#recordation

18th November, 2001, 11:04 am

"So, I've been thinking..."

Archer stared at the thin air with the usual nonchalant face. The drowsy Sunday morning light floated around the bench he was on, keeping his coffee relatively warm. He eyed the street in front of him time to time, watching people's weekend and their everyday life. He didn't get to see that very often. Most of time he was swamped with work- but today he got a day-off. So he was relaxing, in his own way. He was thinking about purchasing new gears. His equipment was pretty rusty now and he always wanted to be in optimal state. But his planning was drawn out from the voice talking about something about 'anniversary'. And it took him few moments and a nudge on the arm to realize that the small, usually happy but now for some reason seem angry woman scowling down at him.

"Oi, Tin Man! Are you even listening to me?"

He pursed his lips annoyed with the interruption. "I am now." answered him crossly. "What?" "Archer, you seriously need to listen when people talk. Especially when the person is your girlfriend." Sighing, Zoe explained. "You know? The one who has sex with you?" "...Okay. What do you want." "That's not how you talk to your girlfriend." "Keep emphasizing that you are my so-called 'girlfriend' is not gonna help me understand this situation." He grumbled lowly. Not that he was scared of Zoe, she could be very... punchy. "Okay, fine, let's start over." She sighed, taking her seat next to him. Archer lazily turned his eyes to the blonde, in attempt to not make her even more mad with his lack of social skills. And eye contacts were crucial part of it- Collins told him that. So Archer stared at her clear blue eyes. They had more warmth in there, unlike his icy ones... or at least that was her opinion. "You know what today is?" Zoe asked quietly. Her eyes were saying that he had to know that. "It's Sunday." answered him confidently. "That's why we got a day-off." "Yeah, not that." "It's not one of those weird holidays invented by some idiots who are trying to make me buy flowers or chocolates or those meaningless shit to random people that I don't care about?" "Not that either." "...Then you lost me."

Zoe sighed again. She seemed to do that a lot around him... And Archer didn't like it when she sighed. He liked it more when she was smiling, or about to do some prank on Collins, or when she had to tiptoe to kiss him. Sigh didn't go well with her, and it meant that his lack of empathy and other emotional part failed him again to get something. So he couldn't help but pout slightly when she sighed again.

"It's November 18th." Zoe let out the sentence in somewhat bitter manner. She seemed to be disappointed. "It's our anniversary." Archer blanked out for a second. "...Come again?" "It's been one year to the day I got tired of waiting and finally asked you out and we went on our first date." Zoe said quietly almost whispering, almost seemed like didn't want to talk about it. And Archer raised a brow making his 'So what?' face- which was clearly a mistake because she sighed again. 

She stood up from the bench, her eyes fixed on the ground. "You know what? Never mind, Shepherd. Go back to your- whatever the tiny brain of yours was doing." snapped Zoe before walking away quickly. "What- wait, Evans, you mad? But you're the one who started this!" Archer jumped on his feet too, but she was already disappearing to the corner. He groaned frustrated. "At least tell me where did I go wrong!"

Same day, 13:44 pm

"So where did I go wrong?"

asked Archer across the table in little diner, to his... the closest thing of so-called 'best friend', Kevin Collins, whose face was twisted weirdly after hearing what happened between Zoe.

"...I've lost my words." Kevin finally spoke up after long silence, drinking his glass of water. He hadn't touched the bacon and sausages he ordered for lunch. "Yet you're still talking, so tell me." Archer leaned closer, waiting for the answer. He didn't rely much on this big guy, but Kevin always seemed to know the course of action as 'couples'. So since Zoe who his first person to ask about this kind of, feeling-involved situation, was the one got mad at him, he didn't have much choice but Kevin.

And suddenly putting up a small smile, Kevin came closer too. Then he smacked Archer on the head. yelling, "What the fuck is wrong with you?!" He hit repeatedly. "What- why are you hitting me?! DON'T- STOP FUCKING HITTING ME!" Archer defended himself hitting the man on the forehead too. And without Zoe's interpretation, it took few minutes for them to stop the childish smacking war. None of them gave a single fuck about people watching them.

"Okay, okay, truce. Let's stop this madness." Kevin backed away from the table, panting a bit. "Archer, you screwed it up, bad." Archer glared at his friend for a while with his arm still up in case of false truce, then finally crossed his arms and set down. "I've noticed that. But where did I go wrong? Did I say something wrong?" "Everything." Kevin answered quietly. "You did everything wrong." "Everything?" "Everything." "...Fuck." cursed the socially disabled man. "How do I fix it?" "First things first; anniversary is fucking important. Never forget important days as a couple." "How the fuck do I know what's important?" Kevin let out a sigh, which Archer didn't care much as Zoe's. "Start with the big ones, like, first date, first kiss, sex... Firsts are mostly important. In your case, you forgot the anniversary for your first date." "Why's that-" "Don't," Kevin flicked Archer on his wrinkled forehead. "-argue with me. You screwed it up, so you fix it."

