London Shitgaze Clubnight
So yeah I am toying up with the idea of putting on again another absurd club-night in London and pretend to play with a few dj friends our favourite collections of rubbish uninspiring no-future bands and songs, with a sarky future-enthusiastic 2017 touch (no revival agenda, thank you). And I've come up with the 'sale pitch' to get a venue, it will almost certainly go like this: ' Hi mister venue, so yeah this time instead of my shitty band i'd like to put a club night on in your revered establishment. It will interest nobody at all but at least me a two or three other lads will dj some deafening nonsense through some crap speakers with beer cans priced £2, feeling we are saving the world. Me and the lads will close our eyes, press play, and headbang like we are on the dancefloor (not actually djing ourselves - we know we are terrible at it). And yes i promise your venue won't lose any money cause i'll cover the losses. Yes it will be a glorified copy and paste of what i do at home already, except that if someone sees our morbidly miserable flyers and have nothing else to do in their fucking lives than this, well they will actually be able to join us. It will be boring, uneventful, but at least we will love it and will keep a good opinion of your venue. Alternatively of course you can book a bigger act playing some senseless mainstream sonic diarrhoea and make more money and pretend it's great. we will agree with you just to remain in good terms and mimic some tolerance. but also we will stay in the street outside getting drunk under the rain as usual and piss on your walls and scream out how much we hate you once drunk to oblivion. it's ok we are used to it. We primarily stupidly hate the world of people owning decent venues. And we will start saving up to buy a venue when we will be in our 70s in god knows what year after this planet will have gone to waste. Please respond positively though. Thanks'. Signature: Suck Dicks Promoshit Global Corporation. Headquartered under a significant triangular pile of smoking warm horse faeces.
