#rewatchnatural

But you go look at Dean's face after he shoots that demon to save Sam. When they take a good five seconds to focus on Dean's face and show you how disturbed and upset he is that by killing that demon, he killed a human being, too.

And come back and tell me again that Dean is a serial killer.

Dean kills monsters for a living, and sometimes he enjoys it, but there's a hard line when it comes to humanity (excluding the MOC/DemonDean storyline, when Dean is not himself).

Cassie: Why'd you tell me?

Dean: I don't know

Dean: What broke the connection?

Cas: I don't know.

Dean tells Michael what's going on and asks him for his help.

He doesn't want to use Michael as bait, it's tearing him up inside.

He walks away when Michael says 'no'.

Then he's there with Michael as much as he possibly can be through the whole ordeal. He explains what is going to happen and what Michael needs to do to keep himself safe.

You mean Dean's childhood.

Go watch Dean's face as Sam gives his little speech. Dean doesn't show any signs of agreeing with him - and this is a Dean that we haven't seen do anything but obey his dad. He even has to look away, back over his shoulder at nothing, at one point. Then the way he says 'all things considered'.

Sam thinks he turned out ok because of John? He's fucking oblivious.

He's so fucking lonely. He just wants someone to want to be with him. He wants his family back.

But everyone around him has always had other things higher on their list than him.

He's always playing second fiddle, or third, or fourth.

He spends the next 15 years building his own family.

Then they take that away from him, too.

Cas is the only person who ever put him first, and he did it as often as he possibly could.

Cas spent 40 years battling to save Dean, before he ever even met him. Oh, and when he found him, he was irrevocably changed.

Even when Cas betrayed Dean, he was trying to protect him. To let him be happy.

All I ever wanted was for Dean to get to be happy. The big kind of happy, and they never let him have it. They teased him with it. Said this is what it looks like, but we're going to take it away before you ever get to experience it.

Then we're going to stick you in an empty 'heaven', alone. your worst nightmare come true, and call it a happy ending.

Heaven was awfully empty for a man like Dean, a man who hated to be alone.

Maybe it was the Empty and Dean was experiencing his worst nightmare - endlessly alone.

If for some reason you can't answer immediately, you call back as soon as possible.

Especially when they leave you a message like that.

When your oldest son, who you turned into a parent, is begging you for help.

When he's in tears because he doesn't know what to do and he needs you.

I bet Dean can count on one hand the number of times he's given in and begged for this type of help from John. Hell, from anybody.

And for John to ignore him.

Michael: It's my job to look after him.

If only Dean took his own advice.

If only he didn't have an awful, shitty father who sent him on this case all because of a decision he made as a kid. One he never should have been put in the position of making.

There's only one reason for John to send Dean on this particular case, he wanted to make him feel bad, feel guilty.