Archer shot a glare at the man covering his forehead, rubbing it slowly. He still didn't understand why the day of first date was so important, but he didn't want to screw it up. So pouting crossly, he took the bait.

"...How?"

Same day, 19:03 pm

Archer paced around the place nervously- was he nervous? Probably. Mortified and embarrassed, too. He was walking back and forth of the small park in the city of Washington, surrounded by packs of colorful flowers that Collins got somewhere in short notice. He was also holding a flower, a rose, and wearing a suit and usual black tie, over a red shirts- red. He didn't wear anything but white and it was pretty disturbing- And there was a table near him, candles lighting it up and flickering on the surface of a bottle of wine. He wasn't very comfortable with the candles- it was more like a possibility of fire hazard to him than a romantic gesture. Maybe I'm supposed to save her from flame, he thought vaguely, soon shook off the silly, irrational piece of plan. And as he heard the voices arguing over the bushes, he quickly hid behind the tree as Kevin told him too.

"Look, Kev, I'm really not in a mood for a walk." "Oh, c'mon, I know Archie is a jerk-" Kevin choked desperately after saying that, "O-okay, no need to punch me in the neck!" "Don't say mean things about my boyfriend." "I was just trying to- never mind." Archer heard a sigh. "Anyway, it'd take your mind off of things. Now, c'mon." "Kev, what the-"

And with a little yelp, Zoe stumbled on to the little yard of flowers somewhat gracelessly. She was not in a... good outfit, maybe. An old hoody, gray sweatpants and slippers were not the exactly the best- but that didn't matter to Archer. Her expression was rather surprised and confused. "Kev? What's going on?" She turned around and asked to the friend who already took off. "Kev?"

"Hey, Evans." Archer stepped out from the shadow after taking a deep breath. He did hope he was making a proper facial expression. It didn't feel right on his skin, and he was pretty sure he was making the awkward one. And Zoe's look was not the best reaction too. "Archer?" She seemed pretty shocked, startled. "Are, are you wearing red shirts?" She quickly walked over to him tiptoeing so that she could check on his forehead to see if he had a fever. "What's going on? Are you sick? Did you take Kev's happy pill again? Are you dying?"

"What? No, I'm- um, I am trying to make things right." He shook his head with a weird face. He couldn't believe he was about to say this, but he had to. He started to talk like he was reading a textbook- actually it was Kevin's script. "You, Zoe, you are a very special person to me and I should have treated you better. But my lack of social skills had gotten the best of- okay, I forgot the line." Grumbling, he reached for the pocket and took out a crumpled paper while Zoe was looking at him with the weirdest way possible. The paper was obviously used a lot, folded and opened multiple times when he was trying to memorize it. "Ah, okay, here it goes." Archer cleared his throat and started to read the paper.

"Zoe, you are a very special person to me and I should have treated you better. But my lack of social skills had gotten the best of me and I was an idiot. I'm sorry and with the help of my handsome, smart, probably the best of the bes- okay, fuck this shit. I can't do this." Archer growled as he had reached his limit of tolerance for bullshits. Fucking idiot, he cursed Collins promising himself to punch the guy in the nose next time. He crumpled the script and tossed it away, huffing loudly. He knew only few things about this kind of thing, but he knew enough that he couldn't just read the script. Zoe liked honesty. So she shall have it. Archer breathed deep in again, and let it out slowly. It was hard enough for him to be in a red shirts. And now he had to say something from... his heart, so to speak.

"Look, Evans, I'm... sorry." Then Archer lost his words. Zoe raised her brow, crossing her arms. "Is that all?"

"No, no, I have more. I just- don't rush me!" He scowled at her, before clearing his throat once again. "Okay, the thing is that, I really don't give a fuck about anniversary." Again, Zoe raised her brow. "Why that's a nice touch for the start."

"Don't fucking cut me while talking." He snapped, then continued. "I really do. I find it really hard to put great meanings over... over flowers, chocolates, jewelries, places... specific days of years. It's just the same things, and putting sentiment on it is... just not me, okay? I'm sorry but that's fucking who I am. Actually, I'm not really sorry. I'm just saying this because I don't want you to get mad and punch me again- it's really annoying you know. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is..." Archer paused for a while searching for the words, and failed. The whole pouring out his heart, metaphorically, of course, was not his thing. Archer Shepherd was not the greatest poet. He was not the greatest writer. What he was good at logic and reasons that barely kept him in what other people called- normal. With all the angers and rages inside him, ration was the only way for him to communicate like normal people. But emotions- love, was not in the realm of logic. He couldn't quite explain it. 

