#reader x wooseok

Yes, it was weird. You threw yourself into everything you did, trying to avoid what you’d done. You pushed his eyes out of your mind and you made sure never to think of him again, to lock him up and pretend he didn’t exist. He’d stolen the heart of you in only a moment, with a kind gesture and a small smile. He was so bashful and sweet and loud and brazen. He was all men put into one, like a tapestry of everything you’d ever want while also annoying you to your core. He could be distant, over-dramatic, but never not yours. He never once mean to hurt you and that made you sick because you couldn’t say the same.

Sometimes, you wondered if you weren’t normal, if there was something wrong with you that made you so different. There was a self destruct button in your mind that you pressed often, moving away from people and things that made you happier than you could have ever imagined. Was it that you were afraid of being happy? Did you think you didn’t deserve it? These were the thoughts that came to mind before bed when you laid your defences down and let yourself cry, knowing it was the only way you could try moving forward; but he was in everything and you didn’t know how to put your best foot forward and push yourself How could you tell yourself to keep moving forward when he was the reason why you wanted to try?

You turned in on yourself, curling and facing the window. The moon was just in sight, slipping it’s blue light into your bedroom. From across your rippled sheets and past the closed, white door, you heard the chatter of your parents downstairs. They were always speaking in hushed tones, wondering if you were okay. Your mom would come upstairs, knock on the door to see if you’d be awake. She’d be with a plate of cookies because her idea was that food made everything better. You’d pretend to be asleep and she’d set the plate down anyways, removing the day-old cookies from your room. You didn’t tell her to stop, knowing it would sadden her.

As you heard her footsteps up the stairs, you wiped away the tears that were bright on your face, like dew on grass, and shuffled further into your bed. Messing up the sheets a bit more, you thought it looked believable and stilled. The door to your bedroom opened after a quiet knock and the plate was set down but there was no sound of the door closing. Instead, you felt your mom’s hand on your forehead, brushing the hair from there softly. She hadn’t done this in a while and it nearly made you open your eyes and hug her, asking her to stay while you cried. She wouldn’t understand why you were crying and she’d think you were being weird but she would stay. Was that what you needed?

You made no move, feeling the bed dip beside you as she sat down. Her hand stayed at your arm and you imagined her looking at you before she got up again. Her lips pressed against your forehead before rubbing it away as she usually did, as if she was massaging her love in.

“I love you,” she whispered, so quietly you couldn’t hear it unless you strained your ears. There came a familiar clench of your heart and you waited until she was out of the room before crying again. It came in silent sobs, you learning how to cry without making sound a long time ago, but it was hard. The sobs shook your chest and you brought your pillow down to hug it.

Yes, it was weird that you threw yourself into your work. It was weird that you pretended Wooseok didn’t exist. It was weird that you didn’t let yourself feel things like you should have. What wasn’t weird was how you pushed people away, keeping everyone at an arm’s length because you were scared. There wasn’t a time where you didn’t remember being scared of being loved and you doubted that there would ever be.

Act 1, Scene 2: The Process

“Are you ready?” Hyorin sounded far away, the Bluetooth in her car always making it seem like she was contacting you from a spaceship. You were putting on your lipstick, the colour just bright enough to make it look like you had some light in your eyes. Making some sort of sound, Hyorin hummed, saying she’d be there in a minute or two.

You knew better than to trust her, taking your sweet time fixing up the clothes in your room and making it look halfway decent. When five minutes passed, you grabbed your bag and bounded down the stairs, taking them two at a time. Usually, you would have tripped but today was a good day. You felt it in the way your bones tingled and the way your smile seemed to be a bit lighter. Your father, who was sitting in his usual chair facing away from the door turned in his seat to see you slipping on your shoes.

“Where are you going?” he sang, wiggling his eyebrows up and down. His fingers worked at turning down the volume while he got up from the couch. Stretching, the bottom of his stomach stuck out from underneath his shirt. You used the wall to balance yourself and smiled, shaking your head at him.

“Nowhere,” you sang back, same tone and trying to be light. Your dad fixed you with an unimpressed look, knowing you were lying and you grinned, saying, “Hyorin’s taking me to a show.”

“Hyorin!” His smile was larger than life, eyes lighting up as he came to the door. A small beep came through the wood and he swung it open, waving at your friend. She waved from the car, rolling down the window and calling a ‘hello!’. Your dad was satisfied.

“Take care of her, will you?”

Hyorin shrugged, leaning out of the car with both arms as a rest. You took your thin jacket off the hook while she called back, “don’t I always?”

Your dad laughed, turning to you before you left and giving you a hug. While he did so, he whispered, “I’m glad you’re going out with your friends again.”

You paused, pulling away with a faltering smile. So they had noticed. You didn’t say a word, simply giving him a kiss on the cheek and nodding. “Don’t wait from mom for dinner again. She’s always late on Tuesdays so make yourself something.”

