#rerir fluff

Another beautiful, and freezing, Nodkrai morning began as it always did nowadays. Birds singing, weasel thieves scamming passing merchants, Ratniki making their morning rounds while hooked up to Coffee IVs, and of course no morning is complete without...

Attempting to wrangle yourself free from Rerirs iron, deathlike grip.

"Rer?"

"No."

Well that was that. Rerir was surprisingly the cuddly sort, perhaps it was all the centuries spent alone with only his own decaying, demented mind to keep him company, or it was always in his nature to hold onto something while he slept. Either way, you've found he is a cuddler. Once you crawl into bed, you're not leaving until he says so. Thank goodness you sprung for the soft bed set when you had to buy a new mattress last year, the old one wasn't big enough for Rerir to sleep on.

It takes awhile to free yourself from the bed, but once you do-after many promises- it's time to start working on your next project.

Finding Rerir, the Rachner of Solnari, the sinner, a hobby.

As it would turn out, Rerir had plenty of useful skills back in Khaenri'ah...murderous skills, but they could be useful one day. Unfortunately for him, they are not so useful today.

So, the first item on the list of potential hobbies was hunting.

Once in the forest, the two of you hunkered down behind the bushes. Watching and waiting for prey to wander by.

"So, you take this little bow and shoot at the deer as they pass, then we cook it?" He asked, he did paperwork-for the most part- as his job, not actually hunting.

"Yeah, some people do, but we're only hunting today because of a commission. Too many deer, too few predators, throws the ecosystem off balance. So, we get thousand mora for each one we bring in."

Rerir nodded slowly, "understood." He tossed the bow over shoulder, "well, in that case..."

Rerir turned to the clearing and waved a hand towards the passing herd. Within seconds, dozens of hands clawed there way from the earth and sunk their claws into the unsuspecting deer, leaving little behind other than carcasses.

You dropped your bow in shock, wondering if the money was officially gone if you couldn't clean the skins properly. Rerir turned back to you and grinned cheerfully, awaiting your praise.

"Well, did I do good?"

"Yes," you said slowly, "but now we gotta get the skins and clean them."

"On it!"

"WAIT-"

~

Next up was fishing, a calm and quiet hobby to distract the mind and catch some dinner. It seemed perfect on paper.

Though it was a complete disaster, as a certain Ratnik was none too pleased to find the sinner near his usual fishing spot.

Especially with Rerirs bloodthirsty attempts to 'settle the score' from their last encounter.

"It's the perfect moment, he's alone and separated from any mortal assistance!"

You attempted to drag him away by his leg, but you could barely hold on to it. Today was another reminder that you married a giant, a bloodthirsty giant.

One bloodthirsty giant who got his ass whooped just last week by said Ratnik, the same giant you spent the morning after cleaning and bandaging from being impaled by a run away spear.

"I will sleep on the couch for the next week if you don't stop this NOW!" You threatened.

You did not wish to make another impromptu run into Nasha Town for more bandages this month, you were beginning to get weird looks from the clerk whenever you bought out their stock.

You were out of options, and with no other choice left you pulled out your ultimate weapon.

"You wouldn't dare!" Rerir replied, summoning minions of the Wild Hunt.

"Yes I would, I most certainly would!"

The scariest part of the encounter was outrunning the Ratnik once he spotted Rerir, thankfully it was easy to outrun the Ratnik once he was surrounded by the Wild Hunt.

~

Next up was something far less bloody and messy while also being productive: crocheting! A fun hobby that keeps your hands and mind occupied. It was difficult to see how this could possibly end badly.

"Okay, so let's start with some basic stitches. I'll teach you the way my granny taught me."

Rerir held the hook and yarn between his hands, focusing intently, trying to keep his grip over the small hook. It was days like this that reminded him that most of everything in the house was tiny compared to him. He often joked to himself that it was like he was a doll in a small doll house.

