had struck their fists, they opened their hands while moving their fingers and then stretched their hands backward, saying ''ba la la la'' to each other. they laughed and you smiled at them for understanding the reference. it was a scene from an animation named big hero six. you remember the day when this movie came out. you and john took her together after school. she was hyped about it for months and was completely joyful that day. she loved the movie and was glad that you two took her together there. after the movie, they went to his house, spending the weekend together and with his wife.

after the meal, your daughter went to her room to check on something while john was sitting on the couch, playing a riff on his acoustic guitar. you smiled and sat next to him, listening to him without saying anything. after a few seconds, he put the guitar in the case.

“it sounds lovely; is this a new song of yours?” you asked with curiosity. he shook his head as no. “not really. i don't plan to work on it seriously or release it. i just thought what can i play on the camping night tomorrow.”

“i bet she would fall asleep in seconds.” you chuckled, thinking of your daughter. when she couldn't or didn't want to sleep at all, john would play one of his calming songs and soon she would fall asleep.

he laughed at your comment. “yeah”

there was a silence between you two. not an uncomfortable one. you remember what your daughter told you before he came. so you decided to ask him this.

“so, how's going with nicole?” you didn't want to rush immediately.

“oh, very good. i took her to the camel concert on wednesday, she loves them now.” he replied with a cheerful tone. i thought she wasn't into progressive rock, you thought inside. “i'm glad she loves them now.” you replied.

he nodded. “if we're talking about love life, is there someone you're interested in?” he asked. you chuckled and shook your head. “i don't have time for it. i'm so busy these days. coming home later than usual. i'm glad that she understands my situation and is patient about it.”

“you can leave her at our home if you worry about her.” he suggested. “thanks, but no need. i don't want it to seem like i drop her off at your house like i don’t care about her.”

“we wouldn't think like that.'' he said while furrowing his eyebrows.

''oh yeah, then what about nico—“

you didn't finish your sentence when you heard the heavy sound of rain. you both looked outside the window.

"oh shit..."

"this is not good..."

then your daughter came down from the ladder. "i'm ready!" she cheered. 

"um, sweetheart..."

"what? did something happen?" she asked. you both stood aside from the window so she could look outside. she rushed next to you and her face dropped. "oh no!"

"i'm so stupid, i should've checked the weather earlier." john muttered and palmed his face. you caressed his shoulder. "it's not your fault."

"what are we gonna do?" your daughter asked worryingly. he caressed her hair. "we'll think about something. i'm not going anywhere." he then planted a kiss on the top of her hair and she wrapped her arms around his waist. you couldn't help but smile at the sight. you turned your head to the coffee table and saw a bunch of CDs of disney classics. “hey, how about watching a disney classic until the rain stops?”

your daughter got excited immediately and smiled widely. “yeah! i wanna watch the ariel!” she turned her head toward her dad. “daddy?”

he returned the smile. “sounds great, angel. but only if you let me braid your hair while watching. i learnt a new style.” she giggled and then nodded.

it was almost 9 PM. you were knitting while john was unsuccessfully braiding your daughter’s hair. she wouldn’t complain about that, though. instead, she would appreciate that. but for now, she’s busy reacting to the movie.

you looked through the window. you hoped that it would finish like an hour ago but no, it’s raining like cats and dogs. tomorrow is gonna be sunny in the afternoon, they say. they probably would go camping tomorrow.

at the end of the movie, when the mermaid and the prince get married on the large ship, your daughter made an “aww!” sound.

“in the future, i want to marry like that too!” she added with a cute voice. you and john looked at each other and smiled awkwardly. she then turned her face back toward you.

“how you did get married? i forgot.” she suddenly asked and managed to catch you two off guard.

“um well…” john started shyly, “we didn’t do a big and fancy one. we did a small and a cute one in our backyard where only our close ones joined. it was a both hilarious and wonderful day for us.” after he finished his sentence, he looked at you, smiling sweetly.

“wait, you mean this house’s backyard?!” she asked with wide eyes. you nodded, laughing at her reaction. “wow..."