He waved you down the stairs, disregarding everything you said with a goodbye. The last you saw of him that night was him waving you away, big smile on his face as the car rounded the corner and drove off at a fast speed.

“He seems happier than usual,” Hyorin pointed out, raising her eyebrow at you and looking at you from the corner of her eye. You sighed, pulling the mirror down to look at your eye makeup.

Stretching the skin under your eyes, you pressed your lips together, murmuring, “he’s just glad I’m not staying at home sulking anymore.”

“So am I,” she said quietly. Her hand came to give yours a squeeze once it dropped to your side. You squeezed it back, happy she was there for you. You admitted that you might have neglected her early on in your friendship and you were sorry about it. Honestly, the first three years of your college career had been a mistake. You acted like a child the whole way through and only now were you starting to act like a twenty year old, only two years too late.

“Where are we going?” Changing the subject, you looked out the window while listening to how excited your friend was beside you, her voice raising in pitch as she kept talking.

“We’re going to an all-girl rock band!” she squealed, excited and shaking. You smiled at the way she drove, speeding up because she was excited. Somehow, the girl always sped but never got caught. Listening to her talk was medicine and you let her explain who the girls were, what you could expect, and you genuinely found yourself excited. This was something very important for Hyorin so tagging along was good for you two. You hoped it would be a good day, leaning on the feelings you had from before.

As the sun set, you arrived at the venue on foot. Having left the car behind in a public parking space, you took the small stroll down the street, catching up on school and acceptances. Hyo was going to the design school she always planned on, her smile growing as she spoke about where and when and how long ago she visited campus. She showed you a girl she’d been talking to, calling her cute and saying she was excited to get to know her in March. You gave her a look and saw the way she hesitated at putting the phone away.

“I hope so too,” you hummed lightly, stringing your arm around her shoulder and leaning your head toward her. She put her arm around your waist and your heads bumped, the two of you being the same height always working out perfectly.

Getting inside was a hassle, considering the lineup at the venue, but it was beautifully decorated and you preferred being a bit back, wanting to see the whole stage. There were bright colours and posters hanging off the walls and quite a bit of people everywhere. At the back, there was a long glass bar, with glasses hanging from the ceiling and streamers mixed in. It looked so festive inside and bright, with gorgeous smiles and people everywhere dressed to the nines or so casually. There were fishnets, people holding hands, and a genuine happiness in the air. It was buzzing and the second the music started and the girls came out, your breath was taken away.

They were so fashionable and Hyorin knew all of their names, screaming them out as they performed. Halfway through, you went further back to watch them dance in full, admiring their stage presence and so entirely caught up with how amazing it was. They filled the entire space with who they were, the humour catty and wild but beautiful. Everything was gorgeous and piece by piece, you found yourself loosening up.

Going for a drink during one of the talking bits, you weaved through people and landed between a couple and a man, who was nursing his drink with patience. The ice in it was melting but he didn’t seem to care, looking at the stage in admiration.

“Sorry,” you said quietly, wondering if it was enough to hear and yet, when his eyes landed on yours, you were taken aback. There was a perfection in his face that came with all of his imperfections and they captured you for the moment as he moved out of the way.

You ordered your drink swiftly but, even with it in hand, you didn’t move from your spot. You simply sat there, back to the bar and eyes on the performers. There was laughter shaking through the crowd as well as agreements and loud participations. You were happy, watching the scene unfold and you couldn’t admit how excited you were when the man beside you leaned a bit to the side and murmured, “so what are you doing here?”

With a small smile, you didn’t turn to look at him, saying, “same as you.”

“Really?” He drew out the word, nodding before asking, “your best friend is also a performer tonight?”

He noticed the way you paused, cracking a smile that drew your attention. It stretched across his teeth like it was always meant to be there, breaking any darkness that threatened to creep into any soul. You blinked, turning back to the stage while he spoke again.

“You’ll have to tell me who she is so I can get your number.”

“Or you can just ask,” you suggested, tongue moving quickly. He shrugged, leaning back to place his elbows on the glass.

He seemed so tall but maybe that was his chair or his personality. Whatever it was, you didn’t mind, hoping you could rise to the challenge. Somehow, you found yourself excited, looking forward to the puzzle you had to solve with him. It had been too long since you found yourself excited, nearly half a year passing since Wooseok had faded into the background and you were looking forward to something better- something new. The idea of it being this mysterious man made it even better.

“Can I have your number?” His attempt was sweet and immediate, coated in sugar. You laughed, shaking your head.

“No.”

With a snap of his fingers, he sighed like he expected it. The smile he was trying to hold back was encased in twitching cheeks that wanted to let him beam and you turned in your spot to see him face on. Studying him, there wasn’t anything exceptional in his grin. You could find this anywhere and anytime, but the presence he had was empowering. It was soft but strong, like a rock standing in the middle of a quiet shore. You couldn’t push him over and you didn’t want to, deciding you would rather nestle yourself beside him than take his spot. So, you sat on the chair beside his and accepted whatever fate tonight was going to bring you.

