#resident-cryptid

Holy- I wasn't expecting everyone to like this; But thanks for the support! Please enjoy this part two of the story!

You stared at the now knocked out Razor. You maybe shouldn't have used a mix of Geo and Electro to knock him out... Now you felt bad, Razor wasn't one of your mains, but you did max out friendship with him. Wait a damn minute... What if this is like that one idea you read on Tumbler?! Where the higher Friendship the character had a better chance of recognizing you! That would give you at least one or two safe people per Nation!!

You're getting off track.. You shake your head and walk over to Razor, and sniff him, you couldn't rely on your human form since, one you didn't have clothes, and two you didn't want to mess up anything; After all... You liked being free and chaotic.

You huff and headbutted Razor, as hard as you could do. It didn't wake him up, but it left a bruise on him. You nudged him, to no avail.

Now how were you gonna fix this... Razor most likely had someone with him, and if they find Razor they'll find you; A black cat with a moon marking on your head, braided fur, blue, silver, and gold paint on you, and a Hilichurl mask on your side...

(The mask wouldn't work on your face, you couldn't see through it, and it was still too big even after the Hilichurls made it so small.)

Yea, this could risk you, but. What's gonna happen? You were starting to get bored now... So a chase would be fun... But you rather not, what if they realized you were the real deal? You didn't want to stay still. But you were starting to dislike the False on the throne.

Actually, you kinda wanted to punch her in the face now... But you'll let them rule for longer. You needed to wake up Razor or move him somewhere. Maybe Cyro would wake him up...

You take a deep breath and gently nuzzle Razor's neck, the boy in question still doesn't wake up. Now, you felt pretty bad about that... Maybe you shouldn't use two elements to knock someone out- A noise behind you, sounding like a person made you panic.

Without thinking, you swirl around and bite someone's leg, Electro bursts once you make contact and the person hits the ground... You let go and freeze... You knocked out Bennett...

Damn it..

You felt bad now... You dragged them into the forest mainly because you didn't want anyone to see them passed out, nor did you like the idea of leaving the to the Hilichurls... So, they were tied to a tree(with a lot of vines), but they're awake, and not every happy... Bennett's eyes fell onto you, "Erm.. H- hey there... Can you help us?"

Holy shit!! He talked to a cat?

You snorted, turning and walking off. "Hey!" "S- Stupid Weird Smelling Cat!"

After a few minutes, you found where you wanted to go.. But you hoped this wouldn't be a game of Dog and Cat... You found a clearing which hopefully was- HOLY SHIT HE'S A TITAN!!

You stared at the huge Blizzard God- Wait, can you still call Andrius a Blizzard god?

You tilt your head and look at him as he speaks, "What's a tiny cat doing here, where you could be hurt?" He had a teasing tone to it... You were confused, but shapeshifted into a wolf to properly speak to him.

"Sup?" You basically greet him, like he wasn't the literal Wolf of the North, the man who embodied wolves. He seemed amused with your antics.

"Soo... Why aren't you shocked?" You asked him, both confused and happy to speak to someone.

Andrius hums, "As a creature of Teyvat, I am connected to the land... I can realize when the Creator stands before me." You tried processing that but gave up. "So... Can you just help me with something real quick...? I can't turn into my human form right now and I need a bit of help..." You ask, somewhat nervously.

Thirty minutes later, you had brought the giant wolf to where Bennett and Razor are. Both looked horrified at the fact that you a tiny cat, summoned one of the Four Winds... You loved it.

Andrius helped you with getting the vines off of the two explorers. Though while they were shocked, you took the chance to leave after thanking Andrius.

To cut to the chase:

I SPENT MONTHS

ENJOYING FOUL LEGACY FANFICS

And ALLL these writers describe a monstrous creature from the Abyss, who’s only motivation is fighting, death, and destruction. They kept calling it a moth monster with claws, fur, armor, and cape-like wings. He had a single glowing eye and only communicated in chirps/growls and the like. With nests and hunting and ALL THAT GOOD SHIT

And THEN— and then I decided just the other day, “hmm I’m craving a visual right now. Why don’t I check out a picture of this thing”…

AND HE’S JUST SOME GUY

They always harp on how terrifying this “creature of the abyss” is and if anything, it has an adorable little face. The only thing he has, is that he’s big. A big dude. That’s all he got.