Rerir wanted to discuss getting a bigger house, but that idea will have to wait a bit longer. Just until the Ratniki ceased their extra rounds for the week.

"Like this?" He asked nervously. It was not like him to be unfamiliar with something, especially something such as this. Rerir prided himself on being prepared for most events, "or like this?"

You nodded, holding up your own hook and yarn, "Excellent, my dear. Now follow my lead. One, two...three..."

Rerir followed along, albeit a tad sloppily, chaining the first ten stitches of the yarn. He tried to focus, but found himself getting distracted watching you work. He liked seeing how passionate you got about your hobbies, so he volunteered this one as the next project. Though he found it strange how deftly your hands moved between the yarn and hook, watching as rows and rows of yarn began to turn into a warm, fluffy scarf.

You leaned closer to him and smiled, "perfect! Now, chain 180 stitches."

"How exactly is that a 'basic first step,' love?" Rerir asked incredulously.

"It's the easiest stitch everyone needs to know, and it helps build muscle memory. Just try it."

Rerir did, begrudgingly, and through much effort-not to tear the whole project apart after missing many stiches-he finally counted stitch number 180. Just, don't look too closely at the finished product.

Rerir even looked a little proud of it, it became repetitive and easy after some time, allowing him to zone out while discussing the day with you...and how he isn't allowed to go hunting deer with you anymore.

Rerir held up his finished practice piece, comparing it to the half a scarf you had finished in the time he took to complete his first challenge.

"Great job, Love!" You praised his work, most certainly noticing the smile he tried to hide.

"Its not that great."

"Thats alright, this is something that takes practice is all. We can keep working on it, if you want to."

"I quite like that idea, dove."

Wonderful, Now, let's do a magic circle-"

"A magic what?"

"Don't worry, you'll hate it but you gotta know it."

Rerir watched intently as you worked to make the infernal circle that drove so many people to abandon their projects, attempting to follow suit and failing just at the last step.

"I'll teach you a better method but it might not be as strong in the end."

"I have an idea, after this lets go to that resteraunt in town and then we can-"

"We can not hunt the fatui for sport."

"No one will miss them!" He pouted.

pulling the crispy roast you’d prepared out of the oven, a breath tumbled from your lips, a bead of sweat transferring to the back of your palm as you looked down at your work. golden, crunchy looking goodness that was sure to have a tenderness worth cutting into — rerir would just love it!

well, that’s just it- would, because he was.. not yet home.

a glance to the ticking clock hanging over the doorway, a pink and green cat frame that had been gifted to you ages ago by aino, your lips seemed to purse at the time, worry etching itself between your eyebrows. it was.. later than usual, that was to be sure — and while you knew he was more than capable..

there was always such a thing as a bad day and pure misfortune. you’d had plenty of those, and archons they had made you feel like absolute shit — but it was a part of life. not everyday was going to be a great one, there would be some ass ones too; it just boiled down to how you handled them.

tearing your gaze away, you placed down the tray, hoping that it won’t go cold and stale. your lover was usually timely when it came to receiving your cooking, so hopefully he would be able to pull through on that.. maybe.

with that thought in mind, you chose against thinking too deeply on the topic, shifting your focus instead to stirring some of the soup you had taken to preparing in addition — lohikeitto. otherwise, a comforting specialty native to nod-krai that was perfect for a brisk, long day.

exactly what rerir probably needed — or you were hoping again, at least.

giving the pot a few more stirs, your eyes drifted to the window, lips pursing together before your gaze returned to the stovetop, watching as the pieces followed the whirling motion.