“great memories happened there and inside the house. the first day we bought this house together, the first time we decorated here, marrying here, announcing my pregnancy when your chili pepper uncles were here, making a nursery, the first day we brought you home from the hospital, your first words, first walk…” you lowered your head and smiled to yourself like an idiot.

neither of them said anything. they just looked at you, surprised. your face flushed. “ahem! i guess i talked too much. young lady, you better prepare for sleep. weather reports show that tomorrow’s weather will be better than today’s. so you two can probably go outside. sleep early, wake up early!”

“but it’s only 9 PM!” she protested. “honey, you’re not an adult, you’re only ten. it’s not good for you to stay up late. and daddy is not going anywhere.” you reassured her caressing her back. she looked at him worryingly. he just smiled at her and kissed the top of her head.

“what if i would sing and play some songs that i haven’t shown anyone yet to you?” he suggested. she clapped her hands quickly and giggled. she hugged you and planted a wet kiss on your cheek. “good night, mommy. i love you.” you chuckled and did the same to her. “good night, sweetheart. i love you too.” he then took her into his arms after hanging the guitar case on his back, kissing her cheek and making her giggle again. her hair loosens and finally the braid disappears.

you watched them climbing upstairs. you deeply exhaled, got up from the couch, and started to tidy up the room. your face even flushed more for saying those things minutes ago. john must thought that you missed him and wanted him back. it was true though

you sighed and sat on the couch again. you bent your knees and buried your face on them. after sitting there for minutes in silence, you heard someone’s footsteps coming close to you. you knew it was john.

“feeling tired?” he asked while sitting next to you. you straightened up and fixed your hair. “not at all,” you replied.

“putting her in bed gets harder and harder.” he sighed and playfully rolled his eyes. you chuckled at him in return. “imagine how i deal with her every night.”

he laughed and you two remained silent for a couple of seconds. not sure what to talk about. you remembered your conversation about how busy you were recently and were coming home later than usual.

“so, we were talking about…”

“you were saying something about nicole.” he finished your sentence.

“yeah, today our daughter told me something. something that makes nicole mad, hurt, and indifferent.”

he furrowed his eyebrows. “and what makes her like that?”

“… every time she tells her something we three do, she becomes like that. is she… jealous or what?”

his eyes got wide open and lifted his eyebrows. he didn’t say anything for a couple of seconds. “i, don’t know what to say…”

you remained silent again, but an uncomfortable one. you both knew you were hiding something from each other. your feelings for him were developing and hurting you since you started to see each other more than usual, spending time like the real family you were. but you weren’t sure how he would react to this. he probably would take your daughter to his house and spend time with her and his wife at the weekend. and wouldn’t want to see you unless it was necessary.

“the truth is,” he started. “i lied to you. we’re not good with her. indeed, we broke up with her months ago. now i’m trying to divorce her. and she didn’t like camel. we’ve been fighting for a while. and day by day, our relationship continued to collapse. both of us couldn’t make it out to work anymore. she started to dislike things i adore, disrespecting me, my talents and my projects, talking behind my beloved angel. saying things that actually would make her feel hurt. this was the last straw for me. no one can say bad things about her. she’s my everything.”

“what about me? don’t i mean anything to you anymore?”

he jumped from his seat and got closer to you. “no, no that’s not true! how could you not mean anything to me? you’re the mother of my daughter, after all.”

you looked away and smiled sarcastically. “yeah, it’s just th—“

“and my real love,” he held your hands. “the only real person who can understand me completely. knows me inside and out. knows what i want, what i need. knows to when giving me a space and when to hold me while i cry on her shoulder. is sweet with words but does not always say them to everything i work on. when i work on a project, she can say the part she didn’t like or the part that needs to be worked on more. or she would just love it.

when our relationship got more serious, i knew you were the right person that i would spend my entire life with. i knew that you were the only woman who i wanted to have children with. you know we divorced over something stupid. i was prideful, thinking that i was the right one. didn’t think about my own mistakes and choices. then i thought i found love again. but it wasn’t the real one. i didn’t feel to her what i felt for you. i was still prideful, not wanting to admit these… but i guess i couldn’t hold these so much longer.”

he gulped and lowered his head for a second. then looked at your eyes again. “i still love you, [name]. i still love you like the first time i saw you in a record shop while i was looking for king crimson’s records and you were geeking about how steven wilson was a genius to the shop owner.”

