#reader write-in

That’s disgusting!  I am disgusted.  That sounds hard, crusty, slimey, and unsanitary.  They need to stop that and you need to help them!

Readers, back me up here, that’s just gross, right???

It depends what you’re missing!

For anxiety or stress, I highly recommend fidget toys!  Most of them are aimed at cubicle workers or wrigglers, but there’s no shame in having one around to keep your hands busy, and it can be good for your manual dexterity!

For loneliness, try joining a club for enthusiasts of your favorite hobby!  If you have any interests that are more appropriate for people below your station, you could probably get away with relaxing and doing whatever you like in a room full of your lessers, without worrying about anyone whose opinion will matter in the longterm!

For comfort, spoil yourself!  There’s nothing wrong with taking yourself out on a date to your favorite restaurant alone, or buying yourself a present just because you want it!  After all, you’re the only person you’ll have your whole life -- look out for you once in a while!

To keep yourself busy, try spending more time on hobbies where you either practice a skill, or end up with something solid to look at afterwards!  You’ll be able to show off later, when you do have friends!

Stay strong, friend!  Good luck!

I don’t know, are you messing those quadrants up? :)

It’s a moirail’s job to help make you the best you that you can be, and no aspect of life is off-limits!  Is your moirail’s advice something that would legitimately improve your other relationships, or are they giving bad advice?  That’s all that matters!

That depends a lot on who you and your moirail are and how they disappeared!  The upper nobility might have sweeps to waste waiting and searching for a long-lost flame, and might even find them again, but down in the mud sometimes people just disappear and there’s nothing you can do!

Make sure you’ve checked every appropriate avenue of investigation before losing hope!  Ask every member of their clade, even the ones you don’t like or talk to much, just to be completely certain!  Look into every recent piece of drama or gossip that’s been circulating among groups they’re part of – at hive, in their clade, and in their workplaces especially, and don’t be afraid to ask for help if you can afford the cost!  Once that’s done, you might have some valuable suspicions to take to your local legislacterators or subjuggulators to try and find your lost love.

If none of that pans out, and all you’re left with is waiting?  Well….  Ask yourself how the lack of a moirail is influencing your life.  Can you stand waiting for them?  Are there other trolls, ready and willing to help you through this tragic time, that might leave or quadrant elsewhere, if you don’t hop on the chance now?  How many people will die because you aren’t being soothed (or soothing others!) properly, while you wait for someone specific to waltz back into your life?

You’re the only one who can answer this question, but when the cost of being single starts getting too high (and if you’re asking yourself this question – face it, you’re probably single now), that’s the time to start thinking about moving on.  Seek help from a friend, and kindle something new, when you’re ready.

Well... have you talked about the tragedy?  Are you dealing with it in different ways that pull you apart?  Are they hurt in ways they can’t figure out how to talk about yet?  Find common ground!  Let them know you still care, no matter what, and see if you can get them to open back up.

Failing that, there’s always other fish in the sea..  If you’re not a perfect match anymore, maybe you can both find people who are!

it’s good you’re prepared to coMMitt your life to your highBlooded Mate!! that is an enorMous responsiBility for you, especially considering chances are in a feW centuries she’ll proBaBly Barely reMeMBer you. the eMpire appreciates your devotion to keeping her calM, and preventing unnecessary Murders.

it can Be hard for those of us With longer lives to accept the fact that Most of our lovers Will groW old and die, or just die of soMething stronger than theM, Before even a sMall fraction of our life has passed. especially for the first feW centuries. it is crucial that you help her coMe to terMs With this.

perhaps you could reassure her By helping her find another, longer lived paleMate to court after you’re gone. if she’s already got your replaceMent lined up, then you Will knoW she’s Well cared for When you’re dead and it’ll Be that Much harder for her to get stuck in a rut afterWards.

and hey, MayBe they’ll hit it off, and you can find soMeone a little More Worthy of your caste, Who Won’t have so long to spend With you dead, and Who Will really appreciate your sacrifice.

It's perfectly natural to care for your quadrant-mates, and to want to help them succeed!  But every time you help her through a problem and ease that distress, there's a chance you're keeping The One from seeing how bad off she really is!

You're going to have to strike a balance here.  Obviously, don't go pale, but there's plenty of things a matesprit can do to help their quadrant thrive!  Focus on the ones that you think will help her scrape through, while not minimizing her visible distress to others.  Help her be stronger than she (or anyone else) thinks she is, so she can capitalize on it when people underestimate her -- or offer their help!

Be there for her, be firm about boundaries, and help her find who she needs!  Personal ads are a great resource, as are social functions.  It sounds like you have your head on straight, and I'm crossing my fingers for you!