“But you can persuade me to give it to you,” you said, so offhanded and nonchalant you wondered if he could even tell you were goading him, wanting to keep talking to him.

“Oh?” His eyebrows moved up again, elegant and teasing while he bit down on the corner of his lip. “Challenge accepted.”

You texted Hyorin early on that you were at the back of the venue where the bar was if she wanted to join. A part of you hoped she wouldn’t wanting to keep this man a sort of secret from everyone for now. You wanted to be alone with him, to soak up the way he bled into every crevice of your mind. He was sweet and sour, mimicking herbal tea on a winter day. You found yourself hanging onto every word he said, wanting to hear more and speaking only for the sake of his response. You became so entangled in the man, not flinching when he came and kissed you or when you met in the bathroom hall.

He ran his hands up your shirt, the both of you hiding in a place where it could feel like it was just you two. There was a suddenness, the thumping of your heart loud in your ears and ringing. You were pulsating under his touch, letting him take you everywhere your heart wanted to go. The way he used his tongue, his lips tracing parts of you that you’d forgotten. You were in heaven, letting it take you over and not bothering to cover your mouth when he hit the spot that always killed you. You were trying not to be loud but it was hard to feel like you weren’t allowed to with the loud music blasting in the background and the feeling of the air. You were letting yourself fall into this pattern, the one that excited you and messed up your hair and left you breathless and god, he was so good.

There wasn’t a point in knowing his name, not even when you went and told Hyorin what you did, meeting her after the show and after she’d met one of the band members. She gave you a disappointed look and pressed her lips together.

“Well, fix your hair before you get home,” she whispered over the soft music playing in the car, not saying much for the rest of the drive. You didn’t follow her advice, somehow wanting to look how you felt on the inside. You resorted to smudging your makeup more, black dripping down from your eyes and resting on your cheeks. Your eyebrows came apart and you started crying somewhere in between, tearing the face you’d painted on from your skin. Hyorin pulled over and tried to talk you out of it but all you remembered before getting home was feeling like hell for not recognizing the person in the mirror of her car.

Act 1, Scene 3: An Encounter

Working a midnight shift was the worst part of your new job but, considering it was the winter break, you took them as they came. You didn’t want to quit your previous job, actually quite liking the clothes store you were at but it was too close to Wooseok’s house and the fear of seeing him again gripped you. You weren’t ready and you knew it was stupid to let something like that stop you from working where you’d been since you ended high school. Yet, it was enough to make you want to switch jobs and you didn’t neglect yourself this time. So, you changed your part-time to somewhere near the school and swapped out the keys to the back room for keys to the freezer room. It was nice though and you enjoyed the people you worked with. Really, the only downfall were these damned night shifts.

Wiping down the plates in the back, you heard the ringing of the door open and sighed. You were not in the mood and plastering a smile on your lips was hard enough on a good day. Slowly, you straightened and rounded the corner from the kitchen, hearing drunk laughter down the hall and sighing. God, drunk girls coming out of parties were always nice, yes, but they made such messes and they were so loud. All you wanted to do was take an unauthorized nap in the back room.

Setting down the rag, you read how many heads were seated at the table and picked up that many menus. You doubted they would need it, the mixed group seemingly just here as a pit stop, but it was part of the job. You greeted them kindly, placing the menus in front of them while telling them your name. A girl with nails longer than the years you’d been on this earth reached out to you, grasping your arm.

She looked at you sincerely, struggling to get the words out but eventually telling you, “you look so beautiful.”

You paused, cracking an embarrassed smile and telling her thank you. One of the boys at the table, one you’d seen around campus a lot and had a risqué reputation apologized and took her hand off you. You brushed it off, shrugging while reaching for your pen and notepad for drinks.

“It’s okay, don’t worry.”

“No,” he drew out, hair choppy and dyed a strawberry blonde. Alcohol wafted off the group but less so off him, the man sitting closest to you, “she always does this, creeping out our waiters. Relax, Kaye.”

The girl slumped, grumbling something but you didn’t pay it any mind and asked for the drinks. The door to the bathroom down the hall opened, squeaking loudly but you didn’t turn, trying to keep up with the way they were ordering. It was nonsensical and sporadic, with changing opinions and you nearly asked for them to quiet down and go one by one but your name was said and you froze. You knew who that was and you didn’t turn, simply moving out of the way of the booth. His dark eyes and hair, curled at the ends and grown out longer than he usually liked fell into his eyes. He wore a velvet blue bomber, big but fitting his shoulders. Everything else was black but he hardly ever wore that colour before. You remembered him in whites, greens, deep colours but hardly black and there he was, coated in the colour like liquorice.

“Do you know her, Woo?” The man who’d taken Kaye’s hand away used his thumb to point at you. Wooseok nodded, not saying anything. Though, the man grinned and extended his hand.