But he wanted to try.

"-fuck, okay, just give me a sec," He started to pace around again, already forgot about the rose he was supposed to give her, the candles melting down dripping down the table and the wine going warm in the air. Those all did not matter to him. All that matter was this little woman who was stupid enough to come in his life. Who was idiotic enough to stay with him. But he had no skill to explain it to her, convince her that he was not trying to be a jerk. It was his structural defects- and it frustrated him immensely  "Fucking- I have no idea what to say. FUCK!" He threw down the rose on the grassy ground, stomping on it- which made Zoe to jump a bit. Archer crushed it angrily, stuck in his own words. 

"I fucking tried to explain it but fucking FUCK- You, do not make any sense at all! You are nonsense! I can't figure you out, okay? You are fucking nonsense. I mean, fuck, I never thought I could be like this. I mean, fuck, I've never bought all, love and feeling stuff- I thought it was just hormonal reaction and other psychology fucks, and yet I'm fucking standing in a park full of flowers and I'm wearing a fucking red shirt, and- I- You are, like a fucking exception. You make me broke my rules, you don't fit into the logic, you don't have fucking logical explanation! And you don't make senses at all and I fucking hate it but I- you prove everything differently and I'M FUCKING CONFUSED BECAUSE YOU ARE A FUCKING COUNTEREXAMPLE THAT- THAT, LOVE DOES NOT EXIST! OKAY?!"

"YOU, YOU ARE MY ONLY FUCKING EXCEPTION AND I MIGHT LOVE YOU! I DON'T KNOW!"

There was awkward silence in the air, too awkward that Archer thought it might be visible. "...I'm fucking bad at this. I'm sorry." grumbled him lowly, staring down at his shoes and destroyed rose beneath them. He felt like he just exploded into millions pieces and now he was feeling very uncomfortable and awkward. But when he looked up slowly, Zoe was standing awfully close to him. She was smiling, as the way he always liked.

"You are not that bad as you think." She whispered under her breath, putting her head leaned on his chest. That made him aware of his heart beating more than ever. "Because that was the most awkward, angry speech I've ever heard. You've won in two places, Tin Man." Chuckling amusingly, she looked up and met his blue with hers, his filled with slight confusion and relief, hers fashioned with the happiness, and both flickering of the candlelight. She tiptoed lifting herself up with her arms wrapped over his shoulders. And she planted a gentle kiss on his lips.

"I might love you too, Archie."

Same day, 19:20 pm

The park without candles waving the lights was embraced by the darkness. But the two knew exactly where the other was by the hands they were holding. Archer was not a big fan of physical contacts like this, but Zoe didn't have any intention to let it go for now.

"So you thought all these flowers would win me back?" "How should I know? I just did as Collins told me." "God, he's such a goof. I don't even like roses." "Really?" "...Okay, I'm just gonna let that one slide." "...Thanks?" "You're welcome. Now let's go home and get you out of that shirts. You look awful in that red abomination." "Again, Collins told me to wear it." "Yeah, red is really not your color... I like the usual white ones." "Same here." "Oh, wait, we might want this- wait, this looks like a fancy wine... How much did you pay for it?" "I don't know, fifty dollar? Wait, was it five hundred?" "...We need to talk about you and your money too, Archer." "What? Why?"

11th June, 1998

"Hey, Archie, finally got you the new partner." "Stop calling me Archie. And I don't need a partner." "The hell you do. This is an order, by the way, fucker. I'm your boss." "Call me fucker again I'll shoot you in the head." "I will smite you, fucker. I will smi-"

"Um, boys?" The childish conversation with two guys was cut by a small blond woman with gray pantsuit, standing in the doorway. Her arms were crossed firmly and the facial expression was virtually saying 'Please go pee your testosterone at somewhere else'. "Do I need to give you guys some space to blow off the steam or should I just bring you a condom?"

"You brought a girl?" Archer turned to his colleague/boss Kevin. "Why does she want to bring a condom?" "...You have a problem, Terminator." The big guy shrugged carelessly. "Zoe is one of the best. Don't be fooled by whole 'tiny woman' stuff. She will bite you." "That's unsanitary." commented Archer. Then his eyes turned to Zoe again. "Don't bite people." "Really? This is the guy?" She frowned making a weird face. "Why don't you just team me up with a 5 years old with a gun?" Archer returned a frown. "Yeah, I don't like her." Their boss let out a sigh. "Archer Shepherd, Zoe Evans. Glad you guys get along."

