#redo fic

Tony has been taking it very slow, much to Peter’s annoyance. Peter leans in for a kiss, and Tony kisses his cheek or his hair. Peter tries to move his hand up Tony’s thigh, and the older man shifts so his hand falls back down. 

It’s annoying, because Peter really just wants to move things along. He knows Tony is doing it for Peter’s own benefit, but Peter is ready!

Tonight, Peter is planning on flat out asking for a kiss. 

He checks his breath one more time--decides to brush his teeth one more time--and heads out to the tower. 

When he gets there, he sees Tony isn’t. He checks his phone and Tony had sent him a ‘are we still on for tonight?’ text. He responds ‘I’m already here!’ with a heart emoji, and sits on the couch. 

His phone dings again, and Tony has sent ‘Okay, I’ll be up in a sec. In the lab.’

Peter’s eyes light up--he’s had many wet dreams about getting railed on Tony’s lab desk. Why not push things to the next level in there?

He heads on down, a skip in his step, as he imagines how their first time will be. He won’t have to imagine anymore after this! 

He opens the door to the lab and walks down the stairs, being quiet so he can surprise Tony. But then he hears a voice--the least expected voice Peter would have ever thought of. 

“Tony, you have to listen to me. I’m being serious!” It’s Steve’s voice. This is unexpected for many reasons; Tony hates Steve, ever since Steve left Tony for Bucky. This is another reason it’s unexpected; why is Tony talking to an ex on their date night? And why would Tony not tell Peter Steve was there?

“No, Steve, that’s where you’re wrong. I don’t have to listen to you, not about anything, and especially not my love life!” Peter sneaks a bit more down the stairs, and looks out at the scene. Tony is standing facing Steve, back to the entryway. Steve is facing the door, but he only has eyes for Tony. 

“I’m still the leader of the team, Tony, you need to listen to me. It’s not just about your personal life, it affects the team!” Steve shakes his head in anger.

Tony scoffs. “It’s none of your business what Peter and I do together, not only as my ex but as the leader.”

Peter’s heart warms a little at that, and he peeks out a bit further. Steve, however, seems to get more irritated. “It is my business, especially when it’s affecting the rest of the team!”

“How could something like that possibly interfere with the team?” Tony asks, sarcasm dripping from his tongue. “No one says a god damn word when you cheat on me with another team member, but the mere whisper of me and Peter throws the whole team off? You’re delusional.”

Steve scoffs, obviously offended. “He’s messing up! He’s missing easy shots, and people keep having to stop what they’re doing to save him. Natasha almost broke her arm stopping one of Doom’s drones from taking Peter’s head off because he was too busy looking at you!”

Peter winces, slinking back a bit. Tony only scoffs. “Sure he is. You know why I don’t believe you, Captain?” he spits, venom dripping from his tone. “Because me and Peter aren’t even dating. He’s not my boyfriend. Nothing at all has changed since we brought him on all those years ago. I don’t know what you think you’re seeing, but it isn’t there.”

Peter feels his chest tighten, and he steps forward to say something. But Steve beats him to it. “Everyone on the team sees it. I have gotten so many complaints about him that I’ve lost count. And all of it centers around the fact that he is very clearly in love with you! You can control yourself and your feelings, that’s been proven already. But he hasn’t. So you have to get him under control!”

Multiple complaints? From everyone? Peter almost chokes, trying to rush to show that he’s there. “He isn’t stupid, unlike you. He knows we aren’t dating. And even if we were, even if he was messing up in the field, why wouldn’t you talk to him instead of me? Listen Cap, I don’t really care if there’s trouble in paradise with you and Bucky, but I’m not taking you back. No excuse needed, I just don’t want you.”

Steve squares his jaw, backing Tony up into the work desk. Peter sees Tony’s breath hitch. “He thinks you’re dating, Tony. Everyone on the team thinks you’re dating. I’m not trying to play any games here, I’m being serious.”

Tony leans away from Steve as much as he can, shaking his head. “Well they’re all wrong. He isn’t my boyfriend, we haven’t done anything at all to suggest we are!”

“You take him on dates-”

“I take everyone I like out to dinners, that isn’t special.”

“You have date nights, just the two of you. You didn’t even do that for me, when I was-”

“I actually like the kid, he’s funny and doesn’t make me feel like I’m a burden all the time.” Tony puts a hand on Steve’s chest to stop him from coming any closer. 

“You’re dating, Tony! Everyone knows it. Control him, or dump him. I’m not risking my teams’ lives over a love sick puppy.” Steve steps back, eyes angry.

