#remindvr

@remindvr !

        to say lizze felt like a damn idiot was an understatement.  for the past three months, she’d been talking herself into forgetting all about ezra, with all the complications that entailed being that they still worked together.  he’d been a shit person to her, sure, but...  all’s fair in war and love, and there was this part of her that just...  didn’t find the means to say no to him.  not the means nor the desire to.  if she were to say no to him, it’d be solely out of an attempt at retaining -or re-acquiring- some bit of her dignity, not based on a genuine desire.  still, after months of denying him in presence and thoughts, here she was, throwing an oversized sweater over her, putting on her sneakers and grabbing the vape, wallet and weed.   clouds of smoke lifted above her and she wished it was an actual cigarette instead of synthetic grape-flavored smoke. 

       night was warm, silent for the most part.  stopping at a kiosk on the way to his place, she bought a pack of marlboros and a lighter.  the first drag made her cough.  four months no smoke, to hell.  finally, the door to his apartment complex appeared in sight, heartbeat drumming in her ears like an annoying suspense music, like her heart was trying to warn her or fuel her with enough anxiety that she’d take off running elsewhere.  she didn’t do such thing.  flicking the ash from the cig, the blonde leaned against the building’s wall, texting a short:    downstairs.    and putting her phone in the back pocket of her shorts again.

☠: my muse’s reaction to being told that your muse is missing, and presumed dead

Lola hadn’t spoken to Ezra in weeks. Honestly, she hadn’t properly spoken to him in months, since before she left for New York. Their conversations since that time had always devolved into arguments; or screaming matches; or quiet bitterness, his words wounding her until she had no choice but to leave Ezra as part of her past. She knew that he had done the same with her, the two of them just a distant memory.

As she scrolled through her Facebook newsfeed, she saw a post about a missing university student. She opened the article, wondering if it was someone she knew.

Ezra Radford, missing and presumed dead.

When they were dating, she had terrible nightmares about this kind of news headline; terrified that she would lose Ezra to some freak accident; that he would go somewhere that she couldn’t follow. In those dreams, she had fallen apart completely; unsure of just how she would survive without the person she shared her life with.

Those dreams felt like they were a lifetime ago, though. She still felt raw and vulnerable; terrified about what had happened to him; and so worried about his safety but more than anything, she was worried about RJ. RJ her friend, who loved Ezra in that same, wholehearted way that Lola once had. RJ, who would be falling apart completely, just like Lola had in all of those dreams.

ezra: i fukcing miss yo u

☁  five times my muse has thought about yours, and the one time they do something about it.

1. the first time she actively thought about Ezra Radford was at track and field practice. she had seen him around a few times but it had always been in passing. the first time they actually spoke was after practice, when he complimented her form. she had just nodded at him, wordlessly accepting the compliment, before leaving for the day. as she walked back to the sorority house, she made a mental note to look out for him at their next training session to see if he was any good.

2. they started occasionally hanging out after training, his grumpiness and her pessimistic outlook a relatively even match. as he made a dry, sarcastic joke, she found herself thinking that he had lovely cheekbones. she pushed the thought away though, instead laughing and rolling her eyes at his attempt at humour.

3. they had both been screwed over by the people that they cared about, with both Keegan and RJ pulling disappearing acts at the same time. her self-confidence was knocked and she found herself questioning what she had done wrong; why she hadn’t been enough for the man that she was really starting to care for. she and Ezra seemed to bond over it and she was certain that he was hitting on her, at least a little. she thought that hooking up with Ezra wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world so she threw caution to the wind and flirted back.

4. anyone with eyes could see that Ezra was good looking. hell, there was certainly enough posts about it on the gossip blog. as she glanced over at him as they both stretched for track and field practice, she couldn’t think about anything else: he was breathtakingly gorgeous. she knew that he would never see her as anything more than a friend who he occasionally slept with but in these quiet moments, she felt like she could easily fall for him.

5. she looked at Ezra and all she could think was that she trusted him wholeheartedly. she took a deep breath and closed her eyes, before playing him one of the songs that she had written.

+1 furious was an understatement. she couldn’t believe Ezra’s attitude and his appalling treatment of her. she spent a few days fuming about it, working herself up until the point where she was about ready to explode. that’s when she found herself on his doorstep, hammering on his door until he opened it, his eyes narrowing when he saw who it was. “I think you’re a complete and utter asshole but I can’t stop thinking about you”, she told him before leaning forwards and pressing her lips against his.

(sleep) - for your muse to fall asleep on mine

Arden and Ezra had been studying for hours, the two of them sitting in companionable silence on her bed, their textbooks and notes spread around them. Over the last few weeks, they had been spending a lot of time together, after they had both decided that they were capable of handling friends as well as benefits.

“My ass is going numb”, she complained, her voice quiet and scratchy as she hadn’t used it in a couple of hours now.

Ezra didn’t respond and Arden glanced over at him, prepared to repeat her question until she realized that his eyes were closed. Arden went to close his textbook and pack up their supplies but stopped moving as Ezra’s body slumped to one side, pressing heavily against hers as he succumbed to a deeper sleep.

Arden could have shaken him away but he looked so peaceful that she didn’t want to wake him.

Who was she to think that she could manage friends with someone as wonderful as Ezra? Someone who understood her; and didn't try to dull some of her rougher edges? At some point over the last few weeks, he had managed to find his way under her skin and into a small corner of her heart.

She was fucked.

Send me 🎼 for a short playlist about our muses! 

Lola: You know how I was supposed to be cooking tonight?

Lola: Well, I was going to cheat and order takeout but then I decided that I definitely couldn't fuck up a chicken dish if I followed the recipe.

Lola: Well, somehow the chicken is simultaneously burnt and raw at the same time...