“oh, john…” you felt that your eyes got filled with tears and started to leak out rapidly. he smiled and wiped them away with his thumbs. “i hope you feel the same way, but i think you lied to me when you said you had no interest in someone. there’s someone for you, right?”

you nodded and smiled to yourself. “yeah, there is someone for me. someone who’s been for a lonnngg lonnngg time. i think you know the answer.” you looked at his face again with a smirk. with realization, he grinned and you two just laughed.

“i started to catch these feelings from the time we would spend together more than usual. i just couldn’t get you off my head.”

he played with your hand, caressing it gently. he then took your arm to his cheek. placed his head on your palm.

“i believe this time we can make it out work. after i deal with this divorce things. do you know how much she wants for alimony?”

you furrowed your eyebrows. “how much?”

“almost 70k!”

“the hell?? you don’t even have a child or something?”

“i’m saying like! i’m not paying this amount of money to her every month.”

“we’re gonna deal with it together, i don’t care.” he chuckled at your words, then lifted your hand and planted a soft kiss on it.

suddenly you heard your daughter’s footsteps from downstairs. “mommy, daddy, will you sleep with me tonight, please?” she pleaded. you and john looked at each other sweetly. “of course we can.” he said while standing up and stretching his arm for you. you smiled and gave your hand to him. you three went to her room while he was holding your hand.

she was lying in the middle of the bed between you and john for about a couple of minutes. you looked at your beautiful daughter. she got her brown, wavy hair from her dad while she got your eyes.

“mommy wants you to tell something about tomorrow.” john said to her with a grin.

“about what?” she asked. you could feel she soon would fall asleep.

“tomorrow, you’re going to camping. and i’m coming with you.” you replied to her question with an excited tone. her eyes were almost closed but she smiled widely.

“yay! i knew mommy would go with us after all.” she yawned and you looked at each other with john. you both nodded and kissed your daughter’s cheeks at the same time. “good night, angel. we love you so much.” he told her before she completely fell asleep. she smiled wider. “i love you two so much too. i feel so happy and peaceful right now.” finally her eyes shut down.

“you always will feel like that.” he whispered in her ear then looked at you. grinning like a little child.

“so, are we dating or..?”

you shook your head. “we can’t date until you two divorce. she can cause a drama like you’re cheating on her or something, you know.”

“yeah, but our relationship ended months ago.”

“and you didn’t tell me about it…”

“well, i didn’t know your feelings about me and didn’t know how you would react so…”

“we’re gonna talk about it later. now, good night johnny.” you smiled and closed your eyes.

“good night, love.”

love… the nickname you’ve been wanting to hear for a long time. only by him.

''oh, yeah...'' you hesitated at first, but decided to share it anyway. ''i got accepted, to college!'' you cheered. he couldn't help but gasp. "i knew it! i knew they were gonna accept you! i mean they have no reason to not accept you right? you're intelligent, hard-working, creative... you know what else you are?''

"hm... what?"

''mine...'' he whispered against your mouth and connected your lips in a passionate kiss. after a couple of seconds, you pulled off, smirking at him. he smirked at you too. he picked you up and rushed to the couch. you couldn't help but let out a squeak. ''johnny!''

he gently put you on the couch and went to grab his acoustic guitar. he then sat next to you and started to play 'sleep dirt' by zappa.

at the end of the song, his facial expression changed. like he realized something wistful. you sat closer to him. ''babe, what's wrong?''

''i just,'' he lowered his head ''i'm afraid of what if we break up in the future. you're going to be busy with your lessons, i'm gonna tour the country, the world. can we really make it work? i love you so much and don't wanna let you go.'' he now was looking at you with his worried eyes.

''johnny, sweetheart...'' you started to talk and held his left hand, caressing it gently. ''i, i love you too. so, so much. nothing will change it even if you're on the other side of the world. i always, always gonna love you. if we want to make it out, we both have to put effort into it okay?''

he nodded. after putting his guitar away, he hugged you tightly. ''i love you. you and you only. i'll do anything, i promise. i'll not let things between us fall apart.'' he let you go and kissed your hands again. he then intertwined your hands together. relaxing in each other's embrace until one of you had to go.

you tried, he tried,

but guess you both failed at keeping the promise you made to each other.

the first months after he joined the band were actually good. like nothing changed. him coming back to you every day after an exhausting day. but still had the energy to show his love to you. you, on the other hand, would show him your love for him in most simplest ways. like cooking, writing words of affirmation on little colorful papers, and more and more...