“No, not everyone knows it. You’ve made this up in your head and you’ve decided it’s true when it isn’t! I’ll bet anything no one else has even complained, it’s just you pulling it out of your ass to make a non-existent point. No one else on the team is stupid enough to think I’d date Peter!”

Peter feels tears in his eyes at the last words, feeling them cut to the bone. He bolts back up the stairs, no longer caring that he was being loud and obvious. He doesn’t want to hear anymore, can’t hear anymore. 

He hears Tony curse at the bottom of the stairs, but he just keeps going. Out the locked doors, out the hallway, out the building. He knows he looks stupid, running as fast and as hard as he is on the busy streets of New York, but he doesn’t really care anymore. 

Tony didn’t just say he wasn’t dating Peter. He said no one was stupid enough to think Tony would date Peter. Would. As if the mere idea of Tony stooping low enough to date Peter was stupid.

Peter ducks into an alleyway, crouching behind a dumpster and sobbing. He claws at his chest, trying to get air into his lungs by any means necessary. This feels a lot like a panic attack, but he isn’t 100% sure. He slams his head into the wall behind him, feeling the pain bloom. It colors his vision, and he closes his eyes to fight the urge to throw up. 

His phone is buzzing non-stop in his pocket, but he can’t bring himself to look at it. He’s completely humiliated. How can he ever look Tony in the eye again? Or Steve? How can he ever go on a mission again knowing that their leader thinks he’s incapable? And if Steve wasn’t lying like Tony believed, what if the whole team thought Peter was immature, easily distracted, a liability?

The whole team, in the very least, definitely thinks he’s stupid, after that. Tony made it clear he thinks Peter is stupid, and if the smartest man on the team thinks he’s stupid, the rest will follow. 

He puts his head in his hands, trying to control his breathing. He still has a sob escape every couple of minutes, but he’s mostly gotten himself under control by the time he stands again. 

He looks at his reflection in a darkened window in the alley, and feels disgusted with himself. His entire face is red and splotchy, from running and crying both, probably. His hair is a sweaty and tangled mess, his eyes are red and puffy, and his nose is rubbed raw. 

He looks pathetic. Disgusting. He looks like someone who deserves to be humiliated in front of his coworkers and boss. 

He sniffles again, still feeling silent tears run down his face. He’s able to walk the rest of the way to his apartment with May, instead of running like a maniac. He keeps his head down low, mostly using his spidey-sense to avoid walking into people. 

He finally gets home, and May is there, watching TV. She hears the door open, but doesn’t look. “Hey Petey, you’re home early! Do you-oh no, what happened?”

Peter sniffles grossly, and it makes him cringe inside. He looks at her, looking as pathetic as he feels, and can’t even force a sad smile. His lower lip just trembles, and his breath shakes as he fights the urge to cry again. “Can we talk about it later, please? I just want to be alone.”

May nods, standing up awkwardly and fidgeting her hands. “Of course. I’m always here if you need me, baby,” she promises. 

Peter nods gratefully, and goes to lock himself in his room. He pulls out his phone and realizes it’s stopped buzzing. He checks the missed calls and sees that Tony called him no less than 34 times, and sent 15 messages all composed of single or double worded texts. Kid. Come back. Answer me. Answer. Kid. Peter! and so on. 

He also has 3 missed calls from Steve, and a very long text that he doesn’t plan on reading. He throws his phone on the desk after turning it on do not disturb, and flops down on his bed. He doesn’t feel like crying anymore, but he can’t help but torture himself. He thinks about how Tony must think he’s the stupidest person on the planet. How his boss threatened to kick him off the team if he kept making so many mistakes. How his friends and coworkers probably don’t trust him anymore, and definitely think he's an idiot. 

He thinks that the thing that hurts him the most is that his entire relationship with Tony is made up. He made it up in his head. All of it. All the looks he thought Tony was giving him, they weren’t flirty or full of lust. All the times he cuddled up to Tony, were they even wanted? Did he just force affection on Tony when the older man didn’t want it? 

How delusional is he that he made up a whole relationship? For a month--and god knows how long, if he hadn’t been slapped so harshly by reality. 

He’s about to roll over and go to bed, when he hears a knock on the door. He hears May get up, pausing the TV, and open the door. “Happy! Uh...I um, what are you doing here?” she laughs uncomfortably. 

“I’m here to pick up the kid. It’s urgent, boss needs him ASAP.”

