#restaurantetiquette

I’m starting with number 23 on the list of Things Not to Do When Dining Out, since I just observed this, and the obvious ones are at the top of the list, such as, ‘Don’t be an asshole,’ although that always begs repeating.  

 Last Friday night, I went out to dinner.  My brilliant scientist and I did not have a reservation, therefore the only table that was available was by the door, which we were quite satisfied with.  (Oh, yes, not having a reservation and complaining about the one available table, or that there is none on a Friday night, is also on the list).  

 The restaurant was divided into two dining areas.  The side we were sitting on was also the side that had the bar.  There were four booths along the side, and another table next to us. On the other side of the restaurant, that you had to walk past the hostess stand to enter, was larger and sat more tables.

 As we were enjoying our meal, a couple was leaving from the other side.  The hostess gave the automated, “Have a good night,” as the couple passed her by.

 The woman stopped to say, “It was really loud over there.”

 A few more words were exchanged and I heard the hostess give the explanation that on a Friday night, it is busier, and the beginning of the week it is not as crowded.  I rolled my eyes for her.  

 I took another sip of my wine to help me swallow the stupidity and recalled to my scientist how I never understood that complaint.  

 If you wanted a quiet meal to stare into each other’s eyes, or sit silently in your misery because you despise the person next to you, but you’re stuck with them forever, then you should have stayed at home.  

 It is a Friday night. Even if you somehow have managed only to dine out once in your life, you probably have some idea that Friday and Saturday nights are the busiest nights of the week.  

 It’s not like you went to a library to have dinner.  You shouldn’t expect it to be completely quiet because you know, you went out in public.

 And it’s generally women who make this complaint.  Some men make the occasional request for a quiet table, just to do a banal proposal to their girlfriend, but I’ve usually heard women bitching about the noise, even if they enjoyed everything else, they still have to complain about something.

 Maybe it is the one night you get to be alone with your partner.  You’re usually left dealing with screaming and crying kids all day, and Friday or Saturday night are the only nights when you can get a sitter.  You just want a pleasant, quiet evening.  I understand.  But it’s not my fault, or anyone else’s fault, you decided to reproduce more children than you can handle.  

 And the room was louder, I admit, but that’s because it contained more people.  I didn’t hear anyone screaming at the top of their lungs, or laughing too loud because they had one too many cocktails.  Even if there was someone who was approaching being belligerently drunk and yelling everything he’s saying because he’s an asshole, it’s not the restaurant’s fault.  

 The next time you want to complain about it being too loud on a Friday or Saturday night, I’m going to suggest you sit outside, even when there is no outdoor seating available and it is winter.  No one will be dining out there with you, so it will be perfectly quiet.  

When people think of restaurant etiquette, they usually only think of table manners.  Things your grandma would tell you like “no elbows on the table” and “don’t use your hands.”  Truth be told though, your dining experience is just as much about you as it is about your server, the kitchen staff, the hosts and the rest of the restaurant staff.  Your etiquette isn't just about the way you hold your fork, it's also about the way you conduct yourself and the way you communicate your needs.  There's no way for me to cover everything in detail, but here's a quick overview and some insight into the F&B world that may help you make your dining experiences much better in the future! 

THE WAIT When you walk into a busy restaurant and you ask “what’s the wait time?” and your hostess says “wait time is 30 minutes,” that is your opportunity to stay or leave.  Don’t ask “WHY?” because the answer could be a billion things that your hostess is probably not allowed to tell you.  It could be because the kitchen is short staffed and food is taking too long to punch out.  It could be because the restaurant is full and there aren’t any tables.  It could be because the server staff is short.  THEY USUALLY AREN’T ALLOWED TO TELL YOU!  So don’t ask why and give them a hard time.  You may either leave your name and wait, or you may go someplace else.  SEATING Upon defeating the wait time, the host/hostess will call your name and it’ll be time for you to sit!  YAAAAAAAAAAY!  If you had any special requests about your table, your location in the restaurant, your server preference or anything else, the time to place your request was when you signed in for the wait.  By this time, don’t try to play musical chairs and don’t try to be difficult about where you’re placed.  A full restaurant runs on a system called rotation, which allows each server to get an equal number of tables based on the availability of open tables.  If you request different things after your wait time, you could literally throw a wrench in a very intricate system and that’ll greatly affect your dining experience.    IMPORTANT NOTE: WORD TRAVELS FAST!  If you were difficult at all in the first 30 minutes of your presence in the restaurant, the ENTIRE staff will know about it 5 seconds after your butt touches your chair.  Your host(ess) will tell your server and that may set the mood for your entire experience.  As long as the staff is being polite, be polite back.  YOUR SERVER Let us assume that the wait was smooth and you sat where your hostess decided to seat you.  Not every server is going to be spectacular.  You’re going to have forgetful ones, rude ones, ones that aren’t very smart and ones that are simply too smart.  Just like the population, servers will be diverse in nature.  More often than not, servers want to do well because doing well makes them tips which is the basis of their livelihood.  I always encourage people to be polite and appreciative.  If your server isn’t attentive, is rude or makes too many mistakes, bring out the big guns if you must, but remember we all have bad days and sometimes kindness wins over being mean.  If your server is MIA, please don’t yell or wave obnoxiously.  Wait until another server passes by and alert them.  If the dining experience is a wreck from start to finish despite your best efforts to be polite, TALK TO A MANAGER!  The only way a really bad server can get corrected is if you tell the people in charge.  Walking out without letting anyone know will definitely not help future experiences.  If your server is excellent, don’t forget to drop the standard 15-20% tip and remember to compliment them on a job well done.   You don’t pay your bills with compliments and neither do servers. 

THE FOOD If there is something wrong with your food, reflect first before you react.  Is the mistake something that is the server’s fault or is this something that the kitchen did?  Remember that servers don’t MAKE the food, they only deliver it.  So if you ordered a medium rare steak that comes out medium, your server didn’t do that—the kitchen did.  Problems with sides or an entirely wrong order coming out is usually the server’s doing.  Servers are usually really happy to correct mistakes.  Politely let them know and they will get it done ASAP. If your food is amazing, be sure to let the server know about that too and be willing to offer your compliments to the chef when the manager strolls by on a table visit.  Everyone likes to know when they’re doing something good.  MAKING AN IMPRESSION Service staff remembers the people that make impressions; good and bad alike.  You want to be those people that make good impressions because trust me when I say we remember the ones that make bad ones-- sometimes more than those that make good ones.  A lot of servers are in the service industry because they enjoy the nature of their jobs and they enjoy making people happy.   There’s nothing like turning a corner to greet a table and mutually lighting up because you enjoy serving the family in front of you and they enjoy being served by you. How do you know if you've made a good impression?  If you go into a restaurant regularly and the service staff says hello and welcomes you back, that's a HUGE indicator.  If that's not the case for regular restaurants...  you might want to look inwardly and revamp your guest-style. 

Create positive relationships with your servers!  A lot of them are students who are paving their ways to be workers in our community.  Many of your servers will be teachers and psychologists, doctors and lawyers.  You may even find one of us sitting in the desk across from you one day.    We are voters too!  So politicians remember that you’re not Guahan royalty, you’re public servants and our votes put you in your positions; be humble.  Build relationships and create positive connections.  You might wake up one day and realize your once-upon-a-time server is an RN who’s just saved your life.  Forever yours in foodie fun,