“Any friend of Wooseok’s is a friend of mine. I’m Vernon.”

You didn’t reach out, tasting the bitterness in your mouth as the others chatter amongst themselves. Instead, you took a step back and quickly scoffed, “we’re not friends.”

You saw his eyebrows raise, Vernon turning to look at Wooseok. He looked somewhat confused, hovering his hand before putting it away. “O- okay.”

Woo didn’t say anything, choosing to look out the window behind Kaye. She was leaning into him, her brown hair in his face and you knew he hated it but he didn’t move at all. He didn’t do anything and it made you sick.

“I’ll be right back with those drinks,” you said as softly as you could, trying to keep the air light but you were the one who messed it up in the first place. Biting on your lip as you hurried to the back, you bumped into Frieda and apologized. The older woman grasped your shoulder as you passed, eyes worried.

“You okay?”

You didn’t notice your hands were shaking until then, hiding them behind your back so she couldn’t see. The wrinkles beside her eyes were deep and she pushed a smile for you when you affirmed you were okay. She didn’t believe you but it was kind enough and you couldn’t thank you for it. Texting Hyorin, you expressed your discontent before rushing out with a platter full of water and occasional pop. The group was busy chatting amongst themselves, quieting down but still bright.

The only thing you could think of was why Woo was hanging out with them. He always hated that crowd, saying they perpetuated party culture and it was the downfall of our generation or whatever the hell. He once called millennials the new baby boomers, which was a long argument had over and over again and yet, there he was. He was feeding the dream what they needed, adding another body to the militia against the future. You found your legs quaking, moving forward and placing the drinks down.

“Thank you,” Kaye sang, beautiful and off key and you smiled, responding with a stale ‘you’re welcome’. Vernon was sweet as well, getting a man named Goob’s attention (he was discussing the physics of launching himself from a 12-story building in only a large diaper and how it would make as a parachute) as well as the two other girls. They looked nearly identical, one named Devina while the other remained nameless. If you called one, the other moved in time. It was amazing to see but also so odd.

Vernon’s smile was kind as he said what everyone wanted to order. He tried to diffuse whatever bomb you’d thrown into the crowd, trying to include Wooseok but he wasn’t looking at you still.

“I’m going for a smoke,” he grumbled suddenly when asked what he wanted to eat, not bothering to grab his coat and bounding outside. His footsteps were always larger than life, getting him to the front in a matter of seconds. You could see him in moments, cigarette already lit and smoke floating into the frozen air. He was cold but he was also too proud to come inside. You noted smoking as another thing he’d started up in the time you’d been apart, realizing how much half a year could change a person. You wanted to look at yourself, see how much you changed, but you hadn’t. You were still stuck, still sad, still alone.

Good, you decided sourly, let him freeze. What did you care?

“Sorry, he’s not usually like this,” Vernon murmured, breaking the tension and seemingly having no idea who you were. Did Wooseok never speak of you? This pressed you as you picked up the platter from the table and took a hard look at Vernon. He honestly seemed uncomfortable and you were very much unsure as to why people hated him so much. There was something so genuine about him that you didn’t quite get but, then again, most ugly faces took a long time to reveal. You thought about yours, realizing it had taken about a year and still, he didn’t run away.

“That’s okay,” you muttered under your breath. You made a point saying you’d come back with the food and didn’t appear until then. Someone had spilled a drink on the floor, most likely Kaye since she was crying into Wooseok’s shoulder. He was stiff though, facing forward and his fists were clenched, on the table. There was nothing comfortable about him, not even a smile, but he moved his mouth to work a conversation. In fact, he looked like he wanted to be in bed and watch his favourite tv show, wanting to be as far from this place as he could; but he was stuck, as were you.

Whoever was weaving you together was doing it devilishly, making the both of you suffer as you tried to get further and further apart but you were connected. Your wrist was bound to his and slowly, the silk was trying to come to your ankles and pull you in again. You were resisting, not looking at him much as you called out the food and placed it down. Devina complimented your battered nails, saying they had a cool design and you wanted to laugh but said thank you anyways, telling her that her messy coop of a hairdo was well done. It was the only thing you could think of and even Woo’s eyes closing was enough to tell you that he knew. He always knew and you nearly dismissed yourself if it wasn’t for Vernon’s hand. It looped around your arm, asking you to wait and the look in his eyes was convincing enough to make you stop.

“Yes?”

“Can I ask for one more thing?” He blinked, long eyelashes hiding the way he was looking at you. It was meant to be innocent but you could see through it and you pressed your lips together, nodding. As you reached for your notepad, he shook his head and waved your fingers away from your work belt. “No, not an order. An actual question.”

“Vern,” Wooseok said very quietly, like he didn’t want him to continue. You debated walking away but your heart planted your feet to the floor and you couldn’t budge even if you wanted to.

