#restoreme

“It’s just the same old stuff, J.” He doesn’t look at me, instead stares at the sky, The sky looks truly beautiful, the sun casting a saffron glow everywhere.

I stay quiet for a moment and when he still doesn’t look at me, I put my hand on his shoulder, “Kenji, what’s wrong ? You know you can tell me, right ?” He slowly faces me and I can see his eyes look tired and sunken and he looks different than before, dimmed somehow. “Hey, what’s wrong?”  I ask now a little more scared. “J, do you really think no-one can love me ?”

I am somehow taken aback, “What? you must be joking. No, Kenji everyone loves you. I can see it, even back in Point, everyone loves you Kenji.” 

He looks at me as if he’s trying to muster some reassurance. His eyes are glazed over with exhaustion and maybe even emotion. “They all want to hang out with fun Kenji, funny Kenji, Joking Kenji, Nobody can handle all of me. Any other version “ I realise these are the rare moments when Kenji succumbs to his melancholy and I really wish he hasn’t been thinking like this for long. “Kenji, you know I love you no matter which Kenji you are. I love mopey Kenji too. And besides everyone cares about you, not everyone shows it the same way that you think they should, but they do, what’s there not to love. Even Aaron -no matter how much he acts like he doesn’t- cares about you.“

“J, you are really cute sometimes, like when you think that Warner cares about anyone other than you and the cute outfit he will wear on a particular day.” He says smiling a little, and I’m glad he’s feeling a little better, even if he’s mocking Aaron again. “I know he cares Kenji, this just proves my point. Sometimes you don’t know people care because they show it a little differently.” 

“Hmm, J, but what do you think is wrong with me? I mean it can’t be my face, because I mean, hello have you seen it?” At this I raise my brows and try to control my smile when I say seriously “Is this about Nazeera, Kenji?” 

“What? no, J are you feeling okay because it looks like you’re delusional.” He says too quickly and his cheeks get a little flushed as if he’s remembering something. 

“Oh so this is definitely about her.” now I’m smiling openly. 

“maybe a little”

He looks serious again. I hug him from the side, I really want him to be happy, and not just being funny or anything, just genuinely at peace, he deserves the world and I tell him so. He turns and hugs me back tightly and I hold on too. “I missed you, you know.” He whispers as he rests his chin on my head. 

“I missed you too, Kenji. Why didn't you tell me this sooner ?”

He let’s go and lies on his back. it’s almost dark now. “ I don’t know J, you and Warner went through so much recently and we just wanted you to have some time together.” 

I lie back and put my head on his shoulder, and he puts his hand around my shoulder, he squeezes tightly. “Kenji If you have something that's bothering you and you need to talk it through, you can always, no matter what, ask me. Just because me and Aaron are together doesn’t change anything with us. I’ll always be here for you, I care about you Kenji.”

He closes his eyes and I fell his body tense and relax as he breathes to hold his composure. I press myself into his side more tightly and his grip tightens on my shoulder again. “And about Nazeera, they were raised so differently Kenji, they were raised to think logically, to be leaders. Showing emotions is a weakness. But I know she cares, she looks at you like she cares. I can bet she cares a lot more than you think. “ 

  He opens his eyes suddenly and looks at me “you think?” 

“I know” I smile, feeling relieved to see him more like himself. He smiles back, he looks as if a burden has been eased off his shoulders with this conversation.

“And meanwhile, I'm here.”  

His smile comes more easily now. Naturally, not forced. “Warner better not hurt you again, or he’ll hear from me.” At this I snort, “first of all, he won’t hurt me and you will avoid ever picking a fight with Aaron if you can help it.“

“Hey, J, you think I’m afraid of him or something?” I turn to face him and widen my eyes in innocence even as my smile slips out. 

“Well, I'm not ! but seriously J, you won't tell him right now that I said that will you?” At this I laugh out loud and shove him and he starts laughing too.