#reflrection

puff puff goes the cotton candy train

Hello and welcome! This will be my first post of many. I've created this blog to express my many feelings regarding nursing, my ambitions, my family, and my future. For the time being, I will remain as anonymous as possible, but I will provide an introduction so you aren't completely in the dark!

I am a 26 year old female living in the US. I am a licensed practical nurse, and I have been practicing for nearly 3 years now. I worked in cardiology for 2 years and I am now working in long-term care. I work 3rd shift which leaves me exhausted but also gives me time to see my family.

Speaking of family... I am in a relationship and have been for 3 years. My boyfriend is amazing and he is my partner in everything. He supports my ambitions and keeps me going. He has a son, and I take him to school and pick him up, I lead his Boy Scout pack, and I do his homework with him nightly. I also have a young niece who has been in my care off and on for all of her life. She is the reason I went to nursing school when I did and I strive to be a positive example for her. I lost my mom in November of 2016 when she was only 59. That left me devastated. I am still grieving her every single day. My dad and I have a rocky relationship and I can't depend on him. My main support is my lovely boyfriend of 3 years (who needs to get off his ass and propose already!).

I love reading, music (I originally went to college for music education), and animals, so in between my posts, you may see pictures/quotes/etc thrown in.

I intend for this to be a safe place for me to express myself, and I want it to be a safe place for you, too. Please feel free to reach out to me at any time with questions or concerns. If you need help, I'll do my best to help you!

Well, I've made this long enough. Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy!

Sincerely,

“what do you feel if you find yourself not having even a little portion in someone else big dreams?”

Sedih, iya

Benci, tidak

Apa hak kita melarang seseorang bermimpi bukan?

Tapi jika kita benar-benar peduli akan orang tersebut, sesungguhnya kita tidak perlu memusingkan hal tersebut bukan?

Jika kita mengeraskan diri bercokol di mimpi seseorang dalam porsi yang tidak pas, bukankah kita sama saja seperti kerikil kecil di kakinya? Tidak mengganggu, namun hanya membuat si pejalan kurang nyaman. Ah, 1 dari 100 hal yang harus saya hindari sebelum mati adalah menjadi batu ganjalan bagi seseorang.

Lantas, apakah kita menjadi the second best choice? Well, i choose to remove myself as a choice. Saya paling benci membuat seseorang memilih. Karena jika orang memilih, berarti ada keraguan di dalamnya, ada pertimbangan baik dan buruk. Ada pamrih yang terselip disitu. Maka lantas, saya mengenyahkan diri saya dari sekian banyak pilihan yang tersedia.

Di sisi saya, selalu ada pertanyaan, apakah saya akan mendapat coretan yang pas di rencana masa depan orang tersebut. Karena saya tahu, pria ini punya cita cita seluas jagad raya dan kasih seluas samudera. Dia juga dianugerahi Semangat yang menyerupai letusan gunung api dan kesabaran pohon tua di hutan tropis pedalaman indonesia.

Dan jika nyatanya, memang saya tidak ada di dalam gambar besar tersebut, ya apa boleh buat hehehe. Saya benci jika disuruh memilih, dan saya tidak akan membuat dia memilih.

Mungkin memang porsi saya terlebih dahulu bersyukur dengan apa yang saya hadapi saat ini. Berjalan bersama meniti jalan mimpi masing-masing.

“what do you feel if you find yourself not having even a little portion in someone else big dreams?”

There are days in your life that although start like any other, but end up in changing the course of your life forever. They begin with the usual, coffee, whining, finding your socks, the works. But as the hours go by, you sense something is different. You do not need a revelation to know that it is, to know that today maybe today will bring you an answer to the questions you often think about, answers you crave for. You know that today is the day you will begin to see sense, and today you will know the answer to all the painful ‘why’s’ . You don’t need a revelation. You know it.

So what exactly will this day give you? I can not tell. Maybe a friend will give you a surprise. Maybe your mom will tell you she loves you. Maybe your little brother would make you a card. Or maybe, a person at the grocery store would smile kindly at you, telling you to hold on. Hold on. It will get better. Tomorrow will be so much better.