“Oh,” she sounds a little relieved, and Peter wonders what’s going on there. “Oh, he’s um...unavailable.”

“It’s urgent,” Happy insists, and Peter can hear him shift his weight. “Can’t wait.”

May hesitates. “Well, he’s in no state to do any missions or whatever. Tell Mr. Stark he’ll have to do this one without Peter.”

Happy sighs. “I’m sorry May, I really need Peter to come with me. I’m under orders not to return until I have him.”

May seems to get angry at this. “I am his guardian, I decide where he can and cannot go. Tony knows this, it’s our agreement. He can’t go on this mission. That’s final.”

“He’s 18, May. You can’t-”

“Thank you Happy, have a good night.” She shuts the door loudly, and huffs in annoyance. “Can’t control him my ass, honestly!”

Peter cracks a smile at the image of May shaking her head in disbelief, mumbling to herself as she gets on the couch. 

There is another knock on the door, and he hears May huff in annoyance. “Go away, Happy!” she yells. The knocking doesn’t stop though, so May gets up again and yanks the door open. “Happy, I said-oh. Mr. Stark, hello.”

Peter curls up on himself, closing his eyes tightly. When will this nightmare end?

“Heya May, hope you’re well. I’m just going to go get Peter-”

May laughs at that, and Peter can hear the anger in her voice. “No, you aren’t. You aren’t allowed in my apartment right now, and you certainly aren’t allowed in his room.”

It’s quiet for a moment, and Peter imagines the look on Tony’s face at being told no. “It’s very important, May.”

“I’m sure it is, but you can’t take him right now. He’s unavailable. Find someone else.” May says confidently. 

“I’m not leaving until I see him,” Tony says, an edge to his voice.

May scoffs. “Then you’ll be standing in this hallway all night. Good night, Mr. Stark.” and she closes the door again. 

Peter whimpers softly, weighing the pros and cons of getting out of this bed and going to see Tony. Finally, he decides that he just wants to get it over with. He knows he’s going to have to see Tony eventually, and it might as well be now.

He walks into the living room, seeing May on the couch, looking furious. “May?”

May looks up, and a smile finds its way onto her face. “Peter, hi. Mr. Stark needs you, but I told him to go away for you.”

Peter smiles back and walks over, kissing her hair softly. “Thanks, May. I’ll talk to him so he’ll go away.”

May looks skeptical, but nods finally. “I’ll be in my room, I’ll put headphones on. Don’t leave without saying anything.” 

Peter promises, and watches her go to her room. He waits a couple minutes to be sure she’s started using headphones, and opens the door. Tony and Happy had been arguing adamantly, but they fall silent when Peter opens the door. 

Peter knows he still looks pathetic, but he doesn’t really care anymore. He just wants to get this humiliation over with already. Chalk it up to one bad day, instead of drawing it out. “Mr. Stark,” he greets formally, something he hasn’t done in over a year. 

“Go wait in the car, Hap,” Tony says, taking Peter in. Happy leaves, and Tony stares for a moment. “Can I come in?”

“Can’t this be quick?” Peter asks, and his voice comes out weaker than he wanted it to. “Just get it over with, please?”

Tony’s lips thin into a line. Then he sighs, rubs a hand over his face. “Let me in.”

Peter finally steps out of the doorway, shutting it behind Tony. Tony sits on the couch, inviting himself. Peter remains standing by the closed door. “Okay, you’re in. Now what?”

Tony fidgets a bit, messing with his clothes. He looks at Peter, but just slightly to the left, not making eye contact exactly. “Come sit.”

“No.” Peter says, crossing his arms over his chest. “What is so important you harassed my aunt about it?”

“That’s a strong word,” Tony deflects. 

“What do you want, Mr. Stark?” Peter says instead.

Tony winces at the name. “Don’t call me that, you haven’t called me that in-”

“Can you please just get this over with?” Peter interrupts, already tearing up again. “Haven’t you humiliated me enough already?”

“Peter,” Tony says, and he sounds so sad. “I didn’t mean to.”

Peter shrugs. “I got that. You didn't think I was that stupid. I can understand how disappointing this must be for you.”

Tony works his jaw. “That is not what I meant. I don’t think you’re stupid.”

“You do,” Peter says, and his voice breaks. “And I was. I was stupid. To think Tony Stark ever would date someone-date me. To think you would stoop so low, I was stupid.”

“Don’t-don’t put words in my mouth, I never said-”

“You said exactly that. You said ‘no one else on the team is stupid enough to think you would date me’. Isn’t that word for word what you said?”