“No, no, I just want to know how you and Wooseok know each other since he won’t tell me. Is that okay?” There was an edge to his voice, like he was trying to gain an upper hand here by knowing this information. You swallowed, deciding to disclose as little information as you could.

“We’ve known each other since first year. He helped me translate some stuff when I first moved here. That’s really it,” you admitted, moving the black platter off the table. You swung it behind you hoping to take your leave but Vernon pressed.

“If that was the case,” he started, waving a hand around before letting it land on a fry. When he bit on it, the oil dripped down the side of his mouth, he asked, “then why aren’t you friends? It seems like he was nice to you, did something happen?”

Your eyes went between him and Woo, who was being no help to you and didn’t seem like he would be at any point. Grimacing, your grip tightened on the platter and you said, “that’s personal.”

“Right,” Vernon drew out, nodding and putting another fry in his mouth. You took the lull as a right to leave and nearly did so but there came his voice again and it stopped you in your tracks. You were sure if it was anything else, you would have kept moving but his words stilled you and your heart raced, chest shaking.

From behind you, Vernon called, “by the way, do you know a guy named Yuto? He brought up a girl that looked exactly like you, your name and everything. He met you at a concert or something and that you fucked in the bathroom. Said you were an easy lay. Was that you, y/n?”

You didn’t move from your spot for a beat, feeling everyone’s eyes on you but only caring about one pair’s. You couldn’t even turn and tell him it wasn’t true, or show any weakness. So, you kept moving forward, making your way to the back. Your hands shook while you worked at the machine, filling up a tall glass and knowing this would cost you many more night shifts but you were tired and mad, genuinely mad. It wasn’t even that you were mad at Vernon because he was just proving that he was scum but you were mad that Wooseok made no move to defend you. It could have been a fake story for all he knew but it could’ve been real too and either way, even if you weren’t dating…

He should have known better.

You carried two milkshakes to the table, keeping your chin up and your nerve steady. Vernon’s smile was wide and wicked, laughing at a crude joke and giving you a look over before leaning in and asking, “so, was it?”

“Yes,” you said, immediate and sickly sweet before turning your attention to the drinks in your hands. You placed one down before presenting them, announcing, “these are on the house since you’ve been such kind guests.

“This one is strawberry.” Your eyes were met with Devina’s, hers wide with shock and some sort of horror as the man beside her squirmed, saying it was cold and asking you to stop. Your other hand was equipped and you turned it over on Wooseok’s lap just as quick, making a point to look him in the eye as he struggled under it. “And this is blueberry.”

“You cheap whore, do you know how much this costs?” Vernon spat, getting up from his seat and wiping the milkshake off of his jacket. You simply smiled, using napkins to get some off his shirt.

“I may be cheap,” you started, letting him rip the napkins out of your hands and not making any move to stop him from rubbing the milk in, “but at least I know how to get white stains out of expensive material. Good luck with that.”

“Y/n!” Frieda’s voice was shrill and quiet, beckoning you over. There was something she was trying to convey and you made your way there, letting Vernon’s friends laugh both at him and the situation. You immediately began apologizing, going to explain but she just waved her hand around and shushed you.

“That’s completely unacceptable!”

“I know,” you murmured, hushed and embarrassed that she saw you but not the least bit apologetic. You pressed your lips together waiting for more repercussions but you got none. She simply laid a hand on your shoulder and leaned in.

With a pause, she whispered, “though, next time I suggest the honey syrup. It’s harder to get out and stickier too.”

You wanted to laugh at her wink, the frail old lady going over to the table with a mop and more napkins. As she arrived, Wooseok was coming towards you, eyes low and eyebrows pressed into each other. You wanted him to stop, to just leave you alone but he wouldn’t. He came closer, grasping you by your upper arm and pulling you in so he could speak.

In a sharp whisper, he muttered, “that was below you and you know it.”

“Oh, fuck off, Wooseok,” you scoffed, tugging your arm from his unyielding grip, “and let me go.”

He saw the way he was holding you, a look of panic in his eyes and his fingers loosened immediately. You rubbed at where he was, not feeling any pain but only being slightly disappointed. He usually didn’t do that, he wouldn’t, and here he was trying to tug you along. You didn’t recognize this person but you didn’t particularly like him either.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured, taking a step back. Milk was pooling off of him and you sighed, grabbing a damp towel and giving it over to him. You weren’t accepting his apology, for anything at all, but you did feel bad for the jacket he had on. The velvet hadn’t done anything wrong.

“You should have defended me,” you found yourself saying, watching his large hands work. You couldn’t pinpoint why you said it but you believed it.

Wooseok paused, not looking up at you and keeping focused on his stain. When he began dabbing at it again, he murmured, “we’re not dating anymore.”

“But you know me better than to take that at face value, don’t you?”

There was no response, but he was stilled and you scoffed. He really did believe Vernon over you. Was he really slipping away that easy?

