#resisance

For @fuminebbia‘s bday :D I know you love Muse and I tried my best to write a story around this song :) Thank you so much to @williedragonne for being my beta! 

3440 Words

This somehow has fluff, angst and (questionable) smut

Is our secret safe tonight

And are we out of sight

Or will our world come tumbling down?

Will they find our hiding place

Is this our last embrace

Or will the walls start caving in?

 To celebrate their 6th month anniversary of moving in together, Dan and Phil had decided to go out. They went to a restaurant with their friends and ended up drinking a bit too much. After leaving their friends, they took a cab home. Phil could not stop laughing about some stupid joke and Dan admired Phil’s laugh, eventually joining him. When they reached the door to their apartment, Phil struggled to take the key out of his pocket. Dan had calmed down a bit and took the situation in his hands.

 “Stop squirming, you spork.” Said Dan, turning Phil so that he faced him. Phil tried to stop laughing but couldn't. “Stand straight, I'll get the keys for you.”

 Phil did his best to stay calm and let Dan reach his jeans’ front pocket. He was surprised by their sudden closeness and he stared into the beautiful chocolate eyes. They looked at him with such fondness and something else… love? Lust? Phil shivered and took the keys out of Dan’s hands.

 “Thanks, I think I can open the door now.” Said Phil in a breath.

 Dan stepped aside and they entered their flat, heading towards their respective bedrooms in an awkward silence. Dan immediately laid on his bed and stared at the ceiling. He was still shaken by the weird intimate moment they had shared before. He couldn’t help but look at his soft kissable lips and his beautiful bright blue, green and gold eyes. He sighed loudly. He was so stupid. How could someone as perfect as Phil could ever love him?

 He heard a knock on his door and saw Phil in pjs, standing shyly in the doorframe.

 “Do you want something to drink? You know, to avoid being hangover tomorrow …” asked Phil.

 “Hum, yeah, good idea, thanks.”

 As Phil went to the kitchen, Dan sat in his bed and tried to make his thoughts shut up. His unrequired love for his best friend could ruin everything. He had to keep it a secret.

 He made his way to the hallway, almost bumped into Phil.

 “Hey, I didn’t make a mess!” said Phil with a smile.

 “Haha, really?” Sarcastically replied Dan.

 He went to take the glass of water out of Phil’s hands when it slipped and smashed on the floor with a loud noise.

 “Oh my god, I’m sorry!” Said Phil in a panicked voice. ‘‘Crap, sorry, sh-’’

 Before Dan could say anything, Phil was kneeling on the floor, picking up the pieces of glass with his bare hands. Dan joined Phil on the floor and gently took Phil’s hands in his own. Phil looked at him with puppy dog eyes. Their faces were a few centimeters apart and Dan could smell Phil’ sweet perfume.

 In a matter of seconds, their lips were crashing. His hands made their way to Phil’s neck, exploring the curves of his body. Phil deepened the kiss and pushed Dan against the wall. He rubbed his crotch against Dan’s forming bulge. Closing his eyes, Dan let out a moan against Phil’s lips. Phil interrupted interrupted their kiss to look at Dan.

 ‘‘That is so sexy…’’

 Looking relieved, Dan hungrily lifted Phil’s shirt to look at his marvelously pale body.

 ‘‘Bedroom?’’ asked Phil.

 The brown hair boy agreed silently and followed Phil to his bedroom. Phil took Dan’s shirt off and pushed him on his bed. He straddled Dan, holding his wrists on the bed with one hand as he touched Dan’s crotch through his jeans. Dan moaned again and lifted his hips for more friction.

 “Phil…” begged Dan.

 Understanding Dan’s request, Phil released Dan’s hands and worked on his pants and boxers, pulling them off in one movement. He got the lube and condom in his drawer. Even in his slightly foggy state of mind, Phil had practical thoughts. He coated his fingers in lube and started preparing Dan, adding one finger at the time.

 “I’m ready, Phil, please…”

 “Are you sure?” Phil answered, not stopping his movements.

 “Yeah, I don't care.”

 “Well, I do care. I don't want you to get hurt.” Softly said Phil, looking at him as if he was the most precious thing in the universe.

 “It’s-”

Arching his back, Dan couldn't talk anymore. Phil had found his sweet spot and he was overwhelmed by the waves of pleasure. Smiling, Phil scissored his fingers and kept on touching Dan’s sensitive spot. With his other hands, he caressed Dan’s chest and reached his length, slowly pumping it. Dan squirmed under Phil’s gentle touch.

 “Phil, I want you. All of you.”