..man, how much longer was he going to be out there? you were starting to get a little more nervous than you would have liked to be.

sure the guy was more than capable — he was one of the five sinners of khaen’riah, of course he could sustain himself.. but still- all it took was a mishap or the wrong lineup for things to go horribly wrong. his body was practically held together by mere threads at this point, having been reassembled as it was.. you didn’t want to think of what might happen if those limbs were suddenly scattered apart again, leaving him a husk once more in search of a physical form.

taking out the ladle from the pot, you decided to rest it back on its perch, turning the knob to a lower heat before placing the lid back on.

at the very least, everything was done and ready for him. all that was left was-

“y/n..” an all too familiar voice cut in, causing your eyes to snap towards the doorway where your lover had suddenly stood, panting with a hand braced against the wall. “ngh- i hope i didn’t keep you long,” he continued unevenly, clutching his abdomen with his other hand. “dinner smells lovely..”

forget the fact you didn’t hear him come in, you were ultimately unable to suppress the gasp that left your lips anyhow. the man you loved was a mess- battered more than the usual.

delaying no longer, you crossed the short distance to slide yourself underneath his weight before his balance could give out, bringing his arm around your shoulders with a sharp breath. gosh, your build wasn’t meant to hold a man of his stature and mass, but you weren’t about to let him fall to the ground just like that — not while he was injured and notably suffering. “rerir, what happened out there??” you heaved out, helping your partner to the living room within a few arduous steps before ushering him onto the sofa.

the poor thing was covered in fresh scratches and bruises, magenta cracks glowing weakly through the bandages he already donned. you were almost sure he was throwing down with the lightkeepers again, even after you’d reprimanded him the last time.

and by the way he had seemed to wince when reclining against the cushions, you already seemed to know your answer. “honey.. i told you to be careful out there. i know we have our stances on things — but you know as well as i do that taking on lightkeepers is a risk. i..” you paused, reaching for the first aid kit you kept underneath the coffee table before popping it open. “i don’t want the day to come where you don’t.. come home to me.”

the words hung in the air for a bit, and with his visible eye, rerir trained his gaze on your sullied one, fear glossing your eyes. not from him necessarily — never — but for him.

you’d always said your piece in the past, telling him how you felt about his need for blowing off steam and the intrusive thoughts that he just.. couldn’t entirely suppress, however you were always measured, if a not a little somber at times with your delivery.

this time, however, you were immensely distraught, and, well.. he supposed he couldn’t fault you entirely for feeling that way.

“i’m sorry, love..” he whispered, reaching a clawed hand to cradle your cheek before your glassy eyes could spew out tears. “i was only trying to bring back some of those spices that you wanted for your cooking, and i.. guess i had the misfortune of being tailed and led to a cluster of ratniki.” rerir tried explaining, watching as you fiddled with the ointment you always used on his wounds — a family remedy of yours.

it chilled him to the bone every time you applied it onto his skin, and he wasn’t spared of that sensation when you applied it now, but he welcomed it like a much-needed balm. akin to ice cream on a hot summer afternoon, not that he'd ever had the pleasure of experiencing such, given the crispness of nod-krai.

maybe if you'd traveled someplace warmer someday.. to get away from everything and not deal with the surveillance of the moon maiden’s lands.

you watched him fight back a hiss when you applied more of the paste to his wounds, loosing a quiet breath at his reasoning. "as long as you weren't seeking them out, but still.. you need to be more careful- the lightkeepers have been stationed all over, even in the forest." you chided, reaching for the scissors and roll of dark medical tape to place upon the treated wounds. "i mean it, i don't wanna lose you, rerir."

offering a small smile underneath the onyx wraps, the man in question pulled them down, sitting up to press a gentle kiss to your lips before allowing his forehead to meet your own. "you won't lose me, i promise you, y/n." he'd lost his greatest love once, he could not allow the same fate to befall you and him. if there was anything he truly wanted to do right and not go wrong with in this world, it was you.

and he'd be damned if his disappearance was the reason you cried yourself at night.