I was MISLED and DISAPPOINTED. And that was all I could think about for like 20 minutes straight afterwards.

I even almost made a new favorite afterwards, Capitano. Who was in the staunchly humanoid category, but at least I wasn’t LIED TO about it! It’s a Monster of a Man vs a Man of a Monster here

Anyways, rant over. Goodday Dear Pin!

If I was 10x more motivated I might cope hard enough to make my own design 🤔

I. I don't known what the fuck you're talking about.

But I do understand that pain. Which is why I literally don't get into long fanfictions or even books without knowing that the "monster" is to my liking. Also because I've gotten way too comfortable with reader inserts and have no desire to read about some girl named Rebbecca with flowing blonde locks and green eyes- But that's just my desire for accommodation showing.

What’s the town gonna do about it anyways??

Let’s get him a giant isopod. The MEGA-poly!

In my brief research I’ve also learned that they can, in fact, roll up like their land brethren.

He's crying snot and tears, it's the ugliest and most unflattering thing you've ever seen the impcubus do, before he runs away with it.

You assume you might have fucked up, that Lacai got embarrassed by the state you saw him in and will never seek contact with you again. Or maybe even that your gift was somehow too forward and he got cold feet.

When you come home that very same day, Lacai is naked on your bed, legs spread and a cheesy red rose snagged between his teeth.

I am aware that spicy is just the stimulation of pain on your tongue. But if it doesn’t hurt a bit, how am I supposed to know that it’s tasty?

All this to say that I believe that Kalymir would be incapable of enjoying a meal unless it’s hot enough to kill 20 men, thank you

Did you mean Patches?

Because he's the resident spice fiend here.

Kalymir is extremely carnivorous and will just take raw chunks out of things- Including adversaries. He's like a rabies-infested animal, the temperature and spice of his meals is irrelevant.

Step 1. Pour 10 liters of soda down Obie’s throat

Step 2. Target practice with mentos

There’s no way this can go wrong! 😚

He's strong, he can take it.

That I was in this like creepy manor and could TELL that it was supposed to be a “survive a haunted house adventure” in a group thing.

But I took one look at that burlap-face-Halloweentown-ass-creature and decided I was gonna GET HIM.

And he was trying so hard to stay away and get back to the “program” but I was too dedicated to that goal. He even threw his secretary (who existed for some reason) at me to begin with. DIDNT WORK, I took her first as an entrée.

Mans was struggling, poor soul, I almost pity him.

I feel you.

There's a reason I don't go into haunted houses. Not that there's many where I live, but I've had one or two experiences that have let me know I would just get red as a cherry and breathe weird if a vaguely humanoid thing with a burlap sack chased after me.

Maybe not ant-to-elephant, but someone so big, the icon could fit in the palm of their hand (so closer to cat-to-elephant).

All this to say, I’m asking to see the Vesper just trying to come up with a game plan to Tap That™️ 😂

Kalymir would just be stoked to be literally crushed.

I wonder how Vortica would feel about a S/O that’s capable fitting her in their mouth. (Idk maybe glutton demons would find that hot 😂)

Zizz would have a new favorite bed, no doubt.

Rinx could have his hands engulfed.

Greed could flaunt off his giant S/O.

And if it makes Cero feel better, we’d let him decorate our body as he pleases and/or use us as a personal throne. (Id think that’s stroke his ego enough to help)

Vesper has no shortage of ideas. A living symbol of exacerbated lust, of course he'd be into a giantess. There are many, many things he wants to do with your massive figure.

Kalymir has repeatedly asked you to sit on him, you're unsure if he's genuinely suicidal or just brain dead with hormones.

If you put Vorticia in your mouth and she starts screaming, don't worry, she's having a quasi-heat fit.

Rinx wants to be your pocket husband.

The living throne compromise would make Cero very happy, yes. You also have to carry him everywhere outside, properly.

Zizz is asleep in your palms or nestled into your neck, maybe napping on your cleavage if he's lucky.