 “So bossy…” smiled Phil under his breath.

 Phil grabbed the condom, put it on and applied lube on it. His erection had needed attention for a while but Phil wanted Dan to feel good and safe before anything. Phil looked at Dan, who nodded in approval. He put the tip of his length in Dan’s entrance and slowly pushed in, still looking at Dan for any discomfort from his part. Dan nodded again, telling him to keep going. Phil completely filled Dan and picked up a slow and steady pace.

 “You feel so good, Dan.” Sighed Phil, kissing the beautiful boy under him.

 Dan groaned softly as an answer, smiling in his bliss. Phil sped up the rhythm and angled himself to reach Dan’s sweet spot. Dan screamed Phil’s name, grabbing the sheets tightly with his hands.

 “I’m close…” Dan said, as Phil repeatedly touched his sensitive spot.

 Seeing Dan attempting to reach his length, Phil grabbed it and pumped it firmly, not stopping his back and forth movement.

 “Come for me, Dan.” Whispered Phil in Dan’s ear.

 Upon hearing that, Dan reached his peak with a scream. Phil kept moving his hips and reached his own climax seconds later.

 Exhausted, they both fell on the bed. Panting, Phil opened his mouth to say something but interrupted himself when he saw Dan lazily getting tissues to clean everything up. Phil decided to do the same and when he was done, he turned to Dan but he was already asleep.

 Smiling softly, Phil got in the bed and cuddled the youngest man.

 ‘‘Is this our last embrace?’’ thought Phil, caressing Dan’s hair. ‘‘What have we done? What have I done?’’

 (It could be wrong, could be wrong) But it should have been right

(It could be wrong, could be wrong) To let our hearts ignite

(It could be wrong, could be wrong) Are we digging a hole?

(It could be wrong, could be wrong) This is out of control

             The next day, Dan woke up before Phil. Startled by the unusual warmth he felt beside him, he got up in a flash. Dizzy and disoriented, he blinked a few times before realizing he was in his flatmate’s bedroom… and in HIS bed too. And he had slept right beside him. His head was pounding and as his thoughts got clearer, he remembered what had happened the night before. Listening to his instinct, he ran to his room and closed the door, hoping that Phil would understand the message and stay away from his room.

 ‘‘No, no, no… This can’t be happening…’’ whispered the boy, pacing back and forth.

 Thoughts were running in his head at the speed of light. Was he gay? Yes, he thought Phil was the perfect combination of cute and sexy. And he was a freaking sunshine that always made him smile with his stupid jokes and his endearing clumsiness. But could it be possible that he loved, ‘’LOVED’’ Phil? More than just a friend? More than a best friend? Dan had never felt this way before. Were they friends or were they more? His feelings had never been so fiery, so intense and out of his control.

 Stopping his pacing, he realized that maybe Phil didn't remember their night together. How was he supposed to act? Or maybe this was just a one-night-stand for him? Were they still friends? Phil couldn't possibly love him as more than just a friend, could he? But the way Phil had treated him, so caring and gentle… Dan could have gotten the wrong impression, but his feelings would be so right if they were reciprocal.

 Dan was so deep into his thoughts that he didn’t hear his flatmate get up until he knocked on his door.

 ‘‘Are you okay, Dan? Are you digging a hole with your feet? I can hear you pacing, you know.’’ Said Phil, in what seemed a careless attitude.

 ‘‘I’m okay’’ Said Dan, quickly thinking of an excuse to stay in his room. ‘‘Just hangover. I need to rest, that’s all.’’

 ‘‘Alright, then.’’

             Dan heard Phil’s footsteps fade away and curled himself into a ball on his bed. He was so stupid. His feelings were totally wrong and he should be digging a hole to hide in shame.

(It could be wrong, could be wrong) It could never last

(It could be wrong, could be wrong) Must erase it fast

(It could be wrong, could be wrong) But it could have been right

(It could be wrong, could be...)

 When Phil woke up, he wasn’t sure if it was a dream or not. Blinking a few times, he almost expected to see posters all over his walls. As the last pieces of dream lingered in his foggy mind, he remembered the weird room his subconscious had imagined. There were trophies scattered on different shelves and two gold jackets hanging in his closet. Posters of him and Dan decorated the walls, as if they were some kind of celebrities. Then, they had spent the night together to celebrate some kind of event and they were truly happy. Phil enjoyed the ephemeral bliss he had felt in this beautiful dream as it faded away.

 Sighing, Phil stretched his legs and arms, realizing he was laying on one side of the bed, as if someone had slept on the other half of it. What if his dream had not been one? That it had really happened? Focusing on distinguishing reality from fiction, Phil pat his temples and closed his eyes.