 21st October, 1998

Archer shot a training-bot in the joint then turned around immediately hitting another bot's system board. When he turned to his partner, Zoe was sitting on a disabled bot yawning. Dual blade she wielded were already back in the sheath. 

"Twenty two." said Archer counting the bots around him. "Thirty." Zoe replied with a triumphant smirk on her face. He always hated that stupid, cocky smirk. "The fuck- you're cheating! You've got to be cheating." "No, I'm not, Archie, I won fair and square. If you still have a doubt, ask Kev for the video footage." She snorted hopping up from the bot and tabbed her chin with the finger slowly, faking like she was thinking. "Now, what to do with my free meal prize? ...I feel like pancake today." "COLLINS! SHOW ME THE FOOTAGE!" He shouted walking out of the training room. "Aw, come on, Archie. Kiss your boyfriend goodbye and let's go get some pancake!" Zoe joked following him to the record station. "STOP CALLING ME ARCHIE, EVANS!"

 2nd March, 2000

 "So... how long have you two been going out?" Kevin asked casually over the scotch. He seemed pretty drunk. Archer just raised a brow finishing up his shot. "I have no idea what you're talking about." "Don't be naive, kiddo. You and Zoey, of course!" "Now you call her Zoey?" "Why, are you jealous?" Kevin wiggled his brows. Again, he raised a brow. "Why would I be jealous?" Kevin let out a long sigh- it was his habit, unnecessarily extended, dramatic sigh. "I thought you had a thing for her." "...I'm assuming that thing is not an actual, material object?" "God, it's like talking to a 5 years old."

Archer snorted and picked up few peanuts from the bowl. Of course, Zoe was a good partner. They matched well, considering he was a gunman and she was a swordswoman. Whenever enemies got to close, Zoe cut off them to half and when she was surrounded, he shot supporting fires to their heads. They were a good team. And of course, Archer had a feeling for her- not in romantic way, but as a colleague. He felt somewhat responsible, and wanted to protect her. Well, to be honest he was quite fond of her and her ways of combat. 

It took few moments for him to realize that Kevin was holding back a laughter. "What?" Archer questioned throwing a peanut in his mouth. "You zoned out for like 3 minutes smiling a bit!" He laughed out loud even banging the bar with the knuckle. "You totally have a thing for her! Ah, this is a big moment for me. Little Archie finally understanding human feelings! Give daddy a big hug, would ya?" "Shut up!" Feeling unusual heat under his skin, Archer threw peanut to hit the man in the eye. While Kevin fell down on the floor with half-laughing, half-in-pain, he thought to himself.

It's nothing romantic.

18th November, 2000

"Hey, Archie, you busy tonight?" At the familiar voice of Zoe, he turned around raising his brow. "My schedule is not filled up, so yes. Why?" "Well, I got bored of waiting for too long." "Waiting what?" "For you to ask me out." said Zoe carelessly. "Why would I ask you out?" "Wow, you are really a tin man, aren't you? You need to go visit Oz the Great and Powerful soon." "I don't understand that reference and you didn't answer my question." Archer crossed his arms tightly. "Because, you idiot! You like me, I like you, so go out a dinner! Figure it out, man!" Zoe punched him in the arm lightly, smirking. "I don't like you." He replied briefly. Then added to correct the possible misunderstanding. "Not that I dislike you." "Then we can discuss it over a dinner." She shrugged it off and seized the man in his folded arms, started to dragging him. "Come on, I found this great Italian place. We split the bill, and we can go get some beers after the meal, deal? Pun intended, by the way." Archer made a weird face, feeling the odd heat again coloring his face. She talked too much and it somewhat confused him- so without knowing he gave her a small nod.

"Good, then. It's a date." Zoe grinned widely.

 6th May, 2001

Archer woke up in the morning feeling a warm, somewhat heavy object on his stomach. Frowning, he opened his eyes and found Zoe resting her head on there. He stared at her for a while, couldn't help but let the smile crawling up on to his lips.

