#rayshell

i’m behind in my coursework because i decided kinda late what i wanted to major in. i have done maybe 1.5 years worth of work in 1.5 semesters which whooptedoo isn’t really that much but i’m trying here. anyways. i been putting in a lot of effort and i have three prerequisites for two classes i’m tryna take in the fall. the three prerequisites are as follows: complete basic business five (or six? idk), apply for degree candidacy, and complete the prerequisite courses (managerial accounting and something else i think).

anywhoo i took most of the basic business five or six and then over the summer i’m taking the last two. i apply for concurrent enrollment so i can take the two upper division business courses i need at the same time as their respective prerequisites. approved, cause ya bitch got a kickass GPA. also, take the classes over the summer, B in one, A in the other. terrific, good job rachel. apply for degree candidacy, approved, we want you to be an accountant and do good and represent our university, good job rachel.

happy day, i can enroll in these courses. class #1, added to schedule, success! class #2, however... every section that doesn’t conflict with my other classes is full. i really want a section with this one professor i’ve met before. she’s super cool and accomplished and intelligent and i’m like “wow she’s kickass even though this class is gonna be difficult i wanna learn from her.” anyways.

email my advisor “idk what to do, the class is full, should i email her? idk” and she’s out of office until monday which is the first day of classes. fuck me.

okay you got this, you want this, go get it.

i email the professor. please help, this is my situation, thank you. i receive a response: “this class is part of a program and we are unfortunately full, we will have lots of places in the spring.”

i’m not going to do this program and i feel devastated. i feel stupid. i feel inadequate and ashamed.

this is my point: it’s not her fault that i feel ashamed of myself and it certainly was not shameful that i asked for assistance, so why do i feel less than for asking for help? i have shit to do and so does everyone else. we all ask for help and we all decline requests for things we just can’t swing. i’m not perfect. why do i feel like i should be? it’s not reasonable and it’s not feasible.

try your best, and when your best doesn’t yield your expected results, accept what your best offers. acknowledge that you’re not perfect and learn to live with imperfect situations. love yourself regardless. move on and grow, cus it’s all we CAN do.

I want to marry a man who loves to two-step, who loves to dance. 

When we’re at home alone, and everything is quiet, I want him to pull me into his arms and lead me around the living room.

(cont)

13) go two-stepping with a group of friends

14) go two-stepping with my siblings and maybe theirs too