red-pocket-square look what I found in an old email I am literally in tears
“Mr and Mrs Boyle were proud to say that they were farmers, thank you very much. Their son, Frankie, was also to be a farmer. He had been sent to live with his parents after his cats had been mysteriously killed in a tractor accident. Frankie couldn’t remember anything about the accident (he’d been drunk) but sometimes, if he thought about it, he could remember a giant bald head. He supposed this must’ve been the tractor accident, though he didn’t know why a bald person with no hat would drive a tractor.
Frankie always found himself in strange situations. At school, he was telling a racist story when, instead of getting in trouble, people laughed like he’d told a ‘joke’. Once, he found himself in a situation with bullies who were teasing him for being ginger. So he said something insulting about Kerry Katona and the bullies ended up on the roof, laughing. It was as if he was…funny.
“There’s no such thing as comedy,” Mr Boyle growled when Frankie told him about it.
There was a sudden knock at the door. Frankie could’ve been imagining it, but he could’ve sworn that he could hear the music of the band Shawaddy Waddy accompanying the knock.
Mrs Boyle went to open the door and was shocked to see a man in a suit with a sinister look on his face. He pointed to Mrs Boyle and said “Are you paying too much for your car insurance?” Mrs Boyle gasped and then a game show buzzer sounded. The strange man walked across the hallway and pointed to Frankie.
“Frankie, you’re a comedian,” he said.
“You’re shitting me!” Frankie yelled.
“And a ruddy great one, too, once you’ve been trained up a bit more. My name is Hugh Dennis, but it’s not really,” Hugh said. “And you’ll be going to the greatest stand-up show, with the greatest host of all time: Dara O’Briain,”
“I’m not paying to watch some crackpot old fool to tell him some jokes,” Mr Boyle glared at him.
Hugh Dennis glared back with his powerful eyes and menacing smirk. Mr and Mrs Boyle dropped dead almost immediately, with two loud thuds as they hit the floor. There was silence as Frankie stood there, shocked for a moment. Then he shrugged and went with Hugh Dennis to go to Stoke Newington, to buy his supplies for the new stand-up comedy show.”
