Wait 6 Months
before making engagement decisions at minimum. After two months of dating a dude, my sister said she loved him, and at 3 months they were engaged. A month later and my sister has already bent over backwards for him and is about done with it. He isn't mature enough to marry and it's showing.
If they got married right now, they'd probably make it work. But a lot of young people desperate for love and a relationship--most often women but also men, most often hetero but also gay & lesbian--make easy prey for abusers or end up with spouses who simply aren't compatible with them.
Before marriage, you need to get to know them fully.
have an argument. Experience the full spectrum of emotions together. Guage reactions.
talk about politics, religion, and other charged topics. Are they willing to listen to you? How do they react when you call BS (and we all have BS in our brains)? Are they willing to become better or apologize?
talk about money
talk about sex, whether you're having it already or not.
talk about periods if one of you menstruates and the other doesn't. Guage reactions.
talk to their past partners if your beau casts a lot of blame on them for messy breakups. Abusers talk shit about past partners
talk about medical problems, limitations, & disabilities. My younger sister has a disabling disease. A lot more men leave women with big health problems than vice versa. If you cannot support your partner through their limitations, you are not a compatible spouse. You aren't able to cope with the added stress of a disability, your disability might make theirs worse, you have conflicting needs that make cohabitation impossible, etc. It's shit for everyone involved, but sometimes that's how it goes.
This is by no means a comprehensive list; I suggest everyone research abusive behaviors as they are getting into seeking relationships, and research other things surrounding marriage or marriage-like situations. I'm sure smarter people have said it better than me!