after a year, he got busier than he already was. coming home later than he used to. you would already have finished your assignments and chores, and even though you would be exhausted, you would still just pamper him with your affection. he then would be recharged and then it would be his turn to do it.

when they went on tours in the same year, things started to change. not every night, but he would call you when he could. talking about how's tour going, silly little things they do, asking about your well-being and college life, and also sending you pictures and postcards. you appreciated all of these. but still, the only thing you wanted was him.

and when he would return to you. you would try spending time with him, but you were busy too. you would expect him to understand you, and in response, he would just nod and leave you alone where you were. he would prepare meals -even though they weren't super tasty- and make teas for you.

sometimes you would wonder if you were the one who ruined things between you. because you would complain about the taste of meals and teas randomly (you never actually complained about them. instead, you always appreciated the things he had done for you.)

even after hours of working on your project, it just wouldn't finish. and you would get more and more frustrated. and often blame and shout at him for playing guitar in the next room.

there was a day when you failed the lesson that you were working on. that day, you snapped at him, yelling at him that the only reason you failed was him. he looked at you with shock, stood up, and left the house. little did you know, he was going on another tour and wouldn't come back for a couple of months. when you looked at yourself in the mirror, you saw nothing but a monster. you were just overstressed.

why wouldn't he understand you? maybe because you wouldn't understand him either.

you didn't even know if you still dating. there was one year left until you could graduate. so you got more busy. him too. when they went on their world tour, he would call you less, like once or twice a week. talking and answering your questions with a couple of words. you would get irritated and decide not to call him unless he did. after that, you didn't talk for two weeks (flea or chad must have talked with him about it). you then started to talk more often. although most of the time he sounded drunk. you were glad to talk with him again.

one night, when you were working on one of your projects, you got a call from john. ''*sob* babe?'' once again, his voice sounded broken. ''...john..? are you alright?'' you asked him. ''no, nooo! of course i'm not!'' he yelled to you and you were thinking of ending the call. ''i... i missed you. i missed you so much that it hurts, that's why i'm not alright!'' you couldn't help but feel upset. he was your boyfriend after all, right? you sighed, ''i missed you too john, i don't even remember the last time i've ever seen you.''

''oh baby, don't worry. i'm going to fix. i'm going to fix everything. i promise.'' he sounded desperate. you couldn't actually believe his words. how could he think that he was the wrong one? you frowned. ''you are drunk, aren't you? how many bottles have you consumed?'' a silence occurred. ''hello??'' you suddenly heard anthony's voice.

''you forgot to ask one thing, it's 'how many bottles have you consumed and how many syringes have you injected into your arm!''' you then heard his laugh.

you hated yourself. you hated yourself because you didn't realize that he was lying about his well-being all the time. tears were leaking from your eyes.

you swore you could forgive him, and you were ready to apologize for all the bad things that you've done to him sincerely.

they were in california again. you were so happy to see them again, especially your boyfriend. he promised to talk with you seriously once he returned. you were happy more than anything. you knew they were at their usual place. so you got ready, put slightly make-up on yourself, and left.

you entered the bar while smiling to yourself. after looking for them, you only found chad. ''heyy! it's been a long time isn't it?'' he cheered while hugging you. you hugged him back. after a couple of seconds, he pulled away. looking at you, confused. "weren't you already here?”

you looked at him confused too. "noo, i just got here..? and where's everyone?" he started sweating. "chad, what's going on?" he didn't answer so you passed him and started to look for them. after a couple of seconds, you regretted coming here.

you regretted giving a chance, both to him and yourself. you regretted thinking about you two could be as before.

you remembered his words when he said them a couple of years ago. "i love you and you only." guess that was just a lie, no, a broken promise

john's sleepy eyes turned to you. after that, his eyes got wide. looking at you and the woman who was next to him and lying on his chest. it was clear that she gave him lipstick marks over his neck and chest. maybe over something else too, who knows?

"[name]! i thought, i thought you w—"

"you didn't think shit with that shitty head of yours." you interrupted him and went to the exit. you knew he was running behind you. you were both outside now, ignoring him totally.

"pretty please liste—" "i'm not your 'pretty', i'm not your anything!" you shouted at him and felt like your eyes got filled.