“I don’t know what to believe anymore, y/n,” he admitted softly. As he straightened his back, he opened your palm with his hand. The damp cloth was placed back there softly, fingers curling over it instinctively. His eyes were sheltered from you, hair not revealing any of the secrets he was holding back.

Those words were somewhat of a final nail in the coffin for you. You didn’t believe you’d see him again and, in fact, you didn’t want to. Not in the slightest. Watching him go back to the table with Vernon still seething, spitting up half-thought out insults and mostly just using slurs you didn't care for, you weren’t surprised. He slipped away just as easily as you’d given him away, disappearing into a night. Only, this time, there was no promise to return. There was just a wet rag and a ruined jacket.

Act 1, Scene 4: How It Starts

Jisoo and Hyorin were determined to take you out again, promising this wouldn’t end in either of them getting drunk and needing to be driven home. Rin was on the edge of your bed, holding onto your arm tightly while Jisoo stood near your closet, arms crossed and lips pressed together. She felt guilty about the last few nights, feeling the winter chill coming down and practically tearing a hole through the town. It was inspiring but also messy and most of your clothes were the ones that got stained. You didn’t want to give them the chance though, preferring to just stay home. At least at home, you got free cookies.

“Come on, please,” Hyorin stressed, looking for your eyes and getting them. Her hair was dyed a darker black so it matched her nails and she looked so desperate for you to come. You didn’t know what to say, opening your mouth but having nothing come out. Jisoo took the chance to speak, unfolding her arms to reveal the fishnet under her shirt and over her bellybutton.

“I take full responsibility for last time and I swear, I won’t have a drink. Not a single one. I’ll be designated babysitter, I promise,” she pleaded. Her hair was in brown pigtails, up at the sides of her head, and she looked so unreal with her daring makeup and bold lip colour. She was almost beautiful but there was an edge to her eyes that made her very hard to get to know and hard to trust.

“Ji,” you started but Hyorin was quick enough to cut you off, starting very enthusiastically.

“It’s a triple date sort of thing! At a really nice place too. You’ll like it. They make good pizza and we found a really nice guy. He’s Ji’s cousin’s best friend’s brother.”

You snorted, looking at the two of them and shaking your head. “Are you serious? It’s a date you want me to come out for?”

“Not just you,” Jisoo grumbled, looking down at her nails and biting her lip, “I’m in need of some love too. Rin’s got a girlfriend already but I need someone.”

You blinked before leaning out to grasp your friend’s hand. It fit in yours awkwardly but just enough to make it feel comforting when you used your other hand to cover it. You tried to look supportive, giving her a small smile and saying, “Ji, you’ll get someone. If our total nutcase, Rin, can find someone, that means there’s really something out there putting two people together no matter how crazy or how beautiful.”

“So, you’ll come?” Hyorin asked, hopeful and completely ignoring your joking insult. You gave her a sympathetic look, prying her fingers off your arm and nodding your head. They nearly squealed if it hadn’t been for your quiet, “absolutely not.”

“You’re so rude,” RIn huffed, lying back and pouting. Her arms crossed and you snorted, looking at her from the mirror that stood beside your bed.

“You really won’t come?”

Jisoo looked disappointed, some emotion finally breaking through the thick exterior she put up. You couldn’t tell if it was fake or not, this sneaky girl using guilt tripping more than once when she wanted what she couldn’t get. You wanted to say yes but out came a defeated sigh and you picked up your makeup wipes. If you were going to go out, you had to at least look good. Hyorin shot up, looking at you with a big smile stretching from ear to ear on her face.

“Really?” She was so excited, coming up behind you and placing her hands on your shoulders. The moment you nodded, she squealed and jumped up and down, excited beyond belief and you smiled, shaking her hands off you.

“But this is only so Jisoo can get off tonight. It’s not for you,” you said, making a point of it and pointing your brush at Rin. She simply ruffled her nose in it before coming to kiss your forehead and exclaiming, “medusa’s coming out of her cave!”

“You know,” you started, looking at yourself in the mirror and stretching your skin back before watching it settle, “you keep pressing for me to go out and meet new people and date again. Why?”

“You were happier when you went outside,” Jisoo said lightly and after a beat. It was like she was scared to say it but she’d always been the braver of the pair. “You just haven’t seemed yourself.”

“It’s less so that we want you to date and more like we want you to start taking care of yourself or at least wanting to.” Hyorin was meek, staring at her hands. You didn’t know what to say to this, murmuring an ‘okay’ and going back to your work. You weren’t trying to seem like you didn’t care about yourself but you supposed you had let go of yourself a little. You only washed your hair once this week and that was because Jisoo and Hyorin were over and you resorted to wearing sweatpants to class. God, maybe you had been a mess.

“We didn’t mean to-”

“I know,” you sounded, low and under your breath. Not much more was said after that, the three of you turning to music. It filled the small space while you fixed up your hair and applied your makeup.