“You...” Tony stutters, upset. “You are taking words out of context!”

Peter sobs, and the guilt on Tony’s face only makes Peter feel worse. “What does it mean in context, then, Mr. Stark? Because you kept going on and on to my boss that you weren’t dating me, that you would never date me, that anyone who thought you would date me is stupid. Isn’t it?” Peter’s voice is raw and his throat hurts from trying to talk instead of crying.

Tony stands now, his own expression contorting in pain. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, Peter.”

That isn’t an answer. Peter hiccups a breath in and then sobs, finally looking down. “Fine, you didn’t mean for me to hear you humiliating me. That was supposed to stay behind my back. That makes me feel so much better, Mr. Stark. Glad we had this chat.”

“Stop twisting my words!” Tony yells, taking a step closer. 

Peter takes a step back in retaliation, back hitting the door. “I’m not twisting anything. Please just go.”

“You are! You’re making me sound like I’m a bad guy, like I did something wrong.” Tony steps closer again, and this time Peter has no where to back up to. 

Peter shakes his head. “You humiliated me.”

“I wasn’t trying to!” Tony yells, getting in Peter’s face. “Steve cornered me, he was grilling me and I needed him to get off my back.”

“I’m in love with you,” Peter whispers, voice not able to take much more. He looks up at Tony through wet lashes, and sees the disgust there. How did he not see it before? “I’m trying to process that everything I thought we had was all in my head, that the last month meant nothing to you when it meant everything to me. I’m trying to process that my boss is threatening to kick me out because I’m so stupid around you I put everyone else in danger. I’m trying to process the fact that my teammates, my friends, all know I’m an idiot now, all think I’m a danger to the team. And-” his voice breaks, and he clears his throat to start over. “And I’m trying to understand how you could sit there and listen to Steve say all of that, and the only thing you needed to defend was that you would never date me.”

Tony takes a step back, his own breath gasping. “That isn’t fair,” he says back, shaking his head. 

Peter shakes his head, trying to deny what’s right in front of him. “You still won’t defend me. You still won’t correct me. You just say I’m twisting your words or I’m not being fair. What is fair, then? What are you actually saying that I’m not getting? Say it now, say what you mean Mr. Stark.”

Tony is silent, jaw working in anger. “It isn’t fair to pin all of that on me. I never led you on, I never did anything to make you think-”

Peter scoffs again, looking down at his feet as another fat tear rolls down his face. “I got it, Mr. Stark. I’m stupid. I made it all up in my head, I already said that. If you don’t have anything else to say-”

Peter gasps as his jaw is lifted roughly, and Tony’s lips are crashing against his. Peter is so confused, so hurt by the situation, that he can’t even enjoy the fact that he and Tony are having their first kiss. Peter goes limp, not fighting it but not reciprocating either. Tony picks up on the lack of enthusiasm and pulls back, obviously frustrated. 

“What was that?” Peter asks, voice monotone. He can’t even look at Tony.

“I’m trying to show you what I mean. I can’t-I’m not good at emotions or talking or-but-please, I need you to understand.” Tony hasn’t let go of Peter’s jaw.

“Understand what?” Peter asks, blinking away more tears. “You’re hurting me.”

Tony’s grip slackens, but he doesn’t let go. “I want you, Peter. I was scared. I was scared what they would say, if they knew I wanted you. But I just--I don’t care anymore. Because you’re right--I was more concerned with my own reputation, I was so wrapped up in the accusations, that I let things slide I never would have before. I never would have let him say those things about you. Let him lie about you, just to get to me, get in my head. I was wrong. I know it’s a lame apology and I’m bad at words but I am. I am sorry, and I...I needed you to know that. That I was wrong to say those things, and let Steve say those things. I’m sorry.”

Peter feels the dangerous hope start to swell in his heart, and he needs this to be what he thinks Tony is doing. “You mean that?”

Tony nods. “No one thinks you’re stupid, or that you mess up on missions, or-or anything like that. Steve was jealous, and he thought he could get to me by saying those things. He never talked to any of the other members, never had any complaints. He never would have said those things if he knew you would hear them. He was being unprofessional and immature, and I fell for it. That’s on me. Please Peter, I need you to know that no one thinks bad things about you.”

Peter is still confused, and still skeptical. But he sniffles grossly, and leans up just a bit to connect their lips together again. It might be a mistake, but he can deal with that tomorrow. For now, he just wants to take comfort in the fact that Tony does want him.