 “We went out with PJ and Chris, drank too much celebrating then got home. Dropped a glass of water then…”

 Phil opened his eyes in a flash, his mouth wide open in shock. A thousand questions ran through his mind.

 As he got up, he heard a sound coming from Dan’s room. Paying attention, he realized Dan was talking to himself, pacing back and forth. Phil couldn't listen to his mumbling, that would be intruding his thoughts. He knew that Dan usually paced in the middle of the night, during an existential crisis. But it was 10AM. Phil decided to knock on his friend's door.

 Phil always knew when Dan was lying. And he was.

 He wouldn't confront Dan, as Phil himself wasn't sure what had happened the night before. He had to sort things out. What if there was nothing make a fuss about? Nothing to erase?

 Upon walking in front of the kitchen, Phil saw the shattered glass on the floor. Their night together had definitely happened. Sighing, he cleaned up the mess he had made and cut himself as he picked up the pieces of glass. Hissing in pain, he ran to the bathroom to put a band-aid on his hand.

 He was so clumsy and his head was in the clouds. He had to talk to someone about this situation. He finished his cleaning task and quickly changed his clothes. As he was about to take his keys to leave his apartment, he hesitated. Was leaving Dan alone the right thing to do? He decided to leave a short note explaining that he was going to come back.

 Thirty minutes later, PJ opened his door with a loud yawn.

 ‘‘Phil? What are you doing here? Missed me already?”greeted PJ.

 “Oh my god, PJ, I don't know what to do with Dan. I mean, I don't know what to tell him, because I think we slept together but I'm not really sure…” spat out Phil.

 “Woah, calm down, mate. Take a deep breath. You can tell me everything on a good couch, alright?”

 PJ guided his friend to his living-room, ordering him to sit down. PJ noticed Phil’s messy hair and nervous’ hands pulling his shirt. He wasn't himself at all.

 “Okay. So, what happened with Dan?”

 Phil explained his dream most likely inspired by reality and Dan’s weird attitude in the morning. PJ’s mouth grew wide open as Phil unfolded his story.

 “I can't say that this is very surprising, but…” finally said PJ.

 “What? You expected this to happen?”

 “Well, maybe not this way, but anyone with a minimal sense of observation saw that he had a thing for you.’’ said PJ with a laugh.

 Flabbergasted, Phil didn’t know what to say.

 ‘‘Close your mouth or you’ll eat some flies.’’ laughed PJ. ‘‘Seriously, I thought you two were flirting voluntarily and waited for the right time to get together.’’

 ‘‘But what am I going to do? I had never noticed his attraction for me… Do you think he has feelings for me? I can’t believe we lived together and…’’

 ‘‘Of course, he has feelings for you! It’s obvious he has a crush on you since forever. What do you want to do? Do you feel the same about him?’’

 ‘‘I…Yes, I do.’’

 PJ nodded with a serious expression and looked at Phil straight in the eyes.

 ‘‘You have to tell him about your feelings. As you said, you guys live together. It’s gonna be an elephant in the room if you don’t. You can’t erase something like that.’’

 ‘‘But… I don’t know how…’’ stuttered Phil, looking like a lost puppy.

 ‘‘You can crash here for tonight, but tomorrow, I kick you out and you have to talk to Dan.’’ Decided PJ.

 Phil sighed in resignation. This was going to be a long sleepless night.

 Love is our resistance

They'll keep us apart and they won't stop breaking us down

Hold me

Our lips must always be sealed

 Dan didn’t even know how much time had passed since Phil had left him alone with his thoughts. He didn’t even try to know what was wrong. Dan had lied and Phil was gone. Their night together was definitely a mistake. Before, Phil would have tried to talk to him and reassure him. Maybe he would have made a hot chocolate. That’s what he used to do when Dan was feeling grey.

             Like that time when Dan had a fight with his parents and paid Phil a visit because he had nowhere else to go. Phil had been so kind and accepted the fact that Dan didn’t want to talk about it. Instead, Phil had made him a hot chocolate and they had played Mario Kart until dawn. They fell asleep together and Dan remembered Phil’s gentle cuddles, as if he wanted to protect Dan from any harm.

             When they moved in together, Dan was sick and Phil took care of him. He used to bring him his meal to bed, take his temperature and made sure he took his medicine. When Phil thought Dan was asleep, he had softly brushed his hair back and rearranged his blankets.

             Or when he had first met Phil’s mum, she had been very caring and kind, making him wish his own mother was like that too. She had been maternal with him, hugging him as he was his son and making Phil promise to take care of his younger flatmate.