It took a while to get ready but you were only a few minutes late and the three of you rushing into the small coffee shop wasn’t such a big deal. Three guys were waiting at a table, chatting amongst themselves like they were friends. One introduced himself as Hyojong, the other Shinwon and, finally, Hwitaek. Unlike his friends, he didn’t have dark circles under his eyes or shoulders that spanned a universe. You stared at his face longer than you should have, shaking his hand with a careful smile.

“You must be Jisoo’s cousin’s best friend’s brother?”

The dark haired man gave you a laugh, somewhat embarrassed and nodding as you both sat down in your seats. The large table was split into three, two person tables and were spaced out, Hyorin and Jisoo putting the other two boys to work. They always signed up for these group blind dates but would never like to conduct them as a group and you thought it was funny. Though, you felt bad for Hyojong, who seemed genuinely captured by Hyorin. What a rude awakening tonight would be for him.

“That’s- yeah, that’s me. You are?”

“Your sibling’s best friend’s cousin’s friend,” you decided, being coy and lacing your fingers together on the table. You didn’t realize it but the action was causing you to lean in. Hwitaek, who was a little more demure and taking the booth seat in front of you smiled at your comment, nodding.

“Name?”

“Y/n, y/l/n,” you said, very lightly. You didn’t particularly like your name and it made you uncomfortable to hear it all said out loud. Yet, he repeated it and suddenly, it didn’t seem so bad. The way he rolled it around on his tongue and tasted the syllables made you blush the slightest bit. No one had ever said your name and made you like it and there you were, hearing it and feeling odd, innocent butterflies flapping their wings in your chest slowly.

“That’s pretty,” he hummed, seeming to mean it but you shook your head. His eyebrows curved upwards, pulling the words from your mouth like a magic trick.

“I hate it. I’ve wanted to change my name for the longest time.”

“Me too,” he admitted kindly, smile starting off at one end of his mouth and spilling over to the other, “but I can’t think of anything different. I keep landing on Hui.”

“Not too far off,” you mused, nodding but knowing it was just the first half off his name. He chuckled, embarrassed and reaching a hand up to rub the back of his neck.

“Not far enough.”

The words threatened a lull in the conversation but you picked up a dropped string and decided on that direction. A waiter didn’t come by and you figured you’d have to go up and get a drink. Asking if he wanted anything, much to his relief, the two of you walked to the line and thought of more to say. Resorting to picking at your nails while you stared at the board of drinks, you hummed before turning to him and saying, “brother or sister?”

He blinked, caught up in the drinks though he managed to say, “older brother”

“Oh!” Your mouth found his contagious smile as you returned your eyes to the blackboard with coffees and various teas curved across it. “Just like me.”

“Really? What school does he go to, I might know him,” Hwi asked, so innocently and your smile twitched a bit, threatening to fall away but you kept it upright.

Shaking your head, you murmured, “n- no, he didn’t go to university.”

“Oh, sorry,” he said, sincere and looking for your eyes You simply shook your head, shrugging it off like it was nothing. A part of you regretted bringing him up but another part of you wanted to talk about him. Though, you supposed a blind date wasn’t exactly the best time.

“Does he do something else?”

“No, actually. He, um, he passed away a while back. Does that still make me a younger sibling though? I wonder that sometimes.” You found yourself rambling and bit down on your lip. Hwi didn’t say anything but an apology for a moment but you shook it off and ordered your drink. He offered to pay and you tried to resist but he insisted.

“Please, let me,” he murmured, low and somewhat guilty. You didn’t want him to feel bad but also supposed it was your fault and pressed your lips together, allowing it.

You were silent, waiting for the drinks, and you mentally beat yourself up for saying anything about it. Your brother was your business and first dates weren’t meant for this. Fuck, you were stupid and so embarrassing. You cursed at yourself internally, biting down harder on your lip until-

“For what it’s worth,” he attempted, being sweet and pressing his shoulder against yours lightly to get your attention. You felt his fingers brush against yours, hand passing by as he murmured, “I think it counts.”

You looked up at him, catching a small bit of vulnerability in his eyes and finding yourself looking down. A blush creeped up your cheeks and, despite it all, you were comforted by what he said. Your finger caught his for a moment, locking the two of them together.

“Thank you.”

You pretended not to see the smile that spread across his face, lighting up the places shadows were made due to the tan lighting inside. Everything here seemed brown and warm and he matched it perfectly, with dark jeans and a cream turtleneck. The only bright thing he had was a red jacket lying beside his chair and even that wasn’t enough to take your eyes off the colour of his eyes and the way he stared at you like you were a mystery.

Those same butterflies were all awake now, fluttering inside your chest and making you feel the slightest bit alive. He laughed at a your jokes and they went up in a flurry. He laid his hand down on yours and they soared. He licked cream off his finger and you were genuinely staring to understand the meaning of excitement. It wasn’t dangerous. It wasn’t scary. It was a perfectly new start and absolutely nothing like Wooseok felt. He was so different and Hwi was so perfectly steady. Except, you wondered if you could consider it boring and that worried you until he swept you off your feet again, talking about his internship at a music company when you caught him humming to a song overhead or just looking at you tell a story like he wanted to know every detail. Your fingers had ended up in each other’s, soft and curled and comfortable. You only noticed when you were in the middle of a story and had to stop, feeling his thumb come across yours like silk.