"that's not an excuse to cheat john! cheating never has an excuse!" you couldn't hold yourself now. tears were leaking from your eyes.

"i was ready. ready to talk with you. ready to apologize to you for all the bad things i did to you. i was ready to forgive you. because i still love you god damn it!"

he was crying too now. he took a step forward to you but you went a step back. he looked at you with heartbroken eyes. "believe me or not, even after all of this, i still love you too. i knew we were both fucked up in our own situations. but i didn't want to let you go because i love you. please..."

he sounded so pathetically. you remembered chad's words when you met. but still, it wasn't an excuse to cheat. when you saw an empty cab, you lifted your arm to him and it stopped before you. before giving john an opportunity, you entered inside. he was hitting the window, and trying to say something. but you told to the driver to the destination you wanted. fading away from his eyes.

you graduated from college a year after you left john. you sold your house when you found yourself a roommate, brenda. she was going to be your bridesmaid in your wedding now. and you were lucky to find a job after your graduation. you met there with a handsome yet squeamish man. you were chill and hilarious, and he was your exact opposite. you've still found him funny in your ways. and what do they say, "opposites attract." maybe because of that you are engaged now.

dating him was like a dream. he would help you with chores, pay for dinner, buy whatever you wanted, willingly go out to new places with you and more...

but sometimes you feel guilty when you're living your comfortable life. because you would wonder about john. he was a drug addict after all. the only things you knew about him currently were that he left the band five years ago in the middle of their world tour and released a solo album two years later. where and how was he? what was he doing right now? was he still alive..?

brenda was willing to help you with the wedding organization. helping you to choose your wedding dress and wedding cake, searching places where you'd like to have the wedding. she called you and said that she found new places you'd like. you agreed on meeting at your usual coffee shop. after almost twenty minutes, you both were there. hugging each other like you haven't seen each other yesterday. you both ordered your coffees and sat in a suitable place. she took off photos from her bag and put them all on the table.

''so, i found three new places that you both may like. they are at hotel's but they have excellent views, trust me.'' she showed you the first place which looked like a wineyard. second was just in a high place, and the view wasn't the best. and the final one was the best one for you. you already forgot the past two places. it had a huge oak tree in it, maybe it was over 200 hundred years old.

she started to give you information about each place. but you couldn't help but stare at the magical tree, it looked like from your dreams. but you couldn't marry him there. you didn't want to admit yourself that he wasn't worthy to marry there

''hello?? [name] are you even listening?''

''yeah yeah, i was thinking about the first one.''

''oh really? i thought you were gonna choose the last one.'' you just smiled at her and concentrated on what was she saying.

after sitting there for forty minutes, you said goodbye to each other before going on your ways. when you were close to the bus station, you bumped into a man and he fell. you gasped and immediately kneeled next to him. ''sir, sir are you okay? i apologize, sir? sir!'' the man groaned with his raspy voice and opened his eyes, looking at your face. you were concerned about him, knowing nothing about what to do.

when you looked at his face closer, you realized he looked familiar to you. but where was he from? he was so skinny, his hair was long and greasy, his lips were dry and ooh, those big pretty brown eyes... you would recognize them everywhere and anytime.

"john..?"

he looked at you for a couple of seconds. he then got up and started to walk opposite to you. you too got up and ran after him. "john, john it's me, [name]! don't you remember me?" you tried to grab his arm but he flinched.

"i'm sorry, i didn't mean to scare you. can we just talk, please?" you pleaded. he was looking at you strangely. you smiled to yourself. "i wasn't really expecting you to remember me."

"how can i forget you? you're one of the things that didn't fade away from my mind."

you took him to your house to ask and talk with him about million things. but he wasn't looking good. so you decided to heat him soup. his hands were kind of shaking and when he tasted the soup, he finished it within seconds. was he hungry, or just hadn't tasted homemade food for a long time? you were watching him in misery. your eyes suddenly moved to his arms.

"what... what happened to your arms?" your voice was shaking. he looked at his arms. "oh i, got them after my house got burned." you said "sorry" in a quiet tone.

when the atmosphere got comfortable, you asked him your questions in order. choosing careful words to not hurt him.

about forty minutes have passed. "it... it was really nice to see you again [name]." he smiled at you. you smiled at him too "same, goes for me." he

then noticed the pictures of you and your fianceé. "you're married?" he asked.