"i didn't really get to see," he continued between winces once he'd leaned back, glancing over at the kitchen doorway. "but what.. did you end up making?"

wrapping the last wound up, you closed up the small box before sliding it back underneath the coffee table, feeling a tad bit calmer after the contact. somehow it did things to you, especially that measured voice he spoke in- as though he knew everything would be fine ( and maybe it would be, hopefully ). "made a crispy roast from the meat you brought home the other day from your hunt, and lohikeitto soup with the leftover vegetables and the fish we caught together a week or so ago?" had it really been that long? "anyway- i wasn't sure how hungry you would be, but i wanted to make sure there was enough for you to have, especially after being out." and after getting his ass handed to him, but you weren't going to add that part.

even if it.. kinda was true right now.

the rächer of solnari let out a pleasant hum, eager to have the spread you had prepared for the both of them. life might have dealt him a bad hand, and he lived with this egregious curse of immortality, but he was thankfully that he retained most senses- certainly when it came to enjoying your cooking. "well, i wouldn't want your efforts to go to waste, certainly after having made something so lovely." he chuckled a little, attempting to push himself up again, but you placed a gentle hand on the center of his chest, shaking your head.

"stay here- your body needs rest. i'll bring over a plate and bowl for you to try both, and we'll just eat here for tonight.. okay?" you clarified, not quite waiting for a reply as you got up from your spot on the couch to make way for the kitchen.

thankfully, rerir did not seem to protest anyway, having been too exhausted from his rendezvous to have any bite to his words or any sense of disagreement. he was borderline in the doghouse right now for his actions, so he.. wasn't entirely keen on worsening his sentence.

it wasn't long before you returned with two trays of food- one for each of you to have. well, there was his question answered on whether you had eaten or not while he was gone.

he should have really been back sooner, but it was too late to dwell. he was here now, and that was what mattered at the end of the day, all things considered.

"everything's still really warm so you might wanna be careful.. but let me know if anything is needed."

placing a tender peck to your temple once he sat up, rerir shook his head, lowering the bandages to offer a smile. "it'll be perfect, as always." and perfect it most certainly was.

dinner went by more or less in a blur after that, hunger evident between the two of you for different reasons, but they didn't matter too much now. you were eating together, and that was what really counted.

once everything was cleaned up, you were cuddling into the coolness of his body, having missed his presence since he'd left the bed earlier this morning.

there was a bit of soreness on rerir's end, but it was ultimately insignificant. he wanted you as close as possible to him, and if that meant a little pain- then that was a price he could pay after having worried you so much. you dulled his pain at the end of the day, and in hindsight, that was good enough for him than any other medicine could possibly offer.

notes. i fear the reader turned out to be a worrywart here, i hope that’s okay sosksjdjd rather than verbal reassurance or him venting, i went with a more hands on approach if that’s cool w you?? if not then i can always do an alternative, just say the word

tysm for reading! consider leaving a tip if you enjoyed<3

rerir would be the type..

to replace tholindis’s image in his mind with your own. he would become teary eyed and shell shocked as the images blur together until the memory of his ex-fiancée merges with the person you are now. he’d be sitting in a catatonic state as her purple eyes meld into the color of your own until all rerir can see when he thinks of khaenri'ah is a faded picture of you.

rerir would definitely..

manhandle you into his embrace despite the tears streaming down your face. he’d coo lovingly and wipe away any traces of your pain (caused by him or others). he’d go insane if you smelled like anything other than sea salt or blood, images of worst possible scenarios flitting through his brain until it registers just how tightly he’s holding onto your body. he’d be horror stricken at himself for hurting you, even more so if you bruised from how hard he was gripping at you.

rerir would know…

that deep down you need his protection, that his very presence was the anchor in your godly life force. he knows the risks of letting you wander far from the shellac covered cave, and by the archons he tries to never let you from his line of sight.

a/n: … i dont see him as the soft type tbh, in my head the abyssal energy has corrupted him beyond repair and the fact that he only remembers a certain set of people from khaenri'ah cements that for me. he’s not soft and if he was he’d still lick the blood off your skin and hum lovingly when you cry.

tags 🏷️

The Racher of Solnari, a Sinner of Khaenri'ah...Rerir has gone by many names in the past. Even the mere thought of Rerirs wrath evoked fear in all who imagined the terrifying beast that stalked the wilds of Nodkrai.

