#regretful

So you all may be wondering why my first account may have vanished/deleted.

I will be truthful and say I deleted it. To be honest, I didnt know why I did. I have always been kinda like this whenever I encounter large problems in my life (deciding to abandon all responsibilities and hobbies and force myself in hiding from anyone and anything). I wont delve into my mental health much since I don't feel comfortable talking about it, but there are times where I have lapses in judgement when under pressure and by the end of it all, I will regret the things I did or say (I am currently in therapy for it, so wish me luck guys!). There are even times that I actually do not remember what I did and just suffer its consequence, which sucks but its my life so I know its my responsibility to suck it up lolol.

This is one of those instances. And I am truly sorry for all of you who may or may not be familiar with my previous works. This account will be some form of restart, and I am a bit sad to watch my hard work go to waste because of something quite fleeting.

And most of all, I am so so sorry for all of you who read my works. I will try my best to improve and fix my problems to never have this happen again. And yes, I will continue all my works in this account. I don't know if I will be able to restore all my works, but I will try my best to remake them better for all of you!

to claim me for what i’ve done and punish me for giving up. pathetic and frozen unable to speak. my thoughts run wild damn it, why must i think? forcing my eyes to shut still praying for a dream. i know, i can’t let this go on but, it’s rooted too deep. born from my worries hiding in my sin.

I screamed in the darkness for someone to come back.

But the forest is empty.

Regret isn't rare it's common as breath as ordinary as the way we all learn too late what we should've said sooner

Everyone carries something they wish they could undo a sentence that landed wrong a door slammed too hard a person they let slip through hands that didn't know how to hold on gently

It hides in small places in the pause before sleep in the rearview mirror when a song comes on that knows your past better than you do

We pretend we're exceptions like everyone else messed up but we're the only ones still bleeding from it

But regret is a language we all speak quietly fluently without ever admitting it out loud

The man at the bar staring too long into his drink the woman laughing just a little too hard the stranger on the bus watching the world pass like they missed their stop years ago

they all have ghosts

Not the kind that haunt houses but the kind that haunt choices the fork in the road they still stand at in their mind

We are all collections of almosts and if-onlys of better versions of ourself that existed for a moment before we ruined them or let them go

And maybe that's the truth not that regret defines us but that it proves we cared enough to wish we had done better

Because indifference leaves no scars

So we carry it not proudly not gracefully but honestly

A quiet weight in the chest a reminder that we were here that we tried that we failed in ways that mattered