He noticed, asking what was wrong and that same blush found its way up your neck again. Trying to force it down, you said the first coherent thing that came to mind and stuttered, “you’re just very nice- to look at. Nice to look at. Well, nice too but also good looking.”

Wincing at his growing smile, obviously amused, you looked down at the table and bit your lip, muttering, “that was supposed to be a compliment but it came out all wrong.”

With a growing laugh, his tongue came to the corner of his mouth as he managed, “you’re nice to look at too.”

Embarrassed but also taking the compliment, you murmured a ‘thank you’ and took your eyes from his mouth. His lips were wide and pink from the heat of his coffee and your lipstick was smudged all over the rim of your cup, telling that yours probably looked the same. Though, he gave no notice of what he was thinking. There was only the way he leaned forward when you spoke and the holding of your hand that wasn’t tight enough to make you feel trapped and yet, just enough to make you feel secure.

Maybe that was why he flustered you. He stared at you like you had diamonds in your eyes and spoke so normally. He was present and not all at once, soaking in who you were while also rinsing you out. It was weird but beautiful and nothing at all like Wooseok, who was a presence to be reckoned with. You couldn’t take your eyes off Woo and it was the same with Hwi, the only difference being you didn’t necessarily want to.

You found it ironic though, remembering how you met Wooseok when you were looking for a stable home. From him, you were taken on a ride you didn’t expect. Now that you thought you wanted a crazy adventure, you were presented with a future home in eyes that would reveal themselves to you in time. The only thing was, would you take the dive?

Jisoo and Hyorin left before you and Hwi did, taking the car with them. Both gave you telling looks, especially Jisoo, that tonight hadn’t gone well. You waved a goodbye, knowing you could catch a late bus home and not minding it at all. Shinwon was the first to leave amongst the boys, Hyojong sticking around a bit longer to fit something into his laptop that he’d thought of. His frown was deep and Hwitaek gave you a shake of his head, mouthing ‘it didn’t go as well as he thought’.

You nearly smiled, giving Hyojong a sympathetic look but deciding not to tell Hwi why. If you two stuck it out for long enough, Hyorin would bring it up as a funny story and he’d find out anyways. You two stayed until the coffee shop closed, pulling conversations out of thin air like magic and getting all consumed in it. Though, the worst part was the walk to the bus stop because you realized how much you didn’t want to leave. It seemed mutual, considering how slow the stroll was, his hand encasing yours softly. It seemed he was just barely there and yet, the action gripped your heart.

“Next time we go out, we should find one of those twenty-four hour shops. That way we won’t get kicked out,” he chuckled, same hand reaching up and rubbing the back of his neck slowly. As he did so, his head leaned upwards to look at the sky and you followed his gaze, trying to hide the innocent smile on his lips from the way he said ‘next time’ so nonchalantly. It was almost a given but you liked the confirmation nonetheless.

“I’d really love that.”

He hummed, tearing his eyes from the sky and bringing them to your face. You were slower to do so, not noticing how close you two were standing to each other. From the sky, the world looked so wide, like there was so much to see; and yet, locking eyes with him shrunk the entire universe to you two. It didn’t take words to understand what he was thinking. His hands trailed from yours to the back of your neck, holding you gingerly. You leaned up into him, wrapping your arms around his shoulders to bring him closer to you. He action was slow, a definitive kiss on the lips like a lasting seal. Yet, it brought on others of the same pace, steady and to your heartbeats.

Feeling the whole world was at your fingertips, you pulled away to look at him. There was an unexplored sea in every person but his was calm, beckoning for you to come in and swim. Once, your mom told you even the calmest sea was dangerous but you couldn’t see it. You felt akin to him, like you never had to anyone before, and placing your heels back on the floor again didn’t bring you down from this cloud you found. Somehow, it had felt like the two of you had known each other for the longest time and were finally back again, connected where you should be. Where entanglement seemed awkward with everyone else, it seemed like a habit with him. You breathed as one, chests falling and rising. You blinked as one. You were alive as one in this small moment.

“Can I give you a ride home instead?” Hwi asked, holding those same diamonds in his eyes. It took everything in you to not eagerly nod, whispering a ‘yes’ after a moment. His body returned to the same awkward, run of the mill man. His smile settled on his face like a pillow made for comfort. His whole being reverted back to the original but the taste of his lips was on yours and you couldn’t ignore it.

Not when you got home that night and washed away your makeup. Not when you lied down in bed and touched your fingers to your mouth. Not even when you tried to forget about the night so you could sleep. The butterflies never touched down either, fluttering around your head and creating golden circles that you followed until you were lulled to bed.