'Beast'...'monster'...'traitor'... all viable names Rerir has worn as badges of honor, though, lately he has reclaimed a much older title; one he hasn't held for centuries.

"Honey, I'm home!" You called from the door, cheerful but exhausted from your long shift at the junkyard. Someone broke into the fatui base and stole a bunch of broken reactor cores, every single mechanic in Nodkrai was beating down your doors to barter for one. You learned the hard way how some of the kids in town have held the titles of 'master mechanic' amongst their older peers. You looked forward to seeing the future 'evil geniuses' of tomorrow, hoping that by helping them, they shall spare you from their future mischief.

Until then, you are stuck cleaning up their messes because your boss is too lazy to hire more staff.

"Rerir, are you here?"

Silence greeted you in return, interrupted slightly by the buzz of electricity coming from your lights.

You peaked around the corner, peering into the kitchen, the living room, and even upstairs to your shared bedroom. Your partner was nowhere to be seen.

"Must be out hunting again." You said to no one, unzipping your many layers of coats now that the cold was locked outside where it belonged.

"You could say that, I suppose." Said a voice behind you.

You shrieked and instinctually swung in the voices direction, unknowingly hitting Rerir in the process. It would've hurt, would've knocked a fucker on their ass had it been anyone other than Rerir. To him, however, it felt like getting slapped by a kitten.

Hell, if you had been anyone else, he would've ripped your throat out and devoured you whole on the spot. Thankfully you held the special privilege of being able to get away with pretty much anything and Rerir would just let you do it. Hell, he sometimes even joins in on the fun. As long as that fun doesn't involve jumping off cliffs and waiting till the last second to use your glider. Rerir isn't very fond of that game.

Despite the special privileges you posses, it would unfortunately seem that tonight would not be one of those nights you can get away with anything.

Rerir stared down at you disaprovingly, his arms were crossed across his broad chest, he looked like a disapproving parent who caught their child sneaking in after curfew. It would've been terrifying, mortifying even, were he not wearing the big fluffy pink sweater you gifted him last month to help keep him warm.

"Are you done?" He asked, raising a brow.

"Don't scare me like that!" You smacked his arm lightly, not that it would do much to him anyways, "Not all of us can turn into mist and sneak up on people, Remember?"

"My love, I myself am not a fan of this little...'quirk' of mine. Hopefully it will be gone quite soon."

"Still, I don't like being snuck up on..." you pouted, rather cutely in Rerirs opinion.

He sighed and ran a hand through your hair, ruffling the already frazzled mess. "I'll do better to remember that in the future, now, why were you so late getting home?"

Ah, yes, time was something Rerir had a particular fixation with, but never with himself. No, no, no only with you.

For good reason, he promised, but he never liked to elaborate on that further.

Rerir had a few rules he preferred not be broken, the first of which being he wants to know where you are at all times, often sending the Wildhunt to keep an eye on you while you're out in the hills or working late in town.

"For your protection," he has reassured on many occasions. "If something happens, I can be there in an instant."

That one made some sense, especially since the Fatui have come to Nodkrai and announced themselves as the new rulers. People didn't really bother with them much anymore, often just throwing the rowdy grunts out of businesses, but sometimes the grunts would sneak into the scrap yard looking for interesting parts to take back to the research facility.

You didn't really care that much, honestly you would've let them in had they just pay for the parts like their suppose to. Oh well, at least your vision can be put to use when they start fights over scrap metal.

The second rule was a big one, being that you need to be home by 11:00pm. This was a rule you didn't entirely understand, but it's not like you really wanna be out that late anyways. The Nodkrai winter is long and dangerous, the temperatures can drop to below freezing in an instant.