"What are you smiling about?" Zoe's voice made him flinch. "Fuck, get off of me, woman!" He pushed her away and stood up from the bed, obviously blushing. "I think it'd be fun to ask few questions about it, but I'm too sleepy so I'm just gonna let it slide." Zoe chuckled lightly sitting up on the bed. "Good morning, Archie." "Yeah, whatever." Grumbling indistinctly, Archer walked away to the bathroom and ran the water.  He heard Zoe coming out of the bed too. Soon she entered the bathroom squeezing her way in. "Hmm, you're extra grumpy today." "Get out. It's too small in here." "Aw, don't be such a silly goose, Archie. We've been a lot more worse things in lot more small room." She took her toothbrush and put some toothpaste on it. Then Zoe put some on Archer's too. "Are you making an innuendo?" He asked brushing his teeth. "Oh, so you are learning." "Shut up." Zoe snorted and stuck out her tongue at him. "Love you." "Why are you suddenly saying 'love you'?" "Mainly because I do love you, and you haven't turn it back yet." She shrugged lightly and spat the paste down the washstand. "Love is such an obscure notion. It's mostly a hormonal reaction." "Yeah, yeah, Spock, go tell your logic and sciences to your fellow alien."

Archer paused his brushing for a second eyeing her reaction- which was not a happy one- and spat down the paste too. "I'm just saying, I enjoy spending time with you, we have sex and other physical connection, I'm more... happy around you, in a matter of speaking. Isn't that enough?" He justified himself. "Yeah, whatever." "Are you mad?" "Yep." "Okay then, saying 'I love you' would make you not mad?" Archer asked, turning his eyes to her again. "Wow, I can't believe this." Zoe shook his head getting water on the cup and washed her mouth. "What? You are mad because I didn't return 'I love you', so I'm asking if me doing what you want make you not mad!" He snatched the cup from her and washed too. Snorting, Zoe squeezed her way out to the bedroom. "I want you to say 'I love you', but not because I want to!" "Then why should I say that?" He followed her out. "You don't love me?" She crossed her arms. Archer crossed his too. "Do I have to answer that?" "It's a simple question!" "Well, it's obvious!" He threw up his hands. "I said I enjoy spending time with you, we have physical intercourse and I'm happy with you! That's my version of 'I love you'!" "Oh, I'm sorry if I don't speak Archer!" "Fine! I love you! There, I said it! Happy now!" "Yeah!" "Fine!" "Fine!"

"FINE!"

20th October, 2002

Archer watched through the scope, scanning the floor with the crossbar. He was lying on the building across with his sniper life standing in front of him. The floor he was looking at was oddly quiet for a research center. 

"Am I the only one who thinks that this floor is almost empty?" Apparently, Zoe thought the same.  "The fuck? Archie, you seeing this?" Kevin asked over the radio.  "Yeah..." He answered briefly. "The floor is clear." "Maybe they freaked out and fled?" Zoe suggested hopefully. Kevin sighed dramatically. "I hope so. If that's the case, I'd like to go bar and have some drink. Flying over here on jet was not fun." "Yay, bar! I want beer." Zoe exclaimed. Archer could see her walking over to the window into his sight. "Kev's buying?" "Hell no, I bought the last time, it's Archie's turn." "I don't recall consenting on rotating drinks purchase course." He answered briefly, smirking little. "Fucker, he's learning how to annoy people." Kevin cursed giving a finger to Archer's direction over the building. "First this, and someday he's gonna make a joke." "I think it's good for him." Zoe smiled widely at him, waving. "Maybe we can take him to a stand u-"

Then there was a blast. An explosion started from the other side of the building, the floor the team was on. Flame and gust immediately devoured the whole floor. The radio transmitter went off ringing the blast in his skull. Archer immediately threw it away. His eardrums were not on the list of things that he gave a shit. His heart just stopped. His knees just buckled down. He couldn't process what he just witnessed.

"Zoe?" A name now meant nothing like it was before slipped out between his lips. 

10th November, 2002

The funeral was small and quiet.

Archer stayed far away from the actual ceremony, but his sight was good enough to see the whole things from few hundred miles- he didn't want to hear some fuckers talking about memories and love, how beautiful the ceremony was, condolence and shit. He leaned against the tree far from the grave and waited for people to leave.

No tear came out. He was used to the death. It was virtually his job to take other's life. So he was okay with it. It's just that, most of his daily life revolved around that group of people- Kevin and the other guys in the team, and Zoe. It was uncomfortable and awkward to stay in the training facility, or the bar where everyone used to go together. Even his apartment was different. Some of her belongings were still left in there... I should throw them out, he thought idly. It's not mine, anyway.

Few hours later, Archer finally walked out of the shadow beneath the tree. He approached to newly made gravestone named 'Zoe Elizabeth Evans'. He didn't even know her middle name was Elizabeth... Archer looked down at the stone with glassy look. He did nothing. He just stood there for a while and took off. There was nothing he could do, anyway. So he walked out the cemetery feeling a lingering feelings of bitterness. Maybe it was the voices calling his name the seconds before their death. Or the jokes and smiles on their faces.

But whatever it was, it wasn't there anymore.