             If that wasn’t love, Dan didn’t know what it was. But was their love more than friendship? Something was keeping them apart and Dan didn’t know what.  

 If we live a life in fear

I'll wait a thousand years

Just to see you smile again

 Phil came back home the next day and found Dan fast asleep on his bed. He must have stayed up all night waiting for him. Phil pulled the blanket on the boy’s frail shoulders. He looked so peaceful. He never wanted this situation. All he ever wanted was Dan to realize that he deserved to be loved and that he was beautiful inside out. He wanted him to truly smile and not have to hide his feelings. Phil was ready to wait as long as needed for Dan.

 Phil caressed the younger boy’s hair and kissed his forehead.

 Kill your prayers for love and peace

You'll wake the Thought police

We can't hide the truth inside

 Phil changed his clothes and made hot chocolate, just like his mum had taught him.

 ‘‘Phil?’’ Dan called out in a nervous voice.

 He came out of his room and joined Phil in their kitchen.

 ‘‘Hot chocolate, of course.’’ smiled Dan.

 Phil nodded silently and took a sip of his mug, waiting for Dan to sit down.

 ‘‘We need to talk about that night.’’ calmly said Phil.

 ‘‘What is there to talk about? It was a mistake and…’’ spat out Dan, looking down.

 ‘‘Dan, we slept together and it wasn’t a mistake. I went to see PJ and he told me you’ve had feelings for me for a while. I can’t believe I was so blind.’’

 ‘‘How does that change anything? Everybody knows that…’’

 ‘‘Well, I didn’t and it changes everything because I…’’ Phil took a deep breath. ‘‘I love you too.’’

 Dan’s mouth flew wide open and stuttered without being able to say a sentence.

 ‘‘I love you and I can’t stop thinking about you. If there was a thought police, they would totally arrest me for overthinking about you.’’ Phil said, taking Dan’s hands in his own and Dan slowly looked into Phil’s shining blue eyes. ‘‘I want to make you happy, Dan. Because you make me happy.’’

 ‘‘I… I can’t believe this is happening. Did you really say you had feelings for me?’’

 Phil smiled widely and nodded.

 ‘‘Shit. Sorry, but wow.’’ A smile grew on Dan’s face. “How can you love me? I’m a mess, emotionally unstable, I hate myself…”

 “Well, nobody’s perfect. And don’t say that I am. I love you with all your flaws and I want to make you happy. What do you say? Are we in this together?’’

 “A High School Musical reference? Is this your way to ask me out?” laughed Dan.

 “It may just be. You have to accept me and my weird sentences, Dan.’’ jokingly answered Phil.

 ‘‘I love all of you. And yes, we are in this together. For better or for worse, as cheesy as it sounds.’’ blushed Dan.

 ‘‘It’s supposed to be cheesy.’’

 Love is our resistance

They'll keep us apart and they won't stop breaking us down

Hold me

Our lips must always be sealed

 For the first time, they slept in the same bed as lovers. In Phil’s bed, they were comfortable and happy as ever. It was late at night but they couldn’t close their eyes, as they were still flabbergasted that their love was mutual.

 ‘‘Are you sleeping, Dan?’’ softly asked Phil, who tightened his cuddle to make sure it wasn’t a dream.

 Dan turned himself to be able to see the beautiful face of his boyfriend. He admired his stunning blue eyes and his perfect little freckles, joining the dots on his cheeks. He tenderly kissed Phil’s hurt hand and smiled.

 ‘‘I should be. I have school tomorrow. But your amazingness keeps me awake.’’ said Dan, making Phil laugh.

 ‘‘And I was thinking about our YouTube channels. What are we gonna do? Are we gonna tell our followers about us?’’

 ‘‘I think we should keep our lips sealed for now. Don’t you want to enjoy our little comfy cocoon just for a while?’’ proposed Phil, kissing his boyfriend’s cheek.

 ‘‘Okay. I’m just afraid of their opinion… What if some of them are homophobes? What if one of us grows to be some kind of Internet celebrity and you grew tired of me? I don’t know what I would do if I lost you.’’ said Dan in a low voice.

 ‘‘You wouldn’t lose me, honey. I would hold you tighter and protect you from the mean people who want to hurt you. Nothing can keep us apart because our love is our resistance.’’

 The night has reached its end

We can't pretend

We must run

We must run

It's time to run

Take us away from here

Protect us from further harm

Punk-rock legends The Casualties have just released a new song titled "Brick Wall Justice," which you can stream here.