Most folks who live outside Nasha Town tend to lock themselves inside their homes early and bundle up by the fireplace. The city, on the other hand, can sufficiently keep the people living inside the walls warm for the whole winter, they have nothing to worry about.

You've asked him in the past about these strange rules, and you get a similar answer every time.

"I just don't want you to get hurt, what happens I'd I'm not there to keep you safe or...I am unable to find you and you are taken from me again?" Was his explanation.

"Again?" You asked curiously. As far as you were concerned, their hadn't been a day you haven't been with Rerir in some capacity. Not since he found you during a Wild Hunt attack.

Rerir didn't elaborate further when you had first asked, he still hasn't. He'll often change the subject when uncomfortable topics such as that come up. "How was work?" "What did you have for lunch?" "Did you learn anything interesting today?" Are his main go to conversation topics.

It was odd how quickly he could change the subject, one second you could be prying him for details on something ominous he said, the next second you two were talking about possibly adopting a new pet. Two cats and a dog being the current agreement.

You found it oddly charming that the beastly man who terrorizes Nodkrai was so interested in getting a little fluffy pet.

Pulling yourself out of your thoughts, you leaned against his body for support and sighed, "My boss is a dick...he had me work overtime even after I was told I could leave early..."

Rerir wrapped an arm around your waist and held you closer to his body, his free hand gently stroking your hair. A comforting, repetitive motion that slowly eased the days stress away. "I can always have a talk with him, you know?"

You chuckled, the sound soft and pleasant to Rerirs ears, it's been so long since he's heard it. A part of him almost believed he had imagined it. "No, you can not kill my boss."

"Never said kill." He pointed out.

"Highly implied." You corrected.

He smiled, a rare but beautiful smile only you got to see, "Dinners cold, but it's done. Let's go warm it up."

~

While Rerir does not need to eat in the same capacity you do, that did not stop him from cooking for you.

It was quite the sight, the first time you watched him cook. Standing at damn near 10 ft tall and looking like a masked killer did nothing to save his image when he wore that green and blue 'Kiss the Cook' apron for the first time while making chicken soup.

He claims he has had a lot of practice, though has not cooked for himself in a long time. He had issues with the stove at first, but has taken to cooking pretty well. You have to admit, it's nice to come home to a warm meal after a long shift, and there is something comforting about spending a little time in the evening helping Rerir finish dinner and cleaning up together. It feels natural, just sitting down together and laughing about the day over a good meal. Even if only one of you are actually eating.

Tonight was no exception. Rerir had made a large pot of stew, in anticipation for the first blizzard of the season.

"How do you know there is a blizzard coming tonight? We haven't heard anything from the storm watch in weeks." You asked curiously, stirring the warming pot.

"Because my darling, I know everything. It's a blessing some days, a curse most." He replied, as he set the table.

"Okay...if you know everything...what am I thinking now?"

Rerir thought for a moment, "you wish to know if we have those cake things you like? Bottom shelf of the fridge."

You walked over to the small fridge and pulled the door open, inside sat a plate of Lakaberry Krumkakes.

"How did you-"

Rerir kissed your cheek and pulled out the plate. "I know everything, my love."

You took the plate and returned the chaste kiss, "Thank you, Rerir. This is really sweet."

With table set and dinner served, the two of you ate dinner in the peaceful quiet of your home. The smell of good food wafting through the air, which he personally- and privately- liked to admit put the delicacies of Khaenri'ah to shame; the comfort of another person to dine with, almost as if nothing had changed for the last 500 years. (Even though he knew that wasn't true.) And best of all. Getting to hear you talk about your day.

Rerir mostly listen while you went on about whatever happened in town and who brought what to the scrapeyard, he enjoyed listening to you talk. Missed it even. Your voiced filled the silence he had grown accustomed to, and he didn't believe he could ever go back to listening to the empty void again.

