#read 2023

I never would have found this or read it without stumbling across the author on social media showing some of their... weirder reviews, and tbh asking for Aussies to balance out the crazy. I saw at least one review calling The Boy Who Wanted to be a Deer grooming and to be honest, if you want to see it that way, that's how you will see it. Though why you would choose to see it like that I don't know. That's just weird. To look at this absolutely beautiful book as something with a malicious message is beyond me. I'm glad I did read this though. Not so much for Ember White's story as lovely as it is but for Marta Maszkiewicz's stunning illustrations.

I will make some comments on Ember White's story first. Let me start by sharing a quote from one of Ember White's tumblr posts. "I wanted to tell that story of anyone's who ever felt that they didn't belong anywhere. Whether you are a nerd, autistic, queer, trans, a furry, or some combination of the above, it makes for a sad and difficult life. This isn't just my story, and this is your story as well." Ember's story is quite unlike anything I've read in a while. Their story is well thought out well, and you can see that all their heart is in their book. You can see that their book is the book that they wish they could of had as a child. Embre gives us Tommy a young boy with a secret. In his case it is a pair of deer antlers that he keeps in a box and a want to be something else. The message of The Boy Who Wanted to be a Deer is to just be you. It shows the pain of repression, the pain that happens when you try to be someone you aren't. The phrasing is beautiful and enjoyable. I can see how this could be a very good read-to, it has the right message and easily memorable writing. The choice of a deer as the animal the boy wants to be is a good one. It's one of the animals with the most diverse symbolism some of the basics are harmony, happiness and innocence (phrased as being in touch with your inner child).

I would love to know who paired illustrator, Marta Maszkiewicz and Ember White. Marta's a perfect match style-wise for Ember's script. I adore her beautiful style it feels young and playful when it needs to and adds that moment of darkness when it is necessary. Her dark stormy moments with the purples and blues have the perfect depressing tone for Tommy's sadness. Storms have a rainbow-like background a nice touch. There is a scene where Tommy is looking at potential future careers (doctor, accountant, engineer), I love the choice Marta makes to give Tommy oversized clothes, a child playing dress up. Not just playing dress up but uncomfortable and awkward more than expected. Marta has done a fantastic job of aging Tommy up from his child self to his adult self to his true self. His true self is kinda in the middle in appearance, like he has shed the weight that he was carrying around as an adult that he has now shed. The dance/performance element is executed particularly well. I can sense the movement coming off the page and that outfit is lovely. The final illustration is just beautiful it is light and hopeful and innocent. Honestly, I can't praise the illustrations enough. I really want to find more of Marta Maszkiewicz's illustrations.

This is highly controversial and will remain so. It does what Ember wanted it to, it challenges the status quo and some people aren't ready for that. But some of us, librarians, parents and those outside the neurotypical, cishet sociocultural norms that are ready for it. The ending is unexpected but I really like that The Boy Who Wanted to be a Deer chooses to break the conventions that the children's publishing by giving the reader an unexpected ending of fulfilled dreams. I'm happy I read this and I think many others willing to look beyond the judgemental reviews probably will too.

I was recommended this book by my Latin teacher when I was a teenager and the copy I had still had the scrap of paper she'd written the title on for me to look for, so that was a cute little surprise.

Anyway, I liked it then, and I like it now. A Little Life put me into a bit of a reading slump, sadly, so it took me a while to get through, but this book is so sweet and lyrical, and it's really what I needed after that total shitshow.

The relationship between Patroclus and Achilles is beautifully written, especially as it's developing in their adolescence. Who knew that throwing a fig at somebody could be so adorable? There is a sort of plushness to the writing that I think works wonderfully, particularly in how Patroclus views Achilles.

Of course, things get rockier towards the end, as Achilles' pride is tested against Agamemnon's (and what a total arsehole Agamemnon is!). The heartache Patroclus feels is almost tangible, and it's frustrating even as a reader to see Achilles so closed-off and stubborn over something so stupid - especially when it affects Briseis' safety.

Tangent: I love Briseis. Love the fact that Patroclus essentially runs a rescue shelter for some of the imprisoned slavegirls. That's kind of king shit. And his platonic love for Briseis really shows, even if he doesn't return her romantic feelings. When he betrayed Achilles in an attempt to save her from god-knows-what… ah! good shit.

The ending is, well, decidedly Greek tragedy, would you believe it. If only Patroclus hadn't got so swept up in his cosplay!! Ugh, so preventable. And Achilles trying so hard to die but being close to invincible is devastating.

I think what makes this book, though, is Thetis' realisation that she was wrong after all. Wrong about Patroclus; wrong about Achilles' choices; wrong about Pyrrhus being a superior man (the horrid little shit). I think what makes her so interesting as a character, and something other than just a bitch, is that her love for Achilles is undeniable, and her hatred for mortals is honestly kind of justified, given the nature of Achilles' conception. She's not exactly likeable, but she's sympathetic, and so when she lets Patroclus' soul rest in the underworld, it feels particularly poignant and lovely.