"i'm engaged. we’re planning to marry in august."

"oh, congratulations then." he smiled at you. but you could feel sadness behind it. "thanks" was the only answer you could say.

"well then, I should get going." he stood and started to walk to the door. you walked behind him and stopped him.

"john," you gently held his arm. making him look at you. "you said yourself that you don't wanna live like this anymore. you're hurting yourself both mentally and physically," you then gently caressed his scars. "i, i don't want you to join the '27 club'. you're too young to waste your life. i'm sure that your old bandmates think about that too. we all don't wanna see dying." you gulped. "let me help you."

his eyes were filled now. he shut them and sobbed. then nodded. he hugged you tightly. your eyes too, got filled. you then hugged him back.

you found a program on a hospital named las encinas and registered him on it. you would visit him there often. and you would bring your record player and a couple of vinyls you both loved. you would sing, dance laugh together. your fiancée, on the other hand, wasn't really happy about you visiting and spending time with him. you would convince him that you were only doing these to make him better.

you also noticed he was healthily gaining weight. that made you happy, to see him getting better and better.

after months, he was finally back from hospital. the guys were joyful to see him healthily again. they asked him to join the band again. he was happy to reunite with them. and they started to record their new album, californication.

you were blissful for him. he deserved to be happy again. you felt like a heavy lift just left your body. no more hunting ghosts, you thought.

oh you were so wrong...

you still loved him. you thought hearts and thoughts faded away but they didn't. it pained you. it pained you because you were engaged to someone else. sure you loved your fiancée, but you loved john more. and maybe the thing you loved about him was his love for you, his caring. after you ended things with john, he was by your side when you needed comfort, a love...

you took a deep breath and shared your thoughts with your fianceé. you didn't understand if he was furious, heartbroken or understanding. he yelled to you while comparing himself with john. telling you that he was better than him. he then sat and started crying silently. then giving you an apologetic smile.

"i always loved you. i always loved your presence. i loved being your 'the true one' but guess i was wrong. i wish you nothing more than happiness. take care of yourself, [name]. and don't forget that i'm always by your side. even if not physically."

you hugged him before apologizing to him and thanking him at the same time. you were glad that you separated your ways in a good way.

one day, john asked you if you two could hang out in his house. you agreed on and went to his house. he then greeted you with a heartwarming smile, inviting you in. bell bottom blues by derek and the dominos was playing on the record player.

he cooked for you lasagna and brought a fine wine. you two sat across from each other and started to talk about each other's life, random things and music. after finishing the dinner, you helped him wash dishes. you two then sat on the couch and started to watch SNL.

then you realized that the record player was still playing. you turned your gaze on it. now it was playing layla. you smiled to yourself and went next to the record player. dancing like you wanted. john chuckled at you and after shutting the TV down, he went next to you. you two were dancing like idiots but who cared? you were having fun.

after the last song, you two sat on the couch again, laughing at each other and resting in comfortable silence. after a couple of minutes, he started to talk. "so july is nearly over." you sighed. "i didn't tell you, did i..?" he shook his head. you turned your gaze at somewhere else.

"we... no, i, broke off the engagement." he looked at you surprised. "why? did he do something?"

"no, i did."

"what did you do then?"

you shut your eyes, and took a deep breath. "i, i love someone else, john. and that someone else is you. i never stopped loving you. even after all the bad things that happened in the past, i just can't help it."

his mouth was wide open, and his cheeks got slightly pink. you didn't want to meet with his gaze, but he gently touched your cheek and turned your head to his.

"i never stopped loving you either. never. i feel myself lucky to have found you in high school, i've loved everything about you from the beginning. and felt myself shitty when i started to ignore you, not trying to understand you, lying to you and even though i didn't, it seemed like i cheated on you. i am deeply sorry for everything.

and i am deeply grateful for your caring. thank you for helping me. i never want things to become like that again. i don't want to lose you, not again. i want you to be on my side like i want to be in yours. can we try again?"

you genuinely smiled at him and nodded. wrapping your arms around his neck while crying. he hugged you back immediately. rubbing your back, telling you that if you keep crying, he will cry too. you laughed and let go of your arms.

he was caressing your cheeks genuinely and connected your foreheads. then connected your lips with his, starting a sensual kiss. a kiss full of sadness, longing and pure love in it.