Rerir had zoned out somewhere between your boss telling you to stay late and one of the young inventors in town trying to barter some metal flowers for a busted reactor core. He couldn't help it, really he tried to pay attention, but he couldn't help but be put at ease in your presence. Your absence had left a gaping hole in Rerirs eternal life, and while it took a very long time to track you down, it was finally been filled.

Even if you couldn't fully remember him, even if the 'you' he once loved in Khaenri'ah was different from the 'you' of today, It didn't matter. He was simply happy just to have you back by his side.

"Rerir? Are you listening?"

Shit, he zoned out too long. What did you say?

"Yes, my darling?"

"Did you have a ghoul follow me and the weather reporters around this week?" You asked, reaching for a krumkake. You already knew the answer, but you wanted to hear him say it anyways.

Rerir stared at you for a moment, contemplating his response. He tried and failed to find one that didn't sound crazy.

"Is it still sweet if the answer is yes?"

~

You don't know if Rerirs hunch was correct or if the weather man was correct, but the storm began a little past midnight nontheless. First a simple flurry, but now it would seem the gods dumped a bucket of snow onto your home while you and Rerir cleaned up dinner. Thank goodness you two brought in the firewood the other day, or it would all be buried by now.

This would be the first of many torrential snow storms that will blanket Nodkrai for the next six months. Goodbye sun and chilly temperatures, hello giant fluffy coats and hot drinks!

And of course-

"Is this better? Would you like another blanket?"

You were laying on top of Rerir, your head resting on his chest while one of the phantom hands pulled a quilt over the two of you. Rerir felt neither heat nor cold, yet practically radiated warmth. A trait of his you adored, especially on cold nights like this one.

Rerir had his arms wrapped around you, tight but comforting. Almost as if he thought you would dissappear if he let go. He was like this most nights, but tonight felt different somehow, but what was so different about tonight?

Honestly, he had been rather clingy all week. He'd always be around the corner keeping an eye on you; he'd jump if you so much as sneezed; nearly fainted when you fell down the stairs last week, despite walking away with just a few bruises; and has found a new disdain for your neighbor who keeps 'randomly' bumping into you on your morning run. The last one was fairly normal, you had a feeling what Rerir was like getting into this relationship, but everything else was a little out of character for your boyfriend.

At least, the boyfriend you are familiar with.

"Did you have a bad day today?" You asked tracing the markings along his shoulder.

"What makes you say that?" He replied, absentmimdedly playing with your hair.

"Well, you're squeezing me like I'm a teddy bear."

"A very cute one."

You rolled your eyes and kept tracing the patterns running along his arm, "haha, funny...but seriously, are you okay? You've been acting strange recently."

No, he wasn't okay. Infact he was actively fighting himself to remain calm even now, but Rerir would sooner grovel beneath the false gods feet than admit that to you. He glanced over at the calender. October 29, the day Khaenri'ah was wiped off the face of Teyvat.

The day he watched you die.

Rerir had been on edge the entire week, even if the rational side of his brain said that there was nothing to be afraid of. He was jumping at shadows; staring off into the flames that he swore had engulfed your home just a few moments ago, only to be reminded that was just the fire place.

And worst of all, seeing your body beaten and broken beneath the steps of the castle. A sight forever engraved into his memory. It seemed only reasonable to Rerir to be on edge, in his opinion at least.

'I'm alright love, just thinking about something...do you remember how we met?" He cautiously asked.

How could you forget? You still have the scar from that night running along your arm.

"I was lost when the Wildhunt raided the beach, and got attacked by a confused Ratnik. Poor guy was on his very first shift, and I chose a bad day to wear pink." You joked, pulling the blanket higher over your shoulders.

Rerir traced the scar running along your arm with one of his claws, it might not hurt you anymore, but Rerir felt his heart being torn apart every time he saw it. He can't forgive himself for hurting you, even unintentionally. After all, how could he have known this was where you would be? Reborn in the very nation he spent so long planning to destroy?

Doomsday shall have to wait for another day, until he can convince you to move somewhere warmer that is.

"Bastard should've watched where he was aiming." Rerir frowned remembering the Ratnik who struck you out of fear for his life. Strong hit, horrible aim, a bad combination.

"He was a scared young man, we all make mistakes when we are afraid. He acted purely out of survival, i can't fault him for it entirely." You defended the young Ratnik. He had been very good to you while you recovered, even paid for your medical bills out of his own pocket, but he safely retired soon after his first few missions. The Ratnik had decided to study at the academia rather than fight the eldrich monster who was currently holding you so tenderly.

Rerir looked down at you, "Do you really believe that someone's actions can be excused by 'fear' alone?"

"Not all actions, but some. We all want to survive, so we do what we must. That doesn't mean you can get away with certain stuff because you're afriad...I'm just saying I don't blame him for getting lost, scared, and fighting for his life."

Rerir nodded, burying his head into your hair. He ran what you had said through his mind. What could be forgiven in the context of 'survival?' Just how much could be forgiven? He has committed terrible crimes in his life so he may continue living, long before he became the sinner he is today. He told himself for many nights he simply followed the kings orders, that he did as he was told.

But did that excuse his crimes? Did that wash the innocent blood off his hands?

If he told you, or worse, if you were ever to remember who he truly is and what he has done, could you forgive him as easily as you forgave that Ratnik? Despite how much he wanted to believe that would be true, he knew deep down you would most certainly hate him.

Rerir wouldn't even be angry with you. He wouldn't forgive himself either, he still hasn't.

So, he'll never tell you, he decides. After all, why bother you with a past you don't remember and he would rather forget? He can make due with life as it is currently, now that he is finally strong enough to protect you.

"What about you? Have you been doing okay recently?"

"Hm?"

Rerir stared down at you, "Well, you've been a bit spacey lately aswell...is everything alright?"

You hummed in response trying to find the words to describe how you've been feeling the last week. "I... had a strange dream about you the other night...but you looked different, a lot different."

"Oh? Pray tell."

"Yeah," you rolled over wrapping your arms around Rerirs body. It was his turn to be cuddled. "we were walking around this big city and we kept talking about some fancy resteraunt."

Rerir paused, he felt his chest tighten.

"And, what else happened?" He pressed cautiously

"I told you the resteraunt would be fully booked, so I said we should go to the gardens and talk. It sounded like it was something important, but I woke up before I found out what it was."

Rerir didn't say anything, but his grip on you tightened, was he even breathing?

"Rerir? Are you okay?"

"Y-yes, I'm fine. I'm alright."

More than alright, elated in fact.

"It sounds like you had a nice dream, even If it was incomplete."

"I wouldn't mind having it again, the city was beautiful...and you had the softest brown hair. Like I know that's weird to say, but-"

"No, no...I like hearing you talk about your dreams, especially the weird ones. They're always fun to hear." Rerir reassured, thankful you couldn't see hi face from this angle. Grateful even.

He missed this, these little moments were all Rerir had left to cling to, all that prevented him from falling over the edge an plummeting into the pits of insanity. He was finally living the life he had always dreamt of with you, even if it was 500 years late.

Because at any moment you could be taken from him again, and Rerir knows he won't survive if you were. Rerir learned quite a lot in his travels, but most importantly he learned to tune out the screaming voices echoing in his mind; he learned to spend weeks on end awake and restless, unable to stomach the nightmares his subconscious subjected him to; but most importantly, he learned to cherish every moment he had with you.

The messes made while cooking, your laugh, the way your face scrunched up when you were thinking; those little memories kept him sane and the these little moments now are what's currently keeping him sane.

Suddenly all those arguments over petty matters like furniture didn't mean a thing.

He spent so long alone, haunted by memories as he clung to the very last shred of his sanity. Fueled by a desire not just for revenge, but for love. To find you, to ensure you could never be taken from him again.

"Let's get some sleep, darling. We can go